Should you know Spouse/SO Deepest Darkest Secrets?

[RecentChange]

Wookin....

 

Earlier I said how I feel it’s a partners duty to create a safe space to tell these sorts of thing, IF she wants to talk about it.

 

That means she could tell you and know you won’t brood over it, won’t pry, won’t judge, won’t look at her differently, won’t question her past etc.

 

This kind of stuff, I feel my job is to listen, comfort, then lock it away in a little box mentally. I never bring it up. I never questioned anything- all I am there for is to lighten their burden if they need to let something out. I will be their comfort and strength. That’s it.

 

It’s not about me, nor my right to know - it’s about giving a gift of a listening ear, and not expecting anything more.

 

At this point I do not think you are capable of that, and honestly it sounds like it would be foolish of her to open up to you. You can’t handle it.

[Artdeco]

I’ve always been of the opinion that you should be able to tell your partner everything. You’re with them because they don’t judge you and they love you just the way you are, I’m not saying unconditionally, but they definitely should be accepting of you with all your flaws and past mistakes. And especially if something bad happened to them when they were younger, I think you should be the one they trust if they want to share it with somebody. I think trust like that gives relationships a depth that will shield the relationship from outside influences off whatever kind. And for me that’s the gold standard of relationships.

 

Personally speaking, I am the one who is more trusting and more open. My partner is more quiet and - while I don’t want to call it secretive - definitely not as open as me. It bothers me sometimes because I know he has some baggage from his past, but I also understand that many men are just like him and that’s not a sign of being secretive but rather a sign of self protection and pride. And I’m trying to respect that and not to take it personally.

[usa1ah]

Wookin, did you say in a earlier thread that your gf was having sex with guys right after your break up and making sure you knew about it.

 

If I remember correctly she was ****ing two to three guys a week.

 

What are you wanting to know.

[Gaeta]

That is my worse fear. I guess it's connected to this. Why has she not talked about this event now when circumstance in various conversations would have maybe prompter her. What else has she not told me or been honest with me about? I have caught her in other things that didn't make sense. One was she told me she didn't give her phone # out to male yoga clients. I saw with a text from a guy asking her out. She said he messenged her on FB but she "deleted" the messages.

 

 

You don't trust this woman so now you are down to examining every bit of her past to see if she lied to there as well. It's sad. Why do you keep on dating her? Oh ya! she has a killing body and gorgeous pair of DDs. *rolling eyes*.

 

 

Looks someone will have to point to you that her past belong to her she doesn't have to give you every griddy details and the client incident was her present with you that's different.

[loversquarrel]

A couple of things, first don't ever listen to people who tell you that you "have no right to ask" or "it's none of your business", because you have every right to ask whatever you would like, just be prepared to accept the consequences.

Second, be careful regarding questions of rape or sexual assault, it can open old wounds and devolve rather quickly from there. If she truly loves you she may at some point tell you on her own.

Third, I don't think you are good for each other because it is driving you insane being with her.

[Mr. Lucky]

A couple of things, first don't ever listen to people who tell you that you "have no right to ask" or "it's none of your business", because you have every right to ask whatever you would like, just be prepared to accept the consequences.

 

Don't think many have said he has no right to ask and in fact he seems to have been asking quite consistently.

 

The consensus has been, he has no right to know. Big difference...

 

Mr. Lucky

[loversquarrel]

Hence why I used the term consequences. Her choosing not to tell being one of many consequences.

[basil67]

Hence why I used the term consequences. Her choosing not to tell being one of many consequences.

 

Yes, there is much to be said for consequences when it comes to learning. The OP would probably have a better learning experiences if we weren't talking him out of doing what he does.

 

Saving people from themselves is a bit of what we do here.

[preraph]

No one needs to tell all their secrets to anyone. It's a red flag you even want to know. I mean, what other reason than so you can be judgy.