toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 (edited) I was dating a guy for the last two months. He was very affectionate and he really showed me a lot of love and care. The problen was tbat he told me everything about his past, he was never committed. He is 37 and used to only have relationships for sex. He thinks most of the girls cheat so he used to cheat a lot as well. He told me he wants to cut off this lifestyle and be stable, get in a healthyrelationship and gets married. He introduced me to his family, let me in his life, took me on mostly everyday dates. I thought he was the one. Last week,i had to travel for four days. When i came back, i sensed some weirdness in his behavior but i did not comment. Four days after i came back, we had a small fight and he tells me we can’t proceed with our relationship because a guy with bad habits will never change, that he will definitely cheat on me sooner or later, that the cheating is built-in and he thought he can change but it seems he can’t. I asked him if he cheated on me while i was away, he said no he did not. But i don’t think he is saying the truth. Now we broke up, he is making sure if I am okay, being very empathetic, says he did not mean to hurt me at all and that he really loved me that’s why he is letting me go and I deserve a pure soul like my soul. Do you think he cheated on me ? Why a guy would be totally into you, and break up with you telling you that he will definitely cheat on you ? He really convinced me that he did not want this lifestyle anymore and is looking forward for a future with me. NB: we didnt sleep together. Edited December 2, 2018 by toomanyquestions123 Link to post Share on other sites
jgraham11 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 I was dating a guy for the last two months. He was very affectionate and he really showed me a lot of love and care. The problen was tbat he told me everything about his past, he was never committed. He is 37 and used to only have relationships for sex. He thinks most of the girls cheat so he used to cheat a lot as well. He told me he wants to cut off this lifestyle and be stable, get in a healthyrelationship and gets married. He introduced me to his family, let me in his life, took me on mostly everyday dates. I thought he was the one. Last week,i had to travel for four days. When i came back, i sensed some weirdness in his behavior but i did not comment. Four days after i came back, we had a small fight and he tells me we can’t proceed with our relationship because a guy with bad habits will never change, that he will definitely cheat on me sooner or later, that the cheating is built-in and he thought he can change but it seems he can’t. I asked him if he cheated on me while i was away, he said no he did not. But i don’t think he is saying the truth. Now we broke up, he is making sure if I am okay, being very empathetic, says he did not mean to hurt me at all and that he really loved me that’s why he is letting me go and I deserve a pure soul like my soul. Do you think he cheated on me ? Why a guy would be totally into you, and break up with you telling you that he will definitely cheat on you ? He really convinced me that he did not want this lifestyle anymore and is looking forward for a future with me. NB: we didnt sleep together. That just screams a guy who's afraid of commitment. He's afraid of spending the rest of his life with just one person, the.. finality of it if you will. Guys like that have a hard time later on in life, it's like they never out grew their bachelor days. I don't think it has as much to do with his "DNA" it's got more to do with him being afraid of waking up to the same women everyday. That's my take on it though Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 He said he would cheat on you because it's the truth. This guy is seriously broken...and someone this broken can't just change their mind and decide to start trusting and quit cheating. What you need to do is block him. Don't tell him that you're going to do it or say goodbye, just block. He will know why. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 That just screams a guy who's afraid of commitment. He's afraid of spending the rest of his life with just one person, the.. finality of it if you will. Guys like that have a hard time later on in life, it's like they never out grew their bachelor days. I don't think it has as much to do with his "DNA" it's got more to do with him being afraid of waking up to the same women everyday. That's my take on it though He always used to dislike commitment. Right before meeting me, he decided he wants to commit. When he was breaking up, he said he really wanted to but he couldnt, that he tried but it seems he cant’t. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 He said he would cheat on you because it's the truth. This guy is seriously broken...and someone this broken can't just change their mind and decide to start trusting and quit cheating. What you need to do is block him. Don't tell him that you're going to do it or say goodbye, just block. He will know why. I am simply not answering him. I’m totally disappointed and i did not see this coming. I just want to move on now. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 I think it's likely that he did cheat, or he's got his eye on someone else and is going to act on it. He did you a favour, OP. This man is not monogamous-relationship material at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 (edited) I think it's likely that he did cheat, or he's got his eye on someone else and is going to act on it. He did you a favour, OP. This man is not monogamous-relationship material at all. When dust will settle, I am sure i will see this as a favor. He even said that, he said that he is doing me a favor by walking away. The thing is that i am sure he is head over heals, but when i traveled, seems something happened ( i remember he didnt text for four hours on a saturday night ). But why would he think he can be in a committed relationship, assures me that he is already sick of all girls and all he can see and love is me, that he cant wait to commit to me, to travel the world, told his mother about me,hanged out with his siblings, treated me absolutely right and then change his mind? is it because he wants to sleep with someone? Do commitment-phoebes regret it after a while? Edited December 2, 2018 by toomanyquestions123 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 (edited) When dust will settle, I am sure i will see this as a favor. He even said that, he said that he is doing me a favor by walking away. The thing is that i am sure he is head over heals, but when i traveled, seems something happened ( i remember he didnt text for four hours on a saturday night ). LOL...doing you favor. How NOBLE of him. What I believe happened while you were gone is that he met someone new, got involved with her, and now he wants to fall 'head over heels' with HER, just like he did with you for a couple of months. Then, in a month or two when he tires of her and the cycle repeats itself and he's found a new replacement for HER, he'll give her the same bull-crap story he gave you - that he "didn't cheat on you" but he's selfless enough to be honest with you and let you go because he's not the one for you. So noble. LOL. This guy is such a lying POS. You're well rid of him - you just don't realize it yet. Edited December 2, 2018 by Mrs._December Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 LOL...doing you favor. How NOBLE of him. What I believe happened while you were gone is that he met someone new, got involved with her, and now he wants to fall 'head over heels' with HER, just like he did with you for a couple of months. Then, in a month or two when he tires of her and the cycle repeats itself and he's found a new replacement for HER, he'll give her the same bull-crap story he gave you - that he "didn't cheat on you" but he's selfless enough to be honest with you and let you go because he's not the one for you. So noble. LOL. This guy is such a lying POS. You're well rid of him - you just don't realize it yet. Maybe that's right, but he never do relationships. If he was honest, I was his first time trying to build a serious, healthy relationship. We dated for 2 months and he never tried to sleep with me althugh he really wanted to but he was taking things slow. He is the kind of man who sleeps around and leave, he is a one night stand kind of guy. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 In the four days you were gone he decided monogamy wasn't for him after all. Whether he cheated or not is moot, he no doubt wanted to. When such behaviour is hard wired, people tend not to want to change. I would not get too hooked up on his declarations of "love" and his "future faking", he probably does that a lot, he's probably very good at it... He then got bored and wanted to go out hunting again for fresh meat. Surprise surprise! BTW what made you think a guy who mainly used women for sex till aged 37, was likely to be "the one". Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 When dust will settle, I am sure i will see this as a favor. He even said that, he said that he is doing me a favor by walking away. The thing is that i am sure he is head over heals, but when i traveled, seems something happened ( i remember he didnt text for four hours on a saturday night ). But why would he think he can be in a committed relationship, assures me that he is already sick of all girls and all he can see and love is me, that he cant wait to commit to me, to travel the world, told his mother about me,hanged out with his siblings, treated me absolutely right and then change his mind? is it because he wants to sleep with someone? Do commitment-phoebes regret it after a while? Because he probably does want that on some level, someday, but knows his desire to see and sleep with other women is much stronger than his desire to commit. It seems he tried out the relationship thing for a bit and realized it's still not what he wants. Maybe he met someone while you were gone; perhaps someone from his past resurfaced. You will likely never know the answer to that. The point is that this wasn't your fault. You simply happened to fall for someone who is not compatible with your overall goal for a committed relationship. It's hurtful, but it's ultimately so much better he let you go now than a few more months down the road after you actually discovered infidelity. He did the right thing breaking up with you. Will he regret it? That's hard to say. He might not be a commitment-phobe, but could simply be that he is generally not interested in monogamy. There are folks out there who function much better in an open relationship, or without any commitment at all. I wouldn't rush to the conclusion that he's afraid, but he's definitely not the right man for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 In the four days you were gone he decided monogamy wasn't for him after all. Whether he cheated or not is moot, he no doubt wanted to. When such behaviour is hard wired, people tend not to want to change. I would not get too hooked up on his declarations of "love" and his "future faking", he probably does that a lot, he's probably very good at it... He then got bored and wanted to go out hunting again for fresh meat. Surprise surprise! BTW what made you think a guy who mainly used women for sex till aged 37, was likely to be "the one". We communicated a lot regarding this, yes he admitted several times that he has commitment issues, that the idea of kids and responsibilities freaks him out, but then assured me that he wants to work on them with me, that he really thinks this is the right thing to do at this age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 Because he probably does want that on some level, someday, but knows his desire to see and sleep with other women is much stronger than his desire to commit. It seems he tried out the relationship thing for a bit and realized it's still not what he wants. Maybe he met someone while you were gone; perhaps someone from his past resurfaced. You will likely never know the answer to that. The point is that this wasn't your fault. You simply happened to fall for someone who is not compatible with your overall goal for a committed relationship. It's hurtful, but it's ultimately so much better he let you go now than a few more months down the road after you actually discovered infidelity. He did the right thing breaking up with you. Will he regret it? That's hard to say. He might not be a commitment-phobe, but could simply be that he is generally not interested in monogamy. There are folks out there who function much better in an open relationship, or without any commitment at all. I wouldn't rush to the conclusion that he's afraid, but he's definitely not the right man for you. He is a commitment-phobe, he told me this since day 1, but told me he really wants someone to trust, he really feels like he wants to commit and he thinks that i am the right girl for that. At first, i backed off, told him i do not want to get hurt again ( was hurt from my ex-fiance), but assured me that he will never ever hurt me as long as we re treating each other right. It looks like he wanted that but discovered he is not up to it. I was his lab rat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 (edited) i am a psychos/cheaters/Emotionally unavailable guys magnet, that's official for me. Edited December 2, 2018 by toomanyquestions123 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 He is a commitment-phobe, he told me this since day 1, but told me he really wants someone to trust, he really feels like he wants to commit and he thinks that i am the right girl for that. At first, i backed off, told him i do not want to get hurt again ( was hurt from my ex-fiance), but assured me that he will never ever hurt me as long as we re treating each other right. He appealed to your ego, and you fell for it. "I am a commitmentphobe BUT you are just so amazing, so unique, so wonderful, that I am going to change for you..." It is a fairy story and women love fairy stories. They also love a bit of a challenge, "He may be a womaniser but I will change him..." - it is a fool's errand. He may have been a bit of a cad as far as women are concerned, but at least he has now told you up front where his head is really at. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 He appealed to your ego, and you fell for it. "I am a commitmentphobe BUT you are just so amazing, so unique, so wonderful, that I am going to change for you..." It is a fairy story and women love fairy stories. They also love a bit of a challenge, "He may be a womaniser but I will change him..." - it is a fool's errand. He may have been a bit of a cad as far as women are concerned, but at least he has now told you up front where his head is really at. Yeah, i know. But he shouldnt have done this to me given that i told him I am not tolerating any other hurt, that ive been single and happy for a while and im only settling for the one. CAD ! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 i am a psychos/cheaters/Emotionally unavailable guys magnet, that's official for me. You will be. These guys are always on the hunt for potential victims. They zone in on the people pleasers, the nice and kind people and the naive, the vulnerable and the weak. Most women with their radar up and working would have said right at the start, "Commitmentphobe?? Get ye gone out of my life." Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 (edited) You will be. These guys are always on the hunt for potential victims. They zone in on the people pleasers, the nice and kind people and the naive, the vulnerable and the weak. Most women with their radar up and working would have said right at the start, "Commitmentphobe?? Get ye gone out of my life." Bingo. I think this guy told you what you wanted to hear, OP, and it worked for a little while for him. He liked having a woman he sees regularly - until he tired of it. He knows you're a good woman and he knows you have desirable qualities in a long-term partner. In the end, though, a long-term partner isn't what he's after. But do I think he's actually afraid? Nah. He just doesn't want only one woman. He likes variety and doesn't want to give that up yet. To be fair, this is what the first stages of dating are about. You learn about each other and evaluate whether you're a match. This wasn't. You hadn't settled yet. At least, I hope not, given that it was only two months. It's disappointing, but you will move past it. I would reel back a bit on the "don't hurt me" talk, and let a guy show you through his actions that he's worthy of your trust. Two months is way too soon to know. Edited December 2, 2018 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Yeah, i know. But he shouldnt have done this to me given that i told him I am not tolerating any other hurt, that ive been single and happy for a while and im only settling for the one. CAD ! A guy who is all about using women only for sex, is not going to care is he? Nice people tend to assume others are also nice. I guess he was all about the chase with you, but maybe realised that you were being deadly serious, so he stopped it - a conscience maybe. OR he just got bored playing the bf role. OR he had better offers lined up... Who knows? BUT "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou Link to post Share on other sites
Kelliousme Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Your question shouldn't whether or not he cheated because it really doesn't matter at this point. He has a history of cheating and he admits that he will revert back to his old habits sooner or later. Seems like he does indeed have commitment problems. Obviously he doesn't love you enough to think of you as the only woman he'll have either currently or in the future. This is a huge red flag. You shouldn't even need to know whether he cheated. What you need to do now is run and move on. You're much better off without a man like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 Bingo. I think this guy told you what you wanted to hear, OP, and it worked for a little while for him. He liked having a woman he sees regularly - until he tired of it. He knows you're a good woman and he knows you have desirable qualities in a long-term partner. In the end, though, a long-term partner isn't what he's after. But do I think he's actually afraid? Nah. He just doesn't want only one woman. He likes variety and doesn't want to give that up yet. To be fair, this is what the first stages of dating are about. You learn about each other and evaluate whether you're a match. This wasn't. You hadn't settled yet. At least, I hope not, given that it was only two months. It's disappointing, but you will move past it. I would reel back a bit on the "don't hurt me" talk, and let a guy show you through his actions that he's worthy of your trust. Two months is way too soon to know. Although we only dated for 2 months, but we made it exclusive 1 month after dating. We used to go out almost everyday, thats why things escalated quickly. He said he love me 1 month after and he doesn't care if i do or not but he pretty much sure of what he feels. I mean whatever, but im definitely taking more and more precautions with the next guy i m dating. I am not sure i will believe everything he will say, more insecurities have been added up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 Your question shouldn't whether or not he cheated because it really doesn't matter at this point. He has a history of cheating and he admits that he will revert back to his old habits sooner or later. Seems like he does indeed have commitment problems. Obviously he doesn't love you enough to think of you as the only woman he'll have either currently or in the future. This is a huge red flag. You shouldn't even need to know whether he cheated. What you need to do now is run and move on. You're much better off without a man like this. I totally agree with you. I should move on. I dont deserve this at all !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 (edited) A guy who is all about using women only for sex, is not going to care is he? Nice people tend to assume others are also nice. I guess he was all about the chase with you, but maybe realised that you were being deadly serious, so he stopped it - a conscience maybe. OR he just got bored playing the bf role. OR he had better offers lined up... Who knows? BUT "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou Yeah, i guess it is the first option. He was excited about the idea of commitment like an escape from reality but then realized he definitely cant do it. He said he wants a silly life without any responsibilities and that he doesn't want to get married like ever. BTW, i never mentioned the marriage topic to him, matter fact, everytime he would ( which was numerous ), i would tell him to stop bringing this topic because it freaks me out and its too early to talk about this. Edited December 2, 2018 by toomanyquestions123 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Share Posted December 3, 2018 The reason why i want to know if he cheated or no is because if he did, then i will definitely move on faster. Although, i have to move on both ways, but if he cheated, then i will be really angry thus move on fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 This guy is a major loser. And yes, I'm sure he did "cheat," though that whole concept is odd since you never even had sex with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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