Rejected but months later wants my attention

[RedPiano]

There's this girl whom I barely knew for a month. We hit it off quite well with the fun flirting etc. I managed to get her number but she turned me down for a date. I cut out all contact and avoided her at all cost for 3 months after that.

 

During these 3 months I changed from appearance, dropped 20lbs and make sure I cleaned up my appearance. I really made an effort to improve myself. Although I only know this girl for just a month, I really liked her a lot. Her rejection somewhat gave me the motivation to improve myself. I dated and hooked up with other girls and I thought I had moved on from her.

 

Only recently, she decided to pop back into my life. She purposely pops up at places where she expects me to be there. (Initially thought it was a coincidence). Past few days she would take great effort to find ways to sit in front of me or besides me with my group of friends. She doesn't belong to our group, she has her group of friends from China. I never once acknowledge her existence despite all of these. (I know it’s childish of me but the aching feeling came pouring back to me again).

 

I happened to share this with 2 close Chinese girlfriend, they said it’s a cultural thing for Chinese girls to play hard to get and this girl was probably shocked I took her rejection seriously and didn’t come chasing after her. Chinese girls were taught to play hard to get since young due to the very unbalanced population ratio of males to females there. (Not sure how true that is but all my Chinese friends said it’s their way to test a guy)

 

I’m not sure about Chinese cultural thing, just that I wonder what you guys would do if you were in my shoes. I feel she’s getting more and more aggressive in getting my attention. I really want to connect back to her but should I wait till she throws a bigger hint? Or should I just avoid her and move on?

[basil67]

As you're interested, I assume you accept the cultural differences. So chase her how Chinese girls want to be chased.

[RedPiano]

As you're interested, I assume you accept the cultural differences. So chase her how Chinese girls want to be chased.

 

Hi Basil thanks for your reply. IÂ’m just worried to make a fool out of myself if I chase after her to get rejected again. Just wondering if any has any experience in this kind of situation with girls in general.

[salparadise]

Assuming your assessment is correct, it sounds like the power has shifted to your favor already. That's what playing hard to get is about... trying to be the one in control. She's tipped her hand, so now you're in control. She will try to shift it back the other way, so you need to play it cool. Not too cool mind you, but enough that she continues to believe that you're only mildly interested. So flirt a little, talk to her some but always be the one to cut it short. Leave her wanting more. Wait until you've clearly established a "no longer smitten" attitude to ask her out again... and when you go out don't let her see you drooling. End the date early and wait a couple of days to follow up.

 

Normally I'd say not to play this game, but since she's playing you need to play it better than she. Good luck. Hope it works out for you.

[snowcones]

I really want to connect back to her but should I wait till she throws a bigger hint?

 

 

Considering that you made a righteous effort with her already, yes wait until she throws a bigger hint. Continue to ignore her until she does this. This will ensure that she is serious this time and not just playing with you. Be prepared though, it may take a while. If she never does it, then she isn't serious.

Edited December 2, 2018 by snowcones

[RedPiano]

Hi guys thanks a lot for your advices. IÂ’ll just play it cool and see how it goes. I really wish she just either leave me alone or just come straight with me already.

 

Wonder why some people like to play this kind of mind games.