Women: Never tell men they are great and they will find a great girl someday

[ZA Dater]

No, she wasn't unattractive. But calling her pretty would be a stretch. I'd say the guy was more "good looking" than her.

 

 

 

I've only seen that amongst white guy Asian girl couples. Where the guy is this fat, nerdy looking guy but I guess he's extroverted and outgoing and "funny." And the girl is this slim, pretty Asian girl who is kinda shy but absolutely worships him and looks down on all Asian men.

 

You don't see this combination amongst white guy-white girl couples.

 

 

I do see it from time to time between white and white couples. Here is one for you to think about...why do white guys like Asian ladies? How many of those white guys experience no success with white girls?

[Garcon1986]

Well if you think most lads and ladies advice is not adequate, what sort of advice are you seeking Ethan? Tell us what advice it is you truly seek?

[brigit87]

Ok question for the both of you based upon what was said above:

 

So why are guys like me given dating advice from everywhere to pursue my passions, live an interesting life and try to create some kind of rapport/connection with girls? According to what you just said (which I agree with btw), it's all for nothing. A girl is either gonna like me due to some weird combination of my looks+personality+circumstance and not because I am living my life to the fullest and that I have all these impressive skills or that I am financially in a good place.

 

It's always good to try and live an interesting life. Do you want to live a boring one?

 

You do stuff you like because you find it fun not because anyone cares that you do it.

 

You're not going to get a girl hot and bothered by telling her you give to charity. So give because you want to and not for any other reason.

[Mysterio]

Whats a Doormat.

 

Here is how I am with Women. I treat them well. If they get out of line. I jus dissapeer. I don't get into emotional confrontations with them. If they have been good to me, I will try to work things out.

 

No Doormat with Mysterio and thats males as well. Not putting up with BS.

[brigit87]

No, she wasn't unattractive. But calling her pretty would be a stretch. I'd say the guy was more "good looking" than her.

 

 

 

 

OK. Then you must be having trouble with average looking women too. IDK. But then again you talk about girlfriends you've had. I guess you're a little confusing.

[brigit87]

Ethan do me one favour and dismiss with this advice with the disdain it deserves. Nobody should approach anything in life like this. Life is about striving to be the best you can be and attaining the best you can, not about "oh that will do".

 

 

Your limitations are you are bitter, yes you wont be dating Katy Perry but you should strive to date someone you want, not someone you think "oh well this is the best I can do, I'll try like her".

 

You just don't like hearing the truth ZA.

[Mike800]

You just don't like hearing the truth ZA.

 

It’s not the truth..I’ve dated women much better looking then me and vice versa..If he took your advice then he shouldn’t even try going after someone you deem better looking because that person is above him strictly off looks and will get the most attractive person they possibly can lol..

 

Love and chemistry aren’t something you can control. Love and chemistry isn’t about leagues or how hot a person you can get.

 

No offense but judging by some of the things you posted and threads you started you even admitted you have some serious issues you need to workout. You shouldn’t be the one giving him advice.

[ZA Dater]

You just don't like hearing the truth ZA.

 

 

 

According to you but your "truth" is pretty far from the reality. I am however not going to get into an argument about this.

 

 

Seeing as "guys spent some much money on you" I cannot fathom you had many bad dating experiences, in fact I'd guess you enjoyed seeing them spend so much money to only reject them.

 

 

Ethan tell us where you thrive socially? Have you tried to date people in this environment?

[preraph]

Actually, I think at least part of it is they are generalizing that white guys have money, which they do not. Maybe the status thing too, though best I can tell white men are the most hated people in the world in our political climate.

 

Those homely, most average looking white guys who are dating these pretty Asian girls don't have those things. They don't do interesting stuff and have no hobbies at all. Some don't even have a JOB. Some don't even have social skills and are your classic nerds. Yet they landed hot, attractive Asian girls due to their perceived social status as white men. They would never be able to land a white girl who are of the same calibre in looks.

 

You get an accomplished, well-rounded, decent Asian guy like me. But because I am Asian and I am short, average looking Asian girls don't want me because they can get a loser white guy and average looking white girls don't like me because they can get a taller white guy.

 

Instead of trying to improve my life, I could have just stayed at home. Would have saved a lot of money not to mention a lot of effort too. Cause at the end of the day, it made no difference except maybe it made time go by faster and I did have some fun.

[brigit87]

It’s not the truth..I’ve dated women much better looking then me and vice versa..If he took your advice then he shouldn’t even try going after someone you deem better looking because that person is above him strictly off looks and will get the most attractive person they possibly can lol..

 

Love and chemistry aren’t something you can control. Love and chemistry isn’t about leagues or how hot a person you can get.

 

No offense but judging by some of the things you posted and threads you started you even admitted you have some serious issues you need to workout. You shouldn’t be the one giving him advice.

 

I do have issues. But this is basic dating stuff. That was never an issue for me, I had several boyfriends and plenty of dates. So I try to give advice when I think I can help. If something is not in my realm I keep my mouth shut.

 

OP is asking for advice because apparently he isn't satisfied with his dating results. Because he is seeking help I'm offering it. This is logic based. So, I'm not sure why you're getting offensive.

[Mike800]

I do have issues. But this is basic dating stuff. That was never an issue for me, I had several boyfriends and plenty of dates. So I try to give advice when I think I can help. If something is not in my realm I keep my mouth shut.

 

OP is asking for advice because apparently he isn't satisfied with his dating results. Because he is seeking help I'm offering it. This is logic based. So, I'm not sure why you're getting offensive.

 

WhAt is logic based? Lol you speak as if your opinion is universal truth for everybody

 

I’ve had a lot of dates and relationships as well and my experience or reality is different then yours so don’t say you speak for everyone

 

Some of us actually fall in love with all different types and leagues along the way not everyone is like you who just goes for the hottest person they can find lol.

[brigit87]

According to you but your "truth" is pretty far from the reality. I am however not going to get into an argument about this.

 

 

Seeing as "guys spent some much money on you" I cannot fathom you had many bad dating experiences, in fact I'd guess you enjoyed seeing them spend so much money to only reject them

 

If you didn't want to argue you wouldn't say something so nasty. I enjoyed going out and not worrying about money but I didn't have some evil plot to make them spend money to reject them.

 

Maybe my reality and your reality are different. But I'm very successful when it comes to both short term and long term love relationships and you aren't. So maybe you can learn something from me. If not, don't read my posts.

[brigit87]

WhAt is logic based? Lol you speak as if your opinion is universal truth for everybody

 

I’ve had a lot of dates and relationships as well and my experience or reality is different then yours so don’t say you speak for everyone

 

Some of us actually fall in love with all different types and leagues along the way not everyone is like you who just goes for the hottest person they can find lol.

 

I don't know anything about your experience. I'm also not posting on your thread.

 

In any case, "hotness" is subjective. And OP is going for women that don't want him. That is the problem.

[basil67]

Checked all of the above with girls I've been on dates with. Again, this sounds fine on paper but in the real world and in practice, it's a totally different story.

 

I agree with you. The problem is, all women are different. If a guy took this some of this advice and tried it on me, it would be an epic fail

 

2. Tell her she's pretty

 

No, don't tell me I'm pretty - tell me that you really enjoy your time with me.

 

3. Walk around stores if she sees something she likes buy it and say "you're beautiful you should have this."

 

Give me a bucket so I don't barf on the floor. Corny, cheesy, lacking in style and downright playerish.

[brigit87]

I agree with you. The problem is, all women are different. If a guy took this some of this advice and tried it on me, it would be an epic fail

 

2. Tell her she's pretty

 

No, don't tell me I'm pretty - tell me that you really enjoy your time with me.

 

3. Walk around stores if she sees something she likes buy it and say "you're beautiful you should have this."

 

Give me a bucket so I don't barf on the floor. Corny, cheesy, lacking in style and downright playerish.

 

LOL

 

Perhaps. But for most women this is a nice compliment.

[5x5]

Also, I grew up in a different time that you. I was dating in the 90's. Men spent lots of money taking me out. Not all of them...but a lot.

 

I was dating in the 90s (and 80s) as well. Where plenty of women asked me out and spent lots of money taking me out, Not all of them, yet most (including my now wife).

 

I've said this tons of times if you try for girls...like me...you're gonna fail. Because girls like me (although crazy at times and very dramatic) have lots of choices.

 

I've always found getting attractive women to be very easy. So I've always had lots of attractive choices, to the point that I quickly learned to pick and choose the beautiful ones without the drama and the sometimes or always crazy.

[EthanBlack]

I do see it from time to time between white and white couples. Here is one for you to think about...why do white guys like Asian ladies? How many of those white guys experience no success with white girls?

 

Neotony:

 

It's always good to try and live an interesting life. Do you want to live a boring one?

 

You do stuff you like because you find it fun not because anyone cares that you do it.

 

You're not going to get a girl hot and bothered by telling her you give to charity. So give because you want to and not for any other reason.

 

Yet the d-bag white guy who is nerdy, anti-social, stingy, no hobbies and maybe not even a stable job can get a pretty Asian girl just cause he's a member of the white race?

 

Why should average looking men or average looking visible minority men even bother trying to be good members of society? What's our incentive to do that if we're just gonna be seen as pieces of garbage by women of society?

 

Better to just stay home, eat junk food, get fat, play video games and be an INCEL. It's a lot ****ing easier.

 

 

Well if you think most lads and ladies advice is not adequate, what sort of advice are you seeking Ethan? Tell us what advice it is you truly seek?

 

I want acknowledgement from people on here, especially the women, that it's primarily about looks.

[Garcon1986]

Many of the ladies have told you that some physical attraction is needed. You've heard it from the source. If it's your informed decision to stay an Incel then have at it mate. In my own experience I've had first dates with really attractive people, who've turned me down, dated a hot guy, and then turned him down because they didn't have what I had. So it's a revolving door for some hot girls. Women are going to get frustrated in a relationship if there's no physical attraction just like you and I would.

Edited November 23, 2018 by Garcon1986

[basil67]

LOL

 

Perhaps. But for most women this is a nice compliment.

 

Sure, it's a nice compliment if you want to be valued for your appearance.

 

Of course, the diversity of what different people want is what makes people argue with your 'truths'. You truth is only true for you.

[EthanBlack]

This video of a polar bear vs walrus colony describes exactly how it feels from my experience as an Asian guy trying to get a girlfriend in North America. Even the narration is very very much accurate.

 

[Eugeleh]

My favourite backhanded compliment was, "Someday someone is really going to like you." Not exactly hard to read between the lines.

 

I want acknowledgement from people on here, especially the women, that it's primarily about looks.

Not a woman, but I don't think you're off base. Conventional wisdom has historically pushed us to believe otherwise, but I think it's increasingly clear that your perception has considerable basis in reality. OLD has provided a large data set which has been especially helpful in demonstrating this to be the case.

 

 

https://www.livescience.com/58607-mens-looks-may-matter-more-than-personality.html

 

 

https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/

 

 

The notion that every woman has a minimum standard for looks before personality comes into play makes sense to me and probably matches most men's experience.

 

I understand and empathise with your frustration. Been there. Ultimately it's up to you to decide what matters most to you. If the women you find attractive have sufficient choice that you won't meet their minimum standard then maybe it's best to accept being on your own. It's better to be alone than to wish you were alone.

Edited November 24, 2018 by Eugeleh

[basil67]

This video of a polar bear vs walrus colony describes exactly how it feels from my experience as an Asian guy trying to get a girlfriend in North America. Even the narration is very very much accurate.

 

 

So Ethan, is it your assertion that every (or even the majority of) 5'5 Asian guy in North America can't find a girl? If so, where's your data?

[EthanBlack]

I understand and empathise with your frustration. Been there. Ultimately it's up to you to decide what matters most to you. If the women you find attractive have sufficient choice that you won't meet their minimum standard then maybe it's best to accept being on your own. It's better to be alone than to wish you were alone.

 

That's exactly it. Women I'm attracted to have sufficient enough choice in that I don't meet their minimum standard in terms of looks.

 

I'm fine being alone. I've been alone for most of my life so it's not like it's some huge life-altering adjustment. It's more about society's perceptions and single shaming.

 

When you go to places like social events or even restaurants/bars with a lady on your arm, you're treated better and with more respect.

[EthanBlack]

So Ethan, is it your assertion that every (or even the majority of) 5'5 Asian guy in North America can't find a girl? If so, where's your data?

 

The ones who have girlfriends/wives are usually FOBs as in fresh off the boat Asians, not american/canadian-born. They met in Asia and they came together in Asia or they came here and only hangout with Asian immigrant communities.

[salparadise]

So Ethan, is it your assertion that every (or even the majority of) 5'5 Asian guy in North America can't find a girl? If so, where's your data?

 

There is data that affirms OP's assertion that Asian men are at a disadvantage overall in terms of women's preferences. The source is OKC's founder, Christian Rudder, in his book entitled Dataclysm, which uses data gleaned from OKCupid when Rudder was still the owner. He validates trends with data from other sites. I reference the tables on page 107, which detail women's preference for men of various races.

 

Asian women's preferences: Asian +19%, Black -38%, Latino -15%, White +35%

White women's preferences: Asian -26%, Black -19%, Latino -1%, White +46%

 

Excerpt: "Blacks are again under-appreciated by non-black users, but Asian men have joined them in the red.* On the positive side, women clearly prefer men of their own race––they're more "race-loyal" than men––but they also express a clear, secondary preference for white men."

 

*White men prefer Asian women almost as much as they prefer white women, rating them +8% and +11% respectively.

 

Combining this with what is pretty much indisputable... that women have a strong preference for taller men, and that women perceive eighty percent of men as below average (same source), it's understandable that OP perceives his position to be down in the hierarchy.

 

Women are the choosers and tend to be uncompromising. Even with their perceived average at the eightieth percentile, women aren't interested in average, and this applies to men at the top of the hierarchy (based on race and height) as well. The general conclusion to be drawn is that the vast majority of men are not highly favored in the dating-mating game. Even being a tall, affluent, white man does not automatically put one in the catbird seat.

 

Everyone struggles, granted some more than others. Even men and women who would be considered the most desirable struggle to find a match that is just right for them... because the higher a person's market value the more picky they become in terms of what they feel they deserve. Attractive white women, the most desired creatures on the planet, have trouble finding a mate who both meets their standard, and is willing to commit and remain monogamous (when the world is his oyster, so to speak).

 

OP's problem is that he sees himself as somewhat entitled, yet at the same time highly and uniquely disadvantaged. The reality is that everyone struggles to get what they want and remain satisfied. Natures goal is not to make it easy or for us to feel satiated, but to use our struggle and inherit dissatisfaction to achieve its own ends. EthanBlack, your best odds are to concentrate on Asian women who are not fixated on white men, and who are done optimizing and ready to choose.