proseandpassion Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Hello! I am an ex-OW, and now dating in the hopes of finding a SINGLE man to be in a relationship with. However, I am still encountering MM's. I thought it might be helpful to post tips on how to spot them, as they are ALL over the dating apps and sites. Of course, many of them are upfront about being married, or may even lie and call themselves "ethically non-monogamous." Of course, I give these men a pass. These tips are intended to help you spot married men who are posing as single, as I JUST encountered one and called him out on it. 1. They don't give you their real phone number The guy I just encountered gave me a Google voice number to use for texting. At first I didn't think much of it, as he indicated it was to protect his identity since he's an important litigator, but then in the midst of our texting he gave me his full name. Why use a fake number if you're going to tell me your real name? 2. They have a weird schedule, or don't want to meet up The guy I just outed lived less than a mile from me, but yet didn't seem to want to actually meet me despite always not having plans. There was one night where he point blank asked me if I had plans that evening, and I said, "No! Let's go get a drink!" Well, dude wanted to just ask if I had plans so we could text all night. Who wants to text all night as opposed to meeting? Single men who have no obligations want to meet, period. 3. Their timelines/facts don't line up Guy I will keep referencing told me he was recently divorced after a 6 year marriage, then later said it was a 9 year marriage. Couldn't keep his lies straight. 4. They want to text constantly Same guy wanted to text all night, every night, like two teen girls who are stuck in the house. That's because they ARE stuck in the house, hiding out in their offices pretending to work while feverishly messaging you. 5. They don't want to talk on the phone When guy didn't want to meet up, but instead wanted to text all night, I offered an alternative - let's chat on the phone! He not only avoided the question, but didn't answer the phone when I called, despite the fact that we'd just been texting. 6. They might want to talk on the phone, but only late at night We did end up having a phone call - at midnight. And he had a low voice, indicating he didn't want to wake anyone else up. 7. They indicate YOU are special, and YOU are chosen You've been chosen because you are being vetted as an OW, and they don't have the options that single guys have. Single guys have lots of options on dating apps, and don't need to home in on one woman right away and text constantly. 8. They will pay you over-the-top compliments You are the most sexy, the most interesting, the best thing he's ever encountered in his life. Single men stay away from declarations like this, as they are usually fearful of commitment. Married men are quick to be "committed" as they simply do not have many options 9. When confronted, they will gaslight and blame When I finally called out guy for being married (which I, by the way, confirmed by finding his wife's facebook page), I was called crazy and mentally unstable. 10. They hide where they live Same guy was finally indicating he wanted to meet up - but only at my house. Why? Of course his own home was off limits - his wife lives there! ** There are countless other red flags, these are just the ones I have encountered in this recent experience. But in general, meet up with people in person, in PUBLIC (this won't guarantee they aren't married, of course), get a real phone number, make sure they aren't hiding where they live or their identity, and more importantly... listen to your gut! Married men are all over dating sites, masquerading as single. This guy totally gave himself away as married, and I am certain he thought he was doing a pretty good job at lying, enough to even call me crazy for calling him out for being married. As someone who went through a five year affair, I knew the constant texting from his "home office" and refusal to meet were a dead giveaway. I have been dating single men for the last six months, and they are usually fairly spotty in communication, never that keen to get you locked down, and are committment shy, without exception. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Good tips. I don't fault the google voice thing at first. It's kind of like women not giving their home address but after you have met then you should exchange real contact info. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 It's a little unusual for an adult male though isn't it? Not a HUGE red flag, but slightly odd, which combined with a lot of other things... Link to post Share on other sites
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