He didn't want a relationship but he lived with her for 7 years?!

[mortensorchid]

A few weeks ago, I heard from a former FWB that I had years ago. Long story short we met online like everyone else does, after 6 months he said he didn't want to be serious because he was quite damaged from others / things from the past, I am too good for him, etc. Plus he was, quite honestly, a loser stoner musician who wouldn't grow up. We were off and on for a few years because, well, we were there for one another to serve a purpose - me to him and him to me. Not trying to sound crude by any means but it was to combat loneliness on my part as well as his. After a few years, we decided to end things because it was time to end things and we moved on.

 

A few weeks ago, after 8 years of silence he reached out to me. We had a catch up. He met a woman online after we had split and six months later instead of breaking up with her because he didn't want to make a commitment he moved in with her. And he stayed with her for the next SEVEN YEARS. He said he admitted fully that he was a loser and barely pulls in enough to squeak by, she made $80,000 a year. She's gone through an extremely bad streak of luck in the last few months and he left her, and he feels bad because she's in love with him and he doesn't want a relationship.

 

He didn't want a relationship and he moved in with her and stayed there for seven years?!?! And now he feels guilty because they are breaking up?! He didn't want a woman, he wanted Mommy to take care of him. Am I wrong? That's my only explanation for this mess. He moved in with her and didn't think that was a commitment?! That's crazy.

[HumanMachine]

He used this poor woman. Shame on him.

[Million.to.1]

Wow. What a prize. He was using her and when her bad luck hit, he bailed. What a POS.

 

You dodged a bullet all those years ago. Stay far far away OP.

[Whodatdog]

He stayed with her for 7 years? I dont care if he doesnt want to call it a relationship, but it was a relationship. Just because he's splitting up now, doesnt mean he wasnt in a relationship. Ive known marriages that didnt last as long as 7 years.

 

You can put lipstick on a pig, its still a pig.

[edgygirl]

I feel sometimes we don't know the full story and they won't tell us... as in, maybe he was in love with her... and the love fizzled right at the time she hit the bad times.

 

He won't tell you though, cause you guys had a fling, and he doesn't want you to feel bad that he fell for her, but not for you.

 

What I am trying to say is relying on the story they told you is not always reliable. Sometimes I judge people based on a story and glimmers of phrases they say, but we have to keep in mind that we don't know the full story about someone else's relationships.

[Simple Logic]

I have seen this type of situation many times, it is completely possible he was honest and forth coming with his feelings the entire 7 years and she chose not to believe him.

[guest569]

I wonder if he ever told her that he loved her, or gave the impression that it was a committed relationship. Cause it sure sounded like one.

[BaileyB]

Seven years makes their relationship "common-law" in the eyes of the law, does it not.

[mortensorchid]

Today he sent me a message saying that she is going through his phone / Facebook inbox and lashing out at others. He asked if I got anything from her, I said no. Her kids are hooked on drugs, she's lost her job, and she is causing dramatics. I blocked him on Facebook. But not before I sent him a message saying "I'm sorry but I really don't want to be in the middle of this drama. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it."

 

Done.

[Simple Logic]

Seven years makes their relationship "common-law" in the eyes of the law, does it not.

 

Not where I live, common law marriage is not legally recognized.

[Serotonine]

Honest explanation?He wanted a relationship just not with you.Simple.Ignore the hogwash he told you.

 

Why he picked her over you?The answer is usually "better sex" and "easier to get along with".Once he moved in with her the inertia set in and he stayed for 8 years. I can also see some clues that you were a difficult woman to date-first clue is "on and off".On and offs are almost always initiated and terminated by a woman, guys dont like to engage in this disruptive pattern.Second clue -"deadbeat stoner musician"- you obviously disrespect the guy and that transpired.For the other woman he was "talented musician who likes alternative substances to expand his creativity" lol.

Edited December 11, 2018 by Serotonine

[mortensorchid]

Honest explanation?He wanted a relationship just not with you.Simple.Ignore the hogwash he told you.

 

Why he picked her over you?The answer is usually "better sex" and "easier to get along with".Once he moved in with her the inertia set in and he stayed for 8 years. I can also see some clues that you were a difficult woman to date-first clue is "on and off".On and offs are almost always initiated and terminated by a woman, guys dont like to engage in this disruptive pattern.Second clue -"deadbeat stoner musician"- you obviously disrespect the guy and that transpired.For the other woman he was "talented musician who likes alternative substances to expand his creativity" lol.

 

Of course. I have heard all this before from others. I have come to the conclusion that he (and most other guys) are boys not men, and they want someone to take care of them rather than an actual woman who will treat them better than this whackjob did. I am done with his nonsense and don't want to be in the middle of it. I ha e closed the books and moved on.

[Serotonine]

Of course. I have heard all this before from others. I have come to the conclusion that he (and most other guys) are boys not men, and they want someone to take care of them rather than an actual woman who will treat them better than this whackjob did. I am done with his nonsense and don't want to be in the middle of it. I ha e closed the books and moved on.

 

You are not being constructive here.

 

To be honest, this goes both ways. Guys version is something among the lines of "I hate women-they are all wh*res" and " how dare she pick that clown musician over me-accomplished gentleman". Lets be honest-they were other guys who wanted to be exclusive with you while you were with the "deadbeat" musician,weren't there? They remained invisible to you.

[elaine567]

He didn't want a relationship and he moved in with her and stayed there for seven years?!?! And now he feels guilty because they are breaking up?! He didn't want a woman, he wanted Mommy to take care of him. Am I wrong? That's my only explanation for this mess. He moved in with her and didn't think that was a commitment?! That's crazy.

 

 

Some people enter into "filler" relationships, they are happy being a couple, even living together, but they do not see it as leading to anywhere significant. They always know it has a shelf life and that sooner or later they will move on to "better things".

[mortensorchid]

I don't know this woman at all, nor do I want to. But I did hear a story from a Judge Judy audiobook years ago where she has so many women come into the courtroom over some guy who took advantage of them. She had a case with a woman who allowed this guy to move in with her after knowing him for ONE WEEK! And she gave him her credit cards! When confronted for all debts acquired he said he told her that they were just friends living together, not bf/gf. Horses***.

 

I knew a gal years ago who was a football team groupie of a college team which shall remain nameless. She gave this guy her credit cards and he raked up tens of thousands of dollars in charges on them. He had this going with several women no doubt, but she was so desperate to be loved that she did this for him and others on that team. They used her.