I am pregnant.

[RecordProducer]

You took my words out of context.

 

Honey, I quoted your WHOLE post! How can I possibly take something out of context? I just wanted to say that you feel bad about all three options.

 

I am sorry if I wasn't helpful, I was just stating my experience, feelings, and attitudes. I still believe some of them entered your thoughts and you will consider all the points we LS-ers made when making a decision, but above all - you will follow your heart.

 

By the way, I withdrew my opinion that adoption is a bad choice, because I realized that every woman is different and if you're not ready to be a mother, it must be your choice, not mine or anybody else's.

 

In any case, I have nothing more to say, I wish you the best. If you decide to keep the baby, you will see how much love and joy kids can bring especially when your mom supports you. They are real treasures.

But if you give the baby for adoption, it will have a nice home too. Good luck!

See you in other threads.

[lindya]

I think those are fair points in your post, RP.

 

Cali, I just tried to PM you a link but I think you still don't have enough posts for the PM facility. Anyway, it'll probably get deleted...but just in case

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/womens_health/reproductive_unplanned.shtml

 

It's a UK site, so some of the stuff about maternity laws and certain aspects of health care (in the UK we've got quite a different system of health care) won't be particularly helpful to you.

 

There is, however, advice and info about the various options available in the case of unplanned motherhood. It doesn't aim to favour any particular option, just to give very practical information. It also provides links to various articles you might find useful.

 

All the best, whatever decision you reach here.

[crazy_grl]

Since two of you just LOVE to quote me, I will repeat my last post so that you read it again. I will not ask you to think of my words as thinking requires certain equipment.

 

Wow... Taking personal digs always proves a point...

 

Since Cali and I are the only ones who've quoted you for quite some time, I'll take your statement to be referring to us. I don't care if you try to insult me, but I think it's very small of you to talk to Cali that way when she's only trying to defend herself after some of the things you've said and when she is clearly having difficulties and is in a fragile state of mind. That type of behavior upsets me.

 

As for the content of your message that needs to be 'thought' about: Just because you post one friendly message that's fairly supportive, don't expect people to immediately disregard the rest of what you've said, especially when you made some pretty outrageous personal judgements, which I won't quote, because I don't think anyone needs to see them again.

 

I am glad that you're now supportive of whatever Cali decides though.

[crazy_grl]

Cali, I just wanted to let you know that none of my comments earlier in the thread were meant to discourage you from abortion. Had you not already expressed a position against abortion, I would not have said them. I was trying to defend one of the options you said you could consider taking, and while I was attempting to be supportive, I didn't do so in the best way.

 

Don't let anything I said regarding the negative possible outcomes on abortion affect your decision. Even if you decide to get one, you can still live a happy and wonderful life. I honestly believe that God would forgive you. And He most certainly would not want you to take your own life over it.

 

The decision is completely up to you whether it's keeping the baby, abortion, or adoption.

[lindya]

The thread HAS been a heated one. The part of RP's post I agreed with related to understanding that what is valid for one woman isn't necessarily valid for another. I think pretty much everyone who has contributed to Cali's thread has done so with good intentions, but it's a difficult matter to advise anyone on - and it's one of those subject areas that inevitably draws strong emotions.

[RecordProducer]

Wow... Taking personal digs always proves a point...

Since Cali and I are the only ones who've quoted you for quite some time...

 

I wasn't talking about you and Cali at all! It's d'Arthez and ESPECIALY OUTCAST who quote at least 50% of my posts desperately trying to prove that my opinions are incorrect. And while d'Arthez does it to everyone so I don't take it personally, Outcast acts as if it is her life mission to put me down. She uses every possible way to spite me, it has been clear and annoying already. This woman is simply obsessed with me. Even other people have criticized her about quoting me and bashing me for no reason; she even called me an idiot in one of her posts while she spent three posts working on "my case" and even forgot to state her own opinion about the thread starter's problem.

 

I have absolutely no problem with anyone else quoting me here and there and disagreeing with me; moreover I respect everyone's opinion and attitudes. I love to hear other points than mine; it's what makes us different and original from each other.

 

You haven't attacked my personality and you definitely have a right to atack my opinion. You haven't offended me in any way and hopefully I haven't offended you either, CG. I always only state my opinion and very rarely quote people unless I want to point out that I agree with someone or want to use their sentences as a reference to what I am going to write.

 

I only post because I am trying to be helpful and I am always sorry if I realize that I wasn't and that somebody took my words as a personal offense. It hurts me too, but I can't help but be honest and direct.

[crazy_grl]

I'll try to keep this short since I don't want to take up much of Cali's thread.

 

I wasn't talking about you and Cali at all!

It's d'Arthez and ESPECIALY OUTCAST who quote at least 50% of my posts desperately trying to prove that my opinions are incorrect.

 

I didn't know any of that, so I appologize for jumping to the wrong conclusion.

 

You haven't offended me in any way and hopefully I haven't offended you either, CG. I always only state my opinion and very rarely quote people unless I want to point out that I agree with someone or want to use their sentences as a reference to what I am going to write.

 

There was one comment that bothered me which you made about women who would do adoption, but I think you said it in a heated moment and may not have truly meant it. So, it's water under the bridge. (You can PM me if you want to know what it was.)

 

I only post because I am trying to be helpful and I am always sorry when I realize that I wasn't and that somebody has taken my words as a personal offense. It hurts me too, but I can't help but be honest and direct.

 

It's all good. We're all just trying our best to be helpful, and we're all here to support Cali and show her :love: . *hugs to Cali*

[SilentPrayer]

Thank you all for your support. This is proving to be very difficult on my psyche and my heart. I don't know what to do. I am so incredibly conflicted. I just... I don't know what I need right now. I wish I didn't feel so sad and alone and confused.

 

silentprayer, I DO NOT wish to be with that man ever again in my life. I don't know if you saw my other posts where I stated that I am moving on and done with him..... but I want nothing to do with him. If I do keep the baby, all I want from him is child support (but considering he is a strip club dj and not doing too well right now.... and no check stubs or anything of the sort.... I probably won't be getting much). Other than that, I do not want him in my life at all. Unless he has rights to see the child... then he will have to be in my life. If I get an abortion... he is paying for it and I told him that once it's over (if i did it) he and his wife are not to contact me in ANY way at all or I will file a restraining order against them. I don't want anything to do with him.

 

So I know going into this that I would be raising the child on my own (with the help of family and friends)... I have no hope nor do I want any hope of the father and I having any kind of relationship.

 

WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?!?!?! I am seriously at my wit's end. I went into work tonight and left less than an hour later because all I did was sit in the back and feel sick, sleep and just felt very melancholy. I would get professional help.. but I don't have insurance and cannot afford it. Thank you guys... without LS and you who have been helping me, Lord knows where I'd be right now....

 

 

 

 

I understand you completley. I myself had gotten pregnant by someone who I was totally inlove with but not so stable. He was just out of college and his parents were still paying his bills, he cared more about his bike then life itself, and I was @ the bottom end of this lovely line.

So really...I know how it goes. I chose a different root....I did it on my owne. I didn't go through with the birth...but I did...do all of that on my owne. The docotors, the visits the ultra sounds, the scanns, the final abortion.

It takes alot to go through anything and sometimes things you think are no probleme can actually leave emotional scarrs.

I myself have a few from that man...but I hold no grudge...I hold no pain.

I let go the other day, for good. I feel better then ever.

 

So relax a little......sooth you're soul before you go onto trying to fix another one.

 

Keep in touch

 

C-

[whichwayisup]

I'm 34 and to be honest if I found out I was pregnant I'd be just as scared, Cali. I'm not feeling ready yet for a child, even though I'm with somebody I love, in a house, nice neighbourhood. It's OK to be scared and have those thoughts that run all over!

 

So, don't worry about what you've said, I'm pretty sure most of us know that you're just getting feelings/thoughts out because it's good to do that and to gain perspective of everything. The more you vent it out, the better you will feel and come to some sort of conclusion.

 

Hugs!

[d'Arthez]

Okay, I know it is off topic, but given the nature of RecordProducer's "claims" in this thread, I will respond to this.

 

Since two of you just LOVE to quote me, I will repeat my last post so that you read it again. I will not ask you to think of my words as thinking requires certain equipment.

Must I take this as an insult? I think so. But I shall simply refer to Spinoza's remark on Peter and Paul. With that I have said enough about that insult.

 

Maybe I was wrong when I said that adoption wouldn't be a good choice for her. It might be the best option for her and the baby if she feels that she is not ready to raise a child.

Brilliant, but could not you have realized it before you sent her through all kinds of guilt-trips? Guilt-tripping someone into choosing the "simple" solution is not offering constructive advice at all. We can come up with a few other terms for that.

 

I realize now that it's a great responsibility to advise a woman to keep the baby and raise it.

Practicing surgery is a great responsibility, and no one should engage in the practice lightly. Same with offering advice to people, especially on matters like this.

 

I just think I made a mistake for telling her not to give the baby for adoption. We are all different and what's valid for one woman might not be valid for another.

I agree on that. We cannot make any decision for Califlorgian. She must make the decisions herself, and preferably the best decision she can arrive at.

 

I wasn't talking about you and Cali at all! It's d'Arthez and ESPECIALY OUTCAST who quote at least 50% of my posts desperately trying to prove that my opinions are incorrect.

I must say that I am honored to be mentioned alongside Outcast.

 

And while d'Arthez does it to everyone so I don't take it personally, Outcast acts as if it is her life mission to put me down.

An opinion is just that, an opinion. But when you try to make your opinions appear as facts, yes anyone can be quoted and called on nonsense. Including me and Outcast.

You should not take it lightly if I or Outcast or anyone else quote nonsense (especially if it is about facts). Why do I quote nonsense? Sadly I have only quoted one nonsensical post of you in this thread in detail.

Not to upset anyone, but to simply show that your opinions on psychiatry are even less well founded than a castle built on quick sand for instance. And no, the pill is not 100% effective either as a means of birth control, despite your suggestion that it is. You won't find me quoting Outcast ad infinitum. Why? Because most of the time she makes claims that can be substantiated by science and statistics.

Advice that is given on the basis of wrong information can be harmful. If you make outrageous claims, please be certain that you can back them up, if you are challenged. In some cases you would be awarded a few Nobel Prizes if you could.

 

She [Outcast]uses every possible way to spite me, it has been clear and annoying already. This woman is simply obsessed with me. Even other people have criticized her about quoting me and bashing me for no reason.

No, I'd rather say she is highly consistent in calling your bluff, so you have to produce scientific proofs that support your opinions, even more than I am. Proof which is often not given. As for the 'no reason', there is a clear difference between opinions and convictions.

 

I have absolutely no problem with anyone else quoting me here and there and disagreeing with me; moreover I respect everyone's opinion and attitudes. I love to hear other points than mine, it's what makes us different and original from each other. :_

Sure. But when anyone produces nonsense, everyone has a right to call you on that. And just because some people think your opinion is true, or correct, does not make it sacrosanct.

 

But back to the thread, and to the issues that OP is facing. If she is still interested in doing so, as we have been fighting more about posting etiquette than anything else:mad: .

[RecordProducer]

I appologize for jumping to the wrong conclusion.

No apology needed really. It's actually nice to see some passion going on sometimes. Exchange of opinions is meaningful. At least I've learned to not advise anyone anymore pro-abortion or against adoption cuz I might get a cold shower from them.

 

Actually there was a woman who gave her baby for adoption here on LS and I considered her brave and moral, but she was 100% sure it was exactly what she wanted to do. If a woman is not sure about her decision, it might eat her up inside later. Hopefully Cali will make a strong decision and never regret it.

 

Cali, I wanted to tell you (as I am a little older than you;) ) that almost nothing in life goes the way we wanted or expected it to go. None of us wanted to marry the wrong guy or divorce or be cheated on or dumped or gotten fooled and pregnant by a MM... Many of us have had little kids while jobless and feeling like the whole world was against us. Many of us have been sad during pregnancy or fought on our wedding day... Many have waited for a MM to leave his family... Our dreams don't always come true, but very often by abandoning one dream we think of another that is a better one and comes true.

 

When we mess up once, we actually gain more time to do the right thing next time. I married myhusband when I was 23 and had my twins right away. If he were a better husband, we probably wouldn't have divorced. I still wouldn't have been happy enough with him, but I would have never had the chance to be single again and meet the love of my life.

 

Maybe this child will save you from meeting some jerk next year and marrying him. Maybe you will struggle for a while, learn how to deal with life, how to manage on your own, become stronger, and find true happiness later.

 

We actually learn to swim when we're thrown in the ocean during a storm. Everything before that is just swimming in a waterless pool.

 

(I said I was done with this thread, but obviously you're gonna have to call the security guards to kick me out! )

[Outcast]

Thanks, D'Arthez.

 

I call people out on bullshxt, misinformation, and statements which are not backed up by any fact. If the shoe fits, well don't bxtch if it pinches.

 

I'm not moved by any 'poor me' posts put by the likes of someone who can't be bothered backing up his or her supposed 'information' and tries to lay guilt trips on people who are in trouble or suffering.

 

Sorry to hijack the thread, Cali - but we have to deal with the individual who's decided to make this thread about her - again.

 

Every man has a right to his opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his facts. Baruch Bernard

[RecordProducer]

Not to upset anyone' date=' but to simply show that your opinions on psychiatry are even less well founded than a castle built on quick sand for instance. And no, the pill is not 100% effective either as a means of birth control, despite your suggestion that it is.[/quote']

 

I see that you know about birth control pills just as much as you know about pshyciatry! I didn't suggest anything about BC pill. I copy/pasted two paragraphs from a web site and I posted the link to it as well! The web site is a medical one and the statements were made by competent doctors!!!

Now you seem to know medicine better than doctors.

 

And I will post the url again: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/contraceptivepills.htm

 

Sorry to highjack thsi thread, it was d'Arthez who brought the BC pills in his post. I couldn't resist to prove my point that he will deny my "medical opinion" even when I copy things that doctors have written.

 

Regarding my knowledge in pshychiatry, I will post information given by real psychiatrists in the thread with the moot points: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=578771#post578771

[RainyDayWoman]

outcast is female?

 

i didn't know that.

[Outcast]

I am what I am.

[RainyDayWoman]

I am what I am.

 

good answer.

 

even better than "i yam what i yam."

 

[whichwayisup]

good answer.

 

even better than "i yam what i yam."

 

 

Popeye the sailor man! Toot Toot! I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. It just came into my head as the song and I had to write it out.

[califlorgian]

Wow.... well, this thread was in need of a little levity. Made me chuckle a bit.

 

Thank you again, all of you, for being so supportive. I don't want to sound like a whiny scared little girl or very needy or anything. But I really just.... am still so clueless. Reading the posts on this thread helps. A lot. What I need is encouragement and love.... and it's nice to get that... even from complete strangers.

 

I want to speak to each one of you. I wanted to make a comment to some of you specifically... I am just so exhausted lately and so lazy. I will get around to it though. Hopefully my pm will get enabled soon so I can start receiving those that you guys are sending.

 

I am sorry for continuing this.... I just.... I need help and I feel better every time I see an encouraging reply..... so thank you... very much. You don't know what you are doing for me... really.

[Maria46]

It is good to see that you are out of your slump. It worried me when you sounded like you were giving up.

 

There are many of us who have gotten to the point that we just couldn't make it. But we do!! And you will too!!

 

 

Take care of yourself!!

[clandestinidad]

yes yes cali....please keep posting what things are going on and how youre feeling physically and mentally. I look forward to all of it, and hope that writing it out helps

[Outcast]

You've got a lot of folks wishing you well. I'm pleased to see you sounding much better. By all means keep us up to date on how you're doing!

[sadlittlegirl]

Hi there cali. I haven't been on these boards for over a month as alot has been happening in my life, including a severe emotional breakdown that left me incapacitated for days.

 

I feel for you, I really do. I am just a year older than you and my biggest fear during my time with xMM was that I would get pregnant. Every single point you brought up here - losing your body, your dreams, your future, just facing the thought of having to go through such an overwhelming change - are things that I can relate to. It's ok to be scared, anyone in your position would be. I still recall xMM telling me during our very traumatic break up that "this experience will make you stronger" (how very ironical, considering he was the source of all my problems). To which I told him "I don't want to grow stronger in this way!" I expect you're having similar sentiments now. I know it's not easy to put your life out here and let people rip it apart when all you're looking for is help and solace. I respect your courage in coming to this board for help and support, evaluating the options that people give you and generally trying to take control of a totally unexpected situation.

 

I am not like some of the other posters who have been through it all, and are raising or have raised kids. I'm just a girl of your own age who has been deeply hurt, but is still trying to hold on to her tattered hopes and dreams for the future. From this perspective, I would like to tell you: whatever you choose to do, you will never be wrong. Most people make raising the child yourself sound like the most noble and "correct" option whereas there is some sort of stigma in abortion or adoption. Whatever you choose now will be the right choice for you. You may feel differently in the future, you may even regret it, but you should never ever blame yourself for making a decision that enables you to live as best as you can. We only have one life and one choice at a time.

[Outcast]

Yes, for some, abortion haunts the mother. But if what you're truly concerned about is the welfare of the child, then you wouldn't act so as to haunt the CHILD for the rest of his/her life by giving it up for adoption and therefore causing it to wonder why the person who created him/her and gave him/her life didn't want him/her anymore. Yes, that's what adopted kids think. An adopted child doesn't think, "Oh, she couldn't afford me. She had "dreams."" Bulls!t, an adopted child thinks, "seems to me that any mother that REALLY loved their child would do ANYTHING in their power to keep that child. Mothers cry, scratch, fight, and die for their children...so why didn't MY mom keep ME?"

 

You absolutely can NOT make such generalizations. I have a couple of adopted friends who feel their adoptive families are their families and are living very happily. They're very glad they're alive and having been adopted hasn't ruined either of their lives. You might as well say that nobody should ever have a child because it will be teased at school or maybe get cancer or maybe become a drug addict or anything else.

[Hot Coco]

I was faced with the same situation in my 20's. Back and forth and in and around I went. I was single and only able to support myself. I was "date raped" and had no way of contacting that animal even if I had wanted to.

 

So I was faced with the same 3 options. For me, keeping it was the first thought that I weighed. I really imagined how it might be and whether I could do it or not. I'm sure my mother would have helped had I chosen that option but after much thought I knew I didn't want to forever remain dependent on her. I also knew that I wanted to have a child within the safety of a family...meaning a mother AND a loving father. I also thought I might be reminded of the circumstances of the conception every time I looked at the child.

 

I knew that I couldn't choose the option to keep it. It just was not what I saw for myself. I knew I wanted to go back to college one day also and knew that would be impossible for me.

 

Second option I weighed was adoption. The most UNSELFISH acts of all I thought. It really is if one stops and thinks about it. But I knew myself well enough to know that there was NO way that I could do it. I could never give it away.

 

So I was left with ONE option: Abortion. I did not like the idea at all. I saw the same pictures you did Cali. But I thought, it was the size of a PEA. It didn't develop enough to be called "boy" or "girl". I thought about and thought about it. I wondered if the guilt would haunt me forever. Would God forgive me?

 

I finally decided on the abortion. I'm not proud of it. Not at all. But for me, at the time, it WAS the only option.

 

I'm now married with a beautiful 9 year old son. I love him with all my heart. And sometimes I think about what I did and I'm sad. But that decision did not take over my life.

 

It's a very personal choice. And no matter what you choose to do it won't be easy. I know now that for me it WAS right. There is NO way I could have raised a child then. Now I know what it takes to raise a child and it's WAY WAY harder than I thought.

 

But that's just me. I was too flighty and immature for any other choice. I don't even know if this helps or not.

 

I wish you the very, very best. You WILL get through this one way or the other. YOu'll make it to the other side of this.

 

Have you already made your decision?

 

Good luck dear.

[heyitsmichele]

HI.

 

I totally understand how you feel. I was 25 When I found out I was pregnant by MM. It was rough...i wont lie to you. I was single..having all kinds of fun..I had a great job..moving up the corporate ladder...I didn't know if i ever wanted kids. I led a very selfish life. I had a beautiful apt..just me. Everything exactly how I wanted it..and I thought i couldn't have been happier. I locked myself in my apt for TWO days..no lights ..just crying and crying. I decided to have the baby. My pregnancy was tough. I felt very lonely at times, but I became really close to my mom again. MM is still with his wife, but he is a good dad. Visitation kills me still, but I will get over it eventually. I just want to tell you that my daughter has been the very best thing I have ever done. She is the most amazing thing, and I don't feel complete when I am not with her. The love is unexplainable, and she gives me so much strength..She makes me want to be a better person. She is worth any hardship I have gone through, or will go through in the future being in this situation. Everything works out somehow:) You can still pursue your dreams, and do what you want in life with a baby. It is harder. You might have to take a few steps backwards....but it can be done. I wish you the best of luck.. You are so pretty, and you definately will meet someone in the future that would love to take care of the two of you.....Good luck