I am pregnant.

[califlorgian]

Yep. Me.

 

I have so much I want to do with my life. I am 21 years old. I want to pursue acting. I was just starting to do it. I was getting roles in short films and about to really pursue it and maybe one day in the near future, make it.

 

I would have to quit my job. I would get stretch marks on my stomach and get a lot bigger. Not to MENTION that I am extremely broke right now. I can hardly afford to support myself... I have unpaid bills.

 

What am I going to do? I really f*cked up this time.......

 

Please don't tell me how it is my own fault and I messed up and all that.... I realize it is. I am just..... I am so scared right now and I don't know what I am going to do......

[whichwayisup]

If you're in good shape then don't worry about stretch marks and the weight, all that will come off and with stretch marks, there are creams and stuff out there that work.

 

I take it this is the MM's child? If so, then you need to talk to him and decide together what the best thing to do would be. Adoption, or teriminating the pregnancy. If you don't feel ready yet and know this will be a mistake, then don't do it.

 

Talk to your family too and some friends. I know you feel alone right now and need support. Don't blame yourself, it happened. Condomns and pills aren't 100% in preventing pregnancy.

 

Keep posting and take care.

[Israfil]

Judging by the remarks in your post, which indicate your priorities at this point in your life, I suggest you get an abortion.

[NTB]

i would say congrats but it looks like that might not be what your looking for so i will say good luck with what ever you choose to do...

[zoey15]

Really think about this Cali! Don't just do what others (parents, the MM) want you to do.

 

Don't get an abortion unless you truely want one. If it's money and looks that are going to make you base your decisions on having this child, then really think hard.

 

Because there is assistance out there for you, you just need to go out and get it.

 

Looks should be easy to take care of. Don't let yourself go during the pregnacy. Take good care of your diet, and walk as much as you can.

 

Think of things this way, you're broke, you're body is probably bangin right now, but when your child is 20 you'll be 41. Money will probably be okay, if you're lucky it will be great.

 

You're looks will be good still if you take care of yourself, but your child will still be around. He or she will love you unconditionally, no matter if the father is still in his/her life.

 

This baby was concieved with love, don't throw this love child away.

 

There are plenty of single mothers out there that raise children in the right way, if the man decides not to be apart of the babies life.

 

Don't think of this as a horrible situation. Just keep posting if you need strength.

[Art_Critic]

I'm sorry to hear about this.. Is this your MM's baby ??

 

Have you told him yet ?

 

Have you told your parents yet ?

[clandestinidad]

I got pregnant at 21 too (i'm 24 now). I was in a weird relationship & scared too....I somewhat know what youre going through, girl. First, I want to tell you to try and relax...I know its hard, but its the only way to make a rational decision about what you want to do.

 

Like you, I had all kinds of plans, and never thought a child would be in any of those plans....if anything, I thought Id have one around 28 or later. I decided that the tiny person quickly growing inside me (which is an astounding thing in itself) had SOME purpose/something to bring to the world...so I decided that he/she was important enough to keep, and that however it would change my life was worth it. That was the new path I was to take, and I hoped it would all work out

 

I had NO money, but got on medicaid, which was wonderful!!! They pay for EVERYTHING!!! I'm glad I had no money, and wasnt on insurance b/c I would have paid A LOT in medical bills b/c I had a few hospitalizations and complications, and later had to be induced. All of that is just to say that its actually better to be on medicaid than anything else!!!

 

why would you have to quit your job?? you might actually want to look for a better one, if you'd like a change.

 

also, I never got stretch marks. I was thin before preg. and I'm still thin after it. Thats one of the good things about having a child in your early 20's...the body tends to go back to what it was sooner and easier than if you have a baby later in life. Also, pregnancy in your 20's has been proven healthier/better for babies and mothers, since the 20's are considered your health 'prime'.

 

anyway, my daughter's a little over 2 now (her father comes by every now and then, and pays his child support), and she has brought more to my life than I ever could have imagined. The love and bond and joy we share are incredible. I love her more than anyone else, and she feels the same for me....its unconditional, and it feels wonderful. She has taught me so much, and I love to watch her learn and grow. Her humor is great...she's so unique....so beautiful....the first time she laughed I cried....I waited and waited to hear her voice, and its soo cute....I've learned patience....her smile lights up my world.....NOTHING else compares to this

 

please know that whatever you decide, other people on LS and I will be here for you

[lust4life]

years later when you really understand what having a baby is about, you may not be able to forgive yourself. It is an awful burden to carry.

 

You will receive child support from the father, you can get on assistance and hopefully return to work soon after delivery. So many places offer childcare right at the work place now.

 

Stretch marks are a different issue for different people. I didn't get any with any pregnancy. I have friends that got them with their first and or all pregnancies.

 

Having a child while young can bring rewards. I had my first at 22 and my last at 39. I recovered most quickly with my last.

[califlorgian]

I'm sorry to hear about this.. Is this your MM's baby ??

 

Have you told him yet ?

 

Have you told your parents yet ?

 

 

Yes it is. Yes I have told him. He just says the same things as me "sh*t sh*t sh*t." I don't really know how he feels. He has 3 children already. 1 with his first wife and 2 with his second.

 

I told my mom. She is very supportive with whatever I do.

[califlorgian]

I got pregnant at 21 too (i'm 24 now). I was in a weird relationship & scared too....I somewhat know what youre going through, girl. First, I want to tell you to try and relax...I know its hard, but its the only way to make a rational decision about what you want to do.

 

Like you, I had all kinds of plans, and never thought a child would be in any of those plans....if anything, I thought Id have one around 28 or later. I decided that the tiny person quickly growing inside me (which is an astounding thing in itself) had SOME purpose/something to bring to the world...so I decided that he/she was important enough to keep, and that however it would change my life was worth it. That was the new path I was to take, and I hoped it would all work out

 

I had NO money, but got on medicaid, which was wonderful!!! They pay for EVERYTHING!!! I'm glad I had no money, and wasnt on insurance b/c I would have paid A LOT in medical bills b/c I had a few hospitalizations and complications, and later had to be induced. All of that is just to say that its actually better to be on medicaid than anything else!!!

 

why would you have to quit your job?? you might actually want to look for a better one, if you'd like a change.

 

also, I never got stretch marks. I was thin before preg. and I'm still thin after it. Thats one of the good things about having a child in your early 20's...the body tends to go back to what it was sooner and easier than if you have a baby later in life. Also, pregnancy in your 20's has been proven healthier/better for babies and mothers, since the 20's are considered your health 'prime'.

 

anyway, my daughter's a little over 2 now (her father comes by every now and then, and pays his child support), and she has brought more to my life than I ever could have imagined. The love and bond and joy we share are incredible. I love her more than anyone else, and she feels the same for me....its unconditional, and it feels wonderful. She has taught me so much, and I love to watch her learn and grow. Her humor is great...she's so unique....so beautiful....the first time she laughed I cried....I waited and waited to hear her voice, and its soo cute....I've learned patience....her smile lights up my world.....NOTHING else compares to this

 

please know that whatever you decide, other people on LS and I will be here for you

 

Thank you so much. That was very encouraging. I just. I don't know. I am very very confused and lost and just shocked right now. It sounds so beautiful though.... having a baby. I just am so afraid I would have to sacrifice my ambitions and dreams to have it. *sigh* Gosh, I don't know. I wish I had something of substance to say.... but I am too bewildered right now to say anything at all.

[Art_Critic]

I told my mom. She is very supportive with whatever I do.

 

I'm glad that you will have your Mom as a support system.

 

No matter what you decide you will need her ..

 

Until he decides how he feels you need to worry about yourself.

 

Start taking folic acid and prenatal vitamins..

 

Keep posting

[califlorgian]

years later when you really understand what having a baby is about, you may not be able to forgive yourself. It is an awful burden to carry.

 

You will receive child support from the father, you can get on assistance and hopefully return to work soon after delivery. So many places offer childcare right at the work place now.

 

Stretch marks are a different issue for different people. I didn't get any with any pregnancy. I have friends that got them with their first and or all pregnancies.

 

Having a child while young can bring rewards. I had my first at 22 and my last at 39. I recovered most quickly with my last.

 

Thank you. The stretch mark thing is inevitable for me. My mom got them and I already have some on my upper outer thighs and boobs. It sucks. I don't know... maybe I won't get them too bad... but that's wishful thinking.

 

And I dont think I could live with an abortion. Probably adoption though. If I don't keep it. I am so lost.....

[califlorgian]

Really think about this Cali! Don't just do what others (parents, the MM) want you to do.

 

Don't get an abortion unless you truely want one. If it's money and looks that are going to make you base your decisions on having this child, then really think hard.

 

Because there is assistance out there for you, you just need to go out and get it.

 

Looks should be easy to take care of. Don't let yourself go during the pregnacy. Take good care of your diet, and walk as much as you can.

 

Think of things this way, you're broke, you're body is probably bangin right now, but when your child is 20 you'll be 41. Money will probably be okay, if you're lucky it will be great.

 

You're looks will be good still if you take care of yourself, but your child will still be around. He or she will love you unconditionally, no matter if the father is still in his/her life.

 

This baby was concieved with love, don't throw this love child away.

 

There are plenty of single mothers out there that raise children in the right way, if the man decides not to be apart of the babies life.

 

Don't think of this as a horrible situation. Just keep posting if you need strength.

 

Thank you sweetie. All this support is helping me feel a little better. I was already upset about the up and down relationship with him. And now his child is inside of me. Uggggh. Gosh, I hope I can figure out what I am going to do with my life real soon.

[AJS]

I used vitamin E lotion and it worked very well. Just thought I would let you in on the big stretch mark killer secret. Good luck!

[clandestinidad]

well, califlorgian...it sounds like you've decided against abortion, and arent sure about adoption or raising it yourself....but the good thing is that you have a few months to figure that part out, so dont fret.

 

I got the impression you might be associating HIM and your relationship with the child itself; maybe not wanting a daily reminder of him, maybe worrying that you wont love the child as much b/c of who he/she is made of, etc (please tell me if its something along those lines), and wanted to say something about that. My daughters father (really just the sperm donor) is an a**h***. I have horrible memories of him. But what I feel about him has NOTHING to do with my daughter. I mean, when I look at her I dont think of him. In our day to day life I dont think of him. He is completely separate. So, she does not = him, she = ME. Does that make sense??

 

I guess I'm just trying to relieve you of something I kinda picked up on when you were talking about him. If you werent thinking that at all, then I guess just ignore me

 

I just wanted to let you know that stuff if thats a big reason that you'd have someone adopt him/her.

 

also, I'm so glad you have a great mother who will be there for you along the way!! I wish mine had been so supportive, b/c she caused a lot of unnessary pain (which wasnt really that suprising!!)

 

Things will get easier in the next few weeks as you get used to the idea. How far along are you? When did you find out?

 

oh yeah, along with what art critic said about folic acid and iron supplements: since it seems that youre going to carry this pregnancy, please see a Dr if you havent, b/c if youre taking any medications they need to make sure they wont hurt the baby. The first trimester baby is very sensitive to medicines, affecting its mental and physical development (you probably know that, but wanted to say it anyway)

 

(its not at all hard to get on medicaid, do it asap....they really take care of pregnant women, and get you on fast!!! and you can go to just about any Dr you want b/c I think everyone has to take a certain amount of medicaid patients every year)

[DesertDweller]

Hi. I know how terrifying it is to find out you're pregnant. But as time goes by, you get less scared and start to accept the role of mother. Often, becoming a mother makes a woman more ambitious. You definitely learn to use your time more wisely! As for the stretch marks, maybe you won't have to show those parts of your body on film. And if you get to be a really big star, you can just hire a body double--like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance! Jeez, have you seen those Star magazines that show the actors with the cellulite, etc? They're far from perfect. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with your decision.

[LauraBancroft]

Really put that stuff on your stomach, thighs, buttocks, and breasts. I promise you if you do that it will not only help your skin become elastic in nature but it will also keep the stretch marks non-existant to almost barely minimal. I had to learn the hard way with my first pregnancy and I ended up getting a fair few of stretch marks, which have faded a lot thank god, but with the second pregnancy I used the Cocoa butter and I got none and the ones that were already there didn't get bigger.

 

Your second option is an abortion, how far along are you? If you're not too far along it can easily(I know that sounds horrible) be taken care of. I think it's a woman's right to choose. You'll have to get over the guilt of it though and for some people it is easier than for others.

 

Your third option is adoption. This is an option that I think can be wonderful for many reasons. You have a baby and have open adoption where you are informed of what is going on in your child's life and your child will eventually as it gets older be informed of you and you'll have certain rights to your child. Plus a loving couple get a chance at being parents where otherwise they would not.

 

Then finally you can keep it. Trust me whoever said medicaid was a wonderful option is telling the truth. It covers everything. You'll get just as much good care through medicaid as you would through regular insurance. Try to stay healthy and eat healthy, get plenty of rest and like Art said, start taking folic acid and prenatal vitamins. I wish you the best of luck. I really do. You're a young beautiful woman with your whole life ahead of you and I think you can make it work with a child. I have three and I am immensely happy with mine. There is nothing like the unconditional love of a child to make your heart sing, but only when you're ready for it and sometimes when you think you're not it can be really surprising that you know exactly what to do and that it does fit perfectly within your life. Goodluck

[JayKay]

I know a nurse at the hospital I work at who got pregnant at 16. Now she's 40 something and a wonderful nurse who makes a good living and has a happy, healthy well-adjusted adult daughter in graduate school. Life can turn out OK, even if there are bumps along the way.

 

Just don't lose sight of your dreams. You will be very busy taking care of a baby if you decide against abortion. Children take up loads and loads of time, so you will have to put your dreams on the back burner for a while. But that doesn't mean giving up on them. You adjust, make compromises, bide your time.

 

Wish you luck....

[Miffy]

I have two lovely girls age 6 and 4 but many years ago I had an abortion for similar reasons to you - dreams, lack of money.

 

I was younger than you so I am not saying it will be the same but I can give an insight into my thoughts/feelings both then and now.

 

Hard to talk about but pm if interested.

[quankanne]

cali, I'm glad you've got such a strong support system in your mom, and know that we're pulling for you here, too.

 

there is a network for women in crisis/unexpected pregnancies, a church-operated one called The Gabriel Project. You can do a search on it, and the website will tell you how to access a chapter nearest you. Prettty much, it's a group of volunteers who partner up with you throughout your pregnancy and help you find the resources you need to see you through your pregnancy. No judgment calls made, just a sincere wish to help make this a positive event for you whether you decide to raise your child or place him or her with an adoptive family.

 

take care of yourself and your baby -- the rest will work itself out.

 

hugs,

quank

[RecordProducer]

Ever heard of abortion? You're not going to have a MM's baby, are you? You're beautiful and so young and have dreams and your whole life in front of you. If you have the baby, you will always be a woman with a child. At such young age you will be discriminated by men, not to mention that you won't be able to pursue your dreams in the next few years until the baby grows up a little. It's very hard, expensive, and time consuming to be a mother.

You are already sad because of your pregnancy. Your child is already unwanted.

 

But it's your choice, of course...

 

I wish you a lot of good luck in whatever you choose to do.

[crazy_grl]

If you have the baby, you will always be a woman with a child.

 

No, you'll always be a woman who had a child. Just as if you had an abortion, you'll always be a woman who aborted a child. Like others have said, there's always adoption.

 

If you can't live with an abortion (like you said), don't let others pressure or scare you into one. It'll only be nine months of your life and then you can get back on with your goals and another couple will be happy to have a child. You should start looking into adoption now and getting information on it so you can decide if it's what you want to do. Don't wait to find out about it.

[Outcast]

Ever heard of abortion? You're not going to have a MM's baby, are you? You're beautiful and so young and have dreams and your whole life in front of you. If you have the baby, you will always be a woman with a child. At such young age you will be discriminated by men, not to mention that you won't be able to pursue your dreams in the next few years until the baby grows up a little. It's very hard, expensive, and time consuming to be a mother.

You are already sad because of your pregnancy. Your child is already unwanted.

 

This child isn't 'unwanted', just unexpected. And I must say I'm shocked to see this coming from the mother of two children. RP, do you regret having your kids?

[LauraBancroft]

Ever heard of abortion? You're not going to have a MM's baby, are you? You're beautiful and so young and have dreams and your whole life in front of you. If you have the baby, you will always be a woman with a child. At such young age you will be discriminated by men

 

That is so absurd RP!!!! I have three children and my husband and I split up for a time being during our marriage and I still got hit on a lot despite my children. I can't believe you said that. Also you can pursue your dreams with a child. I did. I worked my butt off to get to where I am today and I had two small children to take care of as well. It is all how you handle adversity.

 

 

 

, not to mention that you won't be able to pursue your dreams in the next few years until the baby grows up a little. It's very hard, expensive, and time consuming to be a mother.

You are already sad because of your pregnancy. Your child is already unwanted.

 

But it's your choice, of course...

 

I wish you a lot of good luck in whatever you choose to do.

 

Yes it is time consuming, yes it is expensive, yes it is hard work, but it is in my opinion worth it. Nothing beats the unconditional love of a child! Nothing. It is the closest you can come to heaven.

[clandestinidad]

RP, while I can respect a differing opinion, I must say that I'm saddened to read what you wrote

 

I got preg. at 21, am now 24, and havent had the horrible experience that you seem to be describing!!! I'm not descriminated by men at all!!! Now, there are some men who would prefer not to date a woman with child(ren) just as there are men who wont date women with certain body types...or who are divorced, or who have halitosis, or big ugly feet!

 

Also, theres nothing wrong with having a MM's baby!!! I'm disappointed that you asked that in the manner you did. His 'title' should have NO bearing on the life of a CHILD!!!! who gives a s*** who's child it is?! his wife is probably the only person who would care (if she ever knows)...and she has many other issues to deal with besides this baby anyway. Thats all between the 2 married people. This thread is about the life growing inside her that she's already said she wants to carry, so its pretty rude to ask a question like that!

 

so if you, RP, had gotten pregnant with a MM's child you'd get rid of it?? Imagine your life without one or both of your sons, as if one of them was the result of sex with a MM....who the father is doesnt put any 'meaning' on the child, nor does it make you feel less love for the child, and it certainly doesnt change what the child and mother give each other!!!! what about someone who's a murderer, or beats up women, or suffers from depression, or anyone else who could have some type of "title"....should his children be terminated too?!?!

 

I also want to point out that nearly 50% of first time mothers are SINGLE, and unlikely to marry the fathers. So, all of these single mothers are descriminated by men, and have horrible lives?!?! I certainly dont think so!!! My life is FAAAAR from bad!! I've never been so in love, or loved, and everything she brings to my life is incredible! I dont think any career or man would be comparable. What I "gave up" in my youth was worthless b/c none of it is what life is really about! And without her I'd still be the rediculous partying, lazy, selfish, lost, depressed, self-concious, un-motivated, goal-less, mediocre little girl that I was before!!! WOW, look at aaaallll that I gave up because of her......please!

 

and just b/c someone is in shock and doesnt know what to do right now doesnt mean that the child will be unwanted trash!!!

 

Also, I went back to school and my mother watches her, and they help by covering costs....who's to say that Cali's mom cant help her in similar ways, while she finishes school or goes to casting calls or watch her (around the set) while she's filming!!!! It IS possible, and its not the nightmare that youre making it out to be