When a person tells someone they "don't do long distance" its an excuse?

[Dodgersfan11]

Just after reading some of the posts on here and how some people attempt to try it or succeeded, the whole " I don't want a LDR or I don't do them" is BS excuse? Then I think its not an excuse because its hard to maintain mostly because there is no frequent sex involved-unless there are regular visits twice a month or something. People miss out on alot of what's happening. You don't know what the other person is doing or who they are just "causally" talking to. If someone tells someone that, then they don't feel strongly about the other person? I just think if someone had mad feelings about the other person, then they wouldn't want to let them go and that distance wouldn't be an issue.

[basil67]

No matter how much I liked a fellow, I wouldn't do long distance because physical proximity is important to me. I know my needs wouldn't be met and I'd be miserable. And I'd almost certainly cheat and the whole thing would crash and burn.

 

I think this is a good reason to not do LDR

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

If it's for an indefinite amount of time, it's not an excuse. If there's an end in sight, it's an excuse.

[Penguin_hugs]

I wouldn't do long distance again because I've been there, done that and got the free t shirt! And it was hard! I really tried. I did everything text book. Messaging through out the day, skype convos a few times a week, meeting up every 2 weeks, had a plan for when I would move to be with him etc. Did it for 18 months and only had a few months left when he broke up with me. I don't think he could deal with the commitment of us actually properly being together all the time at the end. I was devastated.

 

2 years later I met my now BF. It had taken me a long time to get over my last relationship.

We met speed dating, completely hit it off instantly and now we see each other like 4-5 times a week, sometimes more. He only lives a 5 min drive away and I can't believe how much of a difference that makes. I've gone through some hard stuff this year- and the fact that I can just call him and he'll be here means so much to me.

 

It's interesting as we are both non native's to the town, so we still get to show each other new things with the area. And I like how we don't even have to plan specific dates to see each other.

 

I've also realised how important the physical side of our relationship is to my own well being. My previous relationship- it got up to 6 weeks between having sex because we couldn't always meet up frequently- and for me sex was painful if it had been longer than 3 weeks without. Now I barely go 3 or 4 days without sex and any longer than that both of us are complaining!

[Gretchen12]

Yeah it's an excuse. I wouldn't do long distance with a guy I'm not really into, when he lives an hour's drive away. I don't even want to put miles on my car. But with a guy that's a mate for life I'd sell my house (and car) and relocate to him thousands of miles away, I'd even immigrate to another country.

[NuevoYorko]

I guess you could call it an excuse. It's a legitimate reason not to pursue a relation with someone just like any other - they're not attracted, they take issue with your religion, they think you're too introverted for them - whatever. All legit, and so is geographical distance.

[preraph]

LDR rarely, rarely ever works out and then only for those whose jobs are so disposable they don't mind leaving them behind. It's out of sight, out of mind with I'm going to say most men, especially if they are in a place with options, like college.

 

There were these two servers at my favorite restaurant. Both of them really cute and nice and ambitious so they started going together. He left for law school, not all that far away, but she started fretting because he just got more and more distant. I told her my best advice (in the days before Skype) was make frequent trips to see him and let him see her. I don't think he had an evil bone in his body, but men are triggered by a woman in the flesh, not one they never see, and meanwhile, he's getting hit on (he's really cute) by hundreds of coeds, no doubt, none of them likely prettier or nicer than her, but that's just the way it is. They fell apart.

 

These days, more often it happens with people who haven't even met and that is nearly always a colossal waste of time because you still don't know the person until you've met them and spent time face to face and see if conversation holds up in person, manners, idiosyncracies, etc. It can and often does totally lose its magic once you can no longer project all the ideal qualities on them because they are standing before you.

[RecentChange]

I think its an extremely valid excuse!

 

I was always in the "I don't do long distance relationships" camp. So many reasons. I think its hard to REALLY get to know someone LD. To easy for it all to be clouded by fantasy.

 

I want someone to share my life with - not someone to relay it to over the phone.

 

If its a matter of a great distance - who is moving? Who is giving up school, or a career etc for a "possible" relationship? Because if its been LD up to that point, you really don't know what you are getting into.

 

Now, all that said, there was a Long Distance aspect to my relationship. But I feel these factors make a difference:

 

We met locally, had been dating for months, and were head over heels when he moved 500 miles away for work.

 

There was an end in sight, I was graduating college in 6 months, and planned to relocate to his city at that time.

 

We saw each other often, 2-3 weekends a month.

 

So, for us, "LD" worked, but it was simply a temporary thing, and we got to know each other before the distance separated us.

[BaileyB]

I don't do long distance.

 

Unless, it is an established, seriously committed relationship. And then, only for a limited period of time. Otherwise... It's a no-go.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Just after reading some of the posts on here and how some people attempt to try it or succeeded, the whole " I don't want a LDR or I don't do them" is BS excuse?

 

Absolutely not an excuse. I did one LDR and never again. I met the guy through online dating and thought the distance wasn't that big of a deal. Ended up w/me doing most of the work and him not wanting to put in basic effort to communicate w/me. Never ever again!

[Alex36]

Depends on circumstances really I did a LDR for seven years she did not drive so I did 100% of the driving she did not work either so 100% of the £££ was done by me.

 

 

Did 1000 miles a month for the relationship so over twelve months that is 12000 miles. I shudder to think the £££ I spent on fuel and servicing of my car we are talking £1000's over seven year period.

 

 

If your partner works and has transport makes things a lot easier also how much you earn comes into it as well if you are a high earner it wont matter so much.

 

 

My experience was extreme I guess.

[smackie9]

Totally a valid excuse. There are many who do not want to relocate, and or don't want the responsibility of someone relocating for them. I think it's a responsible choice not to get involved with a LDR. Too much bs to deal with like being without the physical part for extended periods of time. Then there's the trust thing....