We love each other but *cant* be together.

[DrunkenMonk]

I have been dating the girl of my dreams for 2 years. She knows that I would marry her in a heartbeat, and she wholeheartedly knows that I would cherish her for the rest of her life, but heres the problem. When we first started dating I cheated on her with another girl multiple times for about a week. Then.. I lied about it because obviously I felt bad about it and wanted to keep the person that I truely cared about. She found out, but agreed to try and work on trusting me again because she knows im not the same person that I was once before. I didnt know that I would care about this girl so much... If I did I wouldnt have tarnished our future like this. Anyway, recently she decided that she cant take being in love with me becuase it hurts to much to think about what I have done to her... even though I completely understand, I absolutely refuse to give up on her. i know that she is the one for me, and I cant give up on my soulmate like this. I have been extremely depressed and very self hating for the past few months because I cant be with her and its my fault. I would do anything to be with this girl again and make her happy... does anyone have any ideas or methods they have used to cope and start to trust again? Im thinking about relationship counselling but im a poor college student and I want to be sure it will be helpfull. Has anyone tried relationship counselling? Is my life ruined? Im just so devestated right now I cant eat or sleep without this girl... I will die trying to get her back if I have to becuase I feel like my life is ruined otherwise.

 

(and yes, she openly tells me that she still loves me and its devestating her that she cant be with me... if she didnt I would leave her alone and tell myself that she isnt the one... but no matter how much i try to tell myself that she isnt, just becuase it would be the easy way out, I cant convince myself that... she is the only thing that matters to me...)

[RainyDayWoman]

I have been dating the girl of my dreams for 2 years. She knows that I would marry her in a heartbeat, and she wholeheartedly knows that I would cherish her for the rest of her life, but heres the problem. When we first started dating I cheated on her with another girl multiple times for about a week. Then.. I lied about it because obviously I felt bad about it and wanted to keep the person that I truely cared about. She found out, but agreed to try and work on trusting me again because she knows im not the same person that I was once before. I didnt know that I would care about this girl so much... If I did I wouldnt have tarnished our future like this. Anyway, recently she decided that she cant take being in love with me becuase it hurts to much to think about what I have done to her... even though I completely understand, I absolutely refuse to give up on her. i know that she is the one for me, and I cant give up on my soulmate like this. I have been extremely depressed and very self hating for the past few months because I cant be with her and its my fault. I would do anything to be with this girl again and make her happy... does anyone have any ideas or methods they have used to cope and start to trust again? Im thinking about relationship counselling but im a poor college student and I want to be sure it will be helpfull. Has anyone tried relationship counselling? Is my life ruined? Im just so devestated right now I cant eat or sleep without this girl... I will die trying to get her back if I have to becuase I feel like my life is ruined otherwise.

 

(and yes, she openly tells me that she still loves me and its devestating her that she cant be with me... if she didnt I would leave her alone and tell myself that she isnt the one... but no matter how much i try to tell myself that she isnt, just becuase it would be the easy way out, I cant convince myself that... she is the only thing that matters to me...)

 

it's sad how people can hurt the ones they love and not fully realize how devastating it is until after they've done some sort of selfish thing.

 

you can't force her to trust you again, and really, she now has no reason to.

 

you should leave her alone to work on herself and her feelings. in the meantime, work on yours, and try to find out why you needed to treat someone you love more than anything in a more dreadful way than you would treat your worst enemy.

[Merin]

IMO It isn't about you cheating on her and heres why... You said when you FIRST started dating you cheated on her... now while that doesn't make it right (because for real cheating on someone is NEVER right) but the 2 of you have dated for 2 YEARS right?

 

So if this cheating happenend that long ago.... I just find it hard to believe she was able to suck it up, forgive and move on THEN but now after all this time she's decided she CAN'T... doesn't IMO add up....

 

I do agree with Rainy though that it is a shame that people don't put more thought into what they could loose by thier actions and make better choices....

 

Good Luck

[RainyDayWoman]

IMO It isn't about you cheating on her and heres why... You said when you FIRST started dating you cheated on her... now while that doesn't make it right (because for real cheating on someone is NEVER right) but the 2 of you have dated for 2 YEARS right?

 

So if this cheating happenend that long ago.... I just find it hard to believe she was able to suck it up, forgive and move on THEN but now after all this time she's decided she CAN'T... doesn't IMO add up....

 

I do agree with Rainy though that it is a shame that people don't put more thought into what they could loose by thier actions and make better choices....

 

Good Luck

 

well, he said "then she found out." i wonder when "then" is....

 

i think she just either can't let go of it, or she wants out for another reason and can use this is a valid excuse.

[Merin]

well, he said "then she found out." i wonder when "then" is....

 

i think she just either can't let go of it, or she wants out for another reason and can use this is a valid excuse.

 

Good Point... When did she find out? How long has she known that you cheated on her?

[Frank21]

IMO It isn't about you cheating on her and heres why... You said when you FIRST started dating you cheated on her... now while that doesn't make it right (because for real cheating on someone is NEVER right) but the 2 of you have dated for 2 YEARS right?

 

So if this cheating happenend that long ago.... I just find it hard to believe she was able to suck it up, forgive and move on THEN but now after all this time she's decided she CAN'T... doesn't IMO add up....

 

I do agree with Rainy though that it is a shame that people don't put more thought into what they could loose by thier actions and make better choices....

 

Good Luck

 

Normally I'd agree with you here Merin, but after the last week or so I've had, let me give you another perspective. It isn't the cheating itself, it's the fact he was able to keep it from her for so long. I'm assuming he kept the "lie" going until recently, right?

 

How long were you dating exactly before the cheating happened? Had you been intimate with BOTH girls by that point? How long until you told her about it exactly?

[DrunkenMonk]

I cheated on her within the first 2 months of us dating and she found out 2 months after it happend... weve been living with this fact for a year and a half now. the thing is... I was just a dumb kid who had never been in a real relationship before... another girl was interested in me and I got caught up in the moment. I know it was dumb... but havent you ever done anything dumb when you were 16 years old? Give me something here guys... i know i ****ed up... im just asking if there is anything i can do.. i dont need everyone telling me I was a stupid ass becuase I know that... has anyone been to counselling or is it bull****?

[isabellaraviv]

i say let her know how you feel, but don't be overly clingy.

 

But the fact that she's known about it for 1.5 years and can't cope with it now is a little shady.

[bluechocolate]

I cheated on her within the first 2 months of us dating and she found out 2 months after it happend... we've been living with this fact for a year and a half now.

 

I think there's something else going on - ie. she's using this incident as a justification for ending the relationship rather than telling you the truth. The time-line here just doesn't make any rational sense.

 

I'm just asking if there is anything i can do

 

Given that I think she is being dishonest about her reasons I don't really see what there is you can do - other than try to get the truth out of her, which won't work.

 

I'm not at all convinced that relationship counseling would be the right thing for both of you to get into. She knows you still love her. The best thing for you to do know is explain your feelings, ask for forgiveness & then leave her alone to figure it out.

[Frank21]

I cheated on her within the first 2 months of us dating and she found out 2 months after it happend... weve been living with this fact for a year and a half now. the thing is... I was just a dumb kid who had never been in a real relationship before... another girl was interested in me and I got caught up in the moment. I know it was dumb... but havent you ever done anything dumb when you were 16 years old? Give me something here guys... i know i ****ed up... im just asking if there is anything i can do.. i dont need everyone telling me I was a stupid ass becuase I know that... has anyone been to counselling or is it bull****?

 

Well, ignore my previous thought - I was under the assumption you'd just told her. I think the general consensus here is that she's had enough time to get over the event - why hang around with you for a year and a half after the fact? Most people wouldn't invest that kind of time - generally you'll know if you can get over something in a short time, like a month. Definitely something else going on here.