Tired of getting heart broke

[Borntoelevate]

I am in a similar space to the OP. I am 32, own my own house and car, good stable job, financially secure and am the fittest I’ve ever been in my life. I too fear that I getting too old to date normal women (currently seeing a 24 year old but I am fearful of her history so currently designate her as short term).

 

To the OP, you aren’t over her and sounds like you are still in the grieving process. You sound emotionally stable and your life infrastructure is sound (ie. your prospects for landing a new partner are favourable). I don’t think it’s safe to go back to the second girl, but then again, I know how difficult it can be to argue with your emotional self. I suggest grieve, focus on building a better you (focus on specific goals, like working on additional studies, getting a six pack) and I’d imagine the new girl will come in time. This has been the process I’ve been applying for myself.

[Twizzlestick]

I am 32...

 

 

.... I too fear that I getting too old to date normal women f.

 

Whaaaat? Too old? Take your head for a wobble lol!! I’m 39 mate and not too old. I had quite a pretty 23 year old ask me for my number at work which really bouyed me up. It happened during our “break”. I politely declined as wasn’t ready, still felt unfinished with my ex not to mention she felt too young. I say she felt too young as there’s actually very mature mid twenties girls. I try and judge every situation on its merits rather than having too mnay rules. Lots of girls late twenties like a man who’s a bit older and not a player type.

 

 

My aunty had her marriage tank at 50 and she met someone new. Never too old. My problem is I still only have eyes and heart for my ex. But I’d like to think I can break free and find another before too long. But no rush. I want myself first.

Edited January 16, 2019 by Twizzlestick

[gcp]

Oh I'm definitely still grieving, the loss of the relationship and the loss of the baby. I have been working on myself, recently got back into skiiing, still hitting the gym hard, and trying to get out and be social with good friends. Its working, just takes time.

 

My plan is to not go actively looking for something. A lot of people say you find love when you least expect it. So I am just going to work on getting my self esteem back up, remind myself to smile when I'm out and about, and just try to enjoy my life. I'm 31, I have time, the initial panic of a break up just jolted the system. Time to reset.

[Borntoelevate]

Like what you’ve written and I agree with it. It’s astonishing how much my self-esteem was affected from the break up. Repairing it is my top priority.

[gcp]

So I felt like I needed to write this down because I can't understand the significance of it. If you've read any of my prev posts about my recent break up you would know that a few months into our relationship I got her pregnant. We were both very excited. Unfortunately she ended up miscarrying at 8 weeks and things began to unravel from there between us.

 

Anyways, I am scheduled this friday to get my first tattoo. Something I have always wanted to do and figured... why not now, change things up a bit. Last week I had a dream I was in the parlor getting my tattoo done. And you know those crazy looking tattoos where it looks like a window into someones body and they will make it look like you can see their bones or organs? Well, my ex was in there, but facing away, and on her lower back was one of those tattoos showing her spine.. and right behind her spine was a baby.

 

I vividly remember bursting into tears in my dream and that was such a strong emotion I woke up in a panic. But ever since that dream I have been weirdly more a peace with everything and I have no clue why. Usually a dream like that would crush me but maybe in a strange way it made me accept that things are done for good.

[Borntoelevate]

So I felt like I needed to write this down because I can't understand the significance of it. ......

 

...... Usually a dream like that would crush me but maybe in a strange way it made me accept that things are done for good.

 

Very progressive insight there. Sounds like you doing some heavy reflecting on the relationship. How long has it been?

 

I like the idea of getting a tattoo but I can’t think of anything that I would want permanently inked onto my body.

 

I’ve found my dreams always reflect a more distorted version of my reality. Lately I’ve been having many dreams about my ex and have been waking up in cold sweats and this is 1 year on :/.

 

Praying that you get better and better each day.

 

Born

[gcp]

It has been 2 months since we split. I also wrote an email to her (that I never intend to send) and that has helped me out a lot too. I let go of a lot of stuff in it.

 

I think after the dream I finally realized there is no baby and there is no us anymore, its done. Sad, but reality.

[gcp]

Ok, so I am two months and change into NC. The past month I was feeling fine, felt like I was moving on well. But for some reason these last few days have been hell. I cannot stop thinking about her and how someone could simply send a text message and then disappear from someone's life. Especially after what we went through together. And to top it off go straight back to a person that according to them did NOT treat them well.

 

Is this normal, I have literally been down right depressed feeling, super anxious and angry these last few days out of nowhere. Anyone else have set backs like this? Why after almost 3 months is it feeling so fresh again?

[nolanola]

@gcp, I'm about 3.5 months into NC and have been having some struggles too. It's really up and down for me. On one hand, I've had some really good days over the past week. Probably the best days I've had since the breakup. But I've also had some super low points too, where I felt like I was right back down in the depths of things. Some days I feel really philosophical about everything and calm. Other days the obsessive thoughts are almost overwhelming and I need to do anything to just escape from them. I'm encouraged by the couple of good days - that there is some light coming, so I'm just trying to hang in and keep going. That's all we can really do, because we can't get back things that have changed. We can't convince someone to stay that has already left.