Does anyone regret having a nice wedding?

[lana-banana]

Make your wedding what you want it to be. When our friends got married, they had multiple celebrations: a bar crawl on Thursday, a private ceremony on Friday for family only (they paid for out-of-town guests to visit local vineyards; some others just entertained themselves), a reception on Saturday, and a brunch Sunday. Everyone just RSVPd to the event that they were most interested in or able to attend. They had time with many more guests that way, too.

 

It is good that you're trying to find a vision that works and is meaningful to you both. Think on it as long as you want. For us, having a decadent party at the fancy cocktail bar where we had some of our first dates (and where he proposed) was a must. We worked backwards, too: how did we want guests to feel? What memories did we want them to leave with?

 

Sit down together and have a conversation, and see where things take you. Don't stress. The most important part is that it's something you both love.

[devilish innocent]

It just adds up. Site fees, catering, alcohol, photography, rings... no matter what “affordable” options I look into, I seem to be looking at the same figure of about 22k for a wedding of 125. I know there are cheaper options than some of the ones I’m considering - places that let you byob and have small site fees, like a veteran’s hall or a local park- but even those options I’m estimating at 16-18k, and at that point I’d rather splurge for a nicer venue. I don’t have the time or inclination for a heavily diy affair.

 

If you're willing to keep things simple, there are options for spending a lot less on a wedding without having to do a ton of work on it. The best piece of advice I can offer is don't look for things with "wedding" in the name. There are caterers that offer full meals for parties and business functions, but charge a lot less than "wedding" caterers. There are nice looking venues where you can rent the space for five hours that cost a lot less than "wedding" venues. Even a wedding dress can cost a lot less if you're willing to shop for a white evening gown at a department store rather than looking at wedding dresses. A wedding is just a party. I went in with that attitude and mine was way less than what you're quoting. We printed out our own invitations, and created our own music list to play at the venue, but we had the food catered and kept decorations simple so the work was fairly minimal.

Edited December 22, 2018 by devilish innocent

[SolG]

I wouldn't say I 'regret' my 'nice' wedding; but I am rather ambivalent about it.

 

A wedding was something I had never contemplated prior to actually becoming engaged. Given I'd never really thought about it I had no ideas or concepts that I had to have. Our families agreed to pay for the whole thing and when my MIL asked to help plan (she only had sons so was super eager) I pretty much let her have free reign. It was a relief TBH.

 

I still remember the horrified look on MIL's face when she asked me what kind of wedding cake I wanted and I responded, 'Ummmmm.... white?' The only things I ended up dealing with were mine and the bridesmaids' dresses.

 

Big wedding and reception for ~200 guests. Very elegant, and everyone seemed to have a good time. Our families were pleased as punch. But at the end of the day I could have lived without it and probably would have preferred to have eloped and skipped all the fuss.

 

OTOH, earlier this year I went to a family member's destination wedding in Italy. It was so atmospheric, stunning and romantic. And the couple were just glowing the whole day and night. And the next day at the recovery event. About 120 of us made the trek and I'm sure we'll all be reminiscing about just how beautiful it was for years to come. Most importantly, the happy couple most certainly will!

 

I can definitely see the attraction in small and simple, and larger and elaborate... and indeed no formal wedding at all! Just do what what best fits you.

[georgia girl]

We had a fairly small but elegant wedding. Invited 110 and has 80 show. Like you, OP, I knew that the wedding wasn’t just about me or us, but about all of those we loved and wanted to share the day with. So while I focused on keeping it genuine to “us”, I also kept a focus on the joy of our guests and the important people in our lives. We got married in an outdoor venue with my brother-in-law (a judge) officiating and my nieces and sisters as “bridesmaids” (sisters were older, hence the quotes.) A friend served as photographer. We hired a local band, chose an extensive food menu from our favorite restaurant, selected local wi es and craft beers and had an indoor reception. Our costs were modest and we spent Money where it Mattered to us - food, drink and entertainment.

 

As others have said, we spent under our means as it wasn’t important to us to overspend and paid cash. We were also renovating our house at the same time so paying cash for everything.

 

Our wedding was spectacular but mostly because it was genuine to us. We just went to a wedding - over five years later - where the bride freely admitted that she copied our wedding because it felt so good to her, which was a huge compliment.

 

For us? Still the best day of our lives so far. I guess that’s what matters.

FYI, if numbers matter is was five years ago and $13,000 for 80 guests, so fairly modest.

[Ronni_W]

So while I focused on keeping it genuine to “us”, I also kept a focus on the joy of our guests and the important people in our lives.

Thanks, georgia girl! Since this thread started, I've actually been trying to figure this thing out, about my own wedding (and planning for it).

What you said is, for me, the bottom line...and it wasn't really conscious for me (until you crystallized it for me...now, 28 years - and the divorce - later).

 

I never ever doubted that our invited guests would not totally feel the joy of our -- the bride's and groom's -- day. That is, and it gives me goosebumps right now to know,

that I ONLY invited people whose only interest and focus and intention, for those 8-or-so hours out of their entire lives, was to make 'the wedding couple's day' as wonderful as possible.

 

I did not invite anybody else. As I said, not from some conscious space. But, even if I go back and 'check my memory book', even the person in attendance who most likely would have wanted me to fail

(my mom's sister, invited only out of my wrong sense of obligation to my mom) -- even that person actually did say the most supportive things that was possible to say to me on that specific day,

when I was feeling somewhat 'not worthy').

 

Point is, to OP. To not consider all the people, as only the most important people. They will reveal themselves to you, and then just take note of that. It changes over time.

Do your wedding your and your groom's way. Don't focus too much, right now, on what you think you know about everyone else, and/or how they feel about you and/or your groom.

Edited December 30, 2018 by Ronni_W
Spellink

[basil67]

If a couple truly thinks that planning a wedding "tested their bonds to the limit", I really don't think that couple should be getting married.

 

This is actually why we didn't marry. We agree on most things, but couldn't agree on the type of wedding. He wanted four groomsmen, the dress and flowers and big shebang. I wanted a simple, off the rack frock, no attendants and just immediate family. So we broke it down to what was important and realised that the wedding was more about the event and that we didn't really place much value on marriage anyway. So after being unofficially engaged for a weekend, we put the money into a renovation. Getting married wasn't important enough to test those bonds.

[LastStraw]

Yup plenty of MEN regret it. You don’t see these responses here because mainly women write in LS. But each and every guy friend I have that got forced into marriage regrets that day of their lives. Even the ones who did it by their own volition said they did it to make their woman happy, so didn’t care at all about the wedding lol.

 

Women too: my own mother shared she regretted the wedding. It was exhausting and pricey and she would have been much happier eloping.

[Els]

Yup plenty of MEN regret it. You don’t see these responses here because mainly women write in LS. But each and every guy friend I have that got forced into marriage regrets that day of their lives. Even the ones who did it by their own volition said they did it to make their woman happy, so didn’t care at all about the wedding lol.

 

 

What on earth does this have to do with the OP's question? Nobody is getting "forced into marriage" here.

 

FTR, I could have gone either way and would not have minded eloping, but H wanted a wedding - it was important to him that his family and close friends be there when he said his vows. My only requirement was that I did not want a large or elaborate wedding. So we had a small, albeit nice, wedding.

 

I've known of other couples where the man wanted a bigger or more elaborate affair than the woman, too. Men are different, they don't all think the same just because they have similar genitals...

Edited January 4, 2019 by Elswyth

[The Dude Abides]

We had a very modest wedding, church service officiated by clergy, one maid of honor, one best man, with dinner afterwards at a close-by restaurant. Private room with an enclosed patio for pictures, modest number of guests and very few “extras” such as flowers. No one got hammered even though there was no limit set on availability of booze. It was all very affordable compared to a huge elaborate “traditional” ceremony.

 

We enjoyed it very much and haven’t regretted any part of it, It wasn’t too large nor was it too small.

 

 

Best wedding I have ever known was in the 1980s, a guy i knew through a mutual friend. He and his fiancé decided to spend all the budgeted money that was available on catered barbecue , a keg of beer, and a live band , back yard of one of the parent’s house. The musician was a local big name who later became a national act. Lucky for them b cause at that time they could afford his set price for a performance. A few years later, way out of the question.

[Normm]

You probably won't regret it if you stay together and are happy for the rest of your natural lives. That much being said, the odds are against that happening.

[LastStraw]

Uh? She asked "So my question is- do people regret their weddings?" so I told her which group of people regrets it.

 

I'm sure there are men that want wedding and women that don't, but pretty much the whole wedding ritual is designed around the bride, so it makes sense that women are the ones enforcing it.

 

Most men are perfectly content shaking up - just see here how many women were shaking up for years hoping for a ring without the guy even considering the option... It makes sense then to regret it for him after the gf plays princess bride and he loses the vast majority of his hard-earned cash reserves lol.

 

What on earth does this have to do with the OP's question? Nobody is getting "forced into marriage" here.

 

FTR, I could have gone either way and would not have minded eloping, but H wanted a wedding - it was important to him that his family and close friends be there when he said his vows. My only requirement was that I did not want a large or elaborate wedding. So we had a small, albeit nice, wedding.

 

I've known of other couples where the man wanted a bigger or more elaborate affair than the woman, too. Men are different, they don't all think the same just because they have similar genitals...

[Normm]

pretty much the whole wedding ritual is designed around the bride

 

 

Never seemed that way to me.

[Martisha]

if you love each other, then make this wedding first of all for yourself, and not for your relatives. This is YOUR wedding, not theirs! Therefore, initially proceed from your own wishes. This day will be unique for you, so let it be remembered as "the best", and not "the most expensive". My opinion - the main thing is not quantity, but quality. As my husband says, in a year nobody will remember what they ate at the wedding, but the photos will show the most touching moments. About food - it's just a comic example of course But about the photos - no. That's why we had a rather modest wedding by the number of guests (only 50). But we ordered professional photographers and videographers from Tara Weddings (Toronto). My dear granny says she still cries every time she watches our video

[Wallysbears]

My husband and I cancelled our “big white wedding”

 

Literally. Like 300 people all out obnoxious wedding.

 

It was a nightmare with family, in laws, etc all throwing “must have” and “must invite” and gah...so much pretension at us.

 

 

 

We signed a marriage license at a coffee shop costing us like $250 between the license, officiant fee and them filing the necessary documents.

 

We then had a party at our house wearing “Mr” and “Mrs” T-shirt’s, had it catered by an awesome caterer, and just had fun with our closest 30ish friends/family.

 

Our circle to this day says it was the “best wedding ever”. LOL

 

(And then when we got pregnant, our baby shower was a “Baby-q at a shooting range where all the guys got to go sporting clay shooting while us “hand” sat back and ate and opened presents and chatted)

 

My husband says he is the luckiest guy ever LOL

[Robert]

Thread starter seems to be a drive by, if they come back and want this thread reopened then alert on my post and we will do so, thanks all who gave the thread starter great advice