A lesson

[sabaton]

Ok so I took stock, sat down, listed the things I want to improve but I realized something, I cant change how I look and that's the biggest impediment. Put a pic of a model on a profile and get tones of matches, post a picture of me and suddenly it's the same overweight matches.

 

Clearly looks are the gateway. I'll rather just get on with my life chase what's never going to want me but at least I know why.

 

Feel somewhat calmer now.

 

I'd had planned to do some cold approaches but after this little experiment I don't really see the point. Ugly is as ugly does.

 

Or you could go to a gym, fill the necessary paperwork to gain a monthly membership, then when that is worked out, hire yourself a personal fitness trainer and tell the fitness trainer you want to start slowly but steady, tell him what body build you aspire to(I suggest the Brad Pitt fight club boy build; it's highly sexually desired by a majority of women. The 2004 Troy bod is too muscly for a great many women) and over time you can get yourself an attractive body.

 

Women who aren't overweight/obese in the Anglo-Saxon are going to be considered to be very attractive. Because nearly everyone is obese, that's why they can be picky.

 

Unless you're interested in moving to a Country where nearly every woman and man is naturally fit(yes, we exist) you're going to have to accomodate the desires of the women that you desire, if you want to sleep with them.

 

Attractive women aren't that picky. Have low body fat, don't be too skinny, don't be overweight, and most attractive women are already going to notice you. Then you just need to have a little charm - which you develop with practice -and one day you find yourself having lots of options with attractive women.

 

Put a pic of a model on a profile and get tones of matches, post a picture of me and suddenly it's the same overweight matches.

Who'd ever imagine that women who model for a living want men who take care of their bodies and looks? What's next, people who brush their teeth are desired more than the people who brush their teeth once a year?

 

Clearly looks are the gateway. I'll rather just get on with my life chase what's never going to want me but at least I know why.

Yeah, that's the problem with many men these days, ain't it? I'm a member of a website which is populated by mostly young men, and most of them complain day in and day out about how women apparently only want tall, muscular, handsome men blahblahblah.

 

But then you talk to them and you come to realize that they're obese, don't take care of their teeth, don't groom themselves, dress slopply, and they only have eyes for women who are way out of their league, ignoring the women who match them in looks.. because they say those women are unattractive.

 

It's both hilarious and sad at the same time.

Edited December 21, 2018 by sabaton

[sabaton]

My friends are either married or single 45+chasing 25yo which thru can get because they are charming and flirt well so going out with them is pointless because I can't compete at all. Addrhr fact they are fun and I might as well it bother.

Then stop pursuing women who are a lot younger than you?

 

Middle-aged men who are still able of sleeping with (attractive)women in their late teens and 20s, are either men who were very sexually attractive in their youth and aren't aging and losing their looks at the same pace the other men are, or they're rich and able to rent a hot girlfriend.

 

You going out with your friends who are more physically attractive than you or more charming isn't an excuse to give up. Most of my friends are international male models who work for Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren, Lacoste, Cavalli, Gucci, etc.

 

when we go out I still manage to get what I want. I just don't have unrealistic standards. I settle for an averagish girl, like this random girl, from a random google search -> http://i58.tinypic.com/2wn1y0y.jpg

 

Instead of pursuing Victorias secret underwear fashion models, because I'm an averagish guy, the male equivalent of the girl I just showed you, and people hook-up and date people who are their equal in looks, I instead talk to women who are likely to want to sleep with me. And Gigi Hadid ain't gonna do that because I'm not Marlon Teixeira, nor do I have the money that comes from being part of a very successful boy band.

Exactly and there is usually very obvious reasons for the exceptions.

Edited December 21, 2018 by sabaton

[Garcon1986]

And how do you convince a bloke from SA to physically settle for people he's not attracted to? How do you generate attraction to people who you are not attracted to originally sabaton?

[sabaton]

And how do you convince a bloke from SA to physically settle for people he's not attracted to? How do you generate attraction to people who you are not attracted to originally sabaton?

 

 

I don't. I just sit back and laugh and rub my hands with glee with the prospect of yet another guy removing himself from the dating world because he doesn't want to do the work to become attractive to attractive women, which results in attractive women becoming more attracted to me because I actually make an effort

[ZA Dater]

Then stop pursuing women who are a lot younger than you?

 

Middle-aged men who are still able of sleeping with (attractive)women in their late teens and 20s, are either men who were very sexually attractive in their youth and aren't aging and losing their looks at the same pace the other men are, or they're rich and able to rent a hot girlfriend.

 

You going out with your friends who are more physically attractive than you or more charming isn't an excuse to give up. Most of my friends are international male models who work for Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren, Lacoste, Cavalli, Gucci, etc.

 

when we go out I still manage to get what I want. I just don't have unrealistic standards. I settle for an averagish girl, like this random girl, from a random google search -> http://i58.tinypic.com/2wn1y0y.jpg

 

Instead of pursuing Victorias secret underwear fashion models, because I'm an averagish guy, the male equivalent of the girl I just showed you, and people hook-up and date people who are their equal in looks, I instead talk to women who are likely to want to sleep with me. And Gigi Hadid ain't gonna do that because I'm not Marlon Teixeira, nor do I have the money that comes from being part of a very successful boy band.

Exactly and there is usually very obvious reasons for the exceptions.

 

 

 

With due respect I don't find her attractive at all. I am pretty fit and definitely don't fall into the over weight category. I don't pursue anyone unless I think there is some modicum chance they may like me. If there isn't I don't bother. All too often I do what I think is right and well they aren't interested.

 

 

You are wrong a fun persona and charm seems to go a very long way for middle aged guys when it comes to young ladies and I suppose money helps too because remember its not important...oh wait.

 

 

Nothing I am interested in is average, there simply had to be some wow somewhere, personality, looks, outlook something had to jump out at me.

[ZA Dater]

And how do you convince a bloke from SA to physically settle for people he's not attracted to? How do you generate attraction to people who you are not attracted to originally sabaton?

 

 

 

Good questions, I'd love to know the answers.

[Garcon1986]

Well for starters you reject people based on preconceived notions even without giving their personality to shine through.

 

 

You would get enlightened if you said, I'm going to spend one month socializing with only women, from average to high hotness, and talk to them for the sake of talking without strings attached. Except you refuse because you bring a preconceived notion that they don't like you.

[elaine567]

There is a big difference between the game of rich old blokes getting into young women's knickers and actual "dating".

[ZA Dater]

Normal person, ZA Dater has been having the same circular arguments for 3 years straight and some 3 000 posts:

 

- he thinks he has run out of options of meeting single women

- he refuses to do any more changing for women because he's got rejection after rejection

- he does well at work and in his cars club, and even has a platonic woman friend

 

- but he rejects women because he doesn't find the ones near him interesting, isn't willing to travel outside Capetown due to his work schedule, and seems to be attracting the gold-diggers and single mothers. The ones he finds intellectually satisfying (he needs super smart and quite attractive) have been consistently rejecting him

 

- he's fed up of trying to project a warm personality because he's naturally a serious face dude

 

- he's never had sex and never been intimate with a woman.

 

- and he's worn out entire cities of people in the country of Loveshack =p

 

 

Which amounts to 3 in 15 years so that tells you something. Why should I show any interest when they don't?

 

 

I'd love to know the answer to that question?

 

 

The way I see it is you are either marketable, capable of being marketable, marketable to a market you don't want, marketable to a market you don want or not marketable with no redeeming features that the market actually wants. I am now sounding like Normal Person. Perhaps I am normal after all.

 

 

Traditionally I have tended to go after people where I sense they aren't completely impossible for me, the co worker, K, the one date I had but the rest were all heavily compromised and I didn't like enough about them and they didn't wow me.

 

 

Its not like I am trying to date models, I had that opportunity on a few occasions and turned it down, simply because fundamentally it wouldn't work, I enjoy spending time with some because unlike miss aupair most have an interesting story to tell because by nature they have to be open to the world in the various forms.

 

 

I find assertive confident, knowledgeable people very attractive but so does 99.9% of the male population so they have a choice which I don't have so all I can do is work to try give myself a different choice to what I have now.....

 

 

However in the back of my mind even if I was a bad pitt lookalike it wouldn't make much difference being shy and not being fun. Make no mistake I know what the issues are I just cannot change them so ultimately I am a prisoner of my own self and my own choices I made 15 years ago.

 

 

The only person to blame is me. If I had done the drinking partying thing Id have learnt that, instead I didn't so I now cannot do the bar fun thing either. I could have said to miss abc ok lets have some fun, instead I didn't and studied rather. The result I have no experience.

 

 

Try understand this for a minute, the only possible solution is for someone who is prepared to actually look past all of that and I like them. But really this thing called life isn't a fairy tale, though I concede it is for some but its unlikely to happen for me .

[Garcon1986]

I think it is going to take a large bouncer with his hands on ZA Dater's shoulders to shove him back into the single women scene hehe.

[ZA Dater]

Well for starters you reject people based on preconceived notions even without giving their personality to shine through.

 

 

You would get enlightened if you said, I'm going to spend one month socializing with only women, from average to high hotness, and talk to them for the sake of talking without strings attached. Except you refuse because you bring a preconceived notion that they don't like you.

 

 

 

I have done that and do that on a daily basis and gain nothing at all from it. I talk to almost everyone I interact with, who I don't talk to is some random women walking past.

 

 

No I reject the same way I am rejected, on site, they don't bother to get to know me so why should I bother?

 

 

Very quickly I run out of things to talk about because most aren't particularly interested in the things that interest me.

[Normm]

You spend a heck of a lot of calories on Loveshack mate. It's a waste of energy mate.

 

Why not spend the calories exploring the rest of South Africa? You yourself said you don't wander outside of Capetown.

 

 

Because he's lonely and likes the attention. There's always another round of naive posters that don't know the history that are willing and able to respond to his posts.

 

 

He's not here to learn anything new.

[ZA Dater]

There is a big difference between the game of rich old blokes getting into young women's knickers and actual "dating".

 

 

 

Not really.

 

 

Amounts to the same thing. Young women love the attention and they love the apparent status. No surprise there but guys are labelled shallow when they don't give miss average the time of day. The thing is this I have above average intellect, I can debate, I did so today at a packed lunch table, I can dazzle like that and I can talk on topics. SO in that respect I am not average. If miss average wants to be taken seriously then find something to excel at.

 

 

I am sorry and I don't want this to be interpreted wrongly but very, very few people I meet excel at anything at all intellectually, be they models or be they miss average.

 

 

Its just unfortunate what I do excel in has no value on the dating game. Mr I drink beer have fun, laugh at the pub has more appeal because he is fun.

 

 

I had a friend, she dated someone like me, she hated it because as she put it "he has knowledge but it was useless knowledge".

[ZA Dater]

You spend a heck of a lot of calories on Loveshack mate. It's a waste of energy mate.

 

Why not spend the calories exploring the rest of South Africa? You yourself said you don't wander outside of Capetown.

 

 

For what, to feel more lonely than I already do. I went around SA in my early 20's, unsurprisingly met nobody, kept to myself and it was one of the loneliest things I have ever done.

 

I have a life routine here which makes the loneliness I feel tolerable.

 

 

A waste of energy is sitting in a bar looking around at everything you cannot attain, that's a waste of energy.

 

 

I thought about trying to talk to tourists but then what, they want to go to bars and drink and I don't drink. What the point of that. No upside there I just feel like a misfit again.

 

 

What I have done is start a blog of all my misfit experiences which has made me feel a bit better.

[ZA Dater]

Like self-pity?

 

 

 

Not really no. When its clear the person(s) actually don't have much general knowledge I just switch off really and loose interest.

 

 

I don't have much interest in apathy.

[Kamille]

Not really no. When its clear the person(s) actually don't have much general knowledge I just switch off really and loose interest.

 

 

I don't have much interest in apathy.

 

What constitutes general knowledge in your opinion?

 

Do you take an interest in the interests of the women you meet?

[Garcon1986]

Where is your blog? or is it classified information?

[ZA Dater]

What constitutes general knowledge in your opinion?

 

Do you take an interest in the interests of the women you meet?

 

 

 

I always try take an interest in the interests of anyone I might meet. For example if someone like wine I ask about there favourite wine farm if they prefer red or white, have they been to any wine award evenings.

 

 

General knowledge, there are some so apathetic they cannot talk about anything which is going on in the world, they have opinions on nothing.

 

 

I cannot tell you how irritating spending time with people like that is. Heck there are even some who cannot talk about themselves at all. BUT I suppose that's my fault for not "making them feel comfortable", I' remember to pack a red carpet for the next date I go on.

[ZA Dater]

Where is your blog? or is it classified information?

 

 

 

I'll PM it to you. Its written in what I deem to be a humorous "don't take this too seriously way".

[Garcon1986]

By the way I oppose your view that you should reject women as they have rejected you. You are not in a position to be rejecting women on presupposed notions yet, you haven't even had a girlfriend.

 

 

Again, a waste of calories

[Kamille]

I always try take an interest in the interests of anyone I might meet. For example if someone like wine I ask about there favourite wine farm if they prefer red or white, have they been to any wine award evenings.

 

 

General knowledge, there are some so apathetic they cannot talk about anything which is going on in the world, they have opinions on nothing.

 

 

I cannot tell you how irritating spending time with people like that is. Heck there are even some who cannot talk about themselves at all. BUT I suppose that's my fault for not "making them feel comfortable", I' remember to pack a red carpet for the next date I go on.

 

 

Where is this coming from? I never said you had to get along with every single date.

[littleblackheart]

It comes down to this, in the end, imo:

 

-You have a pervasive superiority complex

-You have a pervasive inferiority complex

-You have a pervasive combination of both

-You are doing a social experiment on LS

[ZA Dater]

By the way I oppose your view that you should reject women as they have rejected you. You are not in a position to be rejecting women on presupposed notions yet, you haven't even had a girlfriend.

 

 

Again, a waste of calories

 

 

 

No I suppose I must just take whatever I can get irrespective whether I find them attractive or not.

[Garcon1986]

Most people do that to some level.

 

 

Remember though - beauty nearly always fades away. Chasing it too hard will hurt you. Chasing personality will almost never hurt you.

 

 

Chasing intellectual strength is extremely difficult. I have a medical job for life, 45 hobbies, speak five languages, and am a little autistic in the social scene but have enough talents to fill a few people's careers. I've always been fascinated with training my brain to be better, but I have given up on finding someone as smart as me. I'll take one woman who is really fascinated with her career and has the fire in her eyes that says she's satisfied. Nobody in my entire State (I wager) is intellectually as smart as me. But I'll be really happy if I convince a loving woman to care for me.

[Blanco]

No I suppose I must just take whatever I can get irrespective whether I find them attractive or not.

 

omg stop

 

Do you understand how smarmy you sound when you post stuff like this? Garcon has had the patience of freaking Gob in this thread and you continue to intentionally miss his points.