Garcon1986 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Hi, I dated an interesting attractive Korean lady yesterday (our background is we are two doctors in graduate school). From the start I could tell she was uncomfortable, and I tried to talk about interesting topics, try to get her comfortable, and get her to open up. She became more and more rigid as the hour went on, and I called it a day at around ~50 minutes of chatting. By the end she didn't even say thank you. So - I learned that she is way more type A than I am, and was looking for an aggressive man to suit her fancy. I brush myself off. Do some exercise. And then keep on moving! It's just a small bump on the road towards dating success. No being butt hurt, no looking back and begging for approval. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 (edited) There is nothing about that which says she is Type A. Most likely she is Beta with Passive Aggressive tendencies. A Type A woman would have taken control away from you and led the date, led the conversation, led everything,...and then refused a second date because she didn't think you were man enough to take control (but would have never told you that). So I don't see anything else you could have done with this. It was just a bad match. Maybe instead of trying to talk about interesting topics (thereby guessing what she thought was interesting),...you may have just got her to talk about whatever she thought was interesting. But it still may have failed. Dunno. Edited November 28, 2018 by PRW Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 She wasn't attracted. Happens. After dozens of similar experiences decades ago I tossed in the towel, went off and did other things in the world and experienced a marked reduction of interest in women and, ironically, they became more interested in me. Now I do contractor favors for lesbians (true!) More generally just enjoy women for who and what they are, no worries about mating rejections. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 I backed off on dating too. I was horrible with women in my early years, but several years back I got into a lot of self improvement (I practice what I now preach) it all got a lot easier. Once I got good enough at it that 1st dates became easy to get,...I didn't want them as much. I'll still date, but a lot less worried about it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 After hiatus, every first date ended up a short term R, meaning six months to a year, and a number went long-term, later getting married. The difference was I wasn't chasing women, rather selectively choosing who I'd grace with my presence as a serious relationship-minded man, something I always was but women weren't interested in. Now that all that is over, I just play with them, enjoying the moments, little different from how I've been treated most of my life. I find changing my mind depending on how I feel to be quite freeing and yup that includes rejecting people as humans. The brutal lessons of the early years have come home to roost, fortunately a couple decades hopefully before the grim reaper comes. OP, IMO, in this realm, feel more and think less. Leave the analysis to actuaries. Live in the moment. It could be over tomorrow. Oh, and watch out for lifestyle prison. It's quite the societal manipulation and it definitely can impact relationships. Resist. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Yeah. Smart guy. I mean, I keep saying on here a date isn't a marriage proposal. A date is just to see if there's any connection there, any attraction, any interests in common. When there's not, pull the cord and bail. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted December 1, 2018 Share Posted December 1, 2018 Was it an online date? If not and you asked her out, she said yes. That means she already liked you. So why was she uncomfortable? It's strange. Did something happen at the start of the date, like you rear ended her car? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted December 1, 2018 Author Share Posted December 1, 2018 I asked her out via coffee meets bagel. My supposition is that through talking about her, the conversation got too heavy. I'm interested in people's line of work especially because we are both physicians, so I figured she would be willing to talk about her specialty. The response I got was sentences that got progressively tenser and shorter as the hour went along. I asked her about her interests, and she said she goes out with friends and goes to restaurants from time to time. I'm usually impressed by people who can really show their positive outlook, or can talk about something really deeply and thoughtfully, and she didn't really do that for me. So I called it a day. She just was so uncomfortable by the end, that I didn't want to become a metoo statistic, so I walked her to her car and moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted December 1, 2018 Share Posted December 1, 2018 Do you think she may have felt being interviewed? I try not to ask too many questions. What people choose to tell me by their own choice often is the most interesting. Afterall, you are strangers and there's no point in gathering a lot of data on someone you'll never see again. Link to post Share on other sites
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