Ex boyfriend turned good friend w/benefits so why...

[Barby]

Okay I know this may sound awful to some:confused:.....I'm not a ditz:p nor did I enter into this situation with my ex with any intentions to hurt him.

 

A quick briefing........I dated my ex for about 3 years, for the most part it was good. We were together everyday, got along good, ect, ect....well until towards the end when his unfounded/uncontrollable jealousy got WAY out of control and turned borderline abuse. (okay now I know you're going....why would you get re-involved with this guy?)

 

He has obessive/compulsive disorder and in a way this contributed to his obessive jealousy. Long story short, we found him an awesome doctor who got him started on to Zoloft and was able to help him majorly. Despite the fact that I loved him dearly and he had been (even through the bad) my best friend, my other half (we were born on the same day/same year two hours apart but him in MX and me in the US). In a lot of ways we were almost identical...basically we felt we were soulmates and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life!!! But.....a lot of un-repairable damage had been done to our relationship and I had to have a break and just get away from him.

 

 

Last December I ended our relationship and went into NC. We never spoke (after me avoiding several of his phone calls) up until three months ago. I never stopped thinking of him...loving him....missing him...or worrying about him. I know he felt the same.

 

----Problem being----

 

During this time I (quite by accident) ran into and remained in daily contact with someone I'd known long before Oscar (my ex). In fact I've known "C" for 7 1/2 years. Anyway during this time "C" and I became extremely close, emotionally only....nothing physical right away.....eventually it did "go there" but for reasons I won't go into we knew it was wrong and agreed that for the sake of all involved and despite the fact that we did in fact love each other; we would remain strictly friends.

 

The love I feel for "C" is so different (I can't explain or even begin to comprehend it myself) than what I feel with Oscar. Way more intense but Oscar, to me is someone I'll love for the rest of my life...I'm just not in love with him. It's more of a security, he is my best friend, my buddy!

 

 

Anyway a few months back Oscar and I ran into each other and both of us (like idiots I'm sure) began crying and talking...anyway we decided to become friends because we both missed each other and knew we wanted to remain in contact. He wanted to reconcile and in a way I did to.

 

I explained my situation to him about "C" and the fact that by no choice of our own we are together on a daily basis (work related) no we won't change jobs, and no neither wish to do so...........so it was mutually decided to be friends and lovers but both could pursue other avenues so to speak....(I had no intention of doing so, however my feelings for "C" won't fade and basically we have an emotional relationship w/ affection but no sex (weird I know but it's just not like that, no he's not gay nor are there physical issues involved).

 

It was working out great but as time passes Oscar has become more and more uncomfortable....he has no interest in pursuing other women...I know he loves me deeply, and I love him too....but I just can't be who he needs me to be or what he needs me to be (basically emotionally faithful, physically yes but emotionally no).

 

Okay now this is soooooooooo long, I'm sorry but anyway I guess what I'm getting at is.....why was he so okay with this before but now he is seems to be getting to where he won't be able to handle it?

 

 

I've spoken to him several times, seriously asking him to let me know if he'd be better off if I left him alone....he doesn't want that, yet he knows/understands my situation with "C"..............what should I do?

 

 

Now before anyone goes off on me...please I really am a very loving and sensitive girl. I've always been faithful both emotionally and physically, up until this whole situation (in which for quite awhile it's been only emotional unfaithfulness). And yeah "C" knows about Oscar and is okay with it.

 

 

I am willing to let Oscar be, but he doesn't want that....I don't want to hurt him at all....I'm all confused about how to handle this.

[Merin]

Hey Barby Girl!

 

Well my feeling is you're doing the right thing in NOT getting involved again with Oscar... even if he loves you, yeah... I know the 2 of you had some pretty bad times, he had a very abusive mouth and I loves ya and want you to be with someone who is amazing to you....

 

C... Think about the reasons really why the 2 of you cannot make a relationship work... don't DON'T dont' (did I say DON'T) allow outside forces to determine that for you...

 

Oscar at this point I believe thought when he came back into your life would be able to pick it up again and you'd leave C alone.... that didn't happen, you've changed since being with Oscar (your stronger now) and I think that is where the sudden "I can't deal with this" is coming from on his end....

 

You're such an amazing girl Barby... don't settle ever.