BaileyB Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I’m not so much looking for advice, as much as a place to just let it out.. My uncle has recently been diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer. It’s very sad, and my heart breaks for my uncle and his family. But, my heart aches for my dad. We lost my mom to cancer seven years ago. My father did not cope well with her illness, choosing to live in denial until literally the week before her death when he had to accept that we had to let her go. He has struggled with his grief over the past few years, he still has a difficult time talking about her without crying. And now, his brother and his best friend has been diagnosed with cancer. He lost his mother to cancer, he lost his father the week my mother was diagnosed, and now he has to live this experience... again. So much loss, how does one bear it? He has been very emotional this weekend. I worry about the toll the stress will take on his physical and mental health. To see him struggle to deal with this news triggers me in a way that nothing else does... Just desperately sad tonight. There is certainly no prize for the person who manages to live the longest... growing old is not for the faint of heart. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Oh Bailey. My heart goes out to your family. I'll say a prayer. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I'm so sorry Bailey. Big hugs to you Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 everything will be ok BB. find peace in God Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Sorry to hear Bailey, hard to watch your Dad go through this. If we live long enough, the last act of our lives a tough one... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author BaileyB Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 Sorry to hear Bailey, hard to watch your Dad go through this. If we live long enough, the last act of our lives a tough one... Mr. Lucky I suppose it goes as they say, those who grow old are the lucky ones because others are not always so fortunate. Thanks for your kind words folks. Still trying to process this news. We will support our father as best we can... the sad thing is, there is not really much we can do except be with him on this journey... Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Well that sucks. Anyway it's good that you are all there for him, that said please don't forget to look after your feelings and health as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I’m not so much looking for advice, as much as a place to just let it out.. My uncle has recently been diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer. It’s very sad, and my heart breaks for my uncle and his family. But, my heart aches for my dad. We lost my mom to cancer seven years ago. My father did not cope well with her illness, choosing to live in denial until literally the week before her death when he had to accept that we had to let her go. He has struggled with his grief over the past few years, he still has a difficult time talking about her without crying. And now, his brother and his best friend has been diagnosed with cancer. He lost his mother to cancer, he lost his father the week my mother was diagnosed, and now he has to live this experience... again. So much loss, how does one bear it? He has been very emotional this weekend. I worry about the toll the stress will take on his physical and mental health. To see him struggle to deal with this news triggers me in a way that nothing else does... Just desperately sad tonight. There is certainly no prize for the person who manages to live the longest... growing old is not for the faint of heart. so sorry this is happening to your father. i won't say "i can't imagine what he's going through" because i don't have to imagine it. i've felt it. some years ago i had several losses in a row, during my divorce. and it sucked. and i cried so much for so long, i had to go to the doctor and ask for help to stop. enough about me. what i don't understand is in what way is he struggling? it sounds like his reaction is commiserate with the situation. he's going to cry. he's going to be sad. it's going to be hard to watch him go though this, again! but it sounds like he is getting through it. unless... is he sinking into depression? drinking? not taking a shower? not eating? not washing/changing his clothes? that's when i'd be worried. and i make sure he's not driving during his struggle. as long as he is grieving, fine. if he is not coping, then you will have to step in. i don't know what you would say at that point other than to ask him if he needs a grief counselor. this sucks. watching him dealt so many hard blows one after the other. but from what you say, he is coping. all the best bailey. take care of yourself and him, as you have done. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I’m so sorry for his pain and your heartache. I know it sounds cliche’ but would he enjoy the companionship of a dog? They can be very good therapy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BaileyB Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 I’m so sorry for his pain and your heartache. I know it sounds cliche’ but would he enjoy the companionship of a dog? They can be very good therapy. He has a little dog. It was my mom’s dog and she has been his constant companion since my mother’s death. She has been his saving grace, but she is 12.5 years old now... let’s hope that she stays healthy for a while longer. It’s going to be another sad day when her health starts to fail... Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Oh no, how sad . I hope the little dog stays healthy for a long while! Does he go to a senior center or anything like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BaileyB Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 (edited) so sorry this is happening to your father. i won't say "i can't imagine what he's going through" because i don't have to imagine it. i've felt it. some years ago i had several losses in a row, during my divorce. and it sucked. and i cried so much for so long, i had to go to the doctor and ask for help to stop. enough about me. what i don't understand is in what way is he struggling? it sounds like his reaction is commiserate with the situation. he's going to cry. he's going to be sad. it's going to be hard to watch him go though this, again! but it sounds like he is getting through it. unless... is he sinking into depression? drinking? not taking a shower? not eating? not washing/changing his clothes? that's when i'd be worried. and i make sure he's not driving during his struggle. as long as he is grieving, fine. if he is not coping, then you will have to step in. i don't know what you would say at that point other than to ask him if he needs a grief counselor. this sucks. watching him dealt so many hard blows one after the other. but from what you say, he is coping. all the best bailey. take care of yourself and him, as you have done. I hear you. I expect that he will cry and he will share some of his feelings with us. I know he is coping, he’s doing his best to hold it together. He has never been diagnosed with depression, but he is very sensitive and I have often wondered if he is slightly depressed. He does drink, but it’s not a problem and he is still dressing and going through the motions everyday. He has recently retired, and he was having a difficult time with that transition. He is not an overly social man, he doesn’t have a lot of hobbies, he doesn’t volunteer, he has only a few close friends. He has a girlfriend who has also been having her own health challenges this fall... He has always put “all his eggs in one basket” in that he depends on his partner for his happiness - that didn’t work out for him when my mom died and he hasn’t really learned that lesson - he has just replaced my mother and put that responsibility on another woman. My uncle came to stay with my dad during my mother’s illness and didn’t leave for months. He was such an amazing support for my father, we took him into our family and now we all feel that we would like to give back. My uncle and his girlfriend (and us) are his primary support. I’ve been encouraging him to “diversify,” but he just hasn’t found his way since his retirement. He’s just desperately sad. Comments like “I’m the only one with nothing to do during the day,” or “If I’m going to be lonely and bored here, I may as well go somewhere hot and be lonely and bored there.” When my mom was sick, he couldn’t really talk about his feelings... he would sit at her bed and the silent tears would fall from his eyes. I am well aware that it is “his journey” and I do believe that he will get through it... It’s just brutally hard to watch. Edited November 26, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author BaileyB Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 Oh no, how sad . I hope the little dog stays healthy for a long while! Does he go to a senior center or anything like that? Thanks CO. We had a scare with the dog this summer and I went to the vet with him, in case the news was not good. While we sat in the waiting rooom, his lower lip was quivering... Again, it just breaks me. Thankfully, the pup is healthy and all was well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I'm sorry Bailey. Watching someone we love in pain is more difficult than dealing with our own pain and we feel helpless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BaileyB Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 I'm sorry Bailey. Watching someone we love in pain is more difficult than dealing with our own pain and we feel helpless. Thank you. All your comments are much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I'm so sorry. Would he be willing to go to a support group? He may even make some friends there? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Would he be willing to go to a support group? He may even make some friends there? We (gently) pushed my Mom to do this after my dad passed, but members of that generation seem to consider those feelings private in a way that's hard for us to understand. It was difficult enough to get her to talk to us kids about what was going on. Bailey, just be there for him, all you can do... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Aww, I'm so sorry, Bailey... Life is so bittersweet. Loving someone and then having to say goodbye to that person and carrying on without them.. It's such a weird existence. Hope your dad can find peace of mind somehow Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 I'm so sorry. I went through pancreatitis with my sister. Six months in the hospital. It's bad. I hope they have your uncle at a hospital that has a complete gastro unit. Most hospitals don't have the capabilities the ones with a whole unit have. We had to move my sister to one of the only two hospitals in this big metroplex that had a gastro unit or they would have just let her perish. They were afraid to operate and she was hard to stabilize so it was risky. It was a close call. But they never would have tried until we got her to the right hospital. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Bailey: I am so sorry for all that your dad is going through , it brought tears to my eyes. Sending your way a lot of love! Link to post Share on other sites
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