After 7 months, I still miss her. I would do anything for another chance.

[SayonaraItsuka]

The first couple months were brutal. I was an emotional wreck, but then it got better. I was able to reflect and learn from my mistakes that plagued our relationship. I started to become open to dating again, and I was finally able keep her off my mind more often.

 

Then I saw her again last month. Sometimes we are on the same projects in my line of work. The last couple times didn't affect me that much, but this last time, oh, it really got to me.

 

I pulled her aside at the end of the day to ask for another chance. It was the first time I held her in my arms and held her hands since we broke-up after our 4.5 year relationship. It was such a good feeling, but she didn't want to go through with it, but she did acknowledge how she appreciated the space I was giving her the past 6 months.

 

She told me that she's not looking to date currently and that she still wanted to focus on herself. It's not surprising, but it was still hard to swallow those words at that moment. We both cried and hugged, and parted ways. I haven't talked to her since.

 

That night has got me thinking that maybe we do still have a chance. Someday. I don't know. I'm probably being too hopeful. What do you guys think?

[Garcon1986]

For your mental health I would say Sayonara. It's healthier for you both if you leave. If you've ever watched the Harry Potter story of the three brothers, it will illustrate why it's better for your mental health. She's not coming back.

[SayonaraItsuka]

Easier said than done. If I ever do say "goodbye" for good, I have to be emotionally ready for it.

[Garcon1986]

The most important immediate reason to do it - is because your next GF will be annoyed, if not outright dump you, if you show you have attachments to your ex. Plus it makes you emotionally not ready to receive the next person. You are at the right place - its hard for many people - but essential. I never said it was a piece of cake.

[SayonaraItsuka]

There's no denying that you are right, and I'm aware of it, but it's what I choose to feel right now. I'm too much of a hopeless romantic. lol

[Garcon1986]

then start little by doing daily things that make you happy.

[SayonaraItsuka]

Really trying, my dude.

[Garcon1986]

As long as you are trying, that's what counts. It's crucial to be patient with the pain. I'll give you an electronic high five for perseverance old chap.

[Blanco]

"I want to focus on myself" is almost universal code for "I don't want to do you, but am not closed off to the idea of dating someone else who entices me."

 

I totally get being a "hopeless romantic" and not over her yet, but I absolutely promise you that if someone who checks her boxes comes along, she's not going to say "No thanks, I'm just focusing on myself."

[nolanola]

I feel for you and I think you should be kind to yourself (or at least try to). Healing from getting your heart broken is not a linear process. You are going to have some wobbles. And that's ok. All you can do is try to keep moving forward.

I agree with what a lot of the other posters have said. It's hard to leave yourself open to new things when you're still so focused on her. You can't will yourself to be ready. All you can do is keep doing NC, focus on yourself, and see what life holds for you.

Think of it this way: you've left a good impression with her. You gave her space and had a good interaction with her. That's great. That's all you can do right now. Let her be and let her think about that interaction and what a great guy you've been recently. Maybe she will date someone else, maybe she won't. You can't control that.

None of us know what life has in store for us. If you can let her go, maybe you guys meet up again in a few years and it works out. Maybe you meet someone else that is better for you and you are deliriously happy. But if you can't at least try to move on, you open up the possibility that you will be devastated when she dates someone new and then have to start from ground zero.

[Marc878]

You are on a hopium addiction. That will never get you much.

 

You attempt was chasing and it always drives them farther away.

[maxi105]

hello sayonara...I guess It partly depends on why you broke up and what really went on. but whatever....my feelings are maybe try in the new year (not before) to talk again and see if she is willing to even talk again about this.

 

if in the middle of january she is open to talking and wants to try again great, BUT IF NOT, you gotta leave it there!!!!!!!

 

she has given you an answer, so if you ask her and she rejects you again, don't keep obsessing and fantasising about the old times or dreaming of what the future could be, because it very probably wont be like that.

 

realistically you had a chance with her and it didn't work whether that was your fault or you just were not right together as a couple.

 

if anything might happen in the future she will be the one to find you and approach you to talk. but I suspect you are just going to have to see this situation as a girl that doesn't want you in her life and get back to how things were emotionally for you before you got together. it will take time, but I also think you need to be honest and ask what it is you are really missing? whatever it is, she is not missing that with you.

 

if you go at this from what you want and keep pushing for this when she has given you the hard facts of how she feels and you cant respect that (hopeless romantic or not) you will drive her away from you even as a person she wants or would consider as a friend or acquintance.

 

 

I would just get Christmas out of the way emotionally for now and learn to adjust and not let your mind or heart crave for something that is not real right now or desired by her.

 

sorry its a honest one, but if you are still hung up on her then briefly try and talk middle of next jan, and at least you can say you tried.

 

if she has missed you she will let you know it. if not let the situation go. if you cant respect her enough to listen to what she has said and "IF" she gives you the chance a second time to talk and you still go at her, then it is showing that you are probably not really as in love with her as much as needing to feel loved and wanting the security and all that goes with being with someone.

 

 

time alone to get through this will hurt; sure, but you will meet someone new at some point when the time is right, even if you don't feel like it now. besides, what are you going to do if she meets someone new? you will have to just accept it anyway!

 

sorry it cant be a bit more positive for you, but there is a small percent of hope, just don't bank on it being a certainty to get you back together. that will be up to her, and it is a very slim chance as things are now.

 

maybe some thinking time away from each other will help to clarify things one way finally in your head, even if it is another "NO"and she rejects you or has to spell it out to you one last time emotionally or aggressivly...then maybe you might be able to start to move on.

 

who knows, you might meet someone and wonder what all the fuss was about!!!!! it happens....

 

but whatever does happen for either of you. good luck. just be respectful and dignified in it all. its not all about what you want and hope for however well meaning and a big heart you have). she also wants a romance that is right for her and that will work for her and make her happier.

 

if you force it or ask her when her resistance is low and you get her back, you might find that you are in the same position sooner or later. 7 months is probably long enough for her to know what she wants and doesn't want anymore. im guessing the pain for her will have been largely over.

 

 

ok, best wishes, maxi.

Edited November 25, 2018 by maxi105