Where and how

[ZA Dater]

I keep myself pretty busy between work, the social club I run and the few hobbies I have but I have started to wonder where single people go? Is it a case of friends of friends which help single people pair up, meet up?

 

 

I just never seem to meet anyone single. Lets forget OLD as that isn't effective for me and while I don't need someone I have some days where it would be nice to have some company. Sitting on ones own most of the time becomes normal until I get some attention then I usually push my luck too far.

 

 

People say talk to people and that's ok but even when I do that, everyone seems paired up, honestly I don't think I have met anyone single in years.

 

 

Deep down I just feel like I am missing something, missing an experience and yes I paper over that with other experiences but it never really goes away.

 

 

I thought about going to markets where people hang out, eat and buy stuff but again it seems tough to actually interact with people there, I don't have that magnetic charm so its hard for me to look past the fact I will probably seem odd.

 

 

Do I look for a date or do I look for fun?

[Garcon1986]

Mississippi has the same problem. My approach will be to go to every venue where I am least likely to be remembered (i.e. a different restaurant or bar each week). I will ask them where the dating scene is. Then, I will at the same time be looking for clubs that I am interested in, that I can join. Just playing the numbers game. I'm not desirable enough that single women will be just running to me, so I come to them.

[LuckyM]

It is hard for anyone to say because we do not know what life is like there where you live in Africa. At least I don't. A good part of meeting someone depends on your circumstances, your daily routines, city life, etc. I have found that singles who are lucky will meet someone even in unlikely places and small towns and those unlucky like me cannot meet anyone easily even in a very large metro city. Some people find love right away, others spend their lives looking--often in vain.

[ZA Dater]

Mississippi has the same problem. My approach will be to go to every venue where I am least likely to be remembered (i.e. a different restaurant or bar each week). I will ask them where the dating scene is. Then, I will at the same time be looking for clubs that I am interested in, that I can join. Just playing the numbers game. I'm not desirable enough that single women will be just running to me, so I come to them.

 

 

 

Problem is for business reasons I cant step too far out. I have always wanted to have something nice that is appealing to people but it seems that idea was folly on my part.

[ZA Dater]

It is hard for anyone to say because we do not know what life is like there where you live in Africa. At least I don't. A good part of meeting someone depends on your circumstances, your daily routines, city life, etc. I have found that singles who are lucky will meet someone even in unlikely places and small towns and those unlucky like me cannot meet anyone easily even in a very large metro city. Some people find love right away, others spend their lives looking--often in vain.

 

 

To give you an idea where I live could be a mix between Miami and Laguna Beach. I never come across single people in my daily routine, sometime I wish I did because at least we'd have something in common. Instead I run across people all of them taken but I get some attention from them anyway so I try make the most of that.

[Garcon1986]

Your business can't dictate what restaurants you go to right?

[ZA Dater]

Your business can't dictate what restaurants you go to right?

 

Ok so I go and eat dinner on my own, then what?

[Garcon1986]

After work you go to a restaurant or bar. You get dinner. Then you ask the waitress where the single crowd/ speed dating/ clubs with singles are. Repeat at many restaurants/ bars/ meetings. Then you have a list of places where singles go.

[5x5]

I keep myself pretty busy between work, the social club I run and the few hobbies I have but I have started to wonder where single people go?

 

This really shouldn't be difficult for you to figure out.

 

They go to places like Cocoon, Dizzys and the Shimmy Beach Club.

 

If you're looking for singles all you need to do is drag your behind, to nightclubs and dance clubs and you will find plenty of them.

 

This really isn't a revelation.

 

Why you don't already know the answer to your own question is beyond me.

[alphamale]

try meetup.com

[ZA Dater]

This really shouldn't be difficult for you to figure out.

 

They go to places like Cocoon, Dizzys and the Shimmy Beach Club.

 

If you're looking for singles all you need to do is drag your behind, to nightclubs and dance clubs and you will find plenty of them.

 

This really isn't a revelation.

 

Why you don't already know the answer to your own question is beyond me.

 

 

 

Great places those if you want a battle of who has the biggest wallet. I am not interested in that pretentious BS.

 

 

What if I don't like clubs and dace clubs then what?

[littleblackheart]

Have you considered moving away from SA?

 

Maybe it's the environment that doesn't suit your character, and not the other way around?

 

I don't really follow closely all your threads (apologies for that; there are so many, seemingly all revolving around the same themes) but but it sounds like you could really do with a drastic change in your life, if only to get you out of your mindset, imo.

[5x5]

What if I don't like clubs and dace clubs then what?

 

Lots of young single people go to such venues because that's where they're likely to find a greater number of available singles. That doesn't mean all the people who go to such places, like such venues.

 

Yet they are pragmatic enough to realise that boycotting such places will limit their chances. So they get over their dislikes and act accordingly.

 

The world doesn't revolve around you, and nor does it conform to your whims.

 

So if you want to have a better chance, at getting to have a sexual relationship or relationships with women. You would do well to compromise and go to the places, where many singles congregate when looking for sexual partners.

[Garcon1986]

The club is a battle of the biggest wallet only if you make it that way. Nobody is twisting your arm to buy lots of drinks to each woman at the bar. I once upon a time thought bars were for drunkards only, and I was too cool to go there. I've now picked up the skill to start conversations by going to bars - its so very valuable in going after a date. Pretty women will never just show up in people's lives. Typically we have to go after them.

[ZA Dater]

Lots of young single people go to such venues because that's where they're likely to find a greater number of available singles. That doesn't mean all the people who go to such places, like such venues.

 

Yet they are pragmatic enough to realise that boycotting such places will limit their chances. So they get over their dislikes and act accordingly.

 

The world doesn't revolve around you, and nor does it conform to your whims.

 

So if you want to have a better chance, at getting to have a sexual relationship or relationships with women. You would do well to compromise and go to the places, where many singles congregate when looking for sexual partners.

 

I'll pass on the "I don't like it but we'll everyone else dues it" mantra. If that's the only way to get dates then I won't bother. Why the heck someone would go to such places if you didn't enjoy it I have no idea. And yes I have been to places say at the bar with my water and it was always the same, fit guys big wallets they get the choice, heck of they are loud supposedly cool and arrogant all the better.

 

Either one cares or one doesn't give a f and I am gravitating from the former to the latter. I can go to those places makes no difference there will always be something they don't like mostly the fact I don't drink.

[5x5]

Plus music festivals which are held in Cape Town, are also great events to meet singles at as well.

[elaine567]

Lots of young single people go to such venues because that's where they're likely to find a greater number of available singles. That doesn't mean all the people who go to such places, like such venues.

 

Yet they are pragmatic enough to realise that boycotting such places will limit their chances. So they get over their dislikes and act accordingly.

 

The world doesn't revolve around you, and nor does it conform to your whims.

 

So if you want to have a better chance, at getting to have a sexual relationship or relationships with women. You would do well to compromise and go to the places, where many singles congregate when looking for sexual partners.

 

^^this^^

Many many people in such venues hate these places but they go, meet someone there who also hates such places, someone who they have a lot in common with, and they go off as happy little bunnies together. Job done.

It is all about opportunity and if you shut down all avenues where you may meet someone, then opportunity is not going to knock on your door one Saturday night whilst you are poring over your work is it?

[Garcon1986]

ZA Dater we've had this conversation 1 month ago, almost the exact same words. You have a certain rubric of attractive woman. That's ok. There are things you can do to be the most attractive version of yourself. You seem to be a logical guy. You are asking for pretty girl, in a place you are comfortable with, who is ready to chat with you, who will be impressed by your social skills, who is ready to go out with you. If the chances of each of those things is 10% and you want all of those things together, the chances of them all happening is vanishingly small just through pure mathematical calculation. The harsh reality is that pretty women will not come to us unless we men are top of the line hunk with every resource in the world. What you are doing currently is banging your head on the wall. Remember how Thomas Edison said 10 000 failures isn't going to get me down, it is just 10 000 ways how not to do things? You've not yet methodically gone through the list of clubs on meetup.com in Capetown and are still arguing with us about how the city doesn't have anything to offer you. Based upon your posts you have not tried even a fraction of those clubs.

 

The current population of Capetown is about 3.81 million. I assume you want Asian/ Indian/ Caucasian only, so that leaves 50% * 32% = 609600. If you estimate that ~1/3 of those are of dating age, then you have 200 000 people to meet. That's not even including Johannesburg. It's not as horrible as you think it is, to travel for dates within your own country. I'm prepared to sound like a broken record (and so are many others here) but your rigidity hasn't gotten you to a girlfriend any sooner. Ready to step outside your comfort zone yet?

[ZA Dater]

ZA Dater we've had this conversation 1 month ago, almost the exact same words. You have a certain rubric of attractive woman. That's ok. There are things you can do to be the most attractive version of yourself. You seem to be a logical guy. You are asking for pretty girl, in a place you are comfortable with, who is ready to chat with you, who will be impressed by your social skills, who is ready to go out with you. If the chances of each of those things is 10% and you want all of those things together, the chances of them all happening is vanishingly small just through pure mathematical calculation. The harsh reality is that pretty women will not come to us unless we men are top of the line hunk with every resource in the world. What you are doing currently is banging your head on the wall. Remember how Thomas Edison said 10 000 failures isn't going to get me down, it is just 10 000 ways how not to do things? You've not yet methodically gone through the list of clubs on meetup.com in Capetown and are still arguing with us about how the city doesn't have anything to offer you. Based upon your posts you have not tried even a fraction of those clubs.

 

The current population of Capetown is about 3.81 million. I assume you want Asian/ Indian/ Caucasian only, so that leaves 50% * 32% = 609600. If you estimate that ~1/3 of those are of dating age, then you have 200 000 people to meet. That's not even including Johannesburg. It's not as horrible as you think it is, to travel for dates within your own country. I'm prepared to sound like a broken record (and so are many others here) but your rigidity hasn't gotten you to a girlfriend any sooner. Ready to step outside your comfort zone yet?

 

 

Firstly I am not travelling 1000 miles to be rejected. That's a complete waste of time.

 

 

 

What is the point of being the most attractive version when being the attractive guy gets me nothing, I may as well join the long line of player guys and adopt that attitude. The line of guys who manipulate and contrive results which make it even harder for nice guys to succeed. Or perhaps I am tired of just being used or told "oh well you need to accept this and that". No I don't need to accept any of that.

 

 

Not interested in indian or Asian and no I don't match with any white ladies whatsoever or if I do they are whales and not the ones found in Vega either.

 

 

I don't care if someone doesn't go out with me but is it too much to ask for someone to show some interest any sort of interest at all. No its just mothers looking for foster fathers, ladies from poor communities looking for a meal ticket, ladies in dead end careers looking for some sort of step up the ladder.

 

 

Why do I prefer early 20's its simple most don't come with any of that, I can weed out the ones who lack class quickly but the problem is everyone wants those, everyone wants the slim brunette, everyone wants the pretty faced blond. Just for flipping once I'd like to be in the front of the line not eating scraps off the floor in the corner which is pretty much what some advocate here.

 

 

You say meet up, I say just ridiculous, full of people like me who don't fit in driven by religion, that seems to be and answer if you don't drink then go to church and woe be you if you don't do either of these things. I signed up to an elite dating service and immediately thought of Elaine, its all 30s and 40's supposed professional people, 3 in 5 all harp on about religion, 1 in 20 is actually slim and of that 1 in 20 maybe 1 in 100 actually bothers to respond.

 

 

Total and complete waste of time and money, I'd have had better use buying homeless people food than wasting it on that.

[ZA Dater]

^^this^^

Many many people in such venues hate these places but they go, meet someone there who also hates such places, someone who they have a lot in common with, and they go off as happy little bunnies together. Job done.

It is all about opportunity and if you shut down all avenues where you may meet someone, then opportunity is not going to knock on your door one Saturday night whilst you are poring over your work is it?

 

 

 

They love, it drink up a storm, find hot guys, flaunt themselves, never met any pretty lady who doesn't love this, or love the attention of guys all chasing her. Not one.

 

 

Those avenues are not viable. Hence I went down the paying date route, the dating service route and honestly my odds of fun might be better with tourists, at least there is some reason to talk to them but even this plan didn't work.

 

 

I am sounding like Ethan now but its ironic really, if I am so abnormal why is it guys thousands of miles apart all have the same issue...

[Garcon1986]

Since when has the dating scene adapted to suit us? If you are going to use that terminology, the vast majority of the Mississippi dating scene comprises morbidly obese women. I'm turned off by that too, so I share your sentiments. The women I'm attracted to also reject me, just like in your situation. Meetup is BS only if you think it is. I also have a rubric of what women I'm attracted to. We can keep on having this debate on LS, but bottom line is women will not flock to either of us. I'm the one adapting without changing my core moral code here.

 

Since when has the dating scene adapted to suit us? You can try your hand at Elitesingles in Johannesburg or another online dating thing. If you don't want to adapt even just a little, women will continue to reject you or flake you. You've got the choice to change mate. Neither of us can change that we weren't born Leonardo DiCaprio or Ronaldinho.

[ZA Dater]

Plus music festivals which are held in Cape Town, are also great events to meet singles at as well.

 

 

 

All of which...you guess it, revolve around drugs and alcohol and after my sister OD'd at a festival it will be a cold day in h*ll before I go to any festival.

 

 

But hey guys apparently score easily there. Guess that's the attraction.

 

 

Its all about looking cool, cool, charming charismatic, even if what's being articulated is absolutely garbage.

[ZA Dater]

Since when has the dating scene adapted to suit us? If you are going to use that terminology, the vast majority of the Mississippi dating scene comprises morbidly obese women. I'm turned off by that too, so I share your sentiments. The women I'm attracted to also reject me, just like in your situation. Meetup is BS only if you think it is. I also have a rubric of what women I'm attracted to. We can keep on having this debate on LS, but bottom line is women will not flock to either of us. I'm the one adapting without changing my core moral code here.

 

Since when has the dating scene adapted to suit us? You can try your hand at Elitesingles in Johannesburg or another online dating thing. If you don't want to adapt even just a little, women will continue to reject you or flake you. You've got the choice to change mate. Neither of us can change that we weren't born Leonardo DiCaprio or Ronaldinho.

 

 

 

Told you I am not travelling 1000 miles for date. If I have nothing that attracts them to me then so be it, I am certainly not going to go looking to get kicked in the face with no upside. I have done 4 different OLD sites excluding Tinder and the quality of people is shocking. I can fully see why they are on dating sites.

[littleblackheart]

You need a change of something, OP. This is not healthy.

 

Btw, your environment plays a major part in your mental well being. I hate big cities, noise, lots of people and bright lights so I moved from the outskirts of London to a very quiet, peaceful, convivial little place where I can raise my kids without worries. Plus, options are there if I wanted to find someone (I don't); friendships are very easy to build, too because there are plenty of like-minded people here.

 

Also, maintaining an actual relationship takes some degree of compromise - if you're not willing to make any even before getting into a relationship, you are not giving very good vibes to a potential partner, who will have no basis on which to judge your level of flexibility - it's offputting, honestly. You are shooting yourself in the foot even before getting the girl (or a girl, or any girl, really).

 

I personally have impossibly high standards, very specific criteria that very few men can actually match and I'm not comfortable dating at all, so I don't date. I figure there's as much chance meeting that guy randomly in real life than I do meeting a number of strangers for any period of time. I don't let it consume my every thought, though. I'm genuinely content single and I like my life just how it is so I'm making no effort whatsoever to meet someone.

 

You seem to want to make no effort whatsoever - fair enough. In that case, stop trying to date.

 

If you keep on focusing on the problems, you will never find a solution.

 

Good luck either way!

[Wallysbears]

You have 2 options:

 

1. Keep doing what you are doing and getting the same results.

2. Change what you are doing and your way of looking at dating.