Girl wants time to sort herself out? Abusive Ex, Stress College, Family, Life...

[suckerforlove]

Hi Guys,

 

My first post here... Need some help and viewpoints on this situation I'm in...

 

My age: 25 - Have a degree and a stable job

Girl I like age: 18 - In her 2nd year of college

 

SHE TOLD ME SHE LIKES ME TWICE...lets go...:

 

Haven't spoken or tried to pull a girl for the past 5-7 years so I was pretty rusty...its not easy managing a business and university for 6 years straight! SO yeah here it is:

 

1- I saw her on a comment section on Insta and DM'd her to talk about the subject area, I found that I liked her and would like to get to know her, so I did. Maybe I did come on strong but she was ok with it and did tell me to slow it down.

 

2- She told me to add her snapchat, so I did but the same time of adding her I just didn't think we are a fit together at all, she was too much attention seeking, and so I deleted her based on the fact she had like 50,000 snapchat points which means she was very active with many guys and girls on there. Within minutes of deleting her she ran back to me asking why did I delete her, I don't remember what I said but I let her back in and took her seriously. I despise girls who are too available and OUT there on social media, aka ATTENTION WHORES

 

3- Anyway, so we got snapping and talking A LOT! I made my intentions clear that I liked her after 2-3 weeks. Maybe too early but she was fine with it. I did take everything with a pinch of salt, she also showed me all the people on her lists on insta/snapchat, due to my trust issues I asked how many guys she talks to and she did answer that she does talk to guys who are old high school buddies or from college. So I took her word for it.

 

4- Roll on to 2-3 weeks and I asked her if she would like to meet at some point and if she liked me. She said yes to both and snapped me saying that her life is hectic right now and promised to get back to me when she is ready to meet. I took it as a positive thing?

 

5- I went away for a business trip but before I went she pushed me away very badly, I may have said something about how guys were mistreating her on instagram, she was on live and I could see people calling her a "RAT" and nasty things. Thats when she said "I'm sorry but I don't want to hurt you, girls from my area don't deserve great guys like you"....I was truly confused at this point, I asked her what are you talking about? Tell me.....then she said girls like me don't deserve guys like you, I have a dark past and its not letting me move etc... and so I told her look I'm going away for a business trip and would like your number so we can talk. And just like that she gave me her number and wished me a safe flight. I told her, if things work out between us I will take her worldwide (as a joke).

 

6- So on a business trip we carried on snapping and I actually iniated to show her my room and how bad the place was and she enjoyed that. Later that night she said, can I facetime you? i was shook that she wants to facetime me? for real? and so she did and we spoke for 3 hours. She told me about her dark past and abusive ex who beat her and that she had broken ties with him. Then I realised that could be just using me as an emotional tampon. But she did say that my future partner needs to know that I had a dark past, this made me happy that she sees me as a future partner...

 

7-so she told me to text her in the morning and ended our first call/facetime on a positive note, I did tell her we should meet and then you tell me everything you want, and she say yes, I will let you know when things settle down and that she needed time to get herself together.

 

8- After the facetime I could feel some distance from her side, I had always iniated texting, snapping her but for some reason her old habbits of chatting up other guys and adding new guys to instagram carried on... I mean after all that talking and a heart to heart on facetime she was still the same girl.

 

9- We have some connection and she likes to text me and hear from me.

 

10- She talked about how her wedding will be and what she would want and I liked to talk about it too with her.

 

11- Her college is really stressing her out, and she sent me a voice note to say that she will have no social life and will be just be doing work work work in order to study medicine at uni next september...which is 100% understandable but I kept on texting/snapping her daily as did she.

 

12- On the 13th Nov she put a snap on her story to say she will be deleting most of her friends/contacts on snapchat, and I messaged her to say why? is everything ok? and she deleted me followed by a message to say "you have my number, text me if you need me"... and I did text her to say whats up?... she said she is tried of negativity she has gotten from social media snapchat/instagram and she doesn't like it anymore. I also told her social media is toxic for relationships, she agreed. But now here is the funny thing, even after doing that she added 20-30 new people on instagram hahaha and I DO NOT follow her on instagram and nor does she.

 

13- I told her on text that I will be here to talk to her when she is ready, and she said ":) thank you"...

 

Now its been 4-5 days with NO CONTACT and not heard anything from her, I am doing my own thing and work is REALLY picking up now! I do keep tabs on how many people she is following and who is following her and I can see it increasing daily...maybe all are guys who slid into her DMs?

 

So now I have a dilemma: A) text her after its been 7 days or B) never to text and just avoid!...or wait for her as agreed by me and give her space to **** around with new guys?

 

HELP!! I AM BECOMING INSANE LOOKING FOR A REAL ANSWER! I am secure in myself and I can literally stop texting her, remove her from my life but I don't know what she is thinking...

Edited November 20, 2018 by suckerforlove

[PegNosePete]

13- I told her on text that I will be here to talk to her when she is ready, and she said ":) thank you"...

 

Now its been 4-5 days with NO CONTACT and not heard anything from her

Her silence speaks volumes. Just move on. If she comes back to you one day, then you can take it from there. But don't wait around for something that may never happen.

[suckerforlove]

but why would she tell me to text her after removing me from snapchat? maybe its all in my head that she is adding guys and DMing guys in instagram? I did tell her at the start that you don't need to entertain other guys when you have my attention... was that lame? why would she ever facetime me and consider me her future partner? where did I go wrong? before the facetime she said she is no good for me... is it her dark past? what is it???

[PegNosePete]

No idea. But when someone tells you they're no good for you, you should believe them, and move on.

[d0nnivain]

You two are at different life stages. She's a teenager just beginning to explore life. You are an adult with a business to run. What are you going to do, take her to her sorority formal?

 

She got off social media to get away from negativity. Good for her.

 

You are just some guy. She knows she has a lot to process & can't handle a relationship right now. School has to be 1st. Plus she has real self esteem issues. She is not in a healthy place to begin a relationship right now. Leave her alone.

 

I tell guys in your shoes this all the time. In the long run it wouldn't work. Now when she's 18 & is still a naïve child who knows nothing of the ways of the world, you & she are on the same page. She's still growing. You are a fully formed adult. By the time she is ready to graduate & get out into the world, she will have outpaced you. It's not a crack against you but it happens.

[Epythamus]

Sounds to me that she's manipulative and the sort of girls that would seek attention from other people. How'd I know? Been there.

 

My advice is that you start moving on and look for someone else. If you stick to this girl, then you're only driving your car towards the cliff yourself.

[HumanMachine]

Mate she’s 18...