My ex gf is crying over me even when she dumped me.

[Joshua Burton]

So I had been with my ex for 5 months (a short time) but we really had a strong connection and we were in love. At the last 2 months of our relationship I started to get more argumentitive and needy, I was selfish in ways and I would get a bit jealous. I know this was wrong and I wanted to change during the relationship. My ex warned me when we were still together that if I carried on with my behaviours, I would push her away and wouldnt beable to get her back.

This happened and she broke up with me, I begged alot for maybe 2 days but ofcourse she rejected me. She said there was a wall between us that couldnt be broken and that she doesnt feel the same anymore. I knew begging was wrong and all it did was push her away, so I went into NC, but not properly, we messaged a few times in the next 5 days, she went out 2 twice those 5 days and on the second time she went out, I reached out because I got angry as she was posting pictures with cigarettes which she knows I hate and she doesnt even smoke. She told me she never smoked any and would never smoke. She was drunk that night and we talked for maybe 30 minutes, she would tell me how she missed my touch my kisses my snaps and voice. She even asked me to stay away from other girls for a year, I ignored this message. She then asked if she could call me to hear my voice as she sleeps, I rejected this request also. We also carried on doing streaks on snapchat because she asked me to carry on with her.

2 weeks into NC she messaged me asking if I wanted to stop doing streaks because I seemed uniterested and she felt as if she was forcing me. I said that we should stop as there was no point anymore in doing streaks. So we went in to full NC but a few day later it was her birthday. She had a party at her best friends house with her closest friends the day before her exact birthday, this was so they could all be together until midnight so they could celebrate at midnight. After midnight at 1.30 am i recieved a text from her best friend saying I should celebrate my ex s birthday as she was feeling down and told her friends that she wasnt expecting me to say happy birthday.

Initially I wasnt going to message her but later on in the morning I learnt that she had cried several times that night over me and I believe that she has cried over me before. I never wanted her to be upset and miserable, I just want her to be happy, so I decied to break the NC to say happy birthday even though I knew I would get a canned response which I did. I decided to message again a few hours later that morning because I had already broke NC and I thought I might aswell get information. I told her that we could talk about us, she replied saying there was nothing to talk about. I told her "Okay no problem I just wanted to ask." and she went on to say "I still love you but Iam not in love with you like before, I dont believe I can be the same and all Iam doing is trying to forget. This is the best for both of us, can we be friends?". I told her that I could not be friends and she said that she didnt want to push me, I left yhe conversation there and its been 2 days now. I have decided to go back into NC but Iam also mixing in Radio Silence. I dont understand what is going on, she wants me in her life but cannot commit, she is crying over me and misses me, she still sleeps with the teddy bear I bought her and puts my perfume on it to remind her of my smell, she told me she still wears the jewelry I got her.

I fear I have lost most of my hope but I dont want to lose her. I would appreciate any opinions and/or advice.

[basil67]

I don't know what 'streaks' are in Snapchat, but I will assume it's not relevant.

 

To the main question: She's crying because she recognises that you have many good traits and she really misses those parts of you. But she also recognises that the behaviours you exhibited were unacceptable and she needed to end it.

 

You know how you promised her that you'd change? You followed those promises with getting angry at her for smoking. If you had any chance at all, you would have blown it with that action. It reinforced that you don't yet possess the tools to change.

 

You've made the right choice to go NC - it will be the fastest way for you both to heal. I would also suggest you seek professional help to stop doing the kinds of behaviour which drove her away.

[Joshua Burton]

I see what you mean. I was still pushy and protective during the first few days after the break up. But when I messaged that night, she still continued to message me and tell all the things she told me. That she missed me and wanted me to call her to hear my voice.

 

I hope in time she will see that I have changed and that I am more understanding. And I hope that she can see that by me going into NC and leaving her to be free. She knows I care for her always.

 

Snapchats streaks is a term used for when you send photos to one another on snapchat daily and you keep a streak going.

 

Thank you for your opinion/advice.

[d0nnivain]

Sounds to me like she had a vision of who she wants you to be -- not the selfish, argumentative, needy jealous guy you admit you became. When your actions during your short love affair showed her that you are not that guy, she wisely chose to not believe your words & she ended things. She is sad & upset because she wanted you to be something else & she's disappointed because you can't. Thus she is crying. Her feelings have roots in an immature storybook fantasy version of romance.

 

Her friend's comment that you needed to celebrate your EX's birthday is some indication that your EX was expecting some grand gesture, straight out of the movies to demonstrate that you miraculously morphed into the person she always hoped you'd be.

 

The fact that all of this drama happened in the short time frame of 5 months tells me you two are a bad fit.

 

Remaining connected on social media just serves as painful reminders of what you are not to each other.

[Joshua Burton]

I see what you mean but I dont believe my ex expected me to be some perfect human from the movies or something like that. She used to always tell me that she had never met somebody like me, she would say she was so lucky to have found me and even her friends who saw me hanging around would go to my ex and joke around with her asking her how she found someone like me, they thought she had prayed for someone like me. Iam not boasting about myself, but all Iam saying is she new my worth and didnt expect more from me. I gave her too much in fact and I believe this made her feel like she was on a pedastool. She even said herself after the breakup, "I know Iam going to regret this decission in the future." She felt relief after the first few days but Iam not sure how she feels now. She seems confused to me.

[ExpatInItaly]

Eh, she sounds young and a bit immature. Not because she broke up with you, but because she gets soppy and sad when she wants company and attention so she messages the one person she knows will probably still give it to her.

 

Maybe she's also the type who gets overly-emotional when she has a few drinks in her.

 

Honestly? It sounds to me like she's sad she's alone, but she doesn't feel the same way about you anymore to have you fill that role in her life. Her tears are for herself more than for you.

[lana-banana]

Crying and swearing you're making a mistake, you'll regret it forever etc is just a sign of immaturity. My worst ex did this to me, weeping the whole time and saying he'd never get over me---yeah, right. He was with his old friend (and the woman he went on to marry) like a month later. I don't think he was consciously trying to hurt me, he was just heinously immature and didn't know how to handle breaking someone's heart, so he got carried away with emotions. I am sure he felt really bad for hurting me. He didn't intend to lie. He just didn't mean anything he said.