Which Women Are Off Limits?

[Gold22]

Here is a list of women that I consider off limits as far as I'm concerned. Feel free to add or take away from this list to tailor it to your situation.

 

1. Women who have boyfriends or married. This one is almost universal and goes without saying.

 

2. Coworkers

 

3. Waitresses.

 

4. Classmates

 

5. Women I meet at a volunteer organization.

 

6. Women at my church. If we break up I have to find a new church.

 

7. Women who used to date one of my friends unless my friend dumped her and encouraged us to go out.

 

8. Women who have children. This is not a universal thing but certainly applies to men who do not want children. Unless I am ready to step up to the plate and take on stepfather responsibilites forget it.

[mrs rubble]

Why are waitresses off limits? All the rest I can understand, although you're being a bit over cautious in my opinion. I dated a guy from my Church, we both still went to our church after we broke up, no dramas there.

[snowboy91]

Very few of those are things I would consider to be off limits.

 

1) Goes without saying - yes that's off limits.

 

2) Doubt it. What if you make a potentially great partner off limits just because she happens to work with you? It can be navigated with ground rules. And if you break up, you just have to deal with it being awkward for a while.

 

3) Obviously you shouldn't hit on a waitress if they're at work, but otherwise?

 

4) 5) 6) See 2 above

 

7) I see some merit in that... but in small communities you can't avoid everyone knowing everyone, so you might not be able to avoid dating someone who dated a friend.

 

8) Yeah I see your point.

[Lotsgoingon]

Other than women with boyfriends or husbands, I don't think any of these categories of women are off limits.

 

You surely don't have to run if you break up with someone at work or at the same church. You just have to be reasonably mature and have a reasonably mature ex.

 

Classmates--how the heck would you put "classmates" as beyond dating? You're treating dating like a criminal activity ... it's only dating.

 

Frankly, 99 percent of the pain of breakup comes from the breakup! ... Not from looking down the hall and seeing someone who dumped you.

[Gold22]

Other than women with boyfriends or husbands, I don't think any of these categories of women are off limits.

 

You surely don't have to run if you break up with someone at work or at the same church. You just have to be reasonably mature and have a reasonably mature ex.

 

Classmates--how the heck would you put "classmates" as beyond dating? You're treating dating like a criminal activity ... it's only dating.

 

Frankly, 99 percent of the pain of breakup comes from the breakup! ... Not from looking down the hall and seeing someone who dumped you.

 

Well there's a reason 90% of members in the breakup section of this forum recommend no contact after a breakup. No contact helps a person who was dumped get over a breakup faster.

 

The problem with dating coworkers is that if there's a breakup you can't realistically go no contact. It depends on what kind of work yyou do and how much liberty you have to pick your partners for work assignments.

 

If you have alot of liberty in your work enviornment (you know best since you work there) then you might be able to go no contact. Otherwise limited contact and sticking to business and any contact necessary for the call of the duty. That's not always easy to do and not everyone has the ability to compartmentalize and separate their emotions from the need to interact professionally.

 

Majority of breakups are not mutual. More often than not one person wants out and the other person wants back in. It is not a crime that the person dumped cannot turn their feelings off like a switch overnight. There's a reason God did not make us machines.

 

So as far as being mature and pretending like there's no hard feelings? Well that's easy for the dumpers to say because they are the ones who wanted out of the relationship.

 

Before deciding to date someone at work or at church it is always wise to think about how am I going to handle it when she breaks up with me. If it was only a couple of dates no big deal but if it lasted 2 years that's a way different story.

 

I have been in 10 relationships in my lifetime. Some exes I got over faster than others. 1 ex I was in love with much more than the others. She still holds a special place in my heart today. Of course I won't tell her that.

Edited November 24, 2018 by Gold22

[Gold22]

Very few of those are things I would consider to be off limits.

 

1) Goes without saying - yes that's off limits.

 

2) Doubt it. What if you make a potentially great partner off limits just because she happens to work with you? It can be navigated with ground rules. And if you break up, you just have to deal with it being awkward for a while.

 

3) Obviously you shouldn't hit on a waitress if they're at work, but otherwise?

 

4) 5) 6) See 2 above

 

7) I see some merit in that... but in small communities you can't avoid everyone knowing everyone, so you might not be able to avoid dating someone who dated a friend.

 

8) Yeah I see your point.

 

 

Only 20% of workplace relationships go the distance to marriage. Like with most things in life I think it is wise to make decisions based on the odds not just on possibility.

 

Is it possible I will win the lottery tomorrow? Sure. No debate about that. Is it likely? No. Therefore to me it is not worth spending alot of money playing the lottery when the odds are stacked against me. It isn't worth thinking about what I will do if I win the lottery.

 

Well I think dating has to be approached with the statistical mindset. What are the odds that things will turn out in my favor if I do this or that?

 

Furthermore in most relationships there are only 2 possible long term outcomes. You break up or worse you get married. I have no desire to get married so for me the odds of an eventual breakup are about 90%. Most women who are in love with their boyfriends want to get married or expect some sort of full time commitment like living together. They won't be satisfied with dating 2 to 3 times a week for the rest pf their lives.

 

I still hold out a glimmer of hope that maybe one day I'll luck out and meet a woman who is satisfied with seeing me part time which would be dating 2 to 3 times a week for the rest of our lives. It is not likely but we'll see. Don't worry when I go out with a woman and she talks about marriage I tell her upfront I have no desire to get married.

[Gold22]

Why are waitresses off limits? All the rest I can understand, although you're being a bit over cautious in my opinion. I dated a guy from my Church, we both still went to our church after we broke up, no dramas there.

 

Because it is unlikely that a waitress is going to be interested. She would have to come on to me heavy with the buying signals or forget it. What are the odds of that happening? Less than 3%.

[alphamale]

what about a highly educated woman who makes $500k per year?

[Gold22]

what about a highly educated woman who makes $500k per year?

 

I don't see anything wrong with that. If she makes more money than me then fine.

[ericw899]

Here is a list of women that I consider off limits as far as I'm concerned. Feel free to add or take away from this list to tailor it to your situation.

 

1. Women who have boyfriends or married. This one is almost universal and goes without saying.

 

2. Coworkers

 

3. Waitresses.

 

4. Classmates

 

5. Women I meet at a volunteer organization.

 

6. Women at my church. If we break up I have to find a new church.

 

7. Women who used to date one of my friends unless my friend dumped her and encouraged us to go out.

 

8. Women who have children. This is not a universal thing but certainly applies to men who do not want children. Unless I am ready to step up to the plate and take on stepfather responsibilites forget it.

 

I never understand the "off limits" thing. Like 1 & 7 I understand & 8 is totally up to the person. But the others it doesn't make sense to me. Any woman could be a perfect match for me, you or any guy but why should we not be able to pursue them just because of the setting we meet them. That lady working at Applebee's could be your soulmate. Should you just pass on it because of how you met her?

[Gold22]

What are the signs that your girlfriend is a keeper? Keeper meaning the person you consider marrying.

 

1. When you open the car door for her does she reach over to unlock the door on your side?

 

2. When someone takes advantage of you in some way such as cheating you out of some money or anything else for that matter does your girlfriend get more upset about it than you do? Maybe you are willing to let it go and leave it in God's hands and not even tell her what happened but she finds out through the grapevine and asks "How come you didn't tell me?" as she is a little upset with you for not telling her. Then you explain that you are not worried as God is taking care of it. She decides that explanation is not good enough and says "I don't care. I'm doing something about it". She is very well intentioned in wanting to help out and not wait for God to fight your battles for you. When someone takes advantage of you it is sweet of her to be more upset about it than you are.

 

3. Does she encourage you in your hobbies and other things you are passionate about?

 

4. Does she seem to be willing to do everything in her power to help make your dreams come true?

 

5. Does she take initiative to get to know members of your family and help them out with problems if she can? Very good sign as this is not expected of her. Anytime she does what's not expected that's a sign of a keeper. By the way nothing in this list is expected of her.

 

6. Does she listen and try to console you when you confide in her about your worries and fears? Do you even feel comfortable about confiding in her about some secrets only known between you and God?

 

7. Is she flexible in terms of letting you have time to hang out with your male buddies?

 

8. Does she remember exact details as to how you like certain food and drinks prepared when she orders for you or prepares them? Again another unexpected thing.

 

This is all I can think of. Anything she does unexpected are signs she is a keeper. Kind of like how in the workplace any employees who go out of their way to do tasks far above the call of duty should be considered for a promotion. The basic duty of a girlfriend is to treat her boyfriend with respect and be faithful to him and not abuse him. The same basic duty a man has to his girlfriend. That's a given. If she does things above all that then consider marrying her.

[Gold22]

I never understand the "off limits" thing. Like 1 & 7 I understand & 8 is totally up to the person. But the others it doesn't make sense to me. Any woman could be a perfect match for me, you or any guy but why should we not be able to pursue them just because of the setting we meet them. That lady working at Applebee's could be your soulmate. Should you just pass on it because of how you met her?

 

If that lady working at applebees comes on to me heavy such as giving me instructions to come back and talk with her more when she gets off duty or she volunteers information about her work schedule the rest of the week then maybe just maybe she's my soulmate. The potential sign that she's my soulmate is that she's coming at me with heavy buying signals. Otherwise I don't try to make stuff happen. I just assume she's there to do her job and I mind my own business and make sure I tip her well before I leave. Ultimately she has to be interacting with me in a special way beyond the call of duty before I do anything.

[ericw899]

If that lady working at applebees comes on to me heavy such as giving me instructions to come back and talk with her more when she gets off duty or she volunteers information about her work schedule the rest of the week then maybe just maybe she's my soulmate. The potential sign that she's my soulmate is that she's coming at me with heavy buying signals. Otherwise I don't try to make stuff happen. I just assume she's there to do her job and I mind my own business and make sure I tip her well before I leave. Ultimately she has to be interacting with me in a special way beyond the call of duty before I do anything.

 

I'm just saying, she is just a waitress, meaning she is a normal human being like you and I. Yes she is doing her job, but what's wrong with taking a polite shot and asking if she would be open to a drink or to exchange numbers even if there is no burning chemistry. As long as your'e not an ******* I don't see a problem with it.

[5x5]

I'm just saying, she is just a waitress, meaning she is a normal human being like you and I. Yes she is doing her job, but what's wrong with taking a polite shot and asking if she would be open to a drink or to exchange numbers even if there is no burning chemistry. As long as your'e not an ******* I don't see a problem with it.

 

Yep, there are ways without being a creep.

[5x5]

Here is a list of women that I consider off limits as far as I'm concerned. Feel free to add or take away from this list to tailor it to your situation.

 

1. Women who have boyfriends or married. This one is almost universal and goes without saying.

 

2. Coworkers

 

3. Waitresses.

 

4. Classmates

 

5. Women I meet at a volunteer organization.

 

6. Women at my church. If we break up I have to find a new church.

 

7. Women who used to date one of my friends unless my friend dumped her and encouraged us to go out.

 

8. Women who have children. This is not a universal thing but certainly applies to men who do not want children. Unless I am ready to step up to the plate and take on stepfather responsibilites forget it.

 

Well I've never thought point number 1 goes without saying at all. I've had women dump their boyfriends or sexual partners (my current wife) to be with me.

 

As to those who are married, though I have never chased such women. When not in an exclusive sexual relationship I have played with some. I figure if they're not fussed about vows of sexual fidelity, I feel no obligation to honour those vows when I have made no such promises.

 

As to point number 2, three of my ongoing, (as opposed to one night stand and the like) sexual relationships. Have been with coworkers (including my current wife who asked me out).

 

Point 3, I've never dated or (at least as far as I can recall) had sex with a woman who was a waitress. That said I wouldn't rule it out if I were interested in them.

 

Point 4, Post High School I've dated one class mate from tertiary education and had sex with several others.

 

Plus I played with a woman briefly during an Army promotion course. Unfortunately she was married (I was freshly divorced), yet it was mutual lust and everything at first sight, so...

 

I wouldn't rule out point 5 either, if I was attracted to one of them, were available and they were reciprocally attracted to me and willing.

 

Being an atheist Point 6, isn't my thing at all so I'm with you there.

 

I remember going on a 2nd date with a woman to a party held by some church group with people she met at her university (I was dragged along). It's funny though on the train back I was thinking, I am so not seeing you again if you're one of those people. Till she made it clear she wasn't like them, so I banged her silly when we got back to hers.

 

Point 7, I've never gone after women who my friends have dated. That said I'm not opposed to it, yet inadvertently did for a while (my third longest and third most significant relationship). Since the just above mentioned woman, had dated one of my friends and former work colleagues who was now her work colleague.

 

Finally regarding point 8, I've got no problem with being with women who have children, even though kids aren't my thing as such (despite having three kids from two marriages). The way I see it, if they want to have sex with me and I want to have sex with them and I'm available and willing, why not. If it doesn't turn into an ongoing thing that's fine and if it does that's also fine.

[5x5]

what about a highly educated woman who makes $500k per year?

 

So far I've only been at the highly educated $200k range woman, $500k would be fine yet it's not something I would ever look for.

[5x5]

Only 20% of workplace relationships go the distance to marriage. Like with most things in life I think it is wise to make decisions based on the odds not just on possibility.

 

Well there's more than just marriage, sometimes it's just nice to play together for a while.

 

At 4 sexual relationships with 1 marriage (25%), that has so far happily lasted for 19½ years I'm happy with that.

 

When my wife and I started dating after she asked me out, neither of us were planning to be together for very long. Yet the sex was and is great and we like each other so we just kept having out together.

 

Is it possible I will win the lottery tomorrow? Sure. No debate about that. Is it likely? No. Therefore to me it is not worth spending alot of money playing the lottery when the odds are stacked against me. It isn't worth thinking about what I will do if I win the lottery.

 

Well I think dating has to be approached with the statistical mindset. What are the odds that things will turn out in my favor if I do this or that?

 

Well if statistics rather than sex and fun is what you're into, do have at those numbers.

 

Furthermore in most relationships there are only 2 possible long term outcomes. You break up or worse you get married. I have no desire to get married so for me the odds of an eventual breakup are about 90%. Most women who are in love with their boyfriends want to get married or expect some sort of full time commitment like living together. They won't be satisfied with dating 2 to 3 times a week for the rest pf their lives.

 

Breaking up is hardly the end of the world, sure it might fell bad (as it did for me with 2 women) at the time. Yet there's the sunny side of new horizons and opportunities. Plus the fun feel of having sex with plenty of new people and having new ongoing sexual relationships as well.

 

As to getting married, I'm neutral on it I'm okay with being married or not. I lived with my wife for over 2 years before we got married. So far for me being married the second time round, has been an extension of dating. I still do what I want, I still enjoy most of the same things (except for things I no longer am into).

 

While I still get to go out as I like, I still get to have dinner (when I get around to it) with one of my other women friends. I still get to draw and paint other naked women (and some men) as I like and all the rest. Plus I still get to have fun hanging out with my wife, while having lots of sex with her (at least 4-6x a week and often more). Plus our kids are doing well, with our oldest also going to a top ten university next year to do a double degree.

 

As to satisfaction and all the rest, live for a while and things can change, as people do as well. If something comes to an end, something else can begin.

 

Life is going to happen to you as long as you live, whether you want to participate or not.

 

If you want to sometimes limit you're opportunities to be sure about something before you act, then do exactly that. Time will march on whether you hesitate or jump in. It really doesn't matter much to others if at all, whatever you choose.

 

I still hold out a glimmer of hope that maybe one day I'll luck out and meet a woman who is satisfied with seeing me part time which would be dating 2 to 3 times a week for the rest of our lives. It is not likely but we'll see. Don't worry when I go out with a woman and she talks about marriage I tell her upfront I have no desire to get married.

 

Well marriage has never been much of a topic of conversation for me, I've certainly never looked for it, yet I've never been opposed to it either. Yet here I am on my second marriage because why not, I've found I enjoy the ride.

 

As long as you're direct on your wants, know yourself and are true to yourself I wouldn't worry about what might or might not be.

[5x5]

What are the signs that your girlfriend is a keeper? Keeper meaning the person you consider marrying.

 

Is not mentally ill or suffers from any personality disorders.

 

Does not require medication for any mental or emotional issues.

 

Can self soothe, know that they are responsible for their own mental wellbeing.

 

Are independent and capable.

 

Is drama free and not needy or insecure.

 

Is confident.

 

Is assertive and doesn't suffer fools.

 

Is rational.

 

Is fun.

 

Does not have excessive financial debt, has savings, is responsible with their money and is gainfully employed and successful at what they do.

 

Is of high intelligence with high order interpersonal skills.

 

Is not a virgin.

 

As proven through a lot of shared sex, is a great sexual match.

 

As proven likes a lot of frequent sex.

 

As proven is good at sex.

 

As proven is up for a kaleidoscope of vanilla and non-vanilla sexual practices as ongoing things.

 

Is for the most part up for trying a variety of new things sexually as an ongoing thing.

 

Enjoys the sex we share.

 

Is fine with nudity, is up for nudity and will except for when it's cold or that time of the month always sleep in the nude.

 

Is not a prude or a wowser.

 

Is fine with nude art, erotica and pornography.

 

Enjoys some nude art, erotica and pornography.

 

Has posed sans any clothing for me, so that I can paint and draw nude pictures of them. Likewise has done the same for erotic photographs and even some pornographic type photographs for me. And is willing to continue to do the same as an ongoing thing into the future.

 

Likes that I regularly draw and paint pictures of other naked women and sometimes men who pose in person for my art.

 

Seems to like me a lot.

 

Enjoys a lot of the same music, so we can enjoy concerts together.

 

Enjoys live theatre, so we can enjoy theatre together.

 

Enjoys some of the same movies and TV shows, so we can watch films and TV together.

 

Enjoys plenty of the same or similar foods together, so we can enjoy eating out together.

 

Enjoys my company, and loves me.

 

Wants to be with me, yet doesn't need me.

 

Doesn't tell me what I can or can't do.

 

Can make great food.

 

Likes that I want to be with them, and is fine that I don't need them.

 

is a moral nihilists or mostly leans that way.

 

Is not religious.

 

Is at least an agnostic atheist or close to being one.

 

Plus last yet not least, that she is very pretty.

[5x5]

As to my list I am still married to a woman who met and still meets my criteria as posted above.

 

Plus I was in an ongoing sexual relationship with another women who pretty much met that criteria as well.

 

While my ex-wife also met most of that criteria. Except we were very young and mental illness became a thing as she got a bit older (never again for me hence my list).

[Gold22]

What are the signs your girlfriend is a keeper?

[Gold22]

What are the signs your girlfriend is a keeper?

[trippi1432]

I would say as long as she has your back....it's hard to find women like that when men are sending them off and replacing them so easily. I sort of like my Cabana boy to be honest. He is a sexy beast...each year I replace him with my six figure salary....and oh the tricks the next one does. Nice!!

 

Now if I really cared about the man.....as he is supposed to care about me, I would move heaven and earth. And if he wasn't able to do that for me too...well...there is always another Cabana boy.

 

 

oh...and I started off as a waitress, but as a single mom I knew I was better than having my ass slapped for a $0.25 tip from old men in a coffee shop when their own wives were better equipped to care for themselves. So I make my own six figures now and take care of me. A lot of you men got 50 shades of Grey wrong. :laugh:

[basil67]

What are the signs that your girlfriend is a keeper? Keeper meaning the person you consider marrying.

 

I would have been single a long time if men followed these rules.

 

1. When you open the car door for her does she reach over to unlock the door on your side?

 

I have done this...but not since the 1990's. You may as well be looking for a girl who knows how to oil your cart. OK, joking here. You're simply talking about being thoughtful. Fair enough.

 

2. When someone takes advantage of you in some way such as cheating you out of some money or anything else for that matter does your girlfriend get more upset about it than you do? Maybe you are willing to let it go and leave it in God's hands and not even tell her what happened but she finds out through the grapevine and asks "How come you didn't tell me?" as she is a little upset with you for not telling her. Then you explain that you are not worried as God is taking care of it. She decides that explanation is not good enough and says "I don't care. I'm doing something about it". She is very well intentioned in wanting to help out and not wait for God to fight your battles for you. When someone takes advantage of you it is sweet of her to be more upset about it than you are.

 

I don't want a guy who waits for God to take care of someone who's taken advantage of him. Instead I want a guy who's proactive about his own concerns. Unless it's a small matter with a degree of misunderstanding....and fighting it would have a worse outcome than sucking it up.

 

3. Does she encourage you in your hobbies and other things you are passionate about?

 

If he needs my encouragement, then he's obviously not that keen on the hobbies. I want a guy who drives his own passions.

 

4. Does she seem to be willing to do everything in her power to help make your dreams come true?

 

Again, I want the type of guy who makes his own dreams come true. Sure, I'll help him if he needs help, but it's essentially his power which needs to be used. And vice verce if it's my dreams.

 

Does she take initiative to get to know members of your family and help them out with problems if she can? Very good sign as this is not expected of her. Anytime she does what's not expected that's a sign of a keeper. By the way nothing in this list is expected of her.

 

Better question would be how she helps those around her in general. Helping your family has a payoff in terms of making you happy. But does she help those where there's no direct payoff? And does she know where to draw the line when it comes to helping those who won't help themselves?

 

6. Does she listen and try to console you when you confide in her about your worries and fears? Do you even feel comfortable about confiding in her about some secrets only known between you and God?

 

When one is worried or frightened, consolation has little value. Better to make contingency plans. Or if it's something which may not happen, bring them back to reality.

 

7. Is she flexible in terms of letting you have time to hang out with your male buddies?

 

This is good. Unless his plans involve standing me up or not coming home.

 

8. Does she remember exact details as to how you like certain food and drinks prepared when she orders for you or prepares them? Again another unexpected thing.

 

This isn't unexpected at all. Heck, I know how my best girlfriends drink their tea. This is simply normal behaviour of someone who cares. And I'd expect the same thing from a guy. If he can't make me a cup of tea how I like it or remember which pizza I like, I'd be figuring he doesn't care much.

[Jamess1]

Here is a list of women that I consider off limits as far as I'm concerned. Feel free to add or take away from this list to tailor it to your situation.

 

1. Women who have boyfriends or married. This one is almost universal and goes without saying.

Doesn't go without saying-married women are definately NOT off limits...even women women with bf are not off limts, as long as she interest you make a move...and if she is hot

 

8. Women who have children. This is not a universal thing but certainly applies to men who do not want children. Unless I am ready to step up to the plate and take on stepfather responsibilities forget it.

 

Women with kids are OFF limits, definitely not for dating, maybe for a fling,ONS and a casual relationship, not for long-term commitment/investment ...

 

Only relatives are off limit - if she is hot, I am coming for the kill, we are alpha !

[littleblackheart]

Basically off-limits women are those who don't want to date you, and those you don't want to date; that's the long and short of it, imo.