Is incessant talking a disorder?

[bathtub-row]

I know someone who does this. She talks constantly and interrupts others constantly. She'll ask someone five questions at once and never pause to let them answer. Sometimes I find myself saying, "Can I finish?" Other times, I just completely stop talking when she interrupts me to see if she notices. She doesn't.

 

I've tried to talk to her about it, but she gets very defensive. She's very intelligent but seems to have no filter for this behavior. For instance, when riding in a car, she'll see a sign for the name of a business and repeat it aloud. This in itself wouldn't be significant but it's things like that on a continual basis. There's no need for it, but it's like everything that pops into her head comes out of her mouth, or like anything more than a few seconds of silence can't happen. When you get on a topic she thinks she knows something about, she goes on and on an on, and she repeats herself constantly. She often makes blanket statements about things, and completely misses the point when someone says something. In brief, she rarely listens to anything anyone says because she's too busy thinking about her next sentence. I know a lot of us do this on occasion but she does it all the time. So often, it's predictable; so often, if she didn't do it, I'd say she was ill or dying.

 

It tends to get on my nerves a great deal although she has improved a little bit in my presence. But when she gets around family, it goes into full gear again. It's like she's excited and has to talk. Someone brought it to my attention out of the blue recently because they were extremely annoyed at her, said she seemed to be getting worse, and asked me if I thought she had ADD or something. I have actually pondered this and can't for the life of me figure out why she's like this.

 

I'm just curious, does this behavior have a clinical term? And is there a way to get her to stop or realize that she's alienating people with this behavior?

[edgygirl]

I don't think so. Re: the talking part, I might be that person... I am ENFP in Myers Briggs (Jung stuff) and we tend to overthink and over talk... it's not on purpose, it's just that our mind gets too excited about things and we like to share as that's our way to be empathetic. It does annoy some people.

 

Worth getting acquainted with the 16 personality types, to understand others and why their behavior triggers us depending on our own type. It's fascinating and explains a lot - about romantic, work and social relationships. About how we get along and love some people immediately and dislike others.

 

It becomes much easier to accept others when you see where they come from psychologically speaking.

 

 

https://www.16personalities.com/enfp-personality

[alphamale]

if it's not a disorder it should be

[bathtub-row]

I don't think so. Re: the talking part, I might be that person... I am ENFP in Myers Briggs (Jung stuff) and we tend to overthink and over talk... it's not on purpose, it's just that our mind gets too excited about things and we like to share as that's our way to be empathetic. It does annoy some people.

 

Worth getting acquainted with the 16 personality types, to understand others and why their behavior triggers us depending on our own type. It's fascinating and explains a lot - about romantic, work and social relationships. About how we get along and love some people immediately and dislike others.

 

It becomes much easier to accept others when you see where they come from psychologically speaking.

 

https://www.16personalities.com/enfp-personality

 

I'll check that out. I might've said that it could possibly have something to do with my personality because I tend to talk very little. I'm social enough around people but tend to be fine with silence. However, it's not just me she does it with and the person that brought it up today brought it up once before, very frustrated with it.

 

Do you also interrupt people all the time, or ask a multitude of questions in succession and not wait for an answer?

[bathtub-row]

if it's not a disorder it should be

 

It sure as heck feels like one.

[edgygirl]

You must be an introvert, and I usually get along with introverts very well - they love me and I love them. Myers Briggs explains it very well. But can take months to years to learn about it... I've been reading since 2013ish and still don't know it all.

 

BUT - as you said, I do have the interruption issue. It's the one thing people always complain about with me... and yes I do ask many questions, as I am a super curious person and the way my brain works as an ENFP is I get zillions of questions when someone says something interesting. Usually the people who complain about it are "Sensors" in Myers Briggs. "Intuition"-prone people don't really complain about it with me, I believe.

 

It's something I am trying to learn to control. But it's very hard as apparently it's part of my personality. I know it's annoying though. But it's part of how I relate to someone. When they say something I can relate to, I go "oh that happened to me when x, y and z..." - it's basically my way of trying to be empathetic.

 

Do the test here - Personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers type theory

 

Then read about your type and see if it fits... if it doesn't, you will know you probably responded incorrectly. Tips on responding: follow your gut, usually the first thing you think is the right response. Also, don't respond the "cool" answer, but what you really are. That's how people get mistyped. When you learn your type and read more about it, with time you will see why certain character traits in others annoy the heck our of you and vice versa

 

I'll check that out. I might've said that it could possibly have something to do with my personality because I tend to talk very little. I'm social enough around people but tend to be fine with silence. However, it's not just me she does it with and the person that brought it up today brought it up once before, very frustrated with it.

 

Do you also interrupt people all the time, or ask a multitude of questions in succession and not wait for an answer?

Edited November 23, 2018 by edgygirl

[bathtub-row]

edgygirl - you are correct about my personality because I've taken a number of those types of tests throughout my career - introvert, individualist and leader seems to be the common thread. The test you sent shows me to be INTP and the description does fit me extremely well -- "pensive, analytical; they venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them; precise about their descriptions, INTPs will often correct others (or be sorely tempted to) if the shade of meaning is a bit off; obsession with logical correctness."

 

After prolonged time with people, I feel the need to get away and be on my own. I was recently at a wedding that was held at a pricey ranch where there was a house with a huge outdoor deck - where everyone spent their time. It was a beautiful day and I talked to different people throughout the day and evening. At one point, I walked over to a porch swing and listened to the song that was playing (Kathy's Song by Simon & Garfunkel). Looking out at the beautiful hills and setting sun, it was a very memorable moment, actually. Later, after several more hours of chatting with others and dancing, I walked into the house, sat on a sofa, and spent the time looking at photos I had taken. A few minutes later, someone came in and began chatting with me, then several others came in and eventually began talking among themselves but standing right by me. I sat there listening but didn't engage much. I had reached my limit of talking but enjoyed having everyone around me.

 

You're also correct that me and the person I'm talking about in this thread do get along for the most part, but her general conversation style can get under my skin quite often. I'll read up on the personality style of hers that your told me about, perhaps it will help me understand.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm just curious, does this behavior have a clinical term?

 

She may be on the spectrum or have a form of ADHD. When my son was being treated for this, I noticed some of the other folks had an almost "stream of consciousness" verbal delivery.

 

Do you know if she's ever spoken to a professional about this?

 

Mr. Lucky

[bathtub-row]

She may be on the spectrum or have a form of ADHD. When my son was being treated for this, I noticed some of the other folks had an almost "stream of consciousness" verbal delivery.

 

Do you know if she's ever spoken to a professional about this?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

No, she hasn’t seen a professional about it. In her mind, there’s no problem. ‘Stream of consciousness’ is an excellent way to phrase it.

 

How are things now with your son?

[guest569]

This frustrates the heck out of me. A few theories I have:

 

-Anxious nervous chit chat.. Helps them relax

-Power. They like to dominate everything including the direction of the entire conversation (my boss all over).

-Comfort or habit. It makes them feel comfortable putting their thoughts into word.

-Manic episode.

-Too much sugar, caffeine, drugs

-Self obsessed. Love sound of own voice (my exes BFF had some mindless crap to say about everything and anything and loved the attention)

-They love annoying and boring everyone

 

It sounds like this person is doing it more out of habit or nervousness?

[MaleIntuition]

I’m partly with edgygirl on this one. The talkative behaviour is common among ENFP, however, personality type should not be used as an excuse for what is simply bad behaviour.

[bathtub-row]

This frustrates the heck out of me. A few theories I have:

 

-Anxious nervous chit chat.. Helps them relax

-Power. They like to dominate everything including the direction of the entire conversation (my boss all over).

-Comfort or habit. It makes them feel comfortable putting their thoughts into word.

-Manic episode.

-Too much sugar, caffeine, drugs

-Self obsessed. Love sound of own voice (my exes BFF had some mindless crap to say about everything and anything and loved the attention)

-They love annoying and boring everyone

 

It sounds like this person is doing it more out of habit or nervousness?

 

That’s the way it feels to me - power, dominating the conversation constantly. She loves coffee too, can’t start her day without it. And she almost always wants to stop at Starbucks whenever we’re out. The self-obsessed thing really stands out, too. She has an opinion about everything. I mean everything. Plus, if I mention that I like something that I already know she doesn’t like, she’ll point out once again that she doesn’t like it, repeating everything I’ve heard before. Repetition is something she uses all the time. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll tell her that I already know. That also falls into the category of loving the sound of her own voice.

 

Oh, dear, I just don’t know what to do about this.

[bathtub-row]

I’m partly with edgygirl on this one. The talkative behaviour is common among ENFP, however, personality type should not be used as an excuse for what is simply bad behaviour.

 

I agree. I mean, it kind of helps knowing why she’s like that but it doesn’t help when faced with it over and over again. And the fact that she refuses to listen to any criticism makes it even more frustrating. Where edgygirl at least admits that she knows it can be an issue and is working on it, this person won’t even acknowledge she has a problem. The times I’ve attempted to point it out, she just throws something at me that’s a fault of mine. Another family member has done the same thing with the same results. Once, she stopped talking to me for 3 days because I told her to chill out about something. There, I guess that’s how you stop her from talking - point out her flaws.

 

Sigh. So frustrating.

Edited November 23, 2018 by bathtub-row

[edgygirl]

Makes a lot of sense and I love INTPs... they're super smart and rational. The guy I was just dating also came out as INTP...

 

Introverts gather energy by being alone, whereas we extroverts do it by socializing. My type specifically though also needs a lot of time alone as we're too social and get burned out.

 

I am not sure if your friend is ENFP like me, she could be that but she could also be a Sensor... as in ESFP, ESFJ, ESTP, etc... They're much more annoying than us N people, haha! S people actually get on my nerves as well.

 

Good luck, it's worth knowing Myers Briggs as it explains a lot. I wish more people talked about it here or there was a forum on LS just for that.

 

edgygirl - you are correct about my personality because I've taken a number of those types of tests throughout my career - introvert, individualist and leader seems to be the common thread. The test you sent shows me to be INTP and the description does fit me extremely well -- "pensive, analytical; they venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them; precise about their descriptions, INTPs will often correct others (or be sorely tempted to) if the shade of meaning is a bit off; obsession with logical correctness."

 

After prolonged time with people, I feel the need to get away and be on my own. I was recently at a wedding that was held at a pricey ranch where there was a house with a huge outdoor deck - where everyone spent their time. It was a beautiful day and I talked to different people throughout the day and evening. At one point, I walked over to a porch swing and listened to the song that was playing (Kathy's Song by Simon & Garfunkel). Looking out at the beautiful hills and setting sun, it was a very memorable moment, actually. Later, after several more hours of chatting with others and dancing, I walked into the house, sat on a sofa, and spent the time looking at photos I had taken. A few minutes later, someone came in and began chatting with me, then several others came in and eventually began talking among themselves but standing right by me. I sat there listening but didn't engage much. I had reached my limit of talking but enjoyed having everyone around me.

 

You're also correct that me and the person I'm talking about in this thread do get along for the most part, but her general conversation style can get under my skin quite often. I'll read up on the personality style of hers that your told me about, perhaps it will help me understand.

[grays]

Hyperthyroidism and bipolar can both cause that. But I think it’s not necessarily a disorder.

 

I have a touch of bipolar. I don’t fit the technical definition, but I have hypomanias and my first tip off is that I’m talking way too much. Of course I’m feeling on top of the world at those times, but I’m also very conscious of the behavior and try to make some room for the other person.

 

As a separate matter (when I’m not feeling manic), I will talk too much if I’m with someone who’s not talking. Some quiet people seem to like it, like it takes pressure off them, but I’m sure it’s irritating to some. As the talker, my talking and their lack of talking both make me uncomfortable.

[edgygirl]

And of course I agree with others - might be something else that's unrelated to Myers Briggs

[bathtub-row]

Good luck, it's worth knowing Myers Briggs as it explains a lot. I wish more people talked about it here or there was a forum on LS just for that.

 

Start a thread about it. It’s an interesting topic.

[bathtub-row]

I suppose it could be a number of things. I guess it comes to a point when figuring it out isn’t possible and just modifying the behavior is the only hope. I may end up saying something about it when I reach a point where I can no longer take it. And, btw, this person is a close family member so blowing her off or distancing myself is very difficult to do, nor do I really want to do that. We’re very close. I just wish she’d think before she opens her mouth.

[central]

I couldn't tolerate anyone who does this. I met a couple of women like this when dating, though, and I did not make a second date.

[bathtub-row]

I couldn't tolerate anyone who does this. I met a couple of women like this when dating, though, and I did not make a second date.

 

I hear ya.

[guest569]

What about the volume of her voice? I'm wondering if you can just cut her off or carry on a different conversation with others over the top? I really can't think of any other ways than having a serious conversation with her to highlight how difficult it is for others and hope that she can take on more self awareness. Mention that she does not listen to others. Have you known her since childhood? I'm wondering if she was always this way? You mentioned it has recently become worse.

[edgygirl]

I suggest sitting to talk... but make sure it is in a constructive way. Maybe even write a letter if it's easier... also in a constructive manner. If we don't hear it from family, who are we gonna hear it from?

 

In the beginning it was hard for me to hear I interrupt, but with time when two family members told me, and then a boss... it had to sink in. It doesn't mean I can modify it just like that, but at least I am aware of it. It still irritates me to hear I do it, but at least I am self aware of the fact and trying to work on it.

 

I think it's not possible to notice you do it by yourself... I saw myself as being friendly and participating in the conversation. I never thought my ways were annoying someone.

 

I suppose it could be a number of things. I guess it comes to a point when figuring it out isn’t possible and just modifying the behavior is the only hope. I may end up saying something about it when I reach a point where I can no longer take it. And, btw, this person is a close family member so blowing her off or distancing myself is very difficult to do, nor do I really want to do that. We’re very close. I just wish she’d think before she opens her mouth.

[edgygirl]

Didn't you say somewhere you're an INTJ? ENFP is your perfect match and we do that a lot.

 

I couldn't tolerate anyone who does this. I met a couple of women like this when dating, though, and I did not make a second date.

[edgygirl]

I think I did a few years back... or mentioned it. No one cared that much. Which is funny as it clarifies so many relationships issues.

 

Start a thread about it. It’s an interesting topic.

[Mr. Lucky]

How are things now with your son?

 

Thank you for asking. He's better in his communication but still not great at reading non-verbal cues from other people.

 

Which may also be a factor with your friend, she might simply be unable to sense your reaction to her verbosity...

 

Mr. Lucky