salparadise Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Thanks. Do you think it's just a lie? I've asked her to tell the truth. I just can't understand why it would be difficult for her if she was so sure about her decision. I haven't asked her to take me bang or anything. Essentially, yes. But it's not as simple as yes/no, and we can't read her mind or know her exact feelings. I do not think she's hurting though. What we do know is that she feels she can do better, that you are not worthy of her affections and romantic interest. She has no further use for you. It's like getting rid of an old favorite chair or sofa... there are nostalgic memories, but its time is over and it must go. She still sees you as a person, doesn't want to cause you any extra suffering, and is kind enough to try and assuage your pain somewhat by communicating. But, my guess is that she also sees you as a problem that refuses to go away. This hanging on that you're doing makes you look weak and pitiful. She doesn't want to slam the door in your face... she wishes you would take your wounded heart and disappear. Man, when a woman says she has no further use for you, have some self-respect and walk away. It's over. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 She’s saying it’s too difficult because her feelings are still very strong but she knows it’s not the right relationship for her so she is having a conflicting mind/heart struggle. Those kinds of things are easier to work through at a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuV1989 Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 Essentially, yes. But it's not as simple as yes/no, and we can't read her mind or know her exact feelings. I do not think she's hurting though. What we do know is that she feels she can do better, that you are not worthy of her affections and romantic interest. She has no further use for you. It's like getting rid of an old favorite chair or sofa... there are nostalgic memories, but its time is over and it must go. She still sees you as a person, doesn't want to cause you any extra suffering, and is kind enough to try and assuage your pain somewhat by communicating. But, my guess is that she also sees you as a problem that refuses to go away. This hanging on that you're doing makes you look weak and pitiful. She doesn't want to slam the door in your face... she wishes you would take your wounded heart and disappear. Man, when a woman says she has no further use for you, have some self-respect and walk away. It's over. Well, she was the one who asked for a walk in the park, not me. And now suddenly it's too hard to see me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuV1989 Posted December 13, 2018 Author Share Posted December 13, 2018 I'm sorry for disturbing you all again. But I can't shake the thought out of my head that she is still struggling with the breakup, which means that she wasnt 100% sure of her decision. She can't see me now, because last time she saw me made her doubting her decision. Or do I become crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
Young mind Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Been a dumper twice in the past 2 years, although not female, I can tell you that once that decision was made and you spent time apart, there’s is little chance for scenario you’re creating for yourself. A walk in the park etc, mate, you gotta move on, and I believe you have been doing so for the past 8 months, except you were in contact all this time and she just finally decided to cue in. Try to forget that idea about her struggling with the breakup, it’s only your ego talking, realistically you’re the one struggling with the breakup. Try to move forward Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Well, she was the one who asked for a walk in the park, not me. And now suddenly it's too hard to see me? Well, another possible explanation is that she was just affirming that you still want her. Women [most] love the security of knowing they have a queue of guys wanting/trying to get at them. It's good for the ego. What could be more affirming than knowing that they could have any one of x-number of semi-qualified men to fall back on if their endeavor to climb up the food chain doesn't pan out. When you boil it down, there is only one reason she won't have you... she's pretty sure she can do better. And your persistence contributes to that confidence, so you are minimally useful in that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuV1989 Posted December 13, 2018 Author Share Posted December 13, 2018 Thanks. So absolutely not chance for my scenario? Some dumpers have regret, right? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 (edited) Yea, if she fails to do better... if you’re better than any guy she bangs after she dumped you, or if said guy just says hey thanks for the schutp and doesn’t hang around, she could have regrets. But in your case, after this much time, I expect she’s done. Edited December 13, 2018 by salparadise Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuV1989 Posted December 13, 2018 Author Share Posted December 13, 2018 Yea, if she fails to do better... if you’re better than any guy she bangs after she dumped you, or if said guy just says hey thanks for the schutp and doesn’t hang around, she could have regrets. But in your case, after this much time, I expect she’s done. Thanks for your harsh words Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Sorry, but everyone is telling you the same. Breakups can be rough. We all know that. But it does you no good to keep posting in hopes that someone will tell you what you want to hear. After six months she has almost certainly moved on. If you really want her back, why don't you confess your feelings, send her a dozen roses, and ask her to come back to you? What have you got to lose? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuV1989 Posted December 14, 2018 Author Share Posted December 14, 2018 Thanks. I understand your opinion and I would have said probably the same. I know that I sound like a silly heartbroken guy. But I have asked her to really, really be honest with me, because that is what I need now. I have also seen how much effort it costed her to break up with me, she really didn't look like she was 100% sure. And now I asked her about it, she answered that she is still struggling. She doesnt pick up her stuff either. To me, this sounds not like she is completely over it and moved on. Again she doesnt know that I'm still struggling, as we are in no contact almost all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Thanks. So absolutely not chance for my scenario? Some dumpers have regret, right? Why don't you live your life so that she DESERVES to have regret? You are a valuable human being with a LOT to offer a good woman. This evaluation is separate and apart from her; it has nothing to do with her whatsoever. It has everything to do with you. Flip the script, my good man! Take your power back. It is not in her hands. I know that I sound like a silly heartbroken guy. No. You sound human. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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