From hot to cold without reasons given

[Alamo657]

Posting this in the "friends" forum this there is no "acquaintance" forum :

 

 

 

This is a rant thread, just voicing out loud what i think.

 

 

 

I’m a 37 year old male and something happened which made me feel very uneasy.

I’ve been infatuated to a 27yo woman. That wasn’t a distant infatuation, i actually was having real life interactions with her in the making of a dance show (think dancing with the stars without the cameras, and totally local)

She came to my home, i came to hers. In what i can only describe as a friendly-project-related relationship involving beer, laugh, and « work » (more like fun really). I didn’t propose this, she did. I didnt know her before september 2018.

She’s a cute petite blonde and i’m sexually attracted to her body. But i’ve never done anything improper, I didn’t push her, and aside from the obvious glitter in my eyes when i look at her, i’ve never done or said anything dumb. I can behave myself.

Last week-end, we went to a dancing event 2h away on a road trip together . On the way we really connected, talking about oursvelves, music and dancing. Again, i focused on having a good time, and i’m sure i succeeded, since she was smiling, laughing and interacting with me.

 

Then we arrived at the event. I discovered she’s an it-girl, well connected, the kind who knows all the right people. As soon as we arrived i became non-existent to her. What i mean by that is that she didn’t make eye contact if by accident during the whole weekend, and my attempts at chit-chat were met with impatience and disinterest, in stark contrast with the good moments we shared before.

I quickly got the memo, withdrew from going toward her, and focused on enjoying the rest of the weekend with other friends.

We were set to come back together, and we did. For the entirety of the trip back, she kept hitting her phone texting other people, and barely said a word to me. The awkwardness in the car was horrible ; i put the music up and just drove us back home.

This came as a total contrast with the first trip ; i never expected this girl to go out with me seeing we’re not on the same moment of life, and i have a sex friend on the side so i’m not craving sex badly. But i never expected to go from « i’m friendly to you » to « you don’t exist » in such a short time, without having done anything improper.

Day 1 after the return, i sent her a friendly message asking if her shift in attitude also meant we were stopping our common project (i like to be direct now that i’m older, instead of beating around the bush). She answered something vague which can be summed up as « it’s not you it’s me ». It felt weird being « dumped » without even being in a relationship in the first place ! Luckily i have a backup plan.

 

 

This thread isn’t about advice on how to get laid, or about (not) being a pick up artist. It’s about not understanding AT ALL how someone can go from very friendly, to ignoring you, without me being improper, without having sex, without pushing for anything at all on my side.

[SunnyWeather]

I'm curious why you didn't ask her during the long awkward drive home why she seemed so distant, or something to that effect. If she were just a friend, you probably would've wanted to know, even a "did I do something to offend you?" question.

 

by calling people out without blame--doing it in a just curious-to-know-why-way-- you are signalling that you see what's going on and would like to know why, instead of playing along with their gamey behavior and enabling them to hide their true intentions.

 

do you think she used you for the ride?

[preraph]

I can only guess, but I think somewhere along the line, she became aware of your personal attraction to her so she backed all the way off. Maybe it was all that time spent on the trip. Maybe it just hit her that that is what was going on. Or maybe it happened at the event, when she was mingling with her crowd and you were trying to be by her side. She may have decided someone would think she was with you and it was the last thing she wanted, so she backed off. Those are my two best guesses.

 

I think a lot of us have had a friend who we realized was trying then look like they were "with" us when they weren't and had to back off to put up that boundary so others wouldn't get that idea.

[Alamo657]

She may have decided someone would think she was with you and it was the last thing she wanted, so she backed off.

 

I think a lot of us have had a friend who we realized was trying then look like they were "with" us when they weren't and had to back off to put up that boundary so others wouldn't get that idea.

 

 

That might be it.

 

 

My best guess is that many people saw us arriving together, questions were raised, and it made her uncomfortable, hence the backing off.

[Alamo657]

I'm curious why you didn't ask her during the long awkward drive home why she seemed so distant, or something to that effect. If she were just a friend, you probably would've wanted to know, even a "did I do something to offend you?" question.

I did, she was in no mood to answer this question, i didn't insist.

 

do you think she used you for the ride?

No, she could have gone alone or with other people, she didn't need me.