selection Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Do you think a person has any obligation to reveal a noncommunicable medical diagnosis like cancer to their spouse? Why or why not? I can understand the obligation about revealing a disease that is contagious for the safety of others so they can be informed enough to take the proper precautions but if there's no chance of anyone catching it from me such as with a cancer diagnosis then it's ultimately up to me whether or not I want to tell my wife or family members or friends. Personally I'm not inclined to tell anyone even my spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 I think that it would be your duty as a husband to reveal it to your spouse. She has a right to know what her husband has because it may one day affect her and cause her to need to make arrangements off work to take care of you should things go south. A good wife will still take care of you through thick and thin, but she deserves to know what she's gotten herself into. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Is this a hypothetical question or are have you received a recent diagnosis? Link to post Share on other sites
Author selection Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 (edited) Is this a hypothetical question or are have you received a recent diagnosis? What does it matter? The question is still valid. If the shoe fits then wear it. It's not anyone else's business whether or not the shoe fits in my case. Edited November 28, 2018 by selection Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 If you have a serious medical diagnosis that may render you hospitalized, you don't think your spouse should know until the day you show up in the hospital bed rather than your own bed? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 It's certainly your right to keep that kind of thing confidential but I think it's a bad, of not strange, decision. If your spouse finds out that you kept it from her (I'm assuming you're a male), she'll be crushed. It speaks to a lack of sharing on your part, excluding your spouse from key info and keeping her from being able to support you. On the other hand, if your spouse is one of those people who would make a huge issue out of it and handle it poorly, or is immature, then I suppose it would make more sense. I guess you have your reasons but the simple answer is, yes, it's your right to reveal that info to anyone or no one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author selection Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 If you have a serious medical diagnosis that may render you hospitalized, you don't think your spouse should know until the day you show up in the hospital bed rather than your own bed? That's what I think. If she wants to divorce me while I'm in the hospital then so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 That's what I think. If she wants to divorce me while I'm in the hospital then so be it. I doubt someone would divorce you because you have cancer. Even keeping that info from them wouldn't likely cause them to divorce you but I'm sure they'd be heartbroken that you kept it from them. Who are you? Walter White? LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author selection Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 My main point is that my quality of life is not going to be the same when someone else may have to take care of me and wait on me for certain things. Once I lose my independence I might as well be divorced because the marriage will no longer be the same anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Not all cancers will be that horrible to you. I would let her know that one day it may come to that. A reasonable spouse won't go around spreading your medical diagnoses to random blokes at the market. She'll be there to support you. Most women I know would be devastated to suddenly learn of their spouse's end stage metastatic cancer when it is metastatic. If you want to give her free rein to see others if you should be debilitated, that's rather honourable of you in the circumstance that you would be incapacitated, but I think that conversation is also worth having in real life with her. The deeper question is why do you think she would think lesser of you if you told her you had cancer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Wow. Well, that's kind of what marriage is. Through sickness and in health and all that stuff. Remember that? Did you really think your marriage would stay exactly the same throughout the years without ever changing in one way or another? Nothing is ever static. What would you do if your wife got cancer? Dump her? If you have actually gotten this diagnosis, it has no doubt knocked you off your feet. It would do that to anyone. Have you been told that it's incurable? Whether it is or isn't, don't you think your wife loves you and wants to be there for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author selection Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 Wow. Well, that's kind of what marriage is. Through sickness and in health and all that stuff. Remember that? Did you really think your marriage would stay exactly the same throughout the years without ever changing in one way or another? Nothing is ever static. What would you do if your wife got cancer? Dump her? If you have actually gotten this diagnosis, it has no doubt knocked you off your feet. It would do that to anyone. Have you been told that it's incurable? Whether it is or isn't, don't you think your wife loves you and wants to be there for you? No there's no cure for me. No treatment. I'm metastatic in my brain, liver and lungs. It's very disturbing when I first heard about what may become of me in the days ahead. Mentally I've already slowed down and I'm also depressed to where I feel emotionally numb. All I feel like doing is going into isolation. If my wife had cancer I would be there for her through it all whether there's a cure or not. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Oh, my goodness! I am SO sorry to hear this. You just can't keep this from your wife. Please. You can't go through that alone. There are people in your life who love you. Don't shut them out - for your sake and theirs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author selection Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 Oh, my goodness! I am SO sorry to hear this. You just can't keep this from your wife. Please. You can't go through that alone. There are people in your life who love you. Don't shut them out - for your sake and theirs. Hey I will think about what you are saying. I really will. I'm just too emotionally worked up right now. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 (edited) No there's no cure for me. No treatment. I'm metastatic in my brain, liver and lungs. It's very disturbing when I first heard about what may become of me in the days ahead. Mentally I've already slowed down and I'm also depressed to where I feel emotionally numb. All I feel like doing is going into isolation. If my wife had cancer I would be there for her through it all whether there's a cure or not. Then, why will you not allow her to do the same for you. I'm sorry. I can only imagine the fear and sadness that you must feel in this moment. There is support for you - palliative care programs that will ease the pain and provide some comfort. I hope you are able to access these services. I cared for my mother during her cancer treatment, until her death. I could not imagine the shock of her loss without knowing of her diagnosis. I would have been so angry, and so sad, not to have the opportunity to tell her how much I love her and say goodbye. It is certainly your decision, to tell her or not to tell her. I'm just saying, I think she would want to know so that she could be there with you, to support you. Edited November 28, 2018 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Hey I will think about what you are saying. I really will. I'm just too emotionally worked up right now. I just can't imagine what you're going through. I really can't. That truly is the worst news a person can get. I can kind of understand you withdrawing right now but I hope you share it with your wife soon. You're going to need her. Do you have children? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author selection Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 I just can't imagine what you're going through. I really can't. That truly is the worst news a person can get. I can kind of understand you withdrawing right now but I hope you share it with your wife soon. You're going to need her. Do you have children? No we don't have children. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 How long have you and your wife been married? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Mentally I've already slowed down and I'm also depressed to where I feel emotionally numb. All I feel like doing is going into isolation. I'm just too emotionally worked up right now. I think you have to realize this is affecting your decision-making process. Talk to your doctor about these feelings, he may also have some valuable insight. The course you're considering puts your wife in a position to suffer a double loss. She loses you and the ability to really appreciate the remaining time you have together. I hope you reconsider as you face this very difficult journey, not one I'd want to do alone... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author selection Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 How long have you and your wife been married? Going on 5 years in February. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 What does it matter? The question is still valid. If the shoe fits then wear it. It's not anyone else's business whether or not the shoe fits in my case. Why does it matter? If it's a hypothetical situation, I won't engage in the thread. But if you're really ill then I will be here to talk it through with you. We can add thoughts and feelings and what the relationship with your wife is like to the equation. I would like to be there for you. I saw on a later post that this is indeed a real thing. And you're understandably going through an emotionally rough time dealing with it. I think that your wife should know so that she can understand any changes you're going through. She would want to love and support you and be there for you through it. And I think she'd probably be devastated if she found out that you'd kept this from her. For me, being there for each other in bad times is what makes a marriage special. What is your rationale behind not telling her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zouz71 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Sorry for what you are going through , I know what you are talking about regarding your wife , i passed through it myself few years back but was a curable case. I had resentment toward my wife to an extent i didn't want to tell her because I assumed that she doesn't take care of me for small things , so i assumed that she won't help me in my sickness. You have a lot of resentment toward your wife , why ? Link to post Share on other sites
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