My ex and our ‘relationship’

[Calb100]

Hi everyone!

 

I was hoping for some advice and opinion really. It’s a bit of a long story so I’ll keep it as short as possible.

 

My ex and I were together for 4 years. We have two children together and recently had some tough times which we were both at fault for. I have accepted the blame and have tried to grow as a person and show her in my actions that her and the children are my focus in life.

 

This was progressing well in that we were becoming closer again and starting to act as a couple does however things quickly changed when a new man arrived on the scene. This man is the complete polar opposite to me. He spends a lot of time drinking and socialising and has a pretty chequered past. He also has two children who he doesn’t really see so lives his life as a single person. My ex has completely changed her personality for this man and is starting to show more priority towards him than towards our amazing children. She is effectively living as if she is a single person with no children.

 

The thing that is confusing me massively and is also breaking my heart is that she still keeps me as a massive part of her life and that is not just for the children’s sake either. I see the children regularly and when I do at weekends she suggests that I stay, on more Han one occasion I’ve been there for the duration of the weekend. She suggests we do things together as a family, often when I’m there she’ll speak as though we are still in a relationship. However sometimes her mood changes drastically and she will go completely cold with me and express how

I’m just there for the kids etc.

 

From my point of view it feels as though this new man is giving fun and excitement of a new experience, a bit like the honeymoon period where she can be carefree, go on little days out without a care in the world and what me and my ex have is like a real life relationship which I’d describe as the dirty nappy, cold food, no sleep, having a laugh but focus on the kids relationship.

 

I’m really not sure if she’s been drawn in by something exciting which maybe the birth of our new child made her think about that, I don’t know? It’s very much a honeymoon kind of deal in which they both act as though they have no responsibility and can spend hours texting like you would do when you were younger.

 

I don’t know whether she’s using this as a chance to have that break from real life but is using me as the reliable family man who can offer her love and stability and who she knows will always be there for her whilst she can experience what I can only describe as a bit of a teenagers relationship. I’m not sure if she feels deep down that we are the right fit for each other but doesn’t want to admit it and go back to real life with me whilst she’s having ‘fun’.

 

Sorry to go on but it’s tough to get it all out! I just feel like she knows I’ll always be there and still wants me in her life but at the moment is having too much fun whilst I pick up the pieces

[d0nnivain]

Have you told her you want to reconcile?

 

Suggest you two get marriage counseling or if you are not married, couples counseling with possibly an eye toward getting married. If you share two children don't you think it's time to make things official?