I am pregnant.

[Merin]

Get started on the Vitamins now and Folic acid as Arty suggested... eat well, sleep when you can and see your Doc ASAP!

 

I also had my Little People at a young age... but was with thier Dad at the time (we were married) NOW I'm a single Mom and while there are times that are hard I have no regrets in choosing to have my Kiddo's.

 

After I became a Single Mom, I went back to school, worked full time and took care of my wee peeps... lucky for me I have a great family that helped me out and supported me in my decisions as well.

 

Pregnancy doesn't mean the end of your figure for life or that you are some how damaged... there are so many beautiful Women out there who've had babies and are still beautiful with rockin figures.... as Kat pointed out as well, you're young and your body will recover from this.

 

It isn't always going to be easy or fun... and there are going to be times IF you choose to keep your baby that are really difficult and hard... but again it isn't the end of the world.

 

Regardless of what you choose to do, I wish you well.

[LaKeiShA]

sweety

im so so sorry. first off i dont think you should terminate this pregnancy and since your mom is supportive, i guess you should keep it, atleast you will have something to look forward too...imagine youre very own baby!!!! and years from now, you will be thinking, abort my baby?? no way.

[RecordProducer]

In America abortion is tabboo. In Europe it's normal to abort an embryo you don't want to grow in your uterus. If you are against abortion then you shouldn't use condoms and pills either because those are potential babies. Just like embryos.

 

I've had an abortion and that was after my twins with my ex-husband. I am happy I didn't have another child with him. My view on abortion has nothing to do with me being a mother of two, as someone here said.

 

You girls don't understand that it's a matter of mentality that washed your brain about abortion being evil. Giving up your own baby is evil. Abortion stops babies from being abandoned. What if, god forbid, something is wrong with the kid? Nobody will adopt it and it will live as an orphan.

 

When you decide to be a mother, YOU take responsibility to be the mother of the child! Even animals take care of their own offsprings. When you deliver your baby you become a mother. And when you abandon it, you become a bad mother and you will have to live with it every sinle day for the rest of your life. I would NEVER EVER disown my child. If you decide to keep the baby then keep it. You are his mother.

[d'Arthez]

In America abortion is tabboo. In Europe it's normal to abort an embryo you don't want to grow in your uterus. If you are against abortion then you shouldn't use condoms and pills either because those are potential babies. Just like embryos.

Ehhh... real life is no Monthy Python RP. Not every sperm is holy.

 

Abortion is frowned upon by some people in the US. Europe is no different here. In Ireland it is illegal. Ever wondered why the abortion rate is so high in Liverpool? In a lot of countries abortion simply is a non-prosecuted crime. If that is enlightenment ...

 

You girls don't understand that it's a matter of mentality that washed your brain about abortion being evil. Giving up your own baby is evil. Abortion stops babies from being abandoned. What if, god forbid, something is wrong with the kid? Nobody will adopt it and it will live as an orphan.

Abortion is not evil; some feel strongly to have (or not have) an abortion for themselves, but that does not mean that the other viewpoint is invalid. Giving up a child for adoption is not evil either. It is taking care of a child, by acknowledging you cannot do that yourself. Is that a crime, or is that at times a realistic appraisal of the situation? These are by no means the easiest decision for a (future) mother to make.

 

When you decide to be a mother, YOU take responsibility to be the mother of the child! Even animals take care of their own offsprings.

Yes, ideally. But life is more complex than: "I was born, grew up, fell pregnant, became a mother, became a grandmother, and now I am about to die." You should know that.

 

When you deliver your baby you become a mother. And when you abandon it, you become a bad mother and you will have to live with it every sinle day for the rest of your life. I would NEVER EVER disown my child. If you decide to keep the baby then keep it. You are his mother.

No, she would become a bad mother, if she abandoned it, in the sense of neglecting her, not giving her the best possible upbringing given the situation she is in. Which means that if she considers herself to be in no state to raise a child, and others could do a better job at that, it may be the "right" decision for the mother to give up the child.

Can you blame a mother for not sending her kid to Harvard without scholarships, if she has to live on $15,000 a year for the two of them? Or should other factors be considered too? You can't turn such a woman in a woman who makes $250K a year overnight, can you?

If a mother chooses adoption that is acknowledging that she is not in a situation or circumstance that she can do the job she should do - and ask of others to do the job she cannot do.

 

It is far from easy to make decisions like that. RP, should know that decisions pertaining to abortion and adoption are hard to make.

[JayKay]

Am I mis-reading something? Did someone post that you're a 'bad' mother if you give your child up?

 

What planet are you from?

 

Children are given up for adoption because their biological mother wanted to give them life. Because the bio mom also knew she wasn't ready to be a good mother, she wanted to find them a better life with a couple of WANTS kids.

 

Thousands of infertile couples are brought immense joy because they receive a baby this way.

 

It's one of the LEAST selfish things anyone can do!

[RecordProducer]

Okay, let's forget abortion as an option. Let's talk about adoption only.

Giving a child for adoption is basically getting rid of it. Of your own flesh and blood that YOU decided to bring into this world.

 

You don't know who will take your child. Maybe the adoptive mother or father will die and the kid will have only one parent. So being single is not a good reason in the 21st century to disown your child. The fact that she is broke now is temporary. Her mother supports her so she can take care of the child while Cali works. It doesn't have to be easy. People should take responsibility for their own children not by abandoning them, but by taking care of them.

 

The adoptive parents are not necessarily perfect. Often it's the woman who wants a child and the man just follows her desire. They can divorce also and if the woman doesn't work, but gets custody over the child, she will also be a single mother, possibly broke. My point is: when you give up your children you don't know what's going to happen to humor her. You just get rid of it and don't care anymore.

 

The center takes your child right away and they decide who will adopt it later. And I will ask this question again as nobody dared answer it: what if it turns out after you gave up your child that, god forbid, something is wrong with it? Nobody will adopt it and it will live as an orphan, alone in this world, without love, care, and close people surrounding him or her.

 

Giving a child up is a traumatic action and it can haunt you for the rest of your life. You can't undo it once you do it. Cali, you sound lie an emotional person to me and I think you will remorse for the rest of your life. A single day won't go by that you will not think about the baby you abandoned. And some day you will have children again and you'll feel what a wonderful feeling it is to be a mother. And you'll think about the child you gave up and it will eat you up inside.

 

There is no reason for a healthy 21-year old woman to get rid of her baby. Adoption is not about choosing a better life for the baby or making a strange couple happy. It's about selfishness. If you give it for adoption it will only mean that you don't want your own child. You will sign document in which you will disown it, you will no longer be its mother. And what happens next depends on the center for adoption, it will be none of your business.

 

All of you who are pro-adoption probably don't have children. I bet you would give your dog or cat up, but you think it's okay to leave your own child.

Finally, I don't know Merin's viewpoint on adoption, but she seems like a wonderful mother to me. Kat too. So I would like to ask Merin and Kat: if you got pregnant by a man who doesn't want to marry you and you were broke, would you give your child for adoption? Now that you are mothers and know the feeling, wouldn't it be the last thing you could do to your own baby? Honestly I can't imagine to have given my twins for adoption. I was 23 when I had them. My ex-husband left me soon after that and I had no job. And I can't imagine if I discovered that I was 4 months pregnant now and thus had to have the baby, to give it for adoption. I have loved my children since the day I found out I was pregnant. And if you girls can't understand how immense and strong mother's love toward her children can be then I certainly can't teach you.

[quankanne]

There is no reason for a healthy 21-year old woman to get rid of her baby. Adoption is not about choosing a better life for the baby or making a strange couple happy. It's about selfishness. If you give it for adoption it will only mean that you don't want your own child. You will sign document in which you will disown it, you will no longer be its mother. And what happens next depends on the center for adoption, it will be none of your business.

 

there doesn't *have* to be a reason, just the knowledge that this is the birth mother's choice. Yeah, there are a thousand things that can go wrong within an adoption, but the same holds true of a parent raising his or her own child as a single parent, so that argument really holds no water.

 

adoption isn't about selfishness but an act of hope: that the child you've given birth to will have a better life, that the folks who raise it will love it as much as, if not more, than you do, that this kid's life means more to you than anything else. I would imagine it takes a very special kind of sacrificial love to place your baby for adoption, but the very act doesn't make the mother a monster.

 

thank God for open adoption in this country, where the birth mother helps choose the family she wants to raise her child with – she is given the option of the level of contact she wants to uphold with child and family. One of the women I work with adopted her youngest child, and it was an open adoption where the birth mom interviewed co-worker and husband among several other couples before deciding that this was who she wanted to raise her child. I imagine it's no different than knowing you're dying and deciding who will best raise your child after you are gone. Dying doesn't mean you love the kid less, but the fact that you've gone the extra mile to ensure your child is provided for speaks volumes about your love for him/her.

 

there's no question that a mother can deeply love the child in her womb. How she provides for that child may vary, but it doesn't mean she loves it any less if she choses to place it with another family for reasons only she can understand.

[Merin]

All of you who are pro-adoption probably don't have children. I bet you would give your dog or cat up, but you think it's okay to leave your own child.

Finally, I don't know Merin's viewpoint on adoption, but she seems like a wonderful mother to me. Kat too. So I would like to ask Merin and Kat: if you got pregnant by a man who doesn't want to marry you and you were broke, would you give your child for adoption? Now that you are mothers and know the feeling, wouldn't it be the last thing you could do to your own baby? .

 

First, Thank you... IF I am good at nothing else, I know I am a good Mom, so I appreciate that sentiment.

 

Secondly.. could I NOW imagine giving one of my Little People to someone else to raise, and never seeing them again, watching them grow, hugging them, kissing them... no of course not. These are MY people.. and I'm growing up with them

 

My Kid's were very young (they are still very young) when I got divorced.. my baby was still in diapers and my oldest had just started school... I didn't have a job, I didn't have any money of my own... My now EXH cut the electricity off, drained the bank account, and gave me 40 bucks stating I should "make it last" Would I have even then given up and put my kids up for adoption... no way. Failure to suck it up and do what I had to do to take care of my kids myself was not an option.

 

Am I against people placing their babies for adoption, no I'm not. It wasn't and isn't an option for me but I do understand the reasons behind it... and I can only imagine what a painful decision that must be to make. I know a lot of people who were adopted and they are normal, happy people... who grew up in homes where they were very much wanted, loved and taken care of... One of my EXBF's was adopted and I can still remember his Mom saying that in her mind he was even more special because SHE and his DAD chose him.

 

What is right for one person may not be right for another... this is a very personal choice to make.

 

 

[Outcast]

Giving a child up is a traumatic action and it can haunt you for the rest of your life. You can't undo it once you do it.

 

And killing a potential child is also a traumatic action which can haunt you for the rest of your life and, while with open adoption, there is nothing to 'undo', abortion is final.

 

I'm sorry that some people consider children as inconveniences that can be eliminated. I don't think the OP is one.

[clandestinidad]

thank you RP for saying that I'm a good mother...I feel that you are an excellent mother as well...very loving, comforting, etc

 

about the whole "there might be something wrong with the child and no one will want to adopt it" thing: ever since I was in middle school I've wanted to adopt children with disabilities, or from a destitue country, who are no longer babies. I am certain that there are other people just like me, who see a need for these particular children to receive the love and care that they never got before. so, who would want it?? people who are extremely caring and compassionate, and will fight for those kids to have SOMEthing in their lifes no matter how much of a struggle it is for the adult.

 

also, if I was homeless or didnt have family that would help me, I would have chosen a family to adopt my daughter. Her life was worth living so I would not kill her while she's inside me, and she would deserve better than what I could give her so I would chose a better family/financial structure

[RecordProducer]

there doesn't *have* to be a reason, just the knowledge that this is the birth mother's choice.

If she disowns her child for no reason that would really make her a monster.

the child you've given birth to will have a better life,I would imagine it takes a very special kind of sacrificial love to place your baby for adoption, but the very act doesn't make the mother a monster.

 

I can imagine that my children would be better off with some wealthy parents who are not divorced. Should I sacrifice in the name of love and give them up now? Shouldn't the mother love her own child? What does a child need more than his mom's (and in this case grandmother's and possibly father's love) to be happy? Is Cali disabled, can't she work to afford decent life for her son/daughter?

I imagine it's no different than knowing you're dying and deciding who will best raise your child after you are gone. Dying doesn't mean you love the kid less, but the fact that you've gone the extra mile to ensure your child is provided for speaks volumes about your love for him/her.

You don't choose to get sick and die. But you choose to give up your child. It's VERY different! Even if you make sure the child goes in good hands, you're still abandoning it.

there's no question that a mother can deeply love the child in her womb. How she provides for that child may vary, but it doesn't mean she loves it any less if she chooses to place it with another family for reasons only she can understand.

And here we come to my main point. Cali doesn't seem like a cruel, irresponsible person to me. I am pretty sure that if she gives her baby for adoption, it will destroy her emotionally for the rest of her life. The child might be very happy and have great adoptive parents, but doesn't Cali's feelings count also? Just because she doesn't know how to handle all responsibilities at this moment, doesn't mean she should give her baby for adoption. I don't understand why you're lobbying for her to abandon her own baby when she can raise it and love it.

 

I believe that she, as most women, is strong enough to do it. And if you are not, it's your personal problem. Don't persuade her to do something that she might regret very soon, because you don't know what mother's love is yet. And those who have children and didn't give them for adoption should shut up!

It's a very painful decision so when you have the guts to do it, please speak for yourself and how it felt for you.

 

My Kids were very young (they are still very young) when I got divorced... my baby was still in diapers and my oldest had just started school... I didn't have a job, I didn't have any money of my own... My now EXH cut the electricity off, drained the bank account, and gave me 40 bucks stating I should "make it last" Would I have even then given up and put my kids up for adoption... no way. Failure to suck it up and do what I had to do to take care of my kids myself was not an option.

Here's the right example of how a good mother and strong woman thinks.

 

It wasn't and isn't an option for me but I do understand the reasons behind it... and I can only imagine what a painful decision that must be to make.

 

It's easy to talk about others, but IT ISN'T AN OPTION FOR YOU. And knowing what it feels like to be a mom, you think it's painful - more painful than struggling to support and raise your kid.

 

What is right for one person may not be right for another... this is a very personal choice to make.

Absolutely! And these kinds of decisions make us different from each other. This is why you are different from some women. I knew you'd say you'd never give your baby for adoption, because you're a great mother and love your kids to death. You will NOT buy make up and clothes or go out if you don't have money, you will move to a smaller house or buy a cheaper car, but you will feed your kids and never give your baby for adoption. Am I right, Merin?

[Merin]

Absolutely! And these kinds of decisions make us different from each other. This is why you are different from some women. I knew you'd say you'd never give your baby for adoption, because you're a great mother and love your kids to death. You will NOT buy make up and clothes or go out if you don't have money, you will move to a smaller house or buy a cheaper car, but you will feed your kids and never give your baby for adoption. Am I right, Merin?

 

As I've said, for myself personally adoption isn't an option. That isn't what would be right for me.

 

Again... what was/is the right thing for me, may not be what is the right thing for someone else.

 

We all must make choices and decisions on what we feel is the right thing for ourselves.

 

I have Friends that had abortions, that was what was right for THEM in their circumstance.. I never tried to sway them one way or the other in making that personal choice but only to support them with Love in the difficult decision they struggled with... I have a Friend who did give her baby up for adoption and again although I didn't know her at the time she had done so... I support her with Love in her difficult decision as well and feel her sorrow.. and I have many Friends who had Children unmarried and kept them and you guessed it... support them in Love and know the struggles they also face.

 

 

[Outcast]

The bottom line is that choosing to give a child life and then giving it up so it can have a better life is a VERY loving decision. I think it's extremely unfair to cast aspersions on women who give their children up for adoption rather than having them sliced out and thrown in the garbage.

[quankanne]

And here we come to my main point. Cali doesn't seem like a cruel, irresponsible person to me. I am pretty sure that if she gives her baby for adoption, it will destroy her emotionally for the rest of her life. The child might be very happy and have great adoptive parents, but doesn't Cali's feelings count also? Just because she doesn't know how to handle all responsibilities at this moment, doesn't mean she should give her baby for adoption. I don't understand why you're lobbying for her to abandon her own baby when she can raise it and love it.

 

ah ... now I understand your line of reasoning: RP, I'm not advising her to place her baby for adoption, just reassuring Cali that she DOES have options that are worth full consideration. Being well-informed of those options will help her to make the best decision she can in this instance. Adoption isn't an evil process meant to rip her apart inside or cast her in the role of "bad," unloving mother. However, my view is from the perspective that she can always request an open adoption should she go the adoption route, allowing her to still have contact with her child in the future.

 

ideally, yes, I'd love to have every woman in a crisis pregancy decide to take that chance to raise her child with the support of her family and friends, but in reality, that doesn't always happen. Abortion, God forbid, is one option, as is adoption. Any which way, her options are fodder for some heavy thinking, and regardless of she decides, there will be an emotional pricetag because of the nature of her situation.

[lindya]

Califlorgian, you need to fix up an appointment with an impartial counsellor to help you weigh up all your options carefully and reach the decision you can most comfortably live with.

 

Unexpected pregnancies, and how to deal with them, are amongst the most controversial and explosive issues out there. People have all sorts of views on adoption, abortion, single motherhood etc. The rights and wrongs of abortion have, for instance, been argued by philosophers, lawyers, doctors, religious groups. Everyone's right, everyone's wrong....there will never be consensus about this subject.

 

If abortion is an option for you, then it's something you need to make a decision about very quickly. If you decide against this, then you'll obviously be considering options such as adoption or keeping the baby. You've got the luxury of slightly more time to weigh those latter options up, but if abortion is amongst your available options, then this is something you can't afford the time to prevaricate about. For obvious reasons.

 

I appreciate that abortion is a very emotive topic, but nobody can force you to have or not have an abortion. You must form your own views about it, and listening to other people's values and beliefs (and everyone is entitled to their own views about this) won't necessarily enable you to do that.

 

Whatever decision you make, I wish you all the luck in the world....but in all seriousness I think you have something more important to worry about than stretchmarks right now.

[whichwayisup]

....but in all seriousness I think you have something more important to worry about than stretchmarks right now.

 

Yes, I agree, but at the same time, she's reacting as she JUST found out she's pregnant and is freaking out about it. I'm sure anybody in that situation is going to think anything and everything. I commend her for posting about it and opening up as it's obvious many here are willing to help.

 

I think though, for Cali's sake, we should open another thread since the discussion about abortion and adoption has taken over her thread. I'm sure she's on "information" overload right now.

[crazy_grl]

And here we come to my main point. Cali doesn't seem like a cruel, irresponsible person to me. I am pretty sure that if she gives her baby for adoption, it will destroy her emotionally for the rest of her life. The child might be very happy and have great adoptive parents, but doesn't Cali's feelings count also? Just because she doesn't know how to handle all responsibilities at this moment, doesn't mean she should give her baby for adoption. I don't understand why you're lobbying for her to abandon her own baby when she can raise it and love it.

 

I believe that she, as most women, is strong enough to do it. And if you are not, it's your personal problem. Don't persuade her to do something that she might regret very soon, because you don't know what mother's love is yet. And those who have children and didn't give them for adoption should shut up!

 

You're lecturing people about suggesting she do adoption when you're suggesting she get an abortion, something she's already expressed that she thinks she will reget??

 

Cali has said she doesn't think she can live with abortion, and with good reason. You don't think abortion is traumatic? Apparently, you have no problem with it, so it wasn't for you. But there are women who live their whole lives haunted by the fact that they killed their baby. Some women 'celebrate' their baby's expected due date every year for the rest of their lives. There is no hope that the baby is doing well somewhere, no chance that they will ever see that child again, because the child is dead and there is no taking that back. They can't even try to make amends and appologize for their choice later in life, when the child has grown, if they regret it, because the child wasn't given the chance to live and grow up.

 

You say adoption is selfish, but giving up your body and a portion of your life for your baby only so they can have the chance to live is not selfish.

 

I see you have strong opinions on adoption, but that is no reason for you to call someone a monster because they'd do it. I have strong opinions about abortion, but I'm not making judgements about you.

[Miffy]

I have to agree with RP, although she speaks her case strongly I do agree that she is telling Cali to have an abortion for what she feels are the right reasons - it would be extremely hard for Cali as a virtual unknown to live the lifestyle/dreams she has always wanted to with a child in tow.

 

At what point does an embryo become a child, again a personal decision - are you aborting a child or just a bunch of cells?

 

With adoption, yes I agree with others that it is a beautiful thing to do - but only if you can do it - what if after 9 months she decides to keep it, then cannot live up to her dreams and regrets it every day sat at home with a screaming baby. Yes it can be great but it can also be lonely and hard even with help.

 

What if she goes through adoption then pines for the child every day, I had an abortion as I was 17 at the time no money, no job, casual boyfriend, not adult enough to look after myself for a minute. And yes it was a bloody hard decision I made - and yes now having two children years on I look back and sometimes wonder what if - but i also know that if I had gone through with the pregnancy I would not have the life I have now, now would my children have the opportunitites they have now.

 

I would not have been able to cope with adoption.

 

Now I am not saying for one minute that Cali is the same or would be the same - it is a personal view and others on here have opposite strong views. I am not here to preach but simply to say I think i understand where RP is coming from.

[erika2610]

Ever heard of abortion? You're not going to have a MM's baby, are you? You're beautiful and so young and have dreams and your whole life in front of you. If you have the baby, you will always be a woman with a child. At such young age you will be discriminated by men, not to mention that you won't be able to pursue your dreams in the next few years until the baby grows up a little. It's very hard, expensive, and time consuming to be a mother.

You are already sad because of your pregnancy. Your child is already unwanted.

 

But it's your choice, of course...

 

I wish you a lot of good luck in whatever you choose to do.

 

I do find it pretty ironic that you sit here and go on and on about how horrible adoption is, yet you sit here and don't think anything's wrong with abortion. At least with adoption, you're giving your child a chance at a better life. With abortion, you're not even giving it a chance. And you say it's traumatic for a woman to give up her baby? You don't think abortion is traumatic?

[RecordProducer]

You don't think abortion is traumatic?

Not at all. I know numerous women who had had them and never had any regrets about it. But I should speak for myself. I've had one AFTER I hadmy twins. I was married, my ex-husband was the father. I have no regrets whatsoever. It's an emryo taht you don't give a chance to develop in a baby. It's just a bunch of cells that will grow if you let them. I didn't have this feeling with my twins though because I wanted them.

As long as it's in my body (and so small), it's not a baby yet. Once it gets out of me, it becomes a separate human being and killing it is a murder. But not in teh first few weeks in my uterus.

[whichwayisup]

Not at all. I know numerous women who had had them and never had any regrets about it. But I should speak for myself. I've had one AFTER I hadmy twins. I was married, my ex-husband was the father. I have no regrets whatsoever. It's an emryo taht you don't give a chance to develop in a baby. It's just a bunch of cells that will grow if you let them. I didn't have this feeling with my twins though because I wanted them.

As long as it's in my body (and so small), it's not a baby yet. Once it gets out of me, it becomes a separate human being and killing it is a murder. But not in teh first few weeks in my uterus.

 

Someone should start a thread in the water cooler section for this topic, I think this post now is going to cause afew people to debate and share feelings and/or experiences.

 

Good topic to discuss, just not on somebody else's thread.

[clandestinidad]

I definately agree w/ WWIU. we shouldnt be discussing this on cali's thread. she wanted support for whatever she decides to do, and support through this whole process. I hope she can weed through all these posts and ignore all the stuff that she doesnt need to deal with/hear from other people right now.

 

cali....please keep posting about what youre going through. there are lots of us here to just listen and support you, whatever you have to say (you can even PM us if you dont feel like posting anymore)

[califlorgian]

Well..... I really don't know what I am going to do. I change my mind adamantly every day. Every single day I think I have it figured out what I will do... but that changes by early the following day.

 

I am so lost. So confused. And I don't know what I am going to do....

[Art_Critic]

Well..... I really don't know what I am going to do. I change my mind adamantly every day. Every single day I think I have it figured out what I will do... but that changes by early the following day.

 

I am so lost. So confused. And I don't know what I am going to do....

 

You sound like you are putting yourself under stress to the point you don't know which way is up..

 

Take some time by yourself.. Maybe a family get away with your Mom.

 

You might be thinking that you NEED to make a decision.. Remember if you do nothing that is a decision as well.

Try not to think that you HAVE to do something right away.. Take some time to yourself..

 

 

Art

[RecordProducer]

Well if you are against abortion then just keep the baby (what else can you do?) When it's born you'll fall in love with him or her, I guarantee you. There is no other love in this world like your child's love.

You'll be a beautiful young mommy. Your MM will have to give you child support too so that will be helpful financially.

 

In any case, whatever you decide, we LS-ers will suport you.