Sex Ruins Challenge

[Tom2015]

Why is it everyone talks about confidence but very few members here talk about the importance of guys being a challenge in the relationship?

 

I think having sex too early short circuits the element of challenge. When I have girlfriends I try to put off having sex as long as possible. Sex opens the door for my judgment to get clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively as much.

 

Even if I'm having sex with my girlfriend I make sure she initiates it slightly more than I do. A good ratio is 1:2. I initiate sex once for every 2 times she initiates it. Of course I wait for her to initiate sex the first time and then I tell her I'm not ready and need more time. I try to get at least 8 months in with a girlfriend before sex.

 

Also when we go away on vacation and stay at a hotel I book separate rooms just to be a challenge.

 

How many men have the courage to turn down sex once a year just to be a challenge? Most guys jump on the sex opportunity at the first sign.

[guest569]

I think it's very wise to wait until you are ready. But to deliberately hold off, in order to be perceived as a challenge, I don't quite understand. You might give off the impression that you are not interested in her. Deliberately ensuring a 1:2 ratio doesn't make sense to me. She will likely end up with psychological issues and think you're not interested or asexual. If I have a boyfriend of 8 months, booking separate hotel rooms, I will probably leave. So, what exactly are you trying to achieve be being 'challenging'? Relationships are hard enough without silly games.

[basil67]

Why is it everyone talks about confidence but very few members here talk about the importance of guys being a challenge in the relationship?

 

I think having sex too early short circuits the element of challenge. When I have girlfriends I try to put off having sex as long as possible. Sex opens the door for my judgment to get clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively as much.

 

Even if I'm having sex with my girlfriend I make sure she initiates it slightly more than I do. A good ratio is 1:2. I initiate sex once for every 2 times she initiates it. Of course I wait for her to initiate sex the first time and then I tell her I'm not ready and need more time. I try to get at least 8 months in with a girlfriend before sex.

 

Also when we go away on vacation and stay at a hotel I book separate rooms just to be a challenge.

 

How many men have the courage to turn down sex once a year just to be a challenge? Most guys jump on the sex opportunity at the first sign.

 

I had sex with my partner of 26 years on the day we met. Given that we're still together, I'd say it didn't cloud anything.

 

Saying no to be a challenge is simply playing games. My husband does say no to sex on occasion. But it's because he's too tired or unwell - not because he's playing games.

[Lotus_Luna]

I didn’t have sex with any of my old boyfriends. I waited until marriage and they all respected my feelings on it.

 

I didn’t have sex with ex AP, but we got intimate. I felt ready emotionally, but I have a harder time compartmentalizing now...

[5x5]

Why is it everyone talks about confidence but very few members here talk about the importance of guys being a challenge in the relationship?

 

Because lots of people aren't into playing silly games to no end.

 

I think having sex too early short circuits the element of challenge. When I have girlfriends I try to put off having sex as long as possible. Sex opens the door for my judgment to get clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively as much.

 

I don't have sex to feel challenged.

 

Personally I enjoy sharing sex for the pleasure it brings to myself and others.

 

That said if you're into manipulating others, via withholding sex in the way you do. Are you sure your judgement isn't already clouded, outside of you having sex?

 

Even if I'm having sex with my girlfriend I make sure she initiates it slightly more than I do. A good ratio is 1:2. I initiate sex once for every 2 times she initiates it. Of course I wait for her to initiate sex the first time and then I tell her I'm not ready and need more time. I try to get at least 8 months in with a girlfriend before sex.

 

If you find yourself with women who are dandy with that. Don't be surprised if they're not into sex that much themselves, or they're getting sex from others elsewhere.

 

It's also worth noting that the ratio you mention, is certainly not slight.

 

That aside unless I didn't like sex, or I was appallingly bad at it. I can't imagine wanting to pass on having sex, through the first 8 months of a new romanctic relationship.

 

Through all of my romantic relationships that have lasted longer than 8 months, I had sex with each of them from 190x to 250x through those first 8 months.

 

One thing for sure looking back, I certainly don't regret having had the considerable amount of sex, that I have thus far enjoyed throughout my adult life.

 

Also when we go away on vacation and stay at a hotel I book separate rooms just to be a challenge.

 

Whenever I have gone away with new through long term ongoing sexual partners, I am not into playing superfluous and immature games of manipulation. So I share the same room/suite or cabin with them.

 

Plus it's cheaper, less wasteful, and affords more practical and frequent access. To enjoy my time with them bent over, or with their ankles sometimes being in the vicinity of their ears and the like.

 

How many men have the courage to turn down sex once a year just to be a challenge? Most guys jump on the sex opportunity at the first sign.

 

As a man who has quite readily turned down sex when I have been, injured , sick or simply just not interested. I can assure you, saying no really isn't an act of valour and does not require any courage at all.

 

Nor is it an extraordinary thing to do either.

[Wallysbears]

Why is it everyone talks about confidence but very few members here talk about the importance of guys being a challenge in the relationship?

 

I think having sex too early short circuits the element of challenge. When I have girlfriends I try to put off having sex as long as possible. Sex opens the door for my judgment to get clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively as much.

 

Even if I'm having sex with my girlfriend I make sure she initiates it slightly more than I do. A good ratio is 1:2. I initiate sex once for every 2 times she initiates it. Of course I wait for her to initiate sex the first time and then I tell her I'm not ready and need more time. I try to get at least 8 months in with a girlfriend before sex.

 

Also when we go away on vacation and stay at a hotel I book separate rooms just to be a challenge.

 

How many men have the courage to turn down sex once a year just to be a challenge? Most guys jump on the sex opportunity at the first sign.

 

 

A great deal of what you are saying is going to be a large part of you remaining single. This is “games”.

 

Grown women don’t like games.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Good luck with that strategy, I guess?

 

If I wanted to play silly push-pull games, be made to do most of the initiating, and have sex regularly withheld for imaginary reasons - I'd date a woman.

[d0nnivain]

A healthy relationship is not the zero sum power struggle you are setting up.

 

Delaying sex until you get to know somebody better is fine. I always tried to wait a while but 8 months? That seems extreme. I suspect if you find a woman willing to wait that long without benefit of marriage you are not going to find somebody capable of initiating sex twice as often as you do.

[FMW]

Tom, your "rules" sound really horrible and likely to only attract women who have serious self-esteem or sexual issues.

 

Waiting to have sex is great as long as it's coming from an authentic place, not some kind of pre-planned itinerary.

 

If I as the woman have to be the one initiating sex most of the time, I won't be hanging around for long. I want an equal give and take, otherwise I would feel like he thought he was doing me a favor and wasn't really into it - so again, only a woman with serious issues would be ok with that.

[anika99]

I definitely agree that sex clouds judgement and that it's very difficult to remain objective about someone once there is sex involved. I think women struggle to stay objective even more than men do.

 

However I don't understand this being a challenge thing. First of all I always thought it was the males who wanted a challenge. That they are the ones who quickly lose interest if there is no chase or no challenge.

 

I don't think I would stay interested in a guy who still doesn't want to have sex after a few months of dating. If he wasn't holding off the sex for religious or moral reasons, I would assume that he must just not be sexually attracted to me and move on. If he told me or I found out that the reason he was not having sex was because its just some game he plays in order to be a challenge I would find that disdainful and end the relationship. Same if I found out he was using some sort of ratio to determine when he would iniate sex. That just sounds manipulative to me, like you're trying to mess with my head and make me doubt myself so that you will appear to be more of a catch.

[Els]

Waiting until you're ready is perfectly fine, but if someone uses a ratio to determine how often he initiates, I'd suggest a trip to the psychologist stat.

[snowboy91]

Why is it everyone talks about confidence but very few members here talk about the importance of guys being a challenge in the relationship?

Because, as others have said, that's playing games. And over time, as a relationship progresses, having to overcome a challenge gets boring and frustrating.

 

I think having sex too early short circuits the element of challenge. When I have girlfriends I try to put off having sex as long as possible. Sex opens the door for my judgment to get clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively as much.

 

Even if I'm having sex with my girlfriend I make sure she initiates it slightly more than I do. A good ratio is 1:2. I initiate sex once for every 2 times she initiates it. Of course I wait for her to initiate sex the first time and then I tell her I'm not ready and need more time. I try to get at least 8 months in with a girlfriend before sex.

 

 

It's worth delaying having sex if that's how you feel, but 8 months is a very long time - I'm surprised people have that much patience (aside from religious reasons). Most of the time I find people will either see your game, get annoyed and leave, or assume you weren't into them and leave.

 

And I don't think sex removes challenge at all, it's not some kind of ultimate final goal, after which you've crossed every hurdle. Even if there is sex on the first date, there still is a challenge. This bigger challenge is keeping her around... with good company and more sex

[preraph]

I think you're masking and rationalizing some deeper problem of your own with that attitude. Sounds like a whole lot of insecurity to me, if not fear or gender issues. Also sounds very controlling and maybe the only way you can get off.

[Simple Logic]

Why is it everyone talks about confidence but very few members here talk about the importance of guys being a challenge in the relationship?

 

I think having sex too early short circuits the element of challenge. When I have girlfriends I try to put off having sex as long as possible. Sex opens the door for my judgment to get clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively as much.

 

Even if I'm having sex with my girlfriend I make sure she initiates it slightly more than I do. A good ratio is 1:2. I initiate sex once for every 2 times she initiates it. Of course I wait for her to initiate sex the first time and then I tell her I'm not ready and need more time. I try to get at least 8 months in with a girlfriend before sex.

 

Also when we go away on vacation and stay at a hotel I book separate rooms just to be a challenge.

 

How many men have the courage to turn down sex once a year just to be a challenge? Most guys jump on the sex opportunity at the first sign.

 

“Sometimes it takes courage to give into temptation.” Oscar Wilde.

[Shining One]

Sex opens the door for my judgment to get clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively as much.

I definitely agree that sex clouds judgement and that it's very difficult to remain objective about someone once there is sex involved.

I'm probably an oddball, but my judgement is clearest about a woman after we have sex.

[preraph]

^ It's probably just a reflection of your priorities.