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When you are a guy with Asperger’s syndrome, there’s two options in life

DrasticMeasurements

By DrasticMeasurements,
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ElKay

ElKay

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I just don't want to do the work for a relationship. It's hard and I'm just tired of it. I'm sorry he made you feel uncomfortable though, even I wouldn't say sh** like that on a date.

It's hard for the majority of people. If it's not worth it for you, just concentrate on what makes you happy. :)

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Lessonsinlove

Lessonsinlove

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As a 24 year old who never kissed a girl, death can’t come too soon.

 

Takes balls but you have to come out of your comfort zone. Outside that zone is where the good stuff happens...

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guest569

guest569

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Honestly, if you really believe this, you have bigger problems than Asperger's. You need a therapist more than you need a girlfriend right now.

 

Good point. This is the main issue here. Do you know any professional you could speak with about this? Have you told anyone how you're feeling?

 

I was 25 when I had my first kiss. Dating, sex, relationships were all so daunting, and it wasn't easy but I made it. I'm 30 and reasonably experienced and relaxed about it all. You can overcome it but it's hard work. I think it's worth it if it's what you want. If you decide that it's not what you want or it's not worth it, that's perfectly OK too. It does not mean that you die alone.

 

Who are the virgin shamers you mentioned? What are they saying?

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DrasticMeasurements

DrasticMeasurements

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Good point. This is the main issue here. Do you know any professional you could speak with about this? Have you told anyone how you're feeling?

 

I was 25 when I had my first kiss. Dating, sex, relationships were all so daunting, and it wasn't easy but I made it. I'm 30 and reasonably experienced and relaxed about it all. You can overcome it but it's hard work. I think it's worth it if it's what you want. If you decide that it's not what you want or it's not worth it, that's perfectly OK too. It does not mean that you die alone.

 

Who are the virgin shamers you mentioned? What are they saying?

 

Sorry for leaving this thread in limbo, I was tied up with job interviewing and online counseling. To be honest, my mind has cleared up a bit and I can discuss my problem from my experience rather than exaggerated worries I had weeks ago.

 

I have this fear of being obnoxiously questioned or blacklisted due to my lack of sexual/romantic experience.

 

When I went to college in Houston, during my last year have asked the few friends I had about this issue and most of them reassured me it wasn’t a thing to worry about. I sometimes “cold approached” people asking for advice on this and ran into a couple who said they were from California. She basically told me “aww, how sad”. The guy in the couple was like “there’s something you’re f**ing doing wrong.” and kinda ranted on how I get steamrolled by women for being a nice guy.

 

If any of you watched the Bachelorette, the part where Becca ditched Colton, a 26 year old football star, for being a virgin even after a romantic time on that boat, made me frustrated. I don’t like to jump into politics often, but her instagram photo of giving the middle finger to a Trump/Pence sign says a lot about her hatred for conservative social values. I might need to stay off social media like Buzzfeed/Elite Daily which is a big disconnect from the social values of most people in the state that I live in.

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OatsAndHall

OatsAndHall

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Please, take a step back here and take a look at the bigger picture. You're 24 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you and you WILL meet someone. I have a co-worker with Asperger's and he's one of the best people I know. He's married, he has a loving wife and a son; a great all around guy/husband/father.

 

 

If you're feeling low and depressed, PLEASE reach out to friends and family.

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LurkerXX

LurkerXX

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Well...I hope its not terminal, cause I have it....but life in general is finite. Look, you are miserable now...I cannot promise you will never be miserable again. But life is worth the attempt to live it, I can tell you that.

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littleblackheart

littleblackheart

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I have Asperger's (I'm female though, so I guess I don't count?), my son has Asperger's, one of my good male friends has Asperger's, plenty of Asperger's guys walk around the planet living a normal life, an plenty of NTs have utterly miserable, lonely lives too.

 

Your problem is NOT your diagnosis.

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Garcon1986

Garcon1986

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I have lots of people in my social circle who have some degree of Aspergers. It is a matter of dedication to knowing the emotional mind of another person. You have to work on the most painful thing in the world - connecting emotionally with another person, however awkward it feels to you. That's the solution.

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DrasticMeasurements

DrasticMeasurements

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Well, there are many other options but I know that you do not want to hear them. Have you spoken to a psychologist?

 

What makes you say I’m not open to other solutions? I’m saying my disorder means I can’t do many things that NTs can. Such as the rules on flirting, playing mind games and not acting desperate when it comes to the initial dating phase.

 

I’m terrible with teasing and I once told a girl at work during a potluck, “Don’t bend down too much or your nose will fall off”. She told me to “shut up, b**ch”. Then I said sorry with a shocked face and said I’ll never say it again. There goes my crush.

 

If someone who is normal is single, it’s because they didn’t try hard enough.

 

If an autistic person is single, try and grind as hard as you can but nothing works out. Women don’t understand me and these reply posts prove it.

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Garcon1986

Garcon1986

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I have some behaviors that are Aspie/Autie like. I’ve still made it to being a physician and, I’ve had lots of successful dates.

 

1. Have you considered reading any dating books on the female perspective on dating?

 

2. What kind of practice have you had trying to read other people’s emotions?

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rightondude

rightondude

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Brother, I am going to give you some advice.

 

I have a son diagnosed on the spectrum, Aspergers side of things. There's no doubt about it.

 

If I look back at my past, I grew up a weirdo. Grew up living totally inside my head, living out a fantasy life. Kinda smart, not super smart like my son, but smart enough to pass in school without much effort. Didn't socialize easy at all. Got beat as a kid because I'd melt down and freak out at the smallest of things. I am pretty sure I was on the spectrum to an extent, but it just wasn't diagnosed like that when I was young. I am still quirky and odd in a lot of ways. I know it, but I get over it. Most of the time.

 

The thing is, you REALIZE you are how you are. That is POWER my man. That means, you can STOP and ACT on what you know is odd, off-putting and unattractive. You RECOGNIZE these traits. Think of how much luckier you are than the ones who don't have any cognizance over these actions. YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF BETTER SOCIALLY. Work towards that. Don't give up and say, "oh well, poor me, I'm an aspie, that's who I am, why won't people deal with that and like me for who I am?"

 

NO. You recognize it. Thus, you have the ability to overcome it. You are not to the extent others less fortunate are. You DO have the power to overcome this. Your intelligence, your analytical nature, those are gifts. YOU CAN work out the social stuff. You know what's there, what needs to be improved. DO IT. Put that analytical mind into that.

 

At least enough to get laid. Trust me on this. I am a walking testament.

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littleblackheart

littleblackheart

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How to present yourself as an ASD man:

 

Social interactions - straight shooter, no mind games, clear interactions, no ambiguities = a good thing!

 

Mind blindedness = a good listener because you listen without assumptions or prejudice, more empathetic, less judgemental, no projection = a good thing!

 

Little relationship experience = very selective = a good thing!

 

 

Don't hold yourself prisoner to this diagnosis. Yes, it comes with an extra layer of difficulties that NTs don't have but they have their own struggles too. At least we don't masquerade them or obey the restrictive social 'rules'.

 

Accept who you are, get to know yourself - that's half the battle.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

CautiouslyOptimistic

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My cousin has it and he's married with a baby. There are other options. I doubt it's very EASY being married to him and I know their life is not bliss, and his trying-to-adjust hasn't been easy, but he's managed to do it because he wanted it.

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GuitarGuy7

GuitarGuy7

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There are a lot of famous people who suffer from this disorder, like Michelangelo, Dan Aykroyd, Gary Numan, Abe Lincoln, just to name a few.

 

 

 

 

I doubt Abe Lincoln had autism/aspergers.

 

As for Michaelangelo, he was born so long ago, that nobody will truly know.

 

 

Don't forget people such as

 

-Susan Boyle from Britain's Got Talent

-Satoshi Tajiri the creator of Pokemon

-Adam Young from the band Owl

-Courtney Love

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