A lesson

[ZA Dater]

Your particular area of less than stunning attractiveness is obviously not related to excess weight. Still, you are probably attracting women of a similar level of attractiveness to your own. The gorgeous people are living it up with the other gorgeous people, while you're angrily stewing that none of them are selecting you.

 

It's Tinder. People are swiping the best looking pictures - exactly like you are. The super attractive ones are getting together. Stop moaning about it.

 

 

 

But if you believe some here looks aren't important at all....

[ZA Dater]

So you are telling me that only very heavy women with kids like you? A woman of average size and average looks never showed any interest?

 

And yes I couldn't get every guy I wanted. There were plenty of men who chose other women above me. I know what rejection feels like.

 

 

 

Correct only heavy women with kids are into me.

 

 

Would I be correct in assuming you went out with some guys you found really amazing?

[NuevoYorko]

Excuse me for wanting better than a 100 kg overweight lady with 2 kids.

Depends on the woman. I wouldn't be shocked if there are a multitude of 100kg overweight women with 2 kids who are "better" than you. Depends on how you are going about quantifying the values of human beings. I suspect your propensity to do so is a major contributor you your unattractiveness. I have no idea what you look like but this superiority complex of yours would be a turn off to the general population I would think.

 

To be clear, I am not saying that you should date women you don't find attractive or who have a lifestyle that is not compatible with yours. The fact that you WANT BETTER registers high on the douche factor - especially since you are evidently not physically attractive yourself.

[ZA Dater]

A) She is swiping right on everyone.

B) She is thinking he's not that good looking, he's on my level maybe he will give me a try.

C) She actually finds you attractive.

 

"Overweight" people do not necessarily want to date other "overweight" people.

I also guess a fair few of these "overweight" women were swiping right on your hot version too, only you never noticed in the sea of "hotties".

With your real profile and no sea of "hotties", average and "overweight" women are then in the overwhelming majority.

 

 

BTW this is a terrible way of looking at people, these women are human beings with hopes and dreams and have suffered from stuff in their life, just like you. Perhaps you need to stop chasing the impossible and start truly looking at and listening to real women, who probably have a lot to offer you if you would only see it.

 

 

 

I am going to be quite nasty now. Tell me what they have to offer me? Tell me if they can go swimming and running, every single one I have met up with and I have met up with many is body conscious to a ridiculous degree.

 

 

You have to tell people they look good but in good conscience I cannot tell a vastly over weight person they look good when they do not.

 

 

What makes an over weight women any more real than a slim/ chubby one? Id be fascinated to know?

[ZA Dater]

Depends on the woman. I wouldn't be shocked if there are a multitude of 100kg overweight women with 2 kids who are "better" than you. Depends on how you are going about quantifying the values of human beings. I suspect your propensity to do so is a major contributor you your unattractiveness. I have no idea what you look like but this superiority complex of yours would be a turn off to the general population I would think.

 

To be clear, I am not saying that you should date women you don't find attractive or who have a lifestyle that is not compatible with yours. The fact that you WANT BETTER registers high on the douche factor - especially since you are evidently not physically attractive yourself.

 

 

 

One should want better at everything one does in life. Never ever should one settle unless one feels you have reached the peak of what you can achieve or do. I am not better or worse than anyone else but like EVERY SINGLE guy on this planet we all should be looking for the best we can get and not settling until we feel we have achieved that.

 

 

Are you tell me you simple settle out of convenience, I highly doubt that.

 

 

Simply I don't want to date people with kids or people who are vastly over weight, what's been lost here is the most attractive person I know isn't slim or fat, she is chubby, people I know say she is fat I think she is chubby so its all subjective.

 

 

I only quantify the values of people because that's exactly what people do to me. For years I gave the benefit of the doubt and went out there and tried to be the better person but for what? Its got me nowhere at all. I put on this façade and like some here "fake it till you make it" yes except for some its not good enough.

 

 

I am tired of giving chances to people why, I am never afforded the same so why must I even bother?

[Wallysbears]

I am going to be quite nasty now. Tell me what they have to offer me? Tell me if they can go swimming and running, every single one I have met up with and I have met up with many is body conscious to a ridiculous degree.

 

 

You have to tell people they look good but in good conscience I cannot tell a vastly over weight person they look good when they do not.

 

 

What makes an over weight women any more real than a slim/ chubby one? Id be fascinated to know?

 

Perhaps you should try to earn more money then?

 

If you are convinced you aren't good enough looking and your social abilities aren't strong enough...and that the only other way to get the type of woman you want is with money...what are you doing to earn more money?

[ZA Dater]

you openly judge any women who don't strike you as being a "hottie" immediately.

 

Then you turn around and complain that women are not finding YOU attractive.

 

If you can't see the irony in this, I'm not sure what to tell you.

 

 

 

I am now just using the same standard that women use with me, I get discarded like trash so I can do exactly the same thing. Why not?

 

 

For years I went out with mostly hugely unattractive people hoping to give them a chance to wow me in some other way, none ever did and it was a complete waste of time.

 

 

Is there any point dating people one finds unattractive? I don't think there is but I am sure millions of guys do it anyway and sadly I know a few who got to ridiculous means to justify their dates.

[ZA Dater]

Perhaps you should try to earn more money then?

 

If you are convinced you aren't good enough looking and your social abilities aren't strong enough...and that the only other way to get the type of woman you want is with money...what are you doing to earn more money?

 

 

 

The idea of buying people is a revolting one. Again I have seen it done and sure I suppose the guys feel they are getting value but again I don't see the value or morally endorse such showboating.

[ZA Dater]

What if you tried making your Tinder profile into a bunch of humorous powerpoint slides?

 

I'm in a people profession and I've went from Asian nerd to life of the party at my current place of work amongst the women. I've swallowed my ego and tried to socialize with all the large women because that's the most common kind of woman around here. I can testify to you that they care a lot about personality. You are just on the dating platform which encourages the most judgment by looks. Why not try putting your hottest pictures on Tinder for your whole profile?

 

I tried the experiment you described before too, it was depressing, but I quickly got over it. I get a far less than 1% match but I'm still in the dating market.

 

 

 

I have put my best pictures on my whole profile with no real success at all. Yes, the large women I have met all liked personality but mainly because I think many hoped they could make up with personality what they lacked in looks and few did, in fact none did. The level of desperation was deeply off putting too.

 

 

For me this experiment has been interesting, I have spun a whole load of absolute rubbish in my profile and 9/10 believed each and every single word of it, even as outlandish as most it is. More than five offered to hook up without even meeting me first. The entire approach taken was different and here is why

 

 

Me: with my pictures I have to really, really work to get them to talk to me if they match

Fake: they actually try and woo and impress me.

 

 

It must be very nice as a guy to have the latter one.

 

 

I'll try the slides but after this experiment (I deleted the app) I am more convinced than ever the only thing that matters are looks.

 

 

People ask why I judge harshly well because I am judged harshly.

[ZA Dater]

I see mediocre or homely looking dudes with attractive or better women almost every day. In some cases, maybe those guys are offering some financial stability in the way of a high-paying job. In others, that's definitely not the case, so one would deduce that their personality played a large role in enticing that woman.

 

Which is not to say looks don't matter. They do; more to some than others. Online dating sites/apps is, for a guy, not a great place to go showing off your wonderful personality.

 

OP, have you considered perhaps your personality isn't as engaging as you think? We all are at least a bit different out there in the real world, but you don't strike me as someone who'd be a lot of fun to spend time with, especially if I were the average woman.

 

 

 

None of them even bother to get to know me so I cannot really say. Am I fun, not really, could I be fun, yes I think I could be. I can be very sharp when I need to be but then I get these puzzled looks and I realise I need to change my approach to one of more universal acceptance.

 

 

Instead of the Middle East perhaps the latest alcohol advert is a better topic of conversation. People ask about K, she really gives me a challenge, she speaks better than me, has general knowledge to give me a run for me money, gives me an intellectual challenge, competes with me with the written word and can talk about many thing.

 

 

Compare that the average date I have and its clear once I had experiences those particular traits I would actively seek them in dates, why because I enjoy all of that, I enjoy being pushed to be better, I enjoy being challenged.

 

 

Yet I cannot even use half of this on an average date. More than that none of them really like me anyway, the spectre of judgement is always there no matter how I get them to laugh.

 

 

I can go out right now and sit in a bar and observe EVERYTHING I have described in this thread.

[Blanco]

But if you believe some here looks aren't important at all....

 

No one is saying that. Looks matter, but far less to some than others. Stop making these things all or nothing.

[Blanco]

I am tired of giving chances to people why, I am never afforded the same so why must I even bother?

 

Because then you'd have to think of other ways to make more threads about how you're right, everyone is wrong, and the world is so unfair?

 

I seriously don't understand what you get out of these threads. It's literally the same theme time after time. What do you want to hear? That the world is shallow, and women are more shallow than men and it's not fair that they won't give someone beneath their attractiveness level who comes across as uptight, unpleasant, condescending, and not fun a chance?

 

I have no doubt that some people are just have mostly misfortune in the dating realm. But a continual lack of any success whatsoever will eventually point toward the common denominator.

 

So here's the reality check: You aren't meeting anyone because you aren't as physically attractive as the women who entice you and you don't have the personality to compensate for that.

[preraph]

Well, see that's the part you don't get. People can be equally unattractive for any number of reasons having nothing to do with weight, like height, face, personality, awkwardness, stupidity. Fat women think a lot of men are unattractive just like anyone else. Just because you're think doesn't mean you're attractive to thin women. You are just as unattractive to the women you are disappointed you can't attract as these overweight women are to you. They are the only ones answering you, so they are your overall attractiveness equal. That's your level, for whatever reason.

[brigit87]

Correct only heavy women with kids are into me.

 

 

Would I be correct in assuming you went out with some guys you found really amazing?

 

Yes. I dated lots of very attractive, fun and interesting men. I did well in dating.

 

But I struggle with employment. Maybe companies are dying to hire you and you make a great salary?

 

Everyone has something and you can't have everything.

[brigit87]

 

So here's the reality check: You aren't meeting anyone because you aren't as physically attractive as the women who entice you and you don't have the personality to compensate for that.

 

That's harsh but the best way to spell it out.

 

Beauty has value

 

Charisma has value

 

Money has value

 

Someone who has all three can get just about anyone.

 

OP, How much of each do you have???

[Garcon1986]

The harsh truth is that women need something nice to look at, otherwise they will get frustrated. Every woman has her own tastes. Just like men. Loads of women said if they aren't sexually attracted whatsoever, it's not going to work out.

 

The next harsh truth is that if women have a less than physically desirable date, then they will look at personality - just like lots of other folks who want a nice personality.

 

Other women will get your attention just for your money, and not offer you a complete and caring relationship no matter what.

 

Other women will care for you and love you only after you show them you are fun, interesting, and relaxing to be around. So - you can attract with money, looks, or personality, or a combination of the previous three.

 

Again, debating us and the entire field of single daters isn't going to get you to a date any faster. Your efforts are misguided.

 

Did you try to replicate being turned down by women for me? So we can tell you exactly why the interaction fell flat? You've always wanted female feedback but you declined dating coaches. So how about journaling your last few dating interactions very specifically?

[guest569]

Hey ZA! You CAN change your looks. What do you want to change? Anything in particular? Why do you think you're ugly?

 

Women are pressured to wear makeup, have beautiful long wavy manes, immaculate complexions, gorgeous fingernails, stupid high heels and sexy/pretty clothes all the time. Go to the barber, shower, shave, cologne, and suit up. Done. And no, I'm not morbidly obese with endless offspring running around so you should automatically accept my opinion as valid.

[chillii]

l dunno why people try to talking you into magically somehow becoming attracted to over weight women and from what you've said your in very good shape anyway so why would you.

l have zero attraction to over weight women, so what.

As others have said women say all the same things about men , and go on about pot belles, balding and attraction and a lot dirtier than that.

l'm always well sorta, but it is typical but surprised at what's let through in forums from women talking like that even down to getting personal about the equipment , yet men can't even use 1/3 as stronger details or descriptions.

But personally l'd like to see some of the women talking like that myself too , obviously 10s , but l bet you they aren't even close.

 

Anyway, it seems to be more a looks thing from what you say , and awkwardness, so why don't you just go for trim women in good shape like you , but not so much beauty queens facially. ???

 

A nice body can go a longggg way when it's wrapped up in the personality and other qualities we like.!

[guest569]

I don't think anyone should force themselves to date people they're not attracted to. But there is no need to be derogatory about it (insulting people who are overweight or single parents). If you get unwanted attention, ignore it and move on. Women cop that all the time too and don't need to rant about it. Just a fact of life for us.

[Blanco]

l dunno why people try to talking you into magically somehow becoming attracted to over weight women and from what you've said your in very good shape anyway so why would you.

l have zero attraction to over weight women, so what.

 

I don't think anyone has said he needs to be attracted to overweight women. Unless something got removed, I've seen people only commenting on how he doesn't need to speak so lowly of overweight women or that overweight women aren't only attracted to overweight people.

 

As I've said it these threads, something does not add up. I'm sure OP is a fine person, but if he's continued to have literally zero romantic luck, then it's no longer an issue of luck. There's something else going on.

 

It could be he's not as good looking as he thinks. It could be that he's not as good looking as the female equivalents he desires. It could be that his personality is off-putting or a net negative when it comes to the dating scene. I really don't know. I would infer that it's probably a little of all these things.

 

I can't speak for others, but I think what has frustrated me about the OP, dating back years now, is that for all the analyzing he does about this subject, there seems to be very little accountability involved. He seems more interested assigning blame to others, if for no other reason than to fortify his belief that he deserves something he has not been able to obtain.

[ZA Dater]

Because then you'd have to think of other ways to make more threads about how you're right, everyone is wrong, and the world is so unfair?

 

I seriously don't understand what you get out of these threads. It's literally the same theme time after time. What do you want to hear? That the world is shallow, and women are more shallow than men and it's not fair that they won't give someone beneath their attractiveness level who comes across as uptight, unpleasant, condescending, and not fun a chance?

 

I have no doubt that some people are just have mostly misfortune in the dating realm. But a continual lack of any success whatsoever will eventually point toward the common denominator.

 

So here's the reality check: You aren't meeting anyone because you aren't as physically attractive as the women who entice you and you don't have the personality to compensate for that.

 

Well nobody bothers to get to know me so it's hard to say, people I get to know over an extended period of time get along pretty well with me in the friend zone. So I can't be completely useless or completely without redeeming attributes.

[Blanco]

So I can't be completely useless or completely without redeeming attributes.

 

Good thing I didn't say either of those things.

[ZA Dater]

Well, see that's the part you don't get. People can be equally unattractive for any number of reasons having nothing to do with weight, like height, face, personality, awkwardness, stupidity. Fat women think a lot of men are unattractive just like anyone else. Just because you're think doesn't mean you're attractive to thin women. You are just as unattractive to the women you are disappointed you can't attract as these overweight women are to you. They are the only ones answering you, so they are your overall attractiveness equal. That's your level, for whatever reason.

 

Fine then I am not interested at all. If this is the one aspect of life where one is stuck then I'd rather so something else with my time than be stuck with people I don't find attractive.

[ZA Dater]

Good thing I didn't say either of those things.

 

What it seems to boil down to if the posters here are to be believed is you sit in your group and thats your group, like it lump it.

 

I am simply not prepared to have my sense of self worth dictated to by being rejected by women. I was battered for years and felt terrible because I could never go on dates with what I found attractive instead I went on dates with anyone who would. Now that I stopped that I dont go on dates at all.

[chillii]

For starters l think l'd move .

Sounds like a terrible place to be single and eh your what 35ish , enough already it ain't working get the hell outa there or probably stay single forever.

Area is a huge thing when the pickings are slim or non existent.

But yeah he's said he's awkward , pretty straight , and looks might be a problem.

l dunno about looks though , there's every couple combo you could possibly imagine on any street or mall.

Probably simply shooting too high.