The Fool

[DisconEmo]

New to this but I've been battling with this mentally and emotionally for a few years now and just wanted to know if my gut is leading me in the right direction.

 

I've been married to my wife since 2015 after only dating for about 4 months. We were in love (at least I thought we were) and moved fast with a lot of things because we felt as if we were perfect for each other and didn't need to look anywhere else for anyone. We started having sex probably a couple weeks to a month of dating and we're discussing marriage shortly after. Also, we we're living in two different states (S. Carolina and Alabama). We've know each other since 2012 but kind of went our separate ways after she realized she was still in love with her ex plus I was stationed out in Hawaii at the time and she didn't wanna move that far. We kept in contact here and there but had our own dating lives outside of each other.

 

I ended a bad relationship right around the time me and my wife reconnected and we started discussing the possibility of trying to date each other again then proceeded forward. Due to the distance, we would see each other maybe once a month and of course sex was involved. Then the topic of us moving in together (brought up by me) was discussed. My wife stated that because of her beiliefs, she didn't want to "shack up" with anyone without being married. Kinda threw me off bc we were already having sex before marriage so why not live together before getting married...me being blinded by love I went forward and just said well let's get married. She agreed bc she felt as if we were perfect and that there was no need to look else where for a relationship.

 

All of what I discussed previously happened January 2015. We got married May of 2015 and the night we consummated the marriage was the night she got pregnant with our son. 4 months into the marriage and with her being pregnant, my feelings started to change because she wasn't the person I thought she was. Communication lacked badly and she wasn't the neatest person to my liking. I blamed it on her being pregnant and just kept pushing ahead. My feelings for her started to fade about the 6 month of marriage and I no longer was in love with her or wanted to be married.

 

Stupidly, I stepped outside of our marriage and cheated. The worst kind of guilt fell on me and I owned up to it to her. We discussed it and I explained that I was no longer in love with her. Told my dad about it and they both told me that it could just be a phase with why I feel the way I do and to keep doing my best and the feelings will come back. I took their advice and the feelings never came back. I started to get irritated more with being somewhere I didn't want to be. I cheated a few more times and even had her move out of our apartment so that we could have some space.

 

Fast forward to where I am now and to why I'm writting this, I cheated about a year ago 2017 and got another woman pregnant. Lived with the guilt of knowing what I did for months and kept it to myself all through the holidays to keep from ruining it for her or our son. Finally told her after New Year's 2018 and she put me out. I went and got my own place and we've been separated since. The entire time we've been separated, I've been working on me and not doing the foolish things I've been doing so that I can help raise my boys to be better men than me. We've even gone on dates and vacations together throughout the year and she still wants to be married to me.

 

I am now at the end if my lease at my place and she wants us to move back in together but we haven't really talked about where we are emotionally, gone to therapy, done anything to resolve any issues we've had in the past, etc. All I hear when she talks about me moving in with her is how much money we're gonna save and of course how our son is gonna feel with us being back under one roof. I'm honestly at a lost bc I have checked out of our marriage and no longer want to be married. I'm not looking to be with any other woman but my gut is telling me that moving back in together is a bad idea.

 

I don't wanna go another year not being with someone I'm not longer in love with but my stance on marriage won't allow me to have the courage to leave.

 

Any help or questions from anyone would be greatly appreciated.

[FMW]

You're going to have to make a difficult decision. You don't want to stay married, you don't have the courage to leave.

 

Choice A: The obvious one to me is tell your wife you want to divorce and sign a new lease where you are or find somewhere else. Don't move back in with your wife.

 

Choice B: Do what your wife wants and stay married, move back in together and be miserable.

 

Choice C: Some jacked up combination of A & B.

 

Life is difficult and requires difficult choices.

[Mr. Lucky]

but my stance on marriage won't allow me to have the courage to leave.

 

Somewhat ironic because, speaking bluntly, you're a really poor candidate for matrimony. Your attitude, approach and choices all scream "single guy" and you've done everything to your marriage except make the split official.

 

Why continue in a role you're plainly not cut out for?

 

Mr. Lucky