Women: Never tell men they are great and they will find a great girl someday

[BaileyB]

The world doesn't hate you because you are not white. Your lack of success is directly related to the hostility you project & the racist chip on your shoulder.

 

Not to mention the sense of entitlement and the lack of respect he has shown towards women in this discussion...

 

Ethan, I'm sorry that you feeling so discouraged but seriously, you need some help with your mental health. I'm very concerned about you. This is not healthy for you.

[brigit87]

Not to mention the sense of entitlement and the lack of respect he has shown towards women in this discussion...

 

Ethan, I'm sorry that you feeling so discouraged but seriously, you need some help with your mental health. I'm very concerned about you. This is not healthy for you.

 

What's truly disturbing is that he believes he is entitled to very attractive women who aren't attracted to him.

 

OP FYI you aren't that great. OK? And maybe you'll meet a girl you're attracted to who wants to be with you and maybe you won't. No guarantees.

 

Maybe your friends won't tell you that but I will.

 

Feel better?

[Veronica73]

While you may have a lot of good qualities the above epitomizes why you can't find a woman to date.

 

You have no balance. You call us by vulgar names for body parts. You think women owe you. You have this huge black cloud when you are angry & blame the whole world for your shortcomings.

 

Women respect confident man. Some people mistake that for the classic uncaring "bad boy" but it's more then that. You talk about being a gentleman & a white knight but that's not it either.

 

...

 

The world doesn't hate you because you are not white. Your lack of success is directly related to the hostility you project ...

 

Exactly. And guys who think that because they are “nice or successful or smart” they “deserve” to get in our pants are awful. You don’t sound like a gentleman or white knight whatsoever.

Edited November 21, 2018 by Veronica73

[stillafool]

 

Here's my problem with that. The entire millenial generation was brought up to be white knights, all the while, they saw the bad boys getting laid.

 

If women really wanted to be treated like a lady, then why is it that the "gentlement" and "white knights" never go home with the lady?

 

Honey, this has been going on since the beginning of time. Some men and women just "got it". It's a sex appeal that is irresistible to the opposite sex. The same with women who have gone to law school, everything is perfect on paper; yet she sees the guys who are her match seek out the hot girls who's education doesn't match his become his wife. It crosses all genders and race lines. It is what it is.

[Mike800]

While you may have a lot of good qualities the above epitomizes why you can't find a woman to date.

 

You have no balance. You call us by vulgar names for body parts. You think women owe you. You have this huge black cloud when you are angry & blame the whole world for your shortcomings.

 

Women respect confident man. Some people mistake that for the classic uncaring "bad boy" but it's more then that. You talk about being a gentleman & a white knight but that's not it either. In that mode I suspect you are more of an unattractive obsequious doormat.

 

What you need to learn to do is lead with your good qualities, jettison all the misplaced anger & balance confidence with good manners. It's OK to be forceful & have opinions as long as you are respectful. Stop calling women pussies or thinking about us that way -- about how much sex you can get. Consider companionship. Does she make you laugh? Does she hold your interest on an intellectual level? There is so much more to a good relationship then the bedroom.

 

The world doesn't hate you because you are not white. Your lack of success is directly related to the hostility you project & the racist chip on your shoulder.

 

Tbf I know plenty of misogynists who do well with women but they’re usually good looking and charismatic and hide it well on the surface to manipulate women or because of their other traits some women will overlook it.

 

But I agree that the op needs to get change of perspective on his outlook on life..he’s way too angry and negative.

 

Women don’t all have these impossible standards that he thinks

[Mike800]

OK, but men who are platonic friends or acquaintances are usually platonic for a reason and that is because mutual attraction is somehow lacking, or for some reason the men do not meet the criteria of bf/husband material of the women in question. I guess you also have platonic friends you are not attracted to, too. Do you not think they are great? If one asked

you why she was unsuccessful with dating would you be brutally honest and potentially hurt her to the core or would you tell her she was a great girl and try to emphasise her plus points?

 

So of course your friends think you are "great", they are your friend after all, we tend to think our friends are great, but sleeping with you and turning you into a bf is still out of the question.

 

But it also doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the person either.

 

I have female friends who are attractive and great personalities who I find attractive but where friends so long that there like sisters to me and I wouldn’t want to chance losing them if the relationship doesn’t workout.

 

People like Ethan assume if somebody doesn’t want to take it from friends to a relationship that your friend automatically doesn’t want to because

she thinks somethings wrong with you when it can be they just don’t want to lose you or you’ve been friends so long it’s hard to turn on that switch to relationship mode.

[Mike800]

^ You'd think this would be a no-brainer, wouldn't you? And on the flip side, no woman is entitled to sex either. Plenty of women get big crushes on guys they can never have too. I think it's even more painful for them because it's more emotional idealizing than just physical desire.

 

Ehh men can emotionally idealize too where not all stoic robots lol..

[Garcon1986]

Two more harsh realities - women will always get to choose up front, unless you are blessed with winning the genetic lottery, and having the complete package up front (Ronaldinho, Prince Harry, Tom Cruise etc etc). It's like this in the entire animal kingdom. Won't change any faster than Jupiter's red spot will disappear. Thing is - if you do your job well, the woman gets anxious about whether you will choose her on the back end.

 

Another one - women don't care what qualifications you have until they know you can make them feel good about life and themselves. The so called jerks make women feel good about themselves.

[Veronica73]

Another one - women don't care what qualifications you have until they know you can make them feel good about life and themselves. The so called jerks make women feel good about themselves.

 

I don’t think I understand what you mean... it seems to me a sign of a healthy person is that they feel good about themselves and their lives on their own. And if they don’t, they take steps to fix it, not date “jerks” in order to feel better about themselves.

 

On the other hand, if a guy makes me feel worse about myself and my life than I do than when I am own my on... NEXT! I don’t need that.

[stillafool]

 

Another one - women don't care what qualifications you have until they know you can make them feel good about life and themselves. The so called jerks make women feel good about themselves.

 

I think it's more "make them feel good in bed". Lot's of women are involved with bad boys who make them feel bad about themselves but they are great in bed. For some reason women have a hard time giving that up.

[Garcon1986]

Veronica I was pointing out that dating is not like a job application, where you just talk about your qualifications, and make the interviewer feel good, and that's all there is to it. Dating is quite a different matter

[EthanBlack]

And for what it's worth, a man can absolutely be a gentleman and make a woman feel desired. He simply has to not maul her or say/do things which make her uncomfortable.

 

I agree unless it's with an Asian woman. If you're an Asian men interested in an Asian woman, no matter how "gentlemanly" you are, she's gonna treat you as a hostile, all the while if a white guy is borderline aggressive with her, she won't mind.

 

 

1. Women can't change the behavior of other women any more than you can. Saying you'll find a nice lady is the nicest way they could think of to reject you. In the bible belt the default is to reject Asian men, much more so than in California. I still try to stay cheery about it. Only hunks, soldiers, Southern gentlemen who ride horses, and buff law enforcement guys are fair game here. I'm excluded but I still try to create my own social circles.

 

 

 

It's not just in the deep south that Asian guys can't get dates. It happens even in metropolitan cities. You're just somehow a non-entity in the dating pool except amongst certain kinds of Asian girls but even Asian girls are rapidly ditching Asian men for white guys.

 

 

Your choice to keep this up, or take the athlete's approach to dating. When you get back into a full time job, consider a dating coach maybe? Then you can get some feedback. You've told us many times you get rejected and are not certain why. It may be expensive but at least it's something.

 

Dating coaches are all swindlers, preying on desperate men like you and me. The problem is that we're Asian men. If we were white, all our supposed "flaws" would be less of an issue. People don't want to reject us cause we're Asian so they'll magnify on some sorta other flaw that we have.

 

 

 

Ultimately you need to take the positive out of each situation. Is it really so bad to have friends?

 

You mean female friends? The kind whose gonna complain about her boyfriend to you while still giving him blowjobs and sleeping with him while you get to be that supportive guy friend?

 

 

The world doesn't hate you because you are not white. Your lack of success is directly related to the hostility you project & the racist chip on your shoulder.

 

Excuse me? I'm racist? I didn't become "racist" against Asian girls until I found out they were racist against Asian guys first.

 

I grew up with white people. I'm essentially a banana. I have most in common with white folks and white girls. But at one point during my 20's, I became more interested in Asian girls and exploring my heritage a little. That's when I found out the vast majority of them won't date Asian guys and they'll date even the most loser white guy over a good Asian guy. That's when I found out the Asian community is the one thats racist, even to its own people.

 

 

What's truly disturbing is that he believes he is entitled to very attractive women who aren't attracted to him.

 

OP FYI you aren't that great. OK? And maybe you'll meet a girl you're attracted to who wants to be with you and maybe you won't. No guarantees.

 

Maybe your friends won't tell you that but I will.

 

Feel better?

 

And what makes the loser white guy who has a gorgeous Asian girlfriend somehow better than me? His lack of a job? His dirty ****ty clothes? His preference for Asian girls even though he knows nothing about Asian culture and can't speak any Asian languages?

 

Honey, this has been going on since the beginning of time. Some men and women just "got it". It's a sex appeal that is irresistible to the opposite sex. The same with women who have gone to law school, everything is perfect on paper; yet she sees the guys who are her match seek out the hot girls who's education doesn't match his become his wife. It crosses all genders and race lines. It is what it is.

 

Except with Asian girls, it crosses racial lines. An asian girl who is my "match" (decent looking, good profession, well educated, independent, successful) wouldn't date me but would date a white guy who is lesser than me because she has the racist belief that white people and white culture is superior and she wants to be closer to that and ensure her future kids get closer to that.

 

Yet, somehow I'm the one who is racist.

[Garcon1986]

You can debate us all you want, but in the meantime, women are passing over you and I for other men. You are right that I am a non-entity in dating, but is this going to get you a caring, loving girlfriend any faster, if you keep this up? Again I can continue this debate, but the bottom line is you haven't earned yourself a relationship yet by debating us.

[EthanBlack]

You can debate us all you want, but in the meantime, women are passing over you and I for other men. You are right that I am a non-entity in dating, but is this going to get you a caring, loving girlfriend any faster, if you keep this up? Again I can continue this debate, but the bottom line is you haven't earned yourself a relationship yet by debating us.

 

I don't profess to know what it's like in the deep south but I don't think you're in anymore a ****ty position than an Asian guy who is in big East Coast or West Coast city. In fact, you may have the advantage. I find when you're the super-minority, people tend to give you benefit of the doubt and you tend to stand out more. You'll always be the odd one out in any social situation and so you can use that to your advantage and there will be white girls who are into that and who are curious about you.

 

If you're an Asian guy in a big city with lots of other Asians, yes, you will feel accepted more but you'll also just blend into the crowd. You won't stand out unless you're very good looking or rich. Most Asians living in big cities are yuppies meaning they're successful professionals, drive nice cars, dress nicely and are essentially urbanites. You're just gonna melt into the crowd.

 

With your situation, you stick out like a sore thumb and yeah I get that many white people won't find you appealing but there are those who are curious and will and so you should focus on those.

 

I used to live in a big city with lots of Asians. I found I didn't like the Asian community cause I found them to be more racist than white people. I moved to a smaller city where majority of people are white and I've made wonderful new friends and welcoming people. I've gone on dates with white girls and overall had positive experiences, even if they didn't progress into a relationship. I find it much easier to connect with people and to date here even though in most situations, I'm the odd "Asian" guy out. But I find that's to my advantage. Sometimes I get preferential treatment cause I stand out. And there do exists white people who are very curious and open-minded and want to know more about you.

 

I've gone to social dance events where young cute white girls invite me to dance (usually it's convention that the guy asks girls to dance) because I stand out. They think I'm 25 rather than 35 cause I look young and I'm in decent shape. and Usually the guys who go to dance are older guys. And so I stood out.

 

The point is, I'm having SOME semblance of success in a white-majority city where I live whereas in the big city with lots of Asians, I was not having any success at all. I found Asians to be the most racist of all.

 

Yet I'm being accused by a bunch of politically correct whites on this forum that somehow I'm the racist. I'm not the one who goes around professing "Sorry I don't date Asian guys (even tho I'm Asian)".

 

But I guess this works well for white guys since they now have more girls to choose from so when an Asian guy like me points this out, I'm the one whose racist.

Edited November 21, 2018 by EthanBlack

[Veronica73]

Veronica I was pointing out that dating is not like a job application, where you just talk about your qualifications, and make the interviewer feel good, and that's all there is to it. Dating is quite a different matter

 

Oh, okay. You’re totally right, I misunderstood!

[Garcon1986]

Then keep on digging for the open minded Caucasian lady who maybe did a bit of study abroad? Don't worry about the Asian women if you don't like them anymore. If they have those beliefs it's going to be too much work to change them anyway. Easy reason why I can't help you find one - I don't know any such ladies near you.

[ZA Dater]

I agree unless it's with an Asian woman. If you're an Asian men interested in an Asian woman, no matter how "gentlemanly" you are, she's gonna treat you as a hostile, all the while if a white guy is borderline aggressive with her, she won't mind.

 

 

 

 

It's not just in the deep south that Asian guys can't get dates. It happens even in metropolitan cities. You're just somehow a non-entity in the dating pool except amongst certain kinds of Asian girls but even Asian girls are rapidly ditching Asian men for white guys.

 

 

 

 

Dating coaches are all swindlers, preying on desperate men like you and me. The problem is that we're Asian men. If we were white, all our supposed "flaws" would be less of an issue. People don't want to reject us cause we're Asian so they'll magnify on some sorta other flaw that we have.

 

 

 

You mean female friends? The kind whose gonna complain about her boyfriend to you while still giving him blowjobs and sleeping with him while you get to be that supportive guy friend?

 

 

 

Excuse me? I'm racist? I didn't become "racist" against Asian girls until I found out they were racist against Asian guys first.

 

I grew up with white people. I'm essentially a banana. I have most in common with white folks and white girls. But at one point during my 20's, I became more interested in Asian girls and exploring my heritage a little. That's when I found out the vast majority of them won't date Asian guys and they'll date even the most loser white guy over a good Asian guy. That's when I found out the Asian community is the one thats racist, even to its own people.

 

 

 

 

And what makes the loser white guy who has a gorgeous Asian girlfriend somehow better than me? His lack of a job? His dirty ****ty clothes? His preference for Asian girls even though he knows nothing about Asian culture and can't speak any Asian languages?

 

 

 

Except with Asian girls, it crosses racial lines. An asian girl who is my "match" (decent looking, good profession, well educated, independent, successful) wouldn't date me but would date a white guy who is lesser than me because she has the racist belief that white people and white culture is superior and she wants to be closer to that and ensure her future kids get closer to that.

 

Yet, somehow I'm the one who is racist.

 

 

 

I am going to impart this piece of advice on you. Quite clearly you have an apparently superiority complex while at the same time having a clear inferiority complex against so called "bad boys". All you accomplish with this is creating a hugely negative impression. Why do this?

 

 

Why categorise people like you do? People find this very off putting. By all means declare you don't like a certain person but you cannot paint them all with the same brush nor should you ever.

 

 

My question to you, do you treat a waitron differently to a CEO? For all your apparent education you are putting forward a very emotive point of view and ignoring facts, you cannot win ANYONE over being bitter and I should know I was the CEO of that club for a long time.

 

 

Your dismissive comment about in bold is indicative of an entitled attitude and while I am not easily offended I find that comment to lack class, if this is how you conduct yourself then you need to look at yourself closely. There is huge value to be unlocked by a friends, why because you aren't alone, you can talk about things and be free of judgement.

 

 

Remember one thing, you cannot throw back at me "you are a while guy you have options" because I would guess you enjoy more success at dating than I do.

 

 

I get why you are irritated and see the world through such bitter cynical eyes but its simply not so, when someone who hasn't ever been laid tells you that then you should sit up and take notice.

 

 

We can control much in life but the most important thing is how we treat others, trust me when you look around you and find the value in people you might find being single is a bit more tolerable. I have one special person in life, she wont ever date me but she gives me 90% of what I imagine a GF would and I don't see that as much of a compromise.

 

 

Friend you need to take a break, rationalise things and look at things freshly you may see they aren't quite as you see them now.

[ZA Dater]

Two more harsh realities - women will always get to choose up front, unless you are blessed with winning the genetic lottery, and having the complete package up front (Ronaldinho, Prince Harry, Tom Cruise etc etc). It's like this in the entire animal kingdom. Won't change any faster than Jupiter's red spot will disappear. Thing is - if you do your job well, the woman gets anxious about whether you will choose her on the back end.

 

Another one - women don't care what qualifications you have until they know you can make them feel good about life and themselves. The so called jerks make women feel good about themselves.

 

 

 

Partly true in my opinion. I would wager its important to make anyone you meet feel good about themselves, a compliment costs nothing, nor does a smile. Both can boost a persons confidence and make them feel good.

 

 

I think the very problem the OP is facing NO date has made him feel good about himself and I can relate to that, its a brutal process and if nothing ever becomes what you want it to be its difficult feel good about yourself. Which is why its vital to look at the entire picture, find some compromise somewhere.

 

 

Ultimately the spectre of judgement is as harsh or subtle as we want it to be. Yes I have an arrangement which makes sense to nobody here but it works for me, am I judged for that, yes, even the few friends I have don't see the sense in it but its not them who face the lonely alternative. The bottom line is people should play towards the positive rather than the negative.

[basil67]

I think the very problem the OP is facing NO date has made him feel good about himself and I can relate to that, its a brutal process and if nothing ever becomes what you want it to be its difficult feel good about yourself. Which is why its vital to look at the entire picture, find some compromise somewhere.

 

But Ethan approaches woman with a platonic attitude. So they don't see him as a date, but rather a type of 'brother' and tell him that he's a great guy and will find a woman one day.

 

If a man wants a woman to engage in a romantic way or sexual way, he needs to see her as a sexual being. He needs to flirt.

[ZA Dater]

Another thing OP "Great" and "Great" your great and mine might not be the same so yes, while I find patronising comments like the title of this thread to be false they don't anger me, they do tell me the person at least cares enough to comment.

 

 

One thing I do, is I do good and this is an amazing lesson to learn. Do something for someone and see that appreciation, give them a gift you carefully thought out and see their happiness. You don't need a relationship to do these things but doing them betters the life of others, its betters your life and brings warmth into it.

 

 

I have never had luck with dating but I got the closest I have ever gotten to a decent kiss this weekend, I did something simple which she really appreciated, her whole face lit up and I could see she wanted to but the look of appreciation was enough.

 

 

Again my point is simple see some positive, because you aren't ABC doesn't mean you cant simply be you and the best you that its possible to be. That should be the target each day, not to see how many you can bed.

[ZA Dater]

But Ethan approaches woman with a platonic attitude. So they don't see him as a date, but rather a type of 'brother' and tell him that he's a great guy and will find a woman one day.

 

If a man wants a woman to engage in a romantic way or sexual way, he needs to see her as a sexual being. He needs to flirt.

 

 

 

Look I am as guilty as him at doing that but I have my own reasons for it, my absolutely uselessness as flirting being one but I cannot see why he cant extract some positive to brighten up this huge negative cloud he seems to have found himself in.

[basil67]

Look I am as guilty as him at doing that but I have my own reasons for it, my absolutely uselessness as flirting being one but I cannot see why he cant extract some positive to brighten up this huge negative cloud he seems to have found himself in.

 

It's because he's blaming the things he can't change rather than changing the things he can. He feels like a victim...and victimhood can be a terrible burden.

[brigit87]

And what makes the loser white guy who has a gorgeous Asian girlfriend somehow better than me? His lack of a job? His dirty ****ty clothes? His preference for Asian girls even though he knows nothing about Asian culture and can't speak any Asian languages?

 

 

Your answer is just weird. When I was writing it I forgot about the whole Asian thing. I was just thinking you were that guy all girls like to be friends with but don't want as a boyfriend because they're not attracted to him that way.

 

I know there are probably girls who like you more than a friend but you probably don't think they're "hot" enough for you.

 

IDK. I'm not sure about these women you're talking about they sound insane.

[hotpotato]

I find that extremely annoying! I've had at least 2 men from my past say that to me. One would never date me. The other dumped me for another woman after I put up with his crap.

 

Well, if I'm so great, why didn't they want me? Why won't they date me? Why did they choose other women over me?

[elaine567]

I find that extremely annoying! I've had at least 2 men from my past say that to me. One would never date me. The other dumped me for another woman after I put up with his crap.

 

Well, if I'm so great, why didn't they want me? Why won't they date me? Why did they choose other women over me?

 

 

You may be great, you may be awesome, but you were not right FOR THEM.