Reddlight Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 So let me start off by saying that I have no problem with my girlfriend going on a vacation with her friends without me. My problem being that she had already booked the trip weeks before I found out and only through casual conversation with someone else ! there was no invitation extended to me we have been together for 3 years up until this point I thought our relationship was a two-way street this bothers me greatly as I find it very disrespectful and inconsiderate???? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 So let me start off by saying that I have no problem with my girlfriend going on a vacation with her friends without me. My problem being that she had already booked the trip weeks before I found out and only through casual conversation with someone else ! there was no invitation extended to me we have been together for 3 years up until this point I thought our relationship was a two-way street this bothers me greatly as I find it very disrespectful and inconsiderate???? What should I do? Damn. After three years together there should be some kind of commitment. Doesn't mean you have to go on every vacation together, but she should at least of told you, instead of you finding out another way. I"d confront her for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Her going on a vacation without you is perfectly fine. Even in long term relationships, it's not uncommon (and I'd even say healthy) for people to go on a break with friends without their partner. The big problem here is she didn't tell you when she was planning or booking it. Put simply, you just need to ask why she didn't tell you directly. It's possible that she wanted some space with her friends and for that reason alone didn't want to bring it up, but that's still disrespectful to you and the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 You gotta talk to her. Find out why she would book this without giving you a head's up. That's pretty cold. I have vacationed without my husband but we talked about it 1st before I committed. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 My problem being that she had already booked the trip weeks before I found out and only through casual conversation with someone else ! Always the optimist, I wonder if this trip is a surprise for you and she hasn't told you yet? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reddlight Posted November 22, 2018 Author Share Posted November 22, 2018 Oh it was a surprise, that I definitely wasn't invited I pick her up on Saturday. I appreciate all the feedback, also it's not like we're joined at the hip we don't live together we have every other weekend because I have my kids (both my girls love her)she has none so to say she needs time with a cousin and maybe one other friend she sees two or three times a year would be a sad reason for how this has gone down.. Link to post Share on other sites
MisterLogical Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Seems like a pretty big red light to me man... Even if she didnt extend an invitation, she should just say "hey im thinking about going on vacation with my gfs, we're thinking this weekend" Seems like super common courtesy. I mean, id tell my S.O if id be out of town, regardless of the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Actions tell you much unless you ignore them. Translation: you are just a BF and don't matter all that much after 3 years. You can talk till you're blue in the face but it won't change much. If it were me I would believe her actions. You aren't married and obviously not in a committed relationship. She's just a gf. Nothing more. Take it as it is or leave it but she's not long term material. Don't fool yourself or you will regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 I guess she's not much of a girlfriend because she sure isn't acting like one. A lot of people even chat to coworkers about upcoming trips. This is very problematic because she purposely withheld information which is a form of lying. If I wanted to go on holiday without the bf I'd just tell him what I'm gonna do but say "you can't come". Maybe you can talk to her to see if the relationship is ending or not. Link to post Share on other sites
lucky-girl Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her about it without accusations. Maybe she was afraid you'd feel left out and hurt if she didn't invite you, didn't know how to handle it, so just avoided the conversation Link to post Share on other sites
Asw27 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 So let me start off by saying that I have no problem with my girlfriend going on a vacation with her friends without me. My problem being that she had already booked the trip weeks before I found out and only through casual conversation with someone else ! there was no invitation extended to me we have been together for 3 years up until this point I thought our relationship was a two-way street this bothers me greatly as I find it very disrespectful and inconsiderate???? What should I do? At the very least you need to evaluate your relationship : where it is, and what you want from it. A telltale sign of a healthy relationship is fluid communication. After three years, that she hides significant parts of her life to you is not healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Oh it was a surprise, that I definitely wasn't invited I pick her up on Saturday. I appreciate all the feedback, also it's not like we're joined at the hip we don't live together we have every other weekend because I have my kids (both my girls love her)she has none so to say she needs time with a cousin and maybe one other friend she sees two or three times a year would be a sad reason for how this has gone down.. Sorry... but I don’t totally understand what you are saying here. Are you saying that after 3 years together, you and your girlfriend only see each other every other weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Where is she going? Who is she going with? How long will she be gone? Do you suspect that she might have sex with someone else on this trip? Are you just upset because you want to go to there? Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her about it without accusations. Maybe she was afraid you'd feel left out and hurt if she didn't invite you, didn't know how to handle it, so just avoided the conversation So she was going to make him feel better by sneaking around behind his back? By keeping him in the dark? I think not. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 So let me start off by saying that I have no problem with my girlfriend going on a vacation with her friends without me. My problem being that she had already booked the trip weeks before I found out and only through casual conversation with someone else ! there was no invitation extended to me we have been together for 3 years up until this point I thought our relationship was a two-way street this bothers me greatly as I find it very disrespectful and inconsiderate???? What should I do? Sounds to me like you two have a rather casual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 She did not tell you most likely because she thought that you would disapprove or insist on coming along. She wanted to avoid argument or discord in relationship. Let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 She did not tell you most likely because she thought that you would disapprove or insist on coming along. She wanted to avoid argument or discord in relationship. Let it go. I'd let her go while you're at it. What realtionship? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts