A lesson

[ZA Dater]

Ok so I took stock, sat down, listed the things I want to improve but I realized something, I cant change how I look and that's the biggest impediment. Put a pic of a model on a profile and get tones of matches, post a picture of me and suddenly it's the same overweight matches.

 

Clearly looks are the gateway. I'll rather just get on with my life chase what's never going to want me but at least I know why.

 

Feel somewhat calmer now.

 

I'd had planned to do some cold approaches but after this little experiment I don't really see the point. Ugly is as ugly does.

[BaileyB]

My friend, you have absolutely no idea what women are looking for in a partner or what is important in a relationship.

 

If you insist on focusing on superficial things and you are not willing to be more flexible in your thinking, you are simply not going to be very successful with dating. I’m sorry.

[ZA Dater]

My friend, you have absolutely no idea what women are looking for in a partner or what is important in a relationship.

 

If you insist on focusing on superficial things and you are not willing to be more flexible in your thinking, you are simply not going to be very successful with dating. I’m sorry.

 

Not true. I put up my best pictures on tinder and get horrid matches. I go and post fake pics and get great attractive matches. Extrapolate to everyday life and I have no chance with the same sort of people who I find attractive.

 

It's simple and I'll eat do humble pie Bridget and Elaine.

[alphamale]

if celine dion can be married to a short, bald and fat man then clearly there is hope for all of us male3s

[Nilfiry]

Of course good looks is the biggest gateway. I am not saying you HAVE to look good to find a mate, but having good looks does make it 9001x easier.

[brigit87]

Not true. I put up my best pictures on tinder and get horrid matches. I go and post fake pics and get great attractive matches. Extrapolate to everyday life and I have no chance with the same sort of people who I find attractive.

 

It's simple and I'll eat do humble pie Bridget and Elaine.

 

Dude STOP USING TINDER!

 

How many times are you going to post pictures there and get upset?

 

Once upon a time Tinder didn't exist.

[preraph]

He still doesn't see the irony. ZA, you're attracting women at your own attraction level. Then you call women who don't want you shallow for not wanting you, but you don't want your equal matches. So yes, best to stop trying to find the magic wand and just focus on other life goals.

[BaileyB]

Exactly, you get upset with women for judging you based on appearance... and then you turn right around, and judge these women for being overweight and “not models.”

[ZA Dater]

He still doesn't see the irony. ZA, you're attracting women at your own attraction level. Then you call women who don't want you shallow for not wanting you, but you don't want your equal matches. So yes, best to stop trying to find the magic wand and just focus on other life goals.

 

So do tell how slim is attracting overweight? Honestly at least I have the answer now. Essentially one is just stuck with whatever one has, either accept that or have nothing at all. At least I know women are as superficial or more so than guys.

 

You right there is more to life than dating bs.

 

At least I know there is nothing I can do about the matches I get.

[ZA Dater]

Dude STOP USING TINDER!

 

How many times are you going to post pictures there and get upset?

 

Once upon a time Tinder didn't exist.

 

Doesn't matter that brunnette who doesn't match to me on tinder is not going to be interested in me if I walked up a d talked to her.

 

At least I know why I nowhere. Must be very nice to win the genetic lottery in life and be able to date people you find attractive. I'd rather be alone than force myself to like someone I do not find attractive.

 

But hey some guys are obviously desperate enough to do that.

[basil67]

ZA, I don't rate someone on what they were born with, but I do like them to do the best they can with what they've got. When was the last time you got your hairstyle updated? Updated your wardrobe? Shoes? If you wear glasses, are they the latest style?

[ZA Dater]

ZA, I don't rate someone on what they were born with, but I do like them to do the best they can with what they've got. When was the last time you got your hairstyle updated? Updated your wardrobe? Shoes? If you wear glasses, are they the latest style?

 

I am quite happy with my hairstyle. Call it leo do Caprio in Wolf of wall street style.

 

I think I look good and to be honest I went through this whole style update thing a few years ago with no difference in prospects at all.

 

As I say ugly is as ugly is. At least I know that personality counts for zip, lesson learnt. To those who say "look at your own level" I don't think my level is obese.

 

I'll just live with what is and keep chasing the unobtainable at least I know it is unobtainable.

[BaileyB]

Personality counts for zip when you are in an online dating site that encourages people to swipe right if they think someone is attractive!

 

GET OFF TINDER if you want someone to look past physical appearance because - it's not rocket science - that is literally all the information they have to go by on that site. It promotes people to make judgment based on a physical appearance and create a sense that people are disposable because there is always another match - another chance to "play the game."

 

Asking people to look past physical appearance to personality on tinder is not realistic, given the nature of the platform.

 

If you want someone to look past physical appearance at your personality, you must meet in real life. I know, that hard to do... But, that is the reality of the situation. Just remember, if you want a woman to recognize who you are as a person, you must do the same for them (which you don't, by trying to date 22 year old flight attendant model-types).

 

Honestly, perhaps you are attractive physically but your personality (in this discussion) is most definitely not. I know, you are frustrated and that is hard to deal with... But, this bitter, negative, and judgmental attitude is so unattractive that no woman is going to want to spend time with you.

Edited November 30, 2018 by BaileyB

[FMW]

Really, OP, I don't think there is anything more to say beyond the fact that you are judging the women you attract online as below your attractiveness level, yet you go on and on about women judging YOUR looks.

 

You think you deserve someone better than someone you see as obese. Accept that the women you would find acceptable think they deserve someone better than how they are judging your looks. Apparently for these other women simply NOT being obese is not their only criteria for judging your looks.

 

You exhibit a stunning lack of self awareness.

[brigit87]

Really, OP, I don't think there is anything more to say beyond the fact that you are judging the women you attract online as below your attractiveness level, yet you go on and on about women judging YOUR looks.

 

You think you deserve someone better than someone you see as obese. Accept that the women you would find acceptable think they deserve someone better than how they are judging your looks. Apparently for these other women simply NOT being obese is not their only criteria for judging your looks.

 

You exhibit a stunning lack of self awareness.

 

This is so true.

 

OP is so obsessed with dating an extremely attractive woman and is angry at women, himself and the world for not being "attractive enough" to get the ones he wants.

 

Beauty does have value. But it changes. That beautiful woman can lose everything in a second. Age changes your beauty. I'll never be as pretty as I once was and I'm probably much prettier now than I'll be in the future. That's life.

 

OP. Get a mail order bride or move to another country. And for the love of god stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's weird.

[ZA Dater]

Personality counts for zip when you are in an online dating site that encourages people to swipe right if they think someone is attractive!

 

GET OFF TINDER if you want someone to look past physical appearance because - it's not rocket science - that is literally all the information they have to go by on that site. It promotes people to make judgment based on a physical appearance and create a sense that people are disposable because there is always another match - another chance to "play the game."

 

Asking people to look past physical appearance to personality on tinder is not realistic, given the nature of the platform.

 

If you want someone to look past physical appearance at your personality, you must meet in real life. I know, that hard to do... But, that is the reality of the situation. Just remember, if you want a woman to recognize who you are as a person, you must do the same for them (which you don't, by trying to date 22 year old flight attendant model-types).

 

Honestly, perhaps you are attractive physically but your personality (in this discussion) is most definitely not. I know, you are frustrated and that is hard to deal with... But, this bitter, negative, and judgmental attitude is so unattractive that no woman is going to want to spend time with you.

 

 

 

Here is the thing. Hear me out on this. Tinder is a massive platform, what do you think are the % of single people who don't use Tinder? My guess is a tiny minority don't use it, most have used it or do use it.

 

 

So the point remains the same, yes I go out to wherever, what makes me any better there than a picture on Tinder? There is no difference, if anything I present even more poorly in person because then an awkward personality comes into it. If they are not liking a picture on Tinder they aren't going to look a person in person.

 

 

There is a bio to go on in Tinder, guess what I can put the most elaborate bio, really sell myself and STILL there is no interest. I actually believe very few women are interested in the person at ALL. NONE of my dating experience suggests they are, because if they were I would have had better experiences.

 

 

I would debate that the "disposable" mantra applies equally in person as it does on Tinder.

 

 

Ultimately I need to just accept I don't look good enough. That's the bottom line really, for whatever reason the obese ladies thinks I am gettable and yes I suppose if one merely wanted sex I could find a load of dates, many of these ladies are desperate to go out with me, some offer themselves up to entice, which frankly I find deeply un attractive. Add in they mostly have kids.

 

 

Everything I have seen is men are defined in tangible things, every single women I know, what do they tell me about their partner, nothing that is not self evident to any person who meets said partner NEVER do I hear "he is caring, thoughtful, considerate" what I do hear is "he has a great business" "he is gyms" "he is competing in this triathlon" "he lives in this area" "he does this job". How do I know all of this, because I'd say 35% of my life is spent dealing with what these BF's cannot/will not do, car breaks down, bf nowhere to be seen, moving flat, bf nowhere to be seen, car broken into, bf too busy. Need some moral support, bf too busy too.

 

 

So yes nothing absolutely nothing in my own experience suggest anything other than looks, prestige, wealth and the potential for wealth are desired.

[ZA Dater]

This is so true.

 

OP is so obsessed with dating an extremely attractive woman and is angry at women, himself and the world for not being "attractive enough" to get the ones he wants.

 

Beauty does have value. But it changes. That beautiful woman can lose everything in a second. Age changes your beauty. I'll never be as pretty as I once was and I'm probably much prettier now than I'll be in the future. That's life.

 

OP. Get a mail order bride or move to another country. And for the love of god stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's weird.

 

 

 

Excuse me for wanting better than a 100 kg overweight lady with 2 kids. I would hardly say what I like is deemed "extremely attractive", K isn't extremely attractive, she is chubby but she has a pretty face and an amazing personality.

 

 

So are you telling me you never used your above average looks to woo men? Do you regret the fact you could get better looking men because of your looks? Was there ever an instance where you couldn't get the guy you wanted because of looks?

[elaine567]

So do tell how slim is attracting overweight?

A) She is swiping right on everyone.

B) She is thinking he's not that good looking, he's on my level maybe he will give me a try.

C) She actually finds you attractive.

 

"Overweight" people do not necessarily want to date other "overweight" people.

I also guess a fair few of these "overweight" women were swiping right on your hot version too, only you never noticed in the sea of "hotties".

With your real profile and no sea of "hotties", average and "overweight" women are then in the overwhelming majority.

 

 

BTW this is a terrible way of looking at people, these women are human beings with hopes and dreams and have suffered from stuff in their life, just like you. Perhaps you need to stop chasing the impossible and start truly looking at and listening to real women, who probably have a lot to offer you if you would only see it.

[Garcon1986]

What if you tried making your Tinder profile into a bunch of humorous powerpoint slides?

 

I'm in a people profession and I've went from Asian nerd to life of the party at my current place of work amongst the women. I've swallowed my ego and tried to socialize with all the large women because that's the most common kind of woman around here. I can testify to you that they care a lot about personality. You are just on the dating platform which encourages the most judgment by looks. Why not try putting your hottest pictures on Tinder for your whole profile?

 

I tried the experiment you described before too, it was depressing, but I quickly got over it. I get a far less than 1% match but I'm still in the dating market.

[BaileyB]

So yes nothing absolutely nothing in my own experience suggest anything other than looks, prestige, wealth and the potential for wealth are desired.

 

With respect, I am not going to waste my time debating this with you for the umpteenth time. Based on your most recent posts, it is quite clear that you are unwilling to consider any other opinion than your own.

 

As FMW said it so accurately, you do present an absolutely stunning lack of self-awareness. Not to mention that your every "theory" of what women find in a partner is absolutely, completely, unbelievably wrong.

 

I have to say, I don't even feel badly for you at this point... You are doing this to yourself. You create your own experience.

[Wallysbears]

you openly judge any women who don't strike you as being a "hottie" immediately.

 

Then you turn around and complain that women are not finding YOU attractive.

 

If you can't see the irony in this, I'm not sure what to tell you.

[brigit87]

Excuse me for wanting better than a 100 kg overweight lady with 2 kids. I would hardly say what I like is deemed "extremely attractive", K isn't extremely attractive, she is chubby but she has a pretty face and an amazing personality.

 

 

So are you telling me you never used your above average looks to woo men? Do you regret the fact you could get better looking men because of your looks? Was there ever an instance where you couldn't get the guy you wanted because of looks?

 

So you are telling me that only very heavy women with kids like you? A woman of average size and average looks never showed any interest?

 

And yes I couldn't get every guy I wanted. There were plenty of men who chose other women above me. I know what rejection feels like.

[Blanco]

I see mediocre or homely looking dudes with attractive or better women almost every day. In some cases, maybe those guys are offering some financial stability in the way of a high-paying job. In others, that's definitely not the case, so one would deduce that their personality played a large role in enticing that woman.

 

Which is not to say looks don't matter. They do; more to some than others. Online dating sites/apps is, for a guy, not a great place to go showing off your wonderful personality.

 

OP, have you considered perhaps your personality isn't as engaging as you think? We all are at least a bit different out there in the real world, but you don't strike me as someone who'd be a lot of fun to spend time with, especially if I were the average woman.

[losangelena]

At least I know women are as superficial or more so than guys.

 

Tell me, why must women exhibit altruism in dating? Men have all kinds of arbitrary rules to the women they date—they have to be slender, or have a big butt, or can’t have hairy armpits, or whatever. But they won’t consider a woman outside their narrow zone of perception. However, a woman does the same thing and all of a sudden she’s superficial? Why is there an expectation that women must look beyond the physical when men don’t give it a second though?

 

Furthermore, as a fat woman myself, I’m offended that you seem to hate us so much. Don’t knock it til you try it, buddy. A little extra bounce by the ounce can add a fun element to the proceedings.

[NuevoYorko]

So do tell how slim is attracting overweight?

Your particular area of less than stunning attractiveness is obviously not related to excess weight. Still, you are probably attracting women of a similar level of attractiveness to your own. The gorgeous people are living it up with the other gorgeous people, while you're angrily stewing that none of them are selecting you.

 

It's Tinder. People are swiping the best looking pictures - exactly like you are. The super attractive ones are getting together. Stop moaning about it.