Is there a happy thread?

[Wallysbears]

Dear God and Baby Jesus ... is there anywhere here for HAPPY?

 

I love my life. I love my husband. I love my kid.

 

I want to shove my husband’s dirty socks down his throat regularly because he somehow manages to miss the clothes hamper with them...but I have refrained.

 

Life isn’t always sunshine and roses and romcom quality... but wow...

 

I joined here sort of expecting to read more of the mundane day to day “I want to kill him...he can’t hit the hamper/does he NOT know what the veggie drawer in the fridge is” type conversation

 

And it’s SO much more intense than that.

 

Am I missing a forum where the people that are happy daily but want to just grumble congregate?

[GinON]

Dear God and Baby Jesus ... is there anywhere here for HAPPY?

 

I love my life. I love my husband. I love my kid.

 

I want to shove my husband’s dirty socks down his throat regularly because he somehow manages to miss the clothes hamper with them...but I have refrained.

 

Life isn’t always sunshine and roses and romcom quality... but wow...

 

I joined here sort of expecting to read more of the mundane day to day “I want to kill him...he can’t hit the hamper/does he NOT know what the veggie drawer in the fridge is” type conversation

 

And it’s SO much more intense than that.

 

Am I missing a forum where the people that are happy daily but want to just grumble congregate?

 

I think that you should make your husband read the really unhappy threads here and show him that it all starts with dirty socks and hanging the towels the wrong way. Maybe you can make him understand these "small to him" issues are actually so important to you that you went to the web looking for help.

 

So, whatever you do, try to avoid sounding mothering or nagging, that will trigger a shutdown in most men. Talk about it and make sure he gets it, really gets it. Tell him you know its small stuff that doesn't seem big but that if he wants to enjoy his life with you he will not dismiss your needs. Explain how important it is and how he can really serve you by taking care of these "little things." I have read that men respond to action, women respond to words. I think there is something to that. I also read that men are not trained in youth to see these chores as men's work and they just don't put the mental emphasis on "little stuff". If you don't communicate this in a way to where he feels it and it makes him feel proud to correct the little things you are complaining about he will avoid these issues and it will get worse over time. Once it starts making you mad and you build resentment, three will be more opportunities to trigger the shutdown mentality men have from nagging and mothering irritation. That's how we end up here, writing very serious depressing threads.

 

May I recommend a book? How to improve your marriage without talking about it.

[carhill]

Congratulations OP, even those of us having suffered painful marriages and/or divorces can be happy for those who share their success stories. This is the happy thread. If you'd like it re-titled in any way or pinned, bang that alert us button and let the staff know. Best wishes!

[bathtub-row]

I'm happy, too, but there are a lot of people out there with some really heartbreaking and serious problems. A happy thread is a nice idea, though.

 

I'm happy because I got a really good critique on my novel from a contest I entered it in. I got particularly high marks for character development and plot. I'm also happy because it's Christmastime and some other great things are happening.

[lana-banana]

I made one here! Please feel free to add whatever way. Or make another!

 

Most people who seek out and start posting on a relationship board in the first place are unhappy, confused, or really frustrated in some way. People tend to join this board because they have an issue in their lives that is causing them enough angst that they want to ask for help. (This is also why the advice of "dump him/her" comes up so frequently; it's not that we're inherently more negative, but the problems are by default more severe.)

 

I love my husband and my married life. We often want to shove each other down the stairs and we are still learning, but we have managed to build a really solid relationship built on trust and good communication and not taking anything too seriously. He's the smartest person I know. And no, he can't seem to figure out a laundry hamper to save his life.

[Lotsgoingon]

This forum is sorta a problem-solving forum ... for relationships ... not just abstract discussions of relationships ... So I don't see this as complaining as much as people really reaching out for help and perspective.

 

Relationships ... when they aren't working ... are so confusing and demoralizing ... And often, for a range of reasons, talking to friends and family doesn't really help ... or people are too embarrassed to talk to friends and family about their relationships.

 

I've had adult friendships where it took a decade for the friend to really give me the true skinny on their marriages ... The people posting here can get more brutally honest much more quickly.

 

The anonymity here allows people to really come clean and work through confusing feelings ... it's less complaining, in my view, than again, problem-solving ... crowd-sourced problem solving. You can tap the wisdom of a wide range of people who have perspectives you often can't get in your day-to-day life.

 

That said, I'm happy for you ... and it's great that you're willing to announce that. That's what pretty much most people want here. Now ... it is possible that a few years down the line, you'll hit a snag in your relationship ... and you might find the board helpful ... For right now, wanting to "kill him" at times ... that's so good (so ironic to say that!) ...

 

The problem comes when people shut down ... or give up ... or start to go through the motions ... A problem goes unaddressed in the relationship and builds ... until it explodes. It can explode loudly ... or quietly inside ... for many people here, those explosions are going on quietly inside ... that quiet desperation and loneliness.

 

So congratulations to you ... and I hope you can count your blessings ... your marriage is working right now ... life gets really confusing when a relationship stops working ... and most of us aren't prepared for that ... so that's when people come here.

[Mr. Lucky]

When you have forums titled Infidelity, Divorce, Addiction and Abuse, not sure how much initial and outright happiness you'll encounter. There is however satisfaction in seeing people recover and make progress with their lives and relationships...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Nilfiry]

It should be natural that a forum discussing relationships will result in most of its posts being about relationship problems and advice because if there are no problems, then there is nothing much to say.

 

How often do you see average people go into lengthy discussions about how great their life is, how well their relationships are going, or what a great day they are having? They can express their joys, but never as much as their woes.

 

I once had someone complain to me that things were too quiet and peaceful because there were literally no problems or arguments whatsoever.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Wallybears, have you tried the Water Cooler sub forum? Maybe that's the place for you. Marriage and Life Partnerships gets a bit more serious than wanting to shove socks down your husband's throat or a husband wanting to push his wife down the stairs. You could also make a suggestion to the Mods to start a new sub forum and call it the Happiness sub forum. Warm wishes.

[d0nnivain]

Like anything else in life people tend to complain when they are unhappy. That's why you often read more negative reviews.

 

When people are happy & things are working, they are off their computers doing stuff.

 

Although my marriage was working, I went through a period of severe depression & during that became "addicted" to LS.

[FMW]

I share my mundane grumbles, as well as my gratitude for the happy things, with friends and family.

 

For me this forum helps me deal with more heavy and unhappy or confusing issues that I don't want to dump on friends and family on a regular basis. Kind of an overflow valve. Plus, anonymous posters are much more likely to provide harsh clarity when needed. Or not.

[pepperbird]

My marriage isn't perfect, but for the most part, we are happy.

 

 

 

 

Like any long term relationship, it has its ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade it in for anything.

 

 

Sad thing is of all our friends, we're the only couple that is still together and on their first marriage. I'm not sure why that is.

[Wallysbears]

I think that you should make your husband read the really unhappy threads here and show him that it all starts with dirty socks and hanging the towels the wrong way. Maybe you can make him understand these "small to him" issues are actually so important to you that you went to the web looking for help.

 

So, whatever you do, try to avoid sounding mothering or nagging, that will trigger a shutdown in most men. Talk about it and make sure he gets it, really gets it. Tell him you know its small stuff that doesn't seem big but that if he wants to enjoy his life with you he will not dismiss your needs. Explain how important it is and how he can really serve you by taking care of these "little things." I have read that men respond to action, women respond to words. I think there is something to that. I also read that men are not trained in youth to see these chores as men's work and they just don't put the mental emphasis on "little stuff". If you don't communicate this in a way to where he feels it and it makes him feel proud to correct the little things you are complaining about he will avoid these issues and it will get worse over time. Once it starts making you mad and you build resentment, three will be more opportunities to trigger the shutdown mentality men have from nagging and mothering irritation. That's how we end up here, writing very serious depressing threads.

 

May I recommend a book? How to improve your marriage without talking about it.

 

 

Yeah, you won't find him on an internet forum. LOL. And truly the sock thing is really mundane and just a 'bitch' not anything that bothers me.

[Els]

Hi, happy here.

 

 

I think people just tend to post about problems more often.

[brigit87]

My marriage isn't perfect, but for the most part, we are happy.

 

 

 

 

Like any long term relationship, it has its ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade it in for anything.

 

 

Sad thing is of all our friends, we're the only couple that is still together and on their first marriage. I'm not sure why that is.

 

My friends are either single or in very bad marriages. I have so many of my own internal problems but my marriage is pretty good. Sometimes is sucks but for the most part it's great.

[alphamale]

Although my marriage was working, I went through a period of severe depression & during that became "addicted" to LS.

 

are you talking about clinical depression where you stop eating and can't do anything?

[ElKay]

People are more likely to leave reviews when they're unhappy than when they're happy.

[snowboy91]

It's in the nature of a forum about relationships that people will come here to discuss problems in their relationship, from minor grumbles and having no clue about dating to serious issues. People find this forum and post here because they want advice about something that they're not happy with. In contrast, if everything is rosy, there isn't really a need to post here, right?

 

But by all means if you want to rave about your relationship, do so! We could all do with a bit of extra happy in our lives

[Els]

People are more likely to leave reviews when they're unhappy than when they're happy.

 

 

Oh god, so true. I love my job, but this is one of my biggest bugbears about it, lol. 99 people would be happy with our product, but none of them leave a review, and then the 1 person who's unhappy is vocal as all fhuck....

[ElKay]

Oh god, so true. I love my job, but this is one of my biggest bugbears about it, lol. 99 people would be happy with our product, but none of them leave a review, and then the 1 person who's unhappy is vocal as all fhuck....

 

Haha, exactly! These examples remind me that I should try and post reviews more often when I've enjoyed a product or service.

 

Back on topic though, I also feel like some people might hold back saying good things because they don't want to jinx a good thing. Whenever I've been too excited about someone, it often bit me in the butt later by not working out and me feeling embarrassed afterwards. Silly, I know!

[MissBee]

Dear God and Baby Jesus ... is there anywhere here for HAPPY?

 

I love my life. I love my husband. I love my kid.

 

I want to shove my husband’s dirty socks down his throat regularly because he somehow manages to miss the clothes hamper with them...but I have refrained.

 

Life isn’t always sunshine and roses and romcom quality... but wow...

 

I joined here sort of expecting to read more of the mundane day to day “I want to kill him...he can’t hit the hamper/does he NOT know what the veggie drawer in the fridge is” type conversation

 

And it’s SO much more intense than that.

 

Am I missing a forum where the people that are happy daily but want to just grumble congregate?

 

 

To be honest, I've seen posts like this before but never really got it. In the sense that, it never really occurred to me when stuff is going well to join a forum just to complain about socks. I don't think anything is wrong with that, but it's such a passing thought that I can't see myself caring that much to talk about that on a forum. That's more like something I do with friends.

 

I'm happy with my partner, but the other day she was cooking something and I knew the method she was using was wrong and I was very very irritated by her insistence on doing it that way; but, I just texted my group chat like "Ughh send help! I'm trying not to hover but this dish is gonna turn out so badly, why doesn't she listen????" That was it. It was over after about 3 minutes. Loveshack wouldn't be the outlet for that kinda thing for me, it isn't something that requires much advice or input or lengthy responses. With my group chat it was over in about 3 minutes...a couple of lines of laughing and that's it. The forum would be pretty dull if people came here just to say stuff like that as there isn't much discussion to be had.

 

It makes sense that for a discussion forum you'd need more stuff...to well...discuss. Reminds me of when I watch movies and characters do stuff that make no sense and I"m like truth is, if they made the reasonable choice from jump the movie would be over as it started, so we need characters to make those choices for the sake of the plot and so the movie lasts more than 5 minutes. Anyway, I think the nature of humans and forums is that you're gonna most likely reach out when you have problems that really bother you, that you can't tell others, that you want more feedback on, that are a little more involved than "sometimes my partner is annoying." But the rant section might be a good place for that.

Edited December 7, 2018 by MissBee