Missing a girl that left me for her ex ( Long text)

[BMWN52]

So I saw her at work the other day. I was in the car and she was walking, so i honked and waved and drove by. Since she said on the party that she didn’t think I cared about her anymore since I was ditching and not saying hi. I wanted to prove her wrong.

 

But later she came driving meanwhile I was walking, but she drove up to me and took down the window and started talking with me. She said jump in so i did and we talked. It was the same kind of talk we had just before we started our dating. I was just trying to have a normal chat with her but for some reason it like felt a bit flirty.

 

We ran into eachother again in the garage, talked a lil bit, same here a bit flirty talk, she ended with well I guess ill se you around then, I was like yeah c ya and drove away. But i actually snapchatted her 30 mins later (About a funny thing that just happend me and that we just talked about) She was flirty once again now in the snap. In the last Snapchat she sent a photo of her shoppingbasket full with taco ingredients. We had taco Friday’s back when we dated. That’s the first that came up in my mind. Why else would she send photo of that. I didn’t reply and now we haven’t had contact since then. Probably like, look I am going to have taco Friday with my bf.

 

She has a boyfriend from what she said last weekend on the party. She did mention it’s going on well with them and she’s gonna meet his family on new years. But she still wants me in her life. The time together me and her has spent with eachother is basically only when we dated. So it’s not as I’m a long time friend she can’t just let go. Her boyfriend doesn’tknow about me. She is probably just playing games. Or there is some other reason.

 

That's a bit of progress. I think she wants you back dude, but you have to error on the side cautious she is not going to use you then dump you again.

 

I think either you have to make a ballsy move and kiss her next time to reignite that spark, show her you're more confident and ballsy.

 

Or proceed slow and see what happens, but you may get placed in the " friend zone". I'd say **** it.. If you want her back make it clear. Just understand she could be toying with you. The other equation is the new bf, he may get upset and rightfully so. She doesn't sound too stable, as in a gf though.

 

I'd say dont live in regret and just go for it. Women love that stuff. Only thing that happen is might crash and burn, but hey at least you tried.

Edited December 11, 2018 by BMWN52

[Jeppepp]

That's a bit of progress. I think she wants you back dude, but you have to error on the side cautious she is not going to use you then dump you again.

 

I think either you have to make a ballsy move and kiss her next time to reignite that spark, show her you're more confident and ballsy.

 

Or proceed slow and see what happens, but you may get placed in the " friend zone". I'd say **** it.. If you want her back make it clear. Just understand she could be toying with you. The other equation is the new bf, he may get upset and rightfully so. She doesn't sound too stable, as in a gf though.

 

I'd say dont live in regret and just go for it. Women love that stuff. Only thing that happen is might crash and burn, but hey at least you tried.

 

I dont wanna seem like a dog to her. Im pretty confused how i should handle this situation really. I love her, but she was the one that left me for her ex.

 

She actually snapchatted me the other day. It was personal to me, i answered her. She started building up a Snapchatconversation, sort of flirty once again. But I actually decided to ditch with not continuing the conversation. It’s been two days since and I haven’t wrote anything, neither has she. She ain’t getting my attention back that easy. It’s really hard to stay NC now tho.

[ExpatInItaly]

She’s clearly playing games, OP. She likes attention. And when she’s not getting it from her boyfriend, she knows you’re a convenient source.

 

Look, quality girls don’t flirt with dudes like this when they have boyfriends. She’s showing you she’s not girlfriend material.

[Jeppepp]

She’s clearly playing games, OP. She likes attention. And when she’s not getting it from her boyfriend, she knows you’re a convenient source.

 

Look, quality girls don’t flirt with dudes like this when they have boyfriends. She’s showing you she’s not girlfriend material.

 

You might be right, but have you read all my posts? This Christmas party we had with the work pretty much proved she wasn’t playing games, if she now isn’t a very good actor.

 

Anyways if this is the case she’s definitely not girlfriend material. Or she might just be missing me and got tired of her guy.

[elaine567]

I once dumped a guy as I felt we had no future long term.

When all the post break up noise calmed down we started speaking again, we met as friends, we always got on well, we had long conversations.

I thought great we are being very adult about this, we can be friends for a long time here.

BUT one day he ended up crying on my sofa, wanting me back. I was shell shocked I had no idea and no, I definitely did not want him back. I was just being friendly...

 

End of beautiful friendship, I realised I was hurting him by just wanting to be friends...it was selfish of me, but it was not done deliberately.

We parted ways.

 

 

Be careful.

[Jeppepp]

I once dumped a guy as I felt we had no future long term.

When all the post break up noise calmed down we started speaking again, we met as friends, we always got on well, we had long conversations.

I thought great we are being very adult about this, we can be friends for a long time here.

BUT one day he ended up crying on my sofa, wanting me back. I was shell shocked I had no idea and no, I definitely did not want him back. I was just being friendly...

 

End of beautiful friendship, I realised I was hurting him by just wanting to be friends...it was selfish of me, but it was not done deliberately.

We parted ways.

 

 

Be careful.

 

Been there done that, I have actually been into a similiar situation as yours before.

 

But I would rather not proceed as just friends with her if thats the case. Cant really see how that would work.

[ExpatInItaly]

You might be right, but have you read all my posts? This Christmas party we had with the work pretty much proved she wasn’t playing games, if she now isn’t a very good actor.

 

Anyways if this is the case she’s definitely not girlfriend material. Or she might just be missing me and got tired of her guy.

 

Yes, I have. It doesn't change my opinion. To clarify, I think are you misunderstanding what I mean by playing games. It has nothing to do with acting, and everything to do with wanting attention when it suits her. She isn't emotionally attached the way you are, but her ego drives her to seek you out when she she wants to feel good about herself. That is what I mean by game-playing; she tugs your sleeve when she needs a boost, and bounces again when her boyfriend is paying more attention to her. To her, it's easy because she's not really emotionally invested in you. It's a bit of fun. To you, it's a lot more significant.

 

You have also misunderstood what I meant by not being girlfriend material. She is shady if she's the type to go behind her boyfriend's back and flirt with an ex. There is no "if that's the case" - it is the case. She is currently doing things that a good girlfriend doesn't do. You'd be looking over your shoulder a lot if you two ever reunited, simply because you know she's the type to seek out other guys even when she's in a relationship.

 

Unfortunately, you are almost surely going to get hurt again here if you get your hopes up for something more. I have a feeling you're going to learn that the hard way, though. My prediction is that she will probably eventually drop both you and her boyfriend when she finds a guy she's truly into and doesn't want to compromise her relationship by conducting herself the way she is now.

Edited December 13, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[Jeppepp]

Yes, I have. It doesn't change my opinion. To clarify, I think are you misunderstanding what I mean by playing games. It has nothing to do with acting, and everything to do with wanting attention when it suits her. She isn't emotionally attached the way you are, but her ego drives her to seek you out when she she wants to feel good about herself. That is what I mean by game-playing; she tugs your sleeve when she needs a boost, and bounces again when her boyfriend is paying more attention to her. To her, it's easy because she's not really emotionally invested in you. It's a bit of fun. To you, it's a lot more significant.

 

You have also misunderstood what I meant by not being girlfriend material. She is shady if she's the type to go behind her boyfriend's back and flirt with an ex. There is no "if that's the case" - it is the case. She is currently doing things that a good girlfriend doesn't do. You'd be looking over your shoulder a lot if you two ever reunited, simply because you know she's the type to seek out other guys even when she's in a relationship.

 

Unfortunately, you are almost surely going to get hurt again here if you get your hopes up for something more. I have a feeling you're going to learn that the hard way, though. My prediction is that she will probably eventually drop both you and her boyfriend when she finds a guy she's truly into and doesn't want to compromise her relationship by conducting herself the way she is now.

 

I appreciate your answer.

 

I think I understand what you mean now with “playing games”

 

But I don’t agree with the fact that she does it whenever it suits her. This all suddenly started after this party, which was only two weeks ago. When we had this talk. Before that, it was NC for basically two months. So it hasn’t been on and off.

 

But I did understand what you meant by “not being girlfriend material” But if you look at it in another way, stuff might not be so good between them, what do we know?

She did indeed say at first it was going on well between them when I met her at the party. Might be true, might be not. The first contact we had after this, was one week after the party, so stuff might of changed drastically.

 

If she wants ego boost there is plenty of guys that she could get it from, she knows my reaction to how it ended. I showed that I didn’t really care at the time and moved on to another girl. I have basically only given her this so called ego boost once after we stopped seeing each other, and that was at the party while we were drunk.

 

With that said, you can’t be so sure of how the situation is. Even tho what you said might be the most common reason to situations like this.

 

Now I have made it look I’m trying to defend her actions and get my hopes up. No I’m just trying to look at it in different perspectives.

 

 

OT, I started seeing this other girl that I really dig. So no I’m not totally attached to this girl even tho it might seem so. I just really liked this girl and started getting real feelings for her.

Edited December 13, 2018 by Jeppepp

[ExpatInItaly]

But I did understand what you meant by “not being girlfriend material” But if you look at it in another way, stuff might not be so good between them, what do we know?

Right. That is the point when a mature person and decent girlfriend either focuses on fixing the problems, or ends it. Sniffing out attention from other guys is what selfish chicks do.

 

If she wants ego boost there is plenty of guys that she could get it from, she knows my reaction to how it ended. I showed that I didn’t really care at the time

Who's to say she isn't? You could easily be one of a few guys she talks to and you would be none the wiser.

 

Having said that, she knows you will reply and that you still have the hots for her. Trust me when I say that it's usually obvious to us when a guy is lusting after us.

 

Anyway, best of luck. I think you would be best to forget about her, but as it seems you're intent on trying, I hope you don't get hurt all over again.

[Jeppepp]

Right. That is the point when a mature person and decent girlfriend either focuses on fixing the problems, or ends it. Sniffing out attention from other guys is what selfish chicks do.

 

Who's to say she isn't? You could easily be one of a few guys she talks to and you would be none the wiser.

 

Having said that, she knows you will reply and that you still have the hots for her. Trust me when I say that it's usually obvious to us when a guy is lusting after us.

 

Anyway, best of luck. I think you would be best to forget about her, but as it seems you're intent on trying, I hope you don't get hurt all over again.

 

 

 

We had contact at work the other day, we met up during worktime. She was like, what excuses did you use for leaving office? I said I was gonna have a quick chat with a friend. She was like "A friend..?" Its like if she doesnt want me to friendzone her lol, probably hurts her ego. I have a feel that if I would meet another girl, that would destroy her ego totally. Thats kind of what happend last time when I dated this girl after we stopped dating each other. She totally ignored me when we saw each other at work.

 

We had a quick talk, I had to ditch becuase I couldnt just run away from office like that. We carried on communicating on snap. After some time i wrote "What do you want really, we shouldnt talk. Its not nice to your boyfriend that you are going behind his back like that. Especially when he knows nothing."

 

She sent a snapchat back, "yeah, maybe not...." with a photo when she was eating dinner with him at a restaurant.

 

She has issues. She might have mental issues as her brother. While we were dating she told me about him that he has mental issues and suffers from feeling happiness or something.

 

I'll listen to your advice, better not get more involved in this and forget her.

 

Nothing worth to spend time on, going to focus on this new girl that seems to be a bit more normal.

[Jeppepp]

I have made a huge mistake. And I just wanna write some..

 

So I gave her a second chance. Months went with NC. She reached out 3 weeks ago and we started talking a little. I understood that she had broken up with her bf. I told her that I’m not her doormat or second choice and got pretty mad at her so she got upset. She told me it’s not like that and I understand how you feel and I’m sorry. I told her to call me instead of chatting with me, she did and we had a long call.

 

Further on she wanted to meet up.she invited me over to her place for dinner and after many ifs I accepted it. She even canceled her plans with her friend to meet me that Friday because that was the only day I could. The plan was only dinner and maybe talk some, which we did. We had fun, talked old memories and ate dinner we cooked together.

 

This is when stuff went wrong, we ended up watching a movie and stuff happened, she got really on me and I couldn’t resist we ended up in bed.

 

We had this typical after-sex talk about what this means, she mentioned she didn’t want to rush into a new relationship since she doesn’t want to feel “stuck” as she did in the relationship with that guy. She told me it took more energy than it gave and she doesn’t wanna rush into something new right now. She said she wants to be single now and focus on herself. She mentioned it ended with them because there was a lot of fighting and so on. She said she was tired of him. She told me that if she didn’t give him another chance and she and me carried on with our dating she would of gone around wondering how it would be to be with him. But now she knows and that chapter is closed she said. She gave me really mixed signals, she even said she doesn’t really know what she wants right now.

 

This made me kinda sad of course. I decided not to sleep over, she gave me a bye kiss and told me to text when I got home. This was late night. I texted her and said thanks for last night as well and added a kiss and to my surprise she didn’t reply back with a kiss. Which made me very insecure about this, I told her I had a bit of regret from last night and she said the felt bad over making me feel like that. This is where I got kind of “needy” and she backed off... I asked if we could talk on phone about this and she didn’t reply. I know she was going on a thing with a friend the whole day. I woke up at 3am and felt full of regret and sent another text , I told her it doesn’t make me feel better when you can’t even reply. She called me 10mins later. 3am.... I was sleeping so I didn’t notice. She texted me the morning after and said sorry I was away all day yesterday and couldn’t talk about this there and then. I called her back. She didn’t reply and she told me she was busy and she got back to me later on text.

 

This is when she texted that “From what you said on Friday we should put this to the side for now since we want different things at the moment and I don’t want to hurt you more than I have done”

 

 

I feel so stupid, how could i fall back into this. We had such a great evening last week. I have never been close like that to someone I have strong feelings for, it was an indescribable feeling. Since I never had this strong feelings when we dated back earlier last year.

 

Now I’m hurt all over again, I thought I had lost most of my feelings but no. They all came back instantly.

Edited June 13, 2019 by Jeppepp

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are young and made some mistakes.

Just be sure to learn from them and grow. I think you are on the right track to being an awesome bf or husband for a lucky girl as it shows you have some depth to you emotions. You can care about someone other than yourself. To have that at such a young age is priceless.

 

But do reread the replies to your post again and see that they wanted to save you from more heartbreak. Only you can save yourself.

[Jeppepp]

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are young and made some mistakes.

Just be sure to learn from them and grow. I think you are on the right track to being an awesome bf or husband for a lucky girl as it shows you have some depth to you emotions. You can care about someone other than yourself. To have that at such a young age is priceless.

 

But do reread the replies to your post again and see that they wanted to save you from more heartbreak. Only you can save yourself.

 

I appreciate your supporting answer a lot. I remember what I was recommended But it’s just so hard when you have those feelings for the person and you start getting your hopes up like that.

It felt like okay she wants to try again and I still have feelings for her, let’s give her a second chance and stuff might be different this time. I just dont get it, what did she expect? She knew what she went back to..