Epythamus Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 With all the threads I'm writing here, you, people, can safely say that my social life is all the way at the bottom of the ocean where the sun don't shine. This is something that has been happening to me my entire life. Now, there are people who clearly show their disinterest from the very beginning, giving me a clear sign that I should just leave them be and go befriend someone else. On the other hand, there are people who seem to be equally interested in me and put as much effort in conversing as I do. After a while those very same people just fall off the grid and start treating me cold and distant. Though, this has been happening, as I said, my entire life, I still haven't got used to it and still baffles me to this day. Why would someone that seem to be riding the same wave as me and seemed so genuinely interested in me suddenly stop treating me as good as they used to? Why do they wake up in the morning and tell themselves "Hmmm I don't want to be his friend anymore despite the fact we're super cool with each other." The thing is, these people always praise me for who I am and keep telling me that they love everything about me and that we have lots of things in common, and yet this happens. Why? Have you went through this? What goes through the minds and hearts of these people? I always try to teach myself to not care about this but such behaviour always gets to my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladybug1982 Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 You sound so similar to me. I woukd love to know the answer to this question.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 Some of us are simply better off alone. I wouldn't hang my self-esteem hat on the heads of strangers. That can be a brutal existence. Once you learn to revel in love of yourself, others will be of less to no importance and those few whom you do mesh with for awhile or long-term can be seen as an extra gift. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 Now I've obviously not kept up with all of my old friends, and they are no longer my friends. I have a circle of about 6 friends that I regularly talk to now, when I previously had about 50 people I regularly came into contact with. Are you saying you have no friends at all right now? Because most people who are professional no longer have time to keep tabs on all their 700 facebook friends. You know my self esteem in the olden days depended on the number of facebook friends I had? Now it's so much better that I've learned to not depend on the approval of others. Of course I don't go around and spray paint graffiti on the banks, that's usually frowned upon, but I do my own thing and try to forge my own social happiness. I am now the life of the party at my workplace too - something I could never have imagined doing 10 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 Some people can't or don't keep friends. I am in touch with my childhood friends but there is a great deal more distance then there used to be. It's cyclical. Social media has maintained the connections but visits are more few & far between. If you can make a few good, deep lasting friendships, great. Otherwise realize people will come & go. It's the nature of our mobile society. When you feel somebody drifting away don't fight to keep them. Link to post Share on other sites
diddilybop Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 i feel this too. i used to be a social butterfly who had plans with friends almost everyday. however, i went from having a large circle of friends to just a few friends. i think, at least for me, it has to do with interests and where i am at in my life. for example, i decided to stop drinking 5 years ago for health reasons and i'm in a transitional place with my career, so, money has been tighter these past couple of years. and with that, i noticed that big group of friends i used to hang out with, stopped inviting me out. they drink almost every night til super late and spend $$$$ going on luxurious trips, dinners, material things, etc. feeling left out and losing these friends hurt A LOT but the friendships that did stick around, they're deep, healthy and loving. i'd much rather have a few super close friendships that i see every now and then than 20 "party" friends who i hang out with on an everyday basis. Link to post Share on other sites
dream of me Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 I understand how you feel. In my case, I think it's bad patterns from early life. I was emotionally/verbally attacked a lot as a kid, so I developed a tendency of appearing neutral in order to avoid more attacks. In adult life this can translate as being fake, and I guess you could say it is a fake facade, so people are not attracted to that. Been trying to let it all out though since I realized, not always successfully but I try. Another defense mechanism I developed, and I can remember actively aiming for, was being boring on purpose so others wouldn't bother with me and would leave me alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 We're all so complicated it's difficult to know what's really going on behind the scenes... impossible, actually. I have the same problem most of the time. Told I'm such a great person with so much going for me, then find myself sitting alone with all my 'good qualities' with no one who really wants them. Likely, you're too nice. Fact is, most adults are screwed up and are attracted to drama and dysfunction whether they realize it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 The thing is, these people always praise me for who I am and keep telling me that they love everything about me and that we have lots of things in common, and yet this happens. Why? Have you went through this? What goes through the minds and hearts of these people? I always try to teach myself to not care about this but such behaviour always gets to my head. You know when a relationship ends and the other person says : "it's not you it's me, you deserve better" ? Works exactly the same way, most people have no reason to be mean to you, so they bandaid the fact they don't want to get involved with you with praise and compliment. Why ? The short answer is probably "there are more entertaining/interesting people in my circle". Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 what do you mean by 'riding the same wave'? it sounds intense. are you talking romantic relationships or friendships? Link to post Share on other sites
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