Ugh, NC never gets any easier

[xweeverx]

I’m sort of similar but I’m stuck more on hope. Technically that’s the denial stage of loss my dad says (he’s a vicar ha).

 

NC is horrid. Can recommend some YouTube vids for empowering inspiration.

 

<SNIP>

 

 

My favs on youtube:

 

- Mouth of the Ape (make sure you go to his channel...several years of videos)

 

- Noah Elkrief (good counselor)

 

- Coach Lee (straight forward advice)

 

- The Art of Love (I find she is more geared towards women, and some of the advice she gives works better for a woman trying to get a man back or get over a man, but I feel men and women respond differently, so sometimes her advice doesn't feel right for my own situation)

 

Some vids I go to sleep to:

 

 

Edited January 31, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Twizzlestick]

Looks like we listen and watch a lot of the same . I watch coach Lee too.

 

Yes, I’ve watched a lot of apes videos on breakups. Peaceful dude.

 

Interesting re art of love. I was wondering that too as felt it more geared towards ladies, which advice in particular do you feel wouldn’t work so well in our shoes?

 

All good stuff to keep us motivated in NC, I say that but I’d been listening to loads of mouth of the ape and art of love that day I rang. All it took was the pain and anxiety to build then the decision started.

[xweeverx]

Looks like we listen and watch a lot of the same . I watch coach Lee too.

 

Yes, IÂ’ve watched a lot of apes videos on breakups. Peaceful dude.

 

Interesting re art of love. I was wondering that too as felt it more geared towards ladies, which advice in particular do you feel wouldnÂ’t work so well in our shoes?

 

All good stuff to keep us motivated in NC, I say that but IÂ’d been listening to loads of mouth of the ape and art of love that day I rang. All it took was the pain and anxiety to build then the decision started.

 

I can relate to letting your emotion get the best of you. It happens to me. It only takes a certain thought to trigger a big emotion, one that causes you to be filled with anxiety and feelings that you must try, you must do something. It sometimes is just too much and we reach out.

 

As far as advice, Coach Lee inspires me the most. My own mindset right now is that I know I am on good terms with my ex, and I am committed to NC. That does not mean I've closed the lines of communication if she reaches out. I will keep my responses short and neutral unless it's something significant, and I don't want to see her unless she has asked me to possibly rekindle. I think the only time you should ignore an ex is if you have no desire to rekindle and you are healing / moving on. I also must assume she will not come back, and that she will start another relationship. I have to accept that this is probable. I have to focus on me and move forward without her, and if she changes her mind, then it will be a pleasant surprise. She has also stated that she hopes we can salvage a friendship, but I will not just be friends with someone I loved and lived with for 6 years. Of course, I will always care for her and be polite, but at some point I will probably have to explain to her that being "buddies" will not work.

 

Hope that helps. Another thing I would say is, believe in the process that is happening right now. Trust that this is happening for a reason. The best chance for getting back with someone is time and distance. With time, the heart will show it's true desire. They have to miss you before anything else can happen. You must also accept that they may not come back, and the sooner you start moving forward the sooner you will heal and get stronger. Try acting "as if", meaning start acting as if you are already healed, that you are already over it. Be the bigger, more mature person. It has taken me about 7 weeks to even put a toe in the "acceptance pool", but I am starting to feel some relief from the sadness and anxiety.

[nolanola]

Hi guys, just a few thoughts from reading your posts. NC is the ultimate boundary. I really, really do think that staying in contact with an ex after a breakup is a bad idea (at least immediately), for a couple of reasons. I don't think you have to be harsh, but saying something like "I need some space to deal with everything and would like to be no contact for a while as I do that" is perfectly respectable. I don't think going NC means you have no chance to get your ex back, but I also think trying to stay in their life in the hope that it keeps the door open is a losing proposition for you. It will only hurt you as you see them move on and you will stay connected and hung up on them.

 

I know there are some people who are great friends with their exes (my brother is one of them!!) but if we could all do that, we wouldn't be on this board! We'd be out not being bothered by our breakups.

 

Twizzlestick, you have to stop (or try to stop) worrying about how she will or won't react to what you do or don't do. This is none of your business, to be honest. She's your ex. What she does is her business. Sorry if that sounds harsh. But you're putting so much weight on what someone is or isn't doing when she isn't considering this at all.

 

When you said that she probably won't ring until Saturday, did you mean she told you this? Like in a text? If so, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I can't tell you what to do, but I would not answer that. You're changing your life around to suit her whims. She's been out all week living it up and now wants to postpone talking to you and you're still wondering if you should or shouldn't pick up the phone. Please go back and read your post from the other day about how bad you felt when you broke no contact. Feel that again. Do you know why you felt so bad? Loss of control and lack of boundaries with someone that doesn't respect them.

[nolanola]

Hey everyone. Hope you are having a good day today.

I have been doing good with NC for about a week now, and yesterday my ex sent me a text...

 

"Hi there, just wanted to say hi. How are you doing?"

 

My response about an hour later...

 

"Hola. Doing good. Hope you are warm and well."

 

I know it doesn't really matter, but does that response sound cold or angry? I was trying to respond in a neutral tone. I also understand that my ex probably sent that just to make herself feel better.

 

Your response is fine, but I think the fact that you are struggling so much over how you sounded on the text speaks volumes about where you are. You can't move on from someone while you're still so wrapped up in what they think about you.

 

I'm not saying I've got all the answers here. Believe me, I wouldn't be here if I had it all figured out. But I stayed hooked in with my ex for 2 years after we officially broke up and it wound up devastating me because I wound up being his cushion from being alone. Do you want to be that for your ex while she finds someone else to date?

[xweeverx]

Your response is fine, but I think the fact that you are struggling so much over how you sounded on the text speaks volumes about where you are. You can't move on from someone while you're still so wrapped up in what they think about you.

 

I'm not saying I've got all the answers here. Believe me, I wouldn't be here if I had it all figured out. But I stayed hooked in with my ex for 2 years after we officially broke up and it wound up devastating me because I wound up being his cushion from being alone. Do you want to be that for your ex while she finds someone else to date?

 

As usual, you have wise words.

You make a good point about being the "cushion".

Thank you! Hope you are having a decent day my friend.

[Twizzlestick]

.

 

When you said that she probably won't ring until Saturday, did you mean she told you this? Like in a text? If so, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I.

 

Hey Nola

 

Ha. No I explained that badly. She hasn’t said thats more me guessing a potential outcome . But if she did delay it to Saturday she can do one, I won’t answer.

 

Essentially what this boils down to with me concerning myself with my image is we previously left on good terms when I started NC. I just want to carry on into NC on good terms similar to weeve. I liked my line in the sand when it was drawn with NC. Before I stepped over my own line the other day. But I want it back.

 

My immediate is fencing this call. And then to sort this damn social media.

[Twizzlestick]

.

 

Hey weeve. When you started did you just stop ringing and delete her off all the online stuff or did you tell her you were doing it and to give you space? Just curious.

[xweeverx]

Hey weeve. When you started did you just stop ringing and delete her off all the online stuff or did you tell her you were doing it and to give you space? Just curious.

 

I told her that I was taking a break from Facebook, and then I unfriended her. I never said anything about NC.

[Twizzlestick]

I told her that I was taking a break from Facebook, and then I unfriended her. I never said anything about NC.

 

Did you go for blocking or unfriending or just not log on?

 

I’ve tried not logging on. My inner chimp grabbed the brain controls and overruled that one. Tried unfollowing. Same result. So next step for me has to be go offline.

[CPpanther]

This thread is so helpful! I got dumped last Saturday and immediately started NC. Only to break it last Thursday by calling him. He said he mainly feels guilty about doing all this to me, but that he is not really bothered by the breakup at all. Needless to say, this comment broke me as it made me lose all hope. Right now I am not finding it difficult to maintain NC, but I am driving myself mad imagining him moving on without me.

[nolanola]

Hi CPpanther! Welcome to the crappiness that is NC. The actual not contacting I don't find to be that hard, but the letting go is really tough. Some days are really good and some days suck.

 

The thoughts of someone you love moving on without you is a VERY common thought here. I don't know the best thing to do to ease that pain. It's best to stay off social media, at least until a lot of time has passed, because you don't want to stumble onto something you don't want to see. One way to think about NC is that although you worry that they are moving on without you, the other person doesn't know what you're doing either. So for all they know, you've moved on too. Right now, your ex has the "power" because he broke up with you. However, after some time passes (especially if he doesn't hear from you) he'll start to wonder what happened to you. Let him wonder.

 

I know a lot of people say NC is about healing yourself and IT IS, but it can be tough to make it through the days and nights without something to keep you going. So, for me, I need to have ways to refocus when I start to overanalyze what he is or is not doing. Does he love his new girlfriend? Is he going to treat her better than me? And on and on and on. I try to distract myself when I get really stuck. Go for a walk. Read a book. Watch a funny movie. Call a friend or a family member. Exercise. Anything to keep from sitting and overanalyzing. Come post on here. It helps to see that you're not the only person who feels all these things.

[xweeverx]

Did you go for blocking or unfriending or just not log on?

 

I’ve tried not logging on. My inner chimp grabbed the brain controls and overruled that one. Tried unfollowing. Same result. So next step for me has to be go offline.

 

I just unfriended. I did not block.

[CPpanther]

 

 

I know a lot of people say NC is about healing yourself and IT IS, but it can be tough to make it through the days and nights without something to keep you going. So, for me, I need to have ways to refocus when I start to overanalyze what he is or is not doing. Does he love his new girlfriend? Is he going to treat her better than me? And on and on and on. I try to distract myself when I get really stuck. Go for a walk. Read a book. Watch a funny movie. Call a friend or a family member. Exercise. Anything to keep from sitting and overanalyzing. Come post on here. It helps to see that you're not the only person who feels all these things.

 

One thing I am really struggling with is finding a balance between distracting myself and truly processing reality. Of course, I can full on distract myself everytime I start thinking about him, but this makes me worry that I am not going through the whole grieving process. I believe it is necessary to feel the pain of loss, otherwise it will only come back to haunt me later. But then this comes with the danger of overanalyzing and feeling more pain than necessary.

[nolanola]

One thing I am really struggling with is finding a balance between distracting myself and truly processing reality. Of course, I can full on distract myself everytime I start thinking about him, but this makes me worry that I am not going through the whole grieving process. I believe it is necessary to feel the pain of loss, otherwise it will only come back to haunt me later. But then this comes with the danger of overanalyzing and feeling more pain than necessary.

 

In the beginning stages, I think anything you can do to distract yourself is helpful. The first few weeks I felt so much all the time. I was angry, then an hour later I was sobbing, then I was angry again. It was like yo-yoing from one emotion to the next. It was kind of overwhelming. Honestly, once that settled down a bit there was a bit of emptiness that set in. I didn't have that same intense emotion and the thing that was making me feel the saddest was that life was going on just the same. But without him in it. I still have to get up and go to work, to go to the grocery store, pay bills. All that stuff you have to do, but now everything felt empty. I didn't have that distraction of hoping for a text from him (I still hope for it, but it's different than when you'd get a funny joke during the day or something). That was one of the hardest parts and I find that trying to distract yourself with new routines can help. Honestly, if it was easy to move, I would. Just to have new surroundings and people.

Fortunately, my ex doesn't live near me, so I have both the good thing of not having to worry about running into him on a date but also the bad thing that I likely will not see him again.

 

As far as processing reality, I think it comes with time. I've had 3 major break ups in my life. With the first, he called me and told me he was engaged (I knew he was dating someone pretty seriously and we had been broken up for a long time but were still friends). I was involved with the second major break up guy, so it hurt, but at that time I thought I was going to find a happy ever after with that guy. Since my ex was dating someone for a while, I had accepted that it wasn't going to work out. I was more sad about losing him from my life at all as I didn't want to be back with him romantically, but I loved him so much as a friend.

 

With the second guy, we broke up in 2007, but stayed entangled and in each other's lives for 3 more years. At first, I was supporting him through some difficult personal things and I thought we would get back together. Then after about 6 months, he started dating someone new and that was hard. But we still went back and forth for years. Finally, somehow I just got it through my head that it was over and that he didn't love me the way I loved him. It was terrible for me and that took a VERY long time to get through, but I think I had accepted it just from years of him not appreciating me and treating me badly. I also think I had invested so much (had been there for him in a really difficult time) and he had made me feel so bad, that I thought if I stuck it out I would get something in return (which seems crazy now).

 

With this most recent one, it's very similar. We had officially broken up a while ago, but had stayed "friends" and were in contact regularly. We even slept together a few times. I'm not sure I've totally accepted everything that happened with him, although this past Monday I got confirmation that he's seeing someone else. He had been very evasive about it when I had asked him about it a few months ago and I'd been puzzling about it for months until finally confirming it recently. I'm still working on acceptance. I think it comes with time. Especially as the weeks go by and you don't talk to them, you don't hear from them, and they start to fade a tiny bit. I obviously haven't forgotten him and I definitely haven't forgotten how all this has made me feel, but the edges aren't so sharp anymore. I'm still up and down, but it's more shallow and it doesn't last as long as it did in the beginning.

[CPpanther]

Something very... Strange.. happened today. I broke no contact and I actually didn't end up even more hurt?

I had a couple of drinks with a friend and we got the great idea of texting my ex, we would do it strategically, including notebooks and stuff in between messages, you know the way slightly drunk people think.

I told him I agreed with his decision that I need some time alone to deal with my issues (depression) but that I still think we are right for eachother, just the wrong timing. Feelings may be covered up by the situation rather than completely gone. Asked if he would be open to meet up in a couple of months and see if the feelings come back. Sent it while my drunk friend yelled that I had nothing to lose anymore anyway.

I kid you not, he actually said he couldnt promise that feelings will come back but that he would keep an open mind about me. He also said I need to work on myself for me, not for him and that he is worried about that. I told him I agree and that we should keep contact at a minimum so I can focus on myself and then I thanked him and ended the conversation.

I am terrified. Happy, but terrified. Also motivated to really work through my problems. I am going to the gym and I have my therapy intake session next Tuesday.

[nolanola]

Having contact that is positive (or at least not negative) would always give me a short term high. If you can use this as the place that you leave it, I think that's a good thing. You can walk away to deal with what you need to deal with and know that you have left a positive impression on him by being mature and classy. I don't think this is a bad thing -- but you definitely should not contact him again, IMO. You've said what you're going to do (take some time to work on yourself) and you should try to stick to that. You need to give him some space as well, as he seems to be wanting to do other things. And stay off his social media!!!! That will definitely keep you from healing.

[CPpanther]

Having contact that is positive (or at least not negative) would always give me a short term high. If you can use this as the place that you leave it, I think that's a good thing. You can walk away to deal with what you need to deal with and know that you have left a positive impression on him by being mature and classy. I don't think this is a bad thing -- but you definitely should not contact him again, IMO. You've said what you're going to do (take some time to work on yourself) and you should try to stick to that. You need to give him some space as well, as he seems to be wanting to do other things. And stay off his social media!!!! That will definitely keep you from healing.

 

You're right. I really need to stick to my plan right now and try to not be distracted by him. I know there will be times where I will convince myself that he has found someone else or something because he kept saying he can't promise anything. Right now I am rational and I know he was wording it that way because he truly is a man of his word and won't say anything he can't do. This makes the fact that he said he will keep an open mind a huge deal to me though. It is nice to potentially have something positive (like a meeting) in the future, but I am telling myself this won't be until April/May at its earliest.

[Beachead]

@CPpanther, Charlierose30, Nolanola, Twizzlestick, xweeverx and others reading this who may find value in it.

 

If I ever have the misfortunate of going through another breakup, this is the way I'd think.

 

The general rule of thumb after a breakup is, whatever you're thinking about doing, don't. (Which usually means staying and remaining in contact with an ex). Just do the opposite. And take control of the situation rather than let them lead. Let them know that it's okay if they wanted to end it but if that's the case, then you need space and time alone to heal. It's unfair to expect that you can shut of your feelings like a switch. There were memories, a connection, effort. The relationship meant something to you. Wish them well in their future endeavours. Don't blame, don't show anger. Keep it all in (This is the one time I'd advise to hold it in) and then release it behind closed doors to friends. To LS. Anyone but them. If you release to them, while you are in shock or in an emotionally fluctuating state-of-mind, you will likely say things you will regret the next.

 

Then, you pull them off social media. Social Media to a vulnerable, broken-hearted dumpee is an anxiety generator. You don't need to see their life. By rights, nobody saw anyone's life after breaking up pre-internet days so why do we need to go through it? Let them go live it. Let them post their pictures, update their statuses. They're going to do it anyway. But remember this..they still have access to your number to call/to text..maybe even email. They have contact channels to reach you, without you having to see their post-breakup life updates that are going to break you in half. If they are serious enough, they'll use it. If they don't, and days turn to weeks which turn to months, then is that your answer right there? They can live without you. They can live not knowing if something traumatic happened to you or your life..if you were alive or dead. In their silence, lies the truth. Blunt, cold, right to the point.

 

This gives you as much control as possible going forward. It puts the ball in their court and it presents to them, the fact that if they breadcrumb or contact you insincerely, it'll be their fault..and they know it..because you laid the terms out. Don't think they forgot. It therefore makes them an a**. Nobody wants to feel like one. Especially dumpers, whom are already driven by their guilt. (Guilt makes them want to be friends and make things right. Guilt makes others cold, distant and angry). They don't want more and therefore will likely avoid this. As a result, contact from them in the future, should it occur, will likely be more meaningful. (But always be leery of their attempts to reach out if it does happen. Protect yourself.)

 

Now, if you already stayed in contact after the breakup, put an end to it immediately and do the same with taking them off of social media. Choosing to message them or not when doing this at this point, is more conditional in cases like this. Depends.

 

Overall, this is not to manipulate them back. This is to stay in the lead of the situation without letting them complicate it. In simplifying it, it will facilitate your healing because you reduce barriers (Less regret. Less guilt. No social-media drama. Less breadcrumbing. Paying attention to action rather than words.)

 

- Beach

Edited February 1, 2019 by Beachead

[Twizzlestick]

 

When you said that she probably won't ring until Saturday, did you mean she told you this? Like in a text? If so, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? .

 

Hey Nola. You’ll never guess what. There’s me joking saying she’ll prob not ring Friday after all and leave it to Sat, well yep. She didn’t ring.

 

You know something, I know for a fact she’s doing this to regain her feeling of control. She absolutely didn’t like me going NC, even for 2 weeks. She wants me on a hook the counsellor said. As a back up plan incase her new life tanks.

 

Taking beach’s and yours advice. She can whistle. My neighbours have just thrown a lovely drinks evening to say goodbye. And all the time chatting away I was in agony about her tonight underneath. The radio kept playing love songs in the background.

 

She caused that, putting me through this, meanwhile she sits on the call like I’m dog dirt or a chore. I wonder if she’s testing to see if I’ll panic and ring. Bit like the time she posted internet stuff about moving on.

 

I want to flip this script.

[nolanola]

@Twizzlestick, think about what Beach said about taking control and doing the opposite of what you want to do. I think that is really good advice. Our instincts are to stay in touch, to try to convince them somehow that they want us back. But just like he noted, that's just giving up our control. And nothing feels worse after being dumped than losing more and more control. NC is the first step in taking back control.

 

Moving on from this stuff is SO hard. I still feel so sad sometimes. Even though I am trying to talk to myself in a healthier way those negative thoughts (he never cared about you, he's glad you're gone, all that stuff...) still get in sometimes. I'm tired of being sad and of wondering about him. It gets to be exhausting after a while to be thinking about something all the time. Something you may never have answers to.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting and I think your anger at the situation is deserved. She's got all the control and that's part of the reason that you feel so bad. I'm sure of it. She has you where she wants you, which is pining away for her. I don't think you have to be harsh with her, but I like what Beach said. If she does call, I would not answer and send her a message (or maybe an email) saying that you'd like some space to deal with the breakup. I think this is actually better than doing this on the phone because it limits the back and forth conversation, which can be very difficult. Putting your foot down and doing this will be extremely difficult, but it will give you a little bit of power back in the situation. If you keep giving her all the power, you will make yourself so miserable. When she does start seeing a new man, which will likely happen at some point, she will probably stop interacting with you and that will be so hard. I say cut it off before that can happen.

 

Try not to think about forever. I struggle with this too. It feels like I will never see my ex again and that feels scary, even though he really hurt me and by all rights shouldn't get to see me again. I'm trying to avoid getting so far ahead of myself. Try thinking about tonight ("I won't call her tonight") and take tomorrow as a new day. We can do this. We can get over them and we will.

[Endnote]

Had a couple of good days staying busy and ultimately, I'm better off not knowing, just continuing life in NC and off of Social Media. As always @nolanola, thank you for your input, I've found it very valuable since I know that we've had similar experiences with toxic exes. I have continued to idealize my ex, though not completely, more-so subconsciously as I continue to tell myself that I deserve better and that she wasn't good for me in the long run, I generally just miss what we had together, even if it wasn't going to work out eventually.

 

I think she will bring her numerous issues into wherever she goes next. Funny that you called her shady, as I've had two close friends use the same words. It's a good term for some of the ways people decide to act.

 

This has all given me the chance to prove to myself that I am capable of defying my anxiety and that I can grow on my own. I've come to understand that knowing the truth won't change how I feel, it'll probably make it worse. I can continue to stay out of it and enjoy my life, even if at times it's not enjoyable. I think in time, my experience with immediate NC and doing what @Beachead mentions above can be a testament to how important NC can be in healing.

 

There's something I really romanticize about NC being forever, it's much less scary than it used to be when this first began. I can't convey how amazing it was knowing that I never spoke to my ex-wife again after I cut her out of my life (despite what came later), and knowing that I can stick with it, doing it again sounds both fun and just makes me feel valuable. I think that comes with time, and ultimately, I just need more time. Like you I think about never seeing or hearing from my ex again, but knowing that it's going to be on my terms, that is invaluable.

 

Hope everyone had a good week. It gets better.

Edited February 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[nolanola]

@endnote, I'm glad to see that you're feeling a bit better. With my last breakup, I didn't keep a journal or anything and I really wish I had. Because now when I think about it, it seems like I was so sad for a long time and then one day wasn't. But I'm sure it wasn't like that. I'm sure there was a lot of back and forth just like there is now. If anything, I feel like that breakup was far worse. At any rate, the back and forth right now is hard, but I feel like it is getting less and less intense as the weeks go by (meaning I still feel sad and mad and depressed, but it's much less prolonged). I sometimes wonder if this more recent breakup has triggered things about that old breakup. Because when I first got involved with this more recent guy, I was always thinking somewhere in the back of my mind that it would end up just like the older one. And it did. Not exactly the same, but similar. So maybe that's part of it. Do you think it might be with you too?

 

Randomly, I was looking for stories online about people breaking up and having good outcomes (like meeting someone else) and came across this wedding planning site with tons of stories. I was surprised. Thought it would be all people talking about their floral arrangements. It was incredibly inspiring and helpful to read about these women's breakups and how they recovered and found new love. I consider this is a big step forward for me, as before I would have been looking for stories about how people broke up and then got back together.

 

The more and more I think about my ex and everything that went on (and as time passes) I start to see his shadiness more and more. (As an aside, I think shady is the perfect word in these cases. Maybe not devious, but just not honest, not empathetic, not giving the respect we deserved.) I don't think he's a terrible person, but he's avoidant and I guess I would call him a coward. I think about that a lot when I start to think that I miss things about him. We had wonderful times and he made me feel so amazing some times. I miss that feeling more than anything. This is going to sound depressing, but when you're falling in love with someone, the world seems so much brighter. It just does. So when that's gone, things just seem so gray and blah.

 

But, I went to the pool this morning for the first time in months. I've been a swimmer since I was a kid and I love being in the water. My ex used to admire my swimming (he can't put his head underwater) and used to brag to other people about it - so that made me feel good to get back in. Also, being underwater is so peaceful. I went to the farmer's market in my neighborhood last night for the first time. I forced myself to talk to the vendors. I'm introverted naturally and hate trying to make small talk, but it felt good just to get out of my house and do something new. I'm enjoying having the weekend off, but sometimes that's also bad news because I can just sit around and stew.

 

I like what you said about NC forever, although I don't think I'm there yet. With my toxic ex, I got to the point where I could ask myself - "am I ready to talk to him again" and the answer was always no. When he finally apologized to me, I thought long and hard about it and came really close to responding, but I just wasn't ready. Recently, I went back and re-read his apology and it was more sincere than I remembered. I thought about it again, but I still don't think I'm ready. I'm not completely closed off to the idea that I might talk to him again someday. It feels good to be able to make that choice for myself instead of worrying about what he might think of me or if he's angry at me. Like you, I don't think I'm anywhere close with my more recent ex.

[brknhrtd]

I'm not sure if or how to pm on this site but I would like to speak with you because I see so many similarities between our situations and much you have written resonates with me. I think it would help to talk about it.

[nolanola]

@brknhrtd, I'm not sure about the PM. I think there's something about you have to have posted so many times first? Someone else probably knows much better than I do, but I'd be happy to chat with you if you can figure it out.