I am pregnant.

[califlorgian]

I am not an emotionally stable person by any means. I have been in the intensive care unit for trying to kill myself once before. My mother found me and called the cops in time to get me there.

 

I thought I was doing okay though. But this has brought me right back down. I cannot deal with this. AT ALL. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. This is ripping me apart inside. No matter what I choose to do, a part of me will die. If I keep it, my dreams are over, my body is gone, my life is over. If I have an abortion it will weigh on me forever. I will constantly beat myself up over it. I will hate myself. I will think about what the child will say to me in Heaven. I will think so low of myself. I WILL HATE MYSELF more than I already do. If I give it up for adoption I will hate myself, my body will be gone, my child will be out there somewhere..... I WONT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT. Therefore... I have NO OPTIONS.

 

I would rather be dead than deal with this any further. I just CANT do it..... i just cant...... i am too weak......

[d'Arthez]

Califlorgian, that is a tough situation. I hope you can recover from the shock a bit, in the following days and weeks.

 

You do have options, but right now none are appealing to you. With regards to the morality issue, only you can decide what is right and what is wrong. No one can decide what you should do. But everyone can offer their perspectives, and that is what happened.

 

It seems that you have objections to both abortion and adoption. Nothing wrong with that. It is hard enough to make any decision in this situation, and the last thing you need is people promising you all kinds of bad things, because of a decision you may consider to make.

 

Whatever decision you make, don't hate yourself for it. Each of the three decisions has its advantages and drawbacks, and you must weigh them carefully. Sadly you don't have a lot of time. But hopefully enough time, to draw support to you from your family, your loved ones and friends. If you are facing such a situation alone, it is much harder to deal with, than if you face the situation, with many caring people around you.

 

With regards to your career, you must always wonder how realistic your appraisal is. You are young, and it is the first time you are pregnant. It is by no means guaranteed that if you do have a child, your body will be ruined, even from an aesthetic point of view.

 

You will have to deal with the situation. Not because you like it, but because you must. And you will get through, no matter which decision you make.

 

I wish you the best.

[Maria46]

Califlorgian

 

Please do not talk like that. It scares all of us. There are so many people here who love you and have tried to support you.

 

Please call a crisis line and talk to someone there.

 

You can make it thru this.

 

There are so many women who are not married that have children. There are many women who have had abortions. Please quit beating yourself up..

 

We care!!

 

Hugs To You!

[OldEurope]

Cali, have you not seen how many women--in their 20s and 30s--have children and retain gorgeous figures? Look at the Queen of Jordan, whom I believe is 30, and has four kids--FOUR--and she has a model's figure. Look at Elle MacPherson who has had two in her thirties--she looks as beautiful as in her high modelling days. Or Claudia Schiffer--I mean the list goes on and on. Surely you have seen that women who have children most certainly can keep their bodies. What is most important are your HABITS. That if you take care of your self now, you keep up that same rigor of discipline after your pregnancy (if you choose to go this route of course), you will look as stunning. And of course, there are many women who do not have children and yet in their 20s and 30s go to pot simply because of their poor lifestyle habits. So please do not think at all that your looks will somehow suffer. You know very well they will not.

 

Also, one child--again, if you choose to go this route--will not overwhelm your life in terms of your career. Single women have crossed war zones, started businesses, starred in movies, edited magazines with a sweet pea at their side. Two or more children, realistically said, do become a definite handful, but one will NOT throw you off course. You simply must organize your life fantastically, be very disciplined, do not waste time with people who bring nothing to it, and keep your mind clear with healthy eating and having some intelligent hobbies. You will actually benefit, your baby will benefit, and you just might see your life become very centered and very focused.

 

This is just one point of view, and not the imposition to opt for one answer over another. But I wanted to address the point that a baby would end your looks and life. Nothing doing. He or she just might improve those prospects: by forcing a healthy physical and mental discipline on you, which you would need for your goals in the first place

[pippen_2k]

I personally dont agree with bringing a child into this world when either parent dosent want it.... if its a mistake..which it is, go with an abortion.

 

I cant believe retaining your figure is even an option..that just tells me that its more important than the baby itself.

 

Not fair on the child bringing him/her into this world half hearted.

[OldEurope]

Of course thinking about one's figure is an issue. We are women, we are vain, and it is natural that she, Cali, should later want to remain very attractive for another man, which, as I wrote in my last post, she certainly will. There is absolutely nothing wrong and everything right about wanting to remain beautiful.

 

Her question had been whether the baby would throw her looks or her career off course and the child, should she want it, would not do either, and as I argued, might even discipline her to achieve these goals for the long haul.

 

PS She states she was in love with the MM she was seeing--or had thought she was in love--and there is no "mistake" if a child was therein conceived. I do not agree she should have ever seen this man--he sounds wholly irresponsible--but no baby is at fault for the nature of any relationship

[bab]

I am not an emotionally stable person by any means. I have been in the intensive care unit for trying to kill myself once before. My mother found me and called the cops in time to get me there.

 

I thought I was doing okay though. But this has brought me right back down. I cannot deal with this. AT ALL. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. This is ripping me apart inside. No matter what I choose to do, a part of me will die. If I keep it, my dreams are over, my body is gone, my life is over. If I have an abortion it will weigh on me forever. I will constantly beat myself up over it. I will hate myself. I will think about what the child will say to me in Heaven. I will think so low of myself. I WILL HATE MYSELF more than I already do. If I give it up for adoption I will hate myself, my body will be gone, my child will be out there somewhere..... I WONT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT. Therefore... I have NO OPTIONS.

 

I would rather be dead than deal with this any further. I just CANT do it..... i just cant...... i am too weak......

 

 

Cali-PLEASE see a counselor. It sounds like you are not doing well. You CAN deal with this. I understand that it is an extremely hard situation, but don't give up. You will figure it out. Talk to a professional, they can help.

 

By the way, the Mrs. America pagent just ended and the woman who won is a mother of 2.

[crazy_grl]

I am not an emotionally stable person by any means. I have been in the intensive care unit for trying to kill myself once before. My mother found me and called the cops in time to get me there.

 

I thought I was doing okay though. But this has brought me right back down. I cannot deal with this. AT ALL. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. This is ripping me apart inside. No matter what I choose to do, a part of me will die. If I keep it, my dreams are over, my body is gone, my life is over. If I have an abortion it will weigh on me forever. I will constantly beat myself up over it. I will hate myself. I will think about what the child will say to me in Heaven. I will think so low of myself. I WILL HATE MYSELF more than I already do. If I give it up for adoption I will hate myself, my body will be gone, my child will be out there somewhere..... I WONT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT. Therefore... I have NO OPTIONS.

 

I would rather be dead than deal with this any further. I just CANT do it..... i just cant...... i am too weak......

 

Cali, no matter what you decide, it will not ruin your life. Your life may change, but if you chose to make it a change for the better, it will be. I know the negative sides seem overwhelming, but you must try to look at the positives. Once you've made your decision, those are the things you're going to need to focus on, not the negatives of the options you didn't choose.

 

I bet you're much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You're just overwhelmed right now, and understandably so. Please visit a counselor or a call hotline where they can help you deal with your feelings.

[califlorgian]

I personally dont agree with bringing a child into this world when either parent dosent want it.... if its a mistake..which it is, go with an abortion.

 

I cant believe retaining your figure is even an option..that just tells me that its more important than the baby itself.

 

Not fair on the child bringing him/her into this world half hearted.

 

 

This is NOT about my figure. Yes, it is a concern of mine. But my general feeling of overwhelming hopelessness is NOT over my body.

 

What it is about, is my LIFE. My LIFE. Which is ALREADY over because I have no feasible options. What so ever. NONE. I CANNOT GET AN ABORTION BECAUSE IT WILL LITERALLY KILL ME!!! I cannot give it away for similar reasons and I cannot keep it because I cannot handle a baby right now... I am just a child myself and just don't see how it's possible to accomplish my dreams with a baby constantly at my side... no matter how much help I get...

 

Therefore... I have NO options. N-O-N-E

[Art_Critic]

What Advice has your Mom given you ?

[califlorgian]

What Advice has your Mom given you ?

 

 

All she says is that she will support me in whatever decision I make but she thinks it would be best if I had an abortion or gave it up for adoption.

[Art_Critic]

All she says is that she will support me in whatever decision I make but she thinks it would be best if I had an abortion or gave it up for adoption.

How do you feel about this option ?

[califlorgian]

How do you feel about this option ?

 

The same way I feel about all options. I do not think I can handle it and will end up killing myself. I don't see any options for me right now. AT ALL.

[Maria46]

What it is about, is my LIFE. My LIFE. Which is ALREADY over because I have no feasible options. What so ever. NONE. I CANNOT GET AN ABORTION BECAUSE IT WILL LITERALLY KILL ME!!! I cannot give it away for similar reasons and I cannot keep it because I cannot handle a baby right now... I am just a child myself and just don't see how it's possible to accomplish my dreams with a baby constantly at my side... no matter how much help I get...

 

You do have options, but I don't think you can really see them because of the pain you are going thru because of MM. You are emotionally overwhelmed right now. Please contact a counselor or hotline and talk to them.

 

am concerned for you!!

[Art_Critic]

You do have options, but I don't think you can really see them because of the pain you are going thru because of MM. You are emotionally overwhelmed right now. Please contact a counselor or hotline and talk to them.

 

am concerned for you!!

 

I agree .. I am concerned about you as well..

 

You need someone to help you thru this and can take some of the weight off of your shoulders..

 

Please call someone .. even if it is your best friend or your Mom..

[RecordProducer]

Abortion is a very easy choice. No regrets. No person to grieve over. Just a bunch of cells that are not even developed in your uterus. Nobody will know. Except people from LS and your mom.

 

Your life goes on, as if you were never pregnant and you never look back.

[Outcast]

OK Cut it out. You absolutely DO have options and they WILL NOT KILL YOU.

 

This is how life works: you live the words you keep in your brain. If you insist on sayin 'I cannot I cannot', then you cannot. All you need to do is change the script.

 

You absolutely CAN do this. Many, many, many, many women before you have done it and you are no worse nor weaker than them. Every one of them was scared and upset but they REFUSED TO QUIT and so must you.

 

Write this down on several pieces of paper and put one in your bedroom and one in your bathroom on your mirror and one on your computer and say it to yourself 200 times a day: I CAN DO ANYTHING.

 

Every single person who accomplished something grand was worried and scared. Famous actors still barf before they go on stage - but they REFUSE TO QUIT. They go anyway.

 

You can do this for sure. If you have the baby, your life will NOT be over. Women get degrees and great jobs all while having kids. Remember, once the baby is in school, you have 8 hours a day you can work just like everyone else and lots of workplaces have daycare.

 

Giving the child up for adoption WILL NOT KILL YOU. Did you not read about open adoptions where you get to see the child?

 

Absolutely go to a counsellor. Understand that your hormones are freaking out right now and so is your mood . DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THIS. Your feelings are caused by your chemicals. You need to see a counsellor, your physician, and most importantly, you must say "I CAN DO ANYTHING" to yourself every time the fear comes back. Determine to scare it away.

 

You absolutely CAN do this just like millions of women your age before you.

[Outcast]

RP she is against abortion therefore you need to stop pushing her to do it.

[califlorgian]

Abortion is a very easy choice. No regrets. No person to grieve over. Just a bunch of cells that are not even developed in your uterus. Nobody will know. Except people from LS and your mom.

 

Your life goes on, as if you were never pregnant and you never look back.

 

 

OH MY GOSH!!!!! I am at my WIT'S END with this!!!! I don't want to be mean or sound mean, but WTF. How many times to I have to express to you and everyone else that having an abortion would KILL ME. I already feel different. If it was JUST CELLS, it would not have a BEATING HEART at this point.... which it does. And it would not be taking the form of a baby. THIS is what it looks like right now! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v316/sillymoco/6weekembryo.jpg I am sorry if that is just CELLS to you.... it is NOT to me.

 

I am sure it is easy for some people to never look back as if they were never pregnant. But they don't have the spiritual beliefs, empathetic heart/soul and astounding love for all creatures..... even before they are out of a womb that I have.

 

So, no, an abortion would not be the EASY choice for me. How can you say that something that is taking the form of a human being as we speak is just a bunch of cells. At least own up to the fact that it's not a bunch of cells. Maybe it was after a few weeks... but at 6 weeks it looks like this http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v316/sillymoco/6weekembryo.jpg and is not just a bunch of cells. Good Lord.....

 

I am pro-choice.... I just don't see how it could be mine. I have NO CHOICE.

[RecordProducer]

How many times to I have to express to you and everyone else that having an abortion would KILL ME.

 

I am pro-choice.... I just don't see how it could be mine. I have NO CHOICE.

 

Well then you have two options left. I personally would choose between having the baby or an abortion, NEVER adoption, but you seem to be indifferent towards all options. Being a mother is equally terrible for you as giving up your own child or aborting it (which in your book means murdering it). I am really glad I am not in your shoes.

[basscatcher]

Cali,

I was pregnant at the age of 18, I was on welfare, couldn't get a job. Ony dated my bf for 4 months and miscarried at 18 weeks. I was devasted at the miscarriage and had a DNC done. Which I never never want to go through again in my life... 1 1/2 months later I was pregnant again.

I had everything going against me. I felt like I would never succeed in life. I felt like I would end up living like trailor trash and no one would ever want me. I felt like I had nothing to offer a man if the father of my child and I didnt work out. I come from a very very conservative Roman Catholic family. In a very very small rural town (230 pop.) I really had no support. I was harrassed about getting pg, not being married, living with the guy. I chose to keep my baby because I could not have an abortion. It isn't even in my vocabulary... It would have emotionally and mentally killed me..

I have NO stretch marks. I didn't gain excess weight. I never had one day of morning sickness and I only had a 2 1/2 hour labor and a perfect beautiful healthy baby boy who is now 16 yrs old. I put myself through college I have a AAS as a administrative assistant. I have learning disabilities and have had a lot of heartache. My son's father is a drug addict now, he is a alcoholic and into heavy porn. I currently have a order of protection on him and his son hates him.

But, through all these trials and many many more I have my child. He loves me and I love him. He is always there for me and he watches out for me. He is my joy and my reason to live. I too was suicidal; when I was a teenager. I come from a broken home and was extremely neglected by my father and abused. I have had many many terrible things that have happened to me in my life and I wouldnt wish them on anyone.. This has me more empathetic towards other people and their stuggles in life. Also, made me stronger as a person because lifes struggles are about learning. There isnt too much I haven't experiences or been closely aware of in my life.

You can survive by choice.. You can have your child and make a life of him/her and yourself. Your mom is willing to stand by your side and support you.. You need to follow your heart. I don't have the support of a man in my life.. I am alone. But I do have my child. My family came around after my son was born and now he is loved and accepted. I have had help from them when I truly needed it.

You can succeed in anything you chose to do being a single parent and yes your body will snap back after being pregnant because you are in good shape, young and I beleive you will take care of yourself.

When you feel your babys first movements you will realize the love you feel for you child.. Your child is a gift to you from above.. If you were not ment to have this child I fully and truly beleive God would take him/her from you (miscarry or you wouldnt have gotten pg)..

Have faith. You have friends and family.. You are not alone. Other women have been in worse situations then you are in and have survived. It is all about you setting your mind and heart to succeed even with a child if its God's will.

I will pray for you and ask for many blessings to be bestowed upon you in this time of great need and tribulations. :bunny: (((((((( "hugs")))))))

[crazy_grl]

Well then you have two options left. I personally would choose between having the baby or an abortion, NEVER adoption, but you seem to be indifferent towards all options. Being a mother is equally terrible for you as giving up your own child or aborting it (which in your book means murdering it). I am really glad I am not in your shoes.

 

RP, are you TRYING to make her feel bad? She NEVER said that having the child was as bad as having an abortion. You're twisting her words in order to put her down.

 

The girl has enough to worry about without having to defend her beliefs and worries to you. She's obviously got a lot to deal with and is understandably in a fragile state of mind right now. She needs support not whatever it is that you're giving!! It's very rude of you to talk to her like that.

[whichwayisup]

Cali, I tried to PM you but you're 8 posts shy of being able to enable private messaging. Apparently you have to reach 50 to have PM privledges.

 

Been reading your thread today and Cali, I'm concerned too.

 

I know you feel confused, scared and really messed up right now - It's a scary place you're in but either way it's the cards you've been dealt with...I know you don't want to deal with them but you have to. I'm sorry for all that you're feeling, wish I could help you more but all I can do is give you support on here and through PM's. My suggestion though is keep talking to your mom, ask her to help you set up an appt with a DR. Just go and talk, see what your options are and what they say.

 

Any advice you don't like, don't listen to it. Everybody has their opinions, some more than others, but it's still up to you at the end of the day to make a choice to take it or leave it...

 

You're stronger than you think you are!! I know you don't feel strong right now and you're not in a good frame of mind, but you need to believe in yourself.

 

Hugs to you.

[SilentPrayer]

I hope you consider all angles of this situation.

Are you prepared to have a baby with someone who has two broken relationships/marriages and has children in both broken marriages?

Are you prepaired about being broken relationship #3?

 

 

Abortion right now, in this world seems like the right thing to do.

Don't be afraid to make that choice, there are many out there.

Adoption, Abortion, keeping the child.

 

Whichever you're heart tells you is what is the right choice.

Make sure you are prepaired to do this on you're owne if your partner does not wish to continue anythign with you.

 

My mother raised 6 kids on her owne..when my father..and then step father..left her.

 

Any woman can do it, even you.

 

Whichever you choose..good luck:bunny:

[sugar-rae]

 

 

Abortion right now, in this world seems like the right thing to do.

Don't be afraid to make that choice, there are many out there.

Adoption, Abortion, keeping the child.

 

 

 

IMO, abortion is NOT an option.

If she doesn't want the baby I would gladly take him/her. Many people in the world would love to have a baby but can't.

I know this is not the main topic, but my heart implores this girl!