jackmarison93 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 So I need some advice. I have been with my guy for a year now, he is the most amazing boyfriend. Respectful, kind, caring. He is always there for me and accepts me as I am. My last relationship was a very emotionally abusive one, sometimes physical. He done a lot of damage to me but I have been trying my best to work on myself and get better. I suffer from quite bad anxiety because of how the relationship went and have some trust issues as he cheated on me a lot (more fool me for staying!) Anyway, my new partner has a huge group of friends. He was with someone for 6 years and she broke his heart, he started sleeping with one of his girl mates as a rebound for about 3 months after but then stopped it as he knew it was wrong and he was using her. They are no longer good friends and never speak. But she is still friends with his other friends and comes to certain events that we are all in. And I feel so uncomfortable with her being there. Because she is old friends with them all obviously she is going to come, I would never stop him from going to an event because she is there either. But it makes me feel so uncomfortable when she is there and I don't know how to shake this feeling. I know he would be the same if it was the other way around. He has to go to an event in a few weeks and I can't go as its my friend birthday and I know that he will be alone there with her as well. It makes me feel sick with anxiety. I trust him so much and I know he loves me and would never so anything but I don't know how to just accept this and get over it. I don't want this to ruin our relationship, I have spoken to him and he knows how I feel about it and has said he won't speak to her. I have said he can talk to her but just want him to know that it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I hate being this insecure but I can't ignore my feelings about this and just suppress it. If I had it my way she would go away and stop hovering around the group so much but thats just petty and silly. I hate being this way but I do get very jealous and can't stand the fact that she is always around. I'm still trying to build good relationships with his best friends and I feel like I can't do that because she is always there instead. Any advise I would appreciate, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 (edited) "I have said he can talk to her but just want him to know that it makes me extremely uncomfortable" really? "he can talk to her"? stop saying that which is not nice or beneficial for you, save the pleasantries for his other friends, sorry, but you need a good wake-up, be a woman, not a mouse, ignore her, she is not important, channel your inner Scherezade at him instead ... not saying he will stray, but sheesh, do not hand him to her, or do anything like it..."can talk to her"?...my ass! "he said he won't speak to her" < you had this situation sorted at one point Edited November 20, 2018 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 The poor girl got used by your bf, got unceremoniously dumped and YOU want her to slink away from the friends she has known for years, as if she is the bad one here... Your bf doesn't speak to her and she doesn't speak to him (not unsurprisingly), so its not her fault you feel insecure and jealous around his group of friends. The problem is you not her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 I have spoken to him and he knows how I feel about it and has said he won't speak to her. I have said he can talk to her but just want him to know that it makes me extremely uncomfortable. jackmarison93, if you have to attempt this level of micro-managing, you're either with the wrong person or not ready to be in a relationship. How long between your last relationship and this new one? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 It's OK that you tell your BF that you are uncomfortable when he is in the presence of somebody he's been intimate with. Your feelings are your feelings. It's never easy to know that another person knows your SO intimately. That said you have to get over it. This other girl doesn't want him back. She's probably still upset with him. Plus you say he's a good guy & loyal to you so accept that. Just because your EX was an abusive cheating jerk does not mean your BF will cheat on you. Learn to do some deep breathing / relaxation & have fun at your other event. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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