elaine567 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 That seems to be the case. But if that's the case she has been at the end of her tether in the past as she has left before. When she left before were the problems you had actually discussed and solved, or did she just come back and you both picked up as before? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KJC Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 When she left before were the problems you had actually discussed and solved, or did she just come back and you both picked up as before? They were definitely discussed. Part of the challenge is she has a hard time with communication at times. She suppresses a lot ant then when she has suppressed it all for so long it comes out like a volcano. And its like OK why is this situation causing this reaction. But its all the things she suppressed that now affect the current situation. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 It takes two working together for a marriage. If you have to apologize or walk on eggshells 100% of the time this should tell you something. Right? Totally. It’s not like she has no responsibility to treat her husband in a kind and respectful way - freezing him out for days and refusing to talk or attempt to resolve the conflict is not exactly good behavior in her part... Don’t be so quick to assume “the blame” OP. Your wife has poor communication and conflict resolution skills... she shares some responsibility here too... Link to post Share on other sites
Author KJC Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 Totally. It’s not like she has no responsibility to treat her husband in a kind and respectful way - freezing him out for days and refusing to talk or attempt to resolve the conflict is not exactly good behavior in her part... Don’t be so quick to assume “the blame” OP. Your wife has poor communication and conflict resolution skills... she shares some responsibility here too... I agree 100%. And I surely felt this way during the marriage. However I always felt like if there was a legitimate effort put forth by both parties they could get through anything. Unfortunately that didn't always happen which left me feeling frustrated at times. I was still never at the point to where I could walk out on my wife and kids. Just never really seemed like a option for me. So when she did it I guess a part of me felt like I must be the blame. But I ultimately although far from a perfect husband, I feel that I constantly tried to improve as a husband and a father. I wanted nothing more than to be the husband my wife needed. But that also I think became part of the problem. She rarely looked at herself to see how she could be better everything came down to what I did or didn't do. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 (edited) I agree 100%. And I surely felt this way during the marriage. However I always felt like if there was a legitimate effort put forth by both parties they could get through anything. Unfortunately that didn't always happen which left me feeling frustrated at times. I was still never at the point to where I could walk out on my wife and kids. Just never really seemed like a option for me. So when she did it I guess a part of me felt like I must be the blame. But I ultimately although far from a perfect husband, I feel that I constantly tried to improve as a husband and a father. I wanted nothing more than to be the husband my wife needed. But that also I think became part of the problem. She rarely looked at herself to see how she could be better everything came down to what I did or didn't do. Your words sound entirely reasonable. You do the best you can, but at the end of the day there are two people in a marriage... I’m sorry that your partner has not been a better partner to you. I wish you luck in resolving this situation - whatever you decide to do. Edited November 24, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 (edited) Having a loved one curse at me in anger and mean it is a deal breaker. We communicate and solve our issues. We dont insult and belittle each other, even if we disagree. Relationships require respect. I dont have to subject myself to verbal abuse. May be ur wife thought the same. I assume this isnt the first time u cursed at her in anger. Even if it was, I think one is enough. She also has communication issues and I dont think OP should have to apologize all the time. I think separation is for the best. Edited November 25, 2018 by HiCrunchy Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Sorry to say this to you but there is another man.That would explain her behaviour. She wants you to be the one to put the divorce papers to the table first. She has moved on brother. Link to post Share on other sites
MilitaryMan Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 I agree. There is another man. Hallmark cheating signs. I know cause my wife pulled the same crap and she in fact had an affair. She won’t file cause she either wants to use you for money/Back up plan or she wants you to file to look like the bad guy. Cut your loses man. I have kids too and it sucks but it sucks even more being a doormat. PLEASE TAKE MY ADVICE! LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE! I wasted 2 years for nothing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Hi KJC, so where are you right now with your situation? Has there been any talk of a reconciliation or has your wife finally decided that the marriage is not worth salvaging? If so then I would urge you to listen to Military Man as he has been through something similar and his words carry the weight of experience. My own opinion is that you wife is not worth shedding tears over. She seems to be a touch me not type of character and in this day and age, there has to be give and take on both sides for a marriage to work. there will always be times when you step on her toes and times when she does the same. That does not mean you bail at the first sign of a domestic conflict. Yes you may have used a very harsh word with her but that kind of thing happens when people are worked up, frustrated or feel that they are being treated with disrespect or being belittled. It does not mean the end of the world. In a long marriage both partners are able to assess their SO's buttons and triggers and usually avoid touching on those pressure points. To constantly keep going there as your wife seemed to do indicates that she wanted to provoke you into doing something that would be a deal breaker for her and lo and behold she finally succeeded. It may have been her plan to enable her to make her exit while letting the blame fall on you. Whatever be the case you are well served to be rid of her. let her do whatever she wants to do. If you divorce her she will lose her boyfriend if she has one, faster than she can say Babe. You live your life well. It's a New Year and new beginnings. Wish you the very best. Link to post Share on other sites
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