Why do guys get so offended when I disparage online dating?

[EthanBlack]

I have no doubt that online dating works for some people or rather, works for people of a particular race and height.

 

If you're a 6 foot, white guy who is not obese and not bald, chances are, you'll do decently on there if you have good pictures and a well-written profile. You'll do even better than you would if you specifically target Asian girls.

 

One white guy I know, he doesn't have a lot of friends and not much of a social life so Tinder is his social life. He's about 6'1, 180 pounds, has hair and only a slight paunch in his belly. He works in a dead end blue collar job and he's a recreational drug user but he doesn't make much money but he dresses well. His social calendar for the entire week consists of dates he met on Tinder and it's almost become a hobby for him.

 

I know this Asian guy. He's an ex-colleague of mine. Successful. Makes six figures. He's about 5'7 but in very good, athletic shape. He travels the world and goes hiking in peru and skiing in Japan. Doesn't smoke. Doesn't do drugs. Drinks recreationally. He tried OLD including Tinder and he only gets replies from unattractive Asian girls and overweight white girls.

 

This kind of disparity in OLD is the reality of white privilege. And it's like white guys know it too and feel guilty about it. Because every time I express to a white guy my own experiences of OLD, they get into defensive mode, probably because they themselves met their current partner from online dating. And also partly because they know it's their only avenue of finding dating partners because they are socially inept.

 

Whereas visible minority guys are forced to get out there and find ways to socialize and interact with people face to face (which frankly requires a lot more effort and takes a lot longer), white guys can still use their white privilege to date around the lazy way through OLD.

 

Who is gonna win the race in the long run? Looks like white folks have the advantage now but I feel that the effort visible minority guys put out there in actually going out into the world and doing real stuff and forging connections with real people have higher payoff in the long run.

[nospam99]

I'm a white senior male of 'below average' height (5'8'', 32.9 percentile https://tall.life/height-percentile-calculator-age-country/ ) I am neither offended by criticism of OLD nor do I feel guilty about my white privilege. Because of lifestyle (no recreational alcohol consumption) and limited social interactions (most people in my age cohort are either married and don't know many singles or, not kidding, already dead - it's no fun burying friends), 'assisted' matchmaking (OLD and speed dating) is just about my only practical way to meet single women. What is is. What I do on LS is frequently post encouraging people to be patient and selective with OLD. Nevertheless I also recognize that people below their mid-thirties can probably do better partying with friends (backyard barbecues and informal dinner parties rather than drinking and weed parties) just because at that age many still haven't 'paired off' permanently.

[carhill]

Online dating works for some people and not for others. Back in the day when it was new and I used it, it was merely a means of electronic contact with ostensibly single women. It's changed remarkable over the two decades or so since I first used it. I wouldn't use it today but plenty of people do and are successful. The internet has also changed markedly in the 20-some years I've been using it. Time marches on.

 

BTW, back when I was using OLD in my 30's, I was under 6', a bit overweight and had a sizeable bald spot going on for nearly 20 years at that point. Those factors didn't seem to inhibit positive dating experiences out of the medium. Perfect? Nope! Still, had a number of relationships and met my wife that way. No regrets. If you find it a downer and want to criticize it, have at it. It certainly does have its faults like anything else in life. If it doesn't work for you try something else. I did a lot of that in my 20's and 30's because a lot of things didn't work. YMMV!

[Veronica73]

I highly doubt white guys who are successful in online dating feel guilty about it because of white priviledge

 

Do you think beautiful women feel guilty about their success in dating? I mean, it’s so unfair! I have a degree and am successful and travel and am talented and own my own home and have money saved for retirement, but all these guys are more interested in these beautiful women than they are in me!

 

And I don’t know quite how to explain it, but using the term “white priviledge” to describe white men’s success with women on OLD is actually rather offensive in a way. Like women are just a commodity or resource that is unfairly distributed.

 

But I agree, if online dating isn’t working for you, find other ways to meet women.

[stillafool]

OP, your post is interesting because I know 2 Black men who are killing it with online dating so I don't think race or height has anything to do with it. These guys are good looking as hell though. One does not even work and I'm sure he sells drugs, while the other one works and goes to school. Most Black men I know have no problems dating women or all races, especially white women. Women chose men they are physically and sexually attracted to. The same way men are attracted to women. This is just the way it is and sadly that is why people are told to date within their league.

Edited December 2, 2018 by stillafool

[stillafool]

 

but using the term “white priviledge” to describe white men’s success with women on OLD is actually rather offensive in a way. Like women are just a commodity or resource that is unfairly distributed.

 

But I agree, if online dating isn’t working for you, find other ways to meet women.

 

It's very offensive and reeks of jealousy. No one is entitled to a good looking woman. You've either got it or you don't.

Edited December 2, 2018 by stillafool

[preraph]

I have no doubt that online dating works for some people or rather, works for people of a particular race and height.

 

If you're a 6 foot, white guy who is not obese and not bald, chances are, you'll do decently on there if you have good pictures and a well-written profile. You'll do even better than you would if you specifically target Asian girls.

 

One white guy I know, he doesn't have a lot of friends and not much of a social life so Tinder is his social life. He's about 6'1, 180 pounds, has hair and only a slight paunch in his belly. He works in a dead end blue collar job and he's a recreational drug user but he doesn't make much money but he dresses well. His social calendar for the entire week consists of dates he met on Tinder and it's almost become a hobby for him.

 

I know this Asian guy. He's an ex-colleague of mine. Successful. Makes six figures. He's about 5'7 but in very good, athletic shape. He travels the world and goes hiking in peru and skiing in Japan. Doesn't smoke. Doesn't do drugs. Drinks recreationally. He tried OLD including Tinder and he only gets replies from unattractive Asian girls and overweight white girls.

 

This kind of disparity in OLD is the reality of white privilege. And it's like white guys know it too and feel guilty about it. Because every time I express to a white guy my own experiences of OLD, they get into defensive mode, probably because they themselves met their current partner from online dating. And also partly because they know it's their only avenue of finding dating partners because they are socially inept.

 

Whereas visible minority guys are forced to get out there and find ways to socialize and interact with people face to face (which frankly requires a lot more effort and takes a lot longer), white guys can still use their white privilege to date around the lazy way through OLD.

 

Who is gonna win the race in the long run? Looks like white folks have the advantage now but I feel that the effort visible minority guys put out there in actually going out into the world and doing real stuff and forging connections with real people have higher payoff in the long run.

 

Well, if it was "white privilege," then any old white guy could be successful and this board is full of ones who are not. If your friend only gets replies from fuglies, that's because they simply are not attracted to him. Online dating is a place where a whole lot of people just fish for people they know they're not attractive enough to get, just because they can easily do it, unlike if it was in person. In person, 90% of them, male or female, wouldn't try hitting on the best looking man/woman in their environment if for no other reason than it would be embarrassing and they know it, plus their friends are there to give them a reality check.

 

You can buy sex, but you can't buy love.

[preraph]

It's very offensive and reeks of jealousy. No one is entitled to a good looking woman. You've either got it or you don't.

 

^ This. Reality. So sick of all this bitter entitlement. If only those who are stuck in that rut could see how it makes them look just to people who read it and never even have seen their photo. That alone is enough to put most women off.

[chillii]

Yeah , the whole thing just sounds a bit like a bitter little tantrum.

No one has to justify anything to you just because they're doing something in life their way that's different to yours.

There must be millions of people of "all sorts" old that don't have much of a life otherwise, so what. If it works for them good luck to them or even if they just meet that one person , good for them.

 

lf it doesn't work for you then your doing the right thing not bothering , it doesn't work for a lot of people , so what.

And yeah old of course could be a pretty twisted unreality type of thing it's a very unnatural way to meet people but, works for some

 

With anything, you do what ever works for you in your life

[Simple Logic]

I have no doubt that online dating works for some people or rather, works for people of a particular race and height.

 

If you're a 6 foot, white guy who is not obese and not bald, chances are, you'll do decently on there if you have good pictures and a well-written profile. You'll do even better than you would if you specifically target Asian girls.

 

One white guy I know, he doesn't have a lot of friends and not much of a social life so Tinder is his social life. He's about 6'1, 180 pounds, has hair and only a slight paunch in his belly. He works in a dead end blue collar job and he's a recreational drug user but he doesn't make much money but he dresses well. His social calendar for the entire week consists of dates he met on Tinder and it's almost become a hobby for him.

 

I know this Asian guy. He's an ex-colleague of mine. Successful. Makes six figures. He's about 5'7 but in very good, athletic shape. He travels the world and goes hiking in peru and skiing in Japan. Doesn't smoke. Doesn't do drugs. Drinks recreationally. He tried OLD including Tinder and he only gets replies from unattractive Asian girls and overweight white girls.

 

This kind of disparity in OLD is the reality of white privilege. And it's like white guys know it too and feel guilty about it. Because every time I express to a white guy my own experiences of OLD, they get into defensive mode, probably because they themselves met their current partner from online dating. And also partly because they know it's their only avenue of finding dating partners because they are socially inept.

 

Whereas visible minority guys are forced to get out there and find ways to socialize and interact with people face to face (which frankly requires a lot more effort and takes a lot longer), white guys can still use their white privilege to date around the lazy way through OLD.

 

Who is gonna win the race in the long run? Looks like white folks have the advantage now but I feel that the effort visible minority guys put out there in actually going out into the world and doing real stuff and forging connections with real people have higher payoff in the long run.

 

I am a tall in shape white guy, but if I targeted Asian girls I’d be one lonely guy. The single Asian population where I live is less than 1/10 of 1%, then / 2 for Asian women.

[EthanBlack]

I highly doubt white guys who are successful in online dating feel guilty about it because of white priviledge

 

Do you think beautiful women feel guilty about their success in dating? I mean, it’s so unfair! I have a degree and am successful and travel and am talented and own my own home and have money saved for retirement, but all these guys are more interested in these beautiful women than they are in me!

 

And I don’t know quite how to explain it, but using the term “white priviledge” to describe white men’s success with women on OLD is actually rather offensive in a way. Like women are just a commodity or resource that is unfairly distributed.

 

But I agree, if online dating isn’t working for you, find other ways to meet women.

 

Asian women see themselves as a commodity and they also see white men as a commodity because they think it gives them higher status and they want half-white children. So it's a two way streak. I know how Asian women think because I come from that community and we tell each other things we normally wouldn't tell non-Asian people.

 

I'm similar to you. I'm successful, own my own home, good hobbies, good friends, and I have an interesting life. But I'm only 5'5 and I'm Asian and so I get passed over for 6 foot white guys who barely have a job, have no financial savings, and view Asian women as a rite of passage. Yah you could say that it's not racial and that there's SOMETHING ABOUT ME that puts women off. Yah I'm negative and yah I'm afraid to make myself vulnerable for fear of getting hurt. But that's only after experiencing painful rejections like no tomorrow.

 

It's very offensive and reeks of jealousy. No one is entitled to a good looking woman. You've either got it or you don't.

 

Go to any big Asian city like Tokyo or Shanghai and visit the expat community full of Americans and Europeans. The white guys view Asian girls as the white man's rite of passage. They give each other smirks when they bump into each other with their pretty Asian girlfriend on their arm. They walk around town like they own the place. It's sexual colonialism at its finest.

 

It's easy to adopt the view of "no one is entitled to a woman" when you're ****ing killing it and at the top of the totem pole.

 

 

I am a tall in shape white guy, but if I targeted Asian girls I’d be one lonely guy. The single Asian population where I live is less than 1/10 of 1%, then / 2 for Asian women.

 

Go to a big city where there's an Asian population. You're gonna kill it.

 

lf it doesn't work for you then your doing the right thing not bothering , it doesn't work for a lot of people , so what.

And yeah old of course could be a pretty twisted unreality type of thing it's a very unnatural way to meet people but, works for some

 

With anything, you do what ever works for you in your life

[Morello]

Jeez... How many different 'it's not fair' threads can this guy create?

[BettyDraper]

I'm just going to say that bitterness and constantly complaining about the inequities of life are very unattractive behaviors.

 

Women typically enjoy dating happy men who are confident.

 

Instead of focusing on what everyone else has, try to look at the aspects of your life which you can control and stop whining all the time.

[Garcon1986]

When you critique men and women in the dating scene, do you have a little table at home that you check off for your satisfaction, each time somebody on LS admits they do something you don't approve of?

[thefooloftheyear]

Show me a guy that struggles with women and its usually very apparent what the reason is...

 

-Despite what you have told yourself, its rarely about height...I'll say it again, I come from a family where all of the guys(maybe 20?) are all in the 5'4"-5-10" range...None of us have ever struggled with women and if you lined up all the women we have been with none would rate less than an 8 by anyone..I've been with better looking women than all of my 6' + friends...Most of their wives/gf's I wouldn't give the time of day to...Its not your height, so forget that...

 

Any theory you think you have to figure this out can easily be debunked by one trip to a park on a nice day or a shopping mall..You will see a ton of couples in all configurations...Sure some good looking with good looking, but a lot of them are one ugly/short/fat(usually the guy) with an attractive woman...Some skinny/fit guys with fat women...Etc...

 

I get some of what you are saying...Not everyone can be Tom Brady or some other shyt...But there are a lot of women out there...Zillions...To think that you can't find your niche is crazy...

 

"a poor craftsman blames his tools"

 

TFY

[Blanco]

Why do guys get so offended when I suggest they are more to blame for their dating failures than they realize?

[EthanBlack]

The whole point is that we live in a digital world and connecting online has become the norm.

 

And it preserves the racial hierarchy and even reinforces it.

 

You get these loser, socially inept white guys who don't have the guts to go out into the real world and make things happen with real people but because white men are at the top of the totem pole and because of white privilege, can hide behind the safety of their screens and get many dates.

 

Visible minority guys including Asian guys have a lot harder time in this medium. They have to make the effort to develop real lives, real interests, and go out into the real world and forge connections. Creating and being a part of a community takes time and effort.

 

I am NOT saying somehow that visible minority guys are less attractive. If anything, they tend to be far better suited for relationships than white guys but I'm saying the online medium doesn't work for them as a whole. But they do fine once connecting with real people out in the real world and this includes women. Most of the women I've dated would would have swept left if they had met me online.

 

I'm just trying to explain white privilege and the kind of doors that are open if you're a six foot, relatively in shape white guy. There's just a ton of doors open to you. I'm not saying your dating life is gonna be easy but just acknowledge the fact that a lot of doors are open to you without you even realizing it. You won't totally realize what you got until you don't have it.

[Wallysbears]

The whole point is that we live in a digital world and connecting online has become the norm.

 

And it preserves the racial hierarchy and even reinforces it.

 

You get these loser, socially inept white guys who don't have the guts to go out into the real world and make things happen with real people but because white men are at the top of the totem pole and because of white privilege, can hide behind the safety of their screens and get many dates.

 

Visible minority guys including Asian guys have a lot harder time in this medium. They have to make the effort to develop real lives, real interests, and go out into the real world and forge connections. Creating and being a part of a community takes time and effort.

 

I am NOT saying somehow that visible minority guys are less attractive. If anything, they tend to be far better suited for relationships than white guys but I'm saying the online medium doesn't work for them as a whole. But they do fine once connecting with real people out in the real world and this includes women. Most of the women I've dated would would have swept left if they had met me online.

 

I'm just trying to explain white privilege and the kind of doors that are open if you're a six foot, relatively in shape white guy. There's just a ton of doors open to you. I'm not saying your dating life is gonna be easy but just acknowledge the fact that a lot of doors are open to you without you even realizing it. You won't totally realize what you got until you don't have it.

 

I am confused as to what your point is?

[frankspeci]

I am confused as to what your point is?

 

I think he low key wants to start an OLD affirmative action program or maybe an OLD welfare system

[RideTheLightening]

I have no doubt that online dating works for some people or rather, works for people of a particular race and height.

If you're a 6 foot, white guy who is not obese and not bald, chances are, you'll do decently on there if you have good pictures and a well-written profile. You'll do even better than you would if you specifically target Asian girls.

 

This kind of disparity in OLD is the reality of white privilege. And it's like white guys know it too and feel guilty about it. Because every time I express to a white guy my own experiences of OLD, they get into defensive mode, probably because they themselves met their current partner from online dating

 

The brutal truth is that 80% of the female population is chasing about 20% of the men. It doesn't matter if you are a minority or not... a tall handsome Asian guy will do better online than a short, fat, ugly, white guy.

 

I'm telling you that you should maximize your photos and play the margins.

 

We have some statistics now that show a demographic shift in sex partners. The averages have not really moved, however a HUGE number of men are now in the zero sex partner category, while a tiny portion of men are well into triple digits.

 

Now I think someone mentioned being offended by the idea that dating is a market. That's silly to my thinking. It IS a market, and it always has been. Technology affects how that market operates and Tinder is creating some serious shifts. I believe it's part of the reason why Millennial women are the most unhappy generation of females ever polled.

[RideTheLightening]

Visible minority guys including Asian guys have a lot harder time in this medium. They have to make the effort to develop real lives, real interests, and go out into the real world and forge connections. Creating and being a part of a community takes time and effort.

 

I don't like this term "visible minorities", because while it's true that East Asian, and South Asian guys tend to struggle with online dating in the west, that isn't true of all minorities.

 

It's well documented that black guys generally do the best. Average black guys tend to outperform average white guys even in online dating. Latinos also do very well in certain areas.

[basil67]

They aren't "offended'. They are simply of your complaining and entitled attitude.

[Wallysbears]

Have you had a female friend review your online dating profile and pictures?

 

Maybe you are relaying information that is turning women off simply because of what is in your profile (written) or what your pictures are "saying"

 

I think many guys do that by mistake.

 

You need GOOD photos that make you look like a person someone would be interested in and want to talk to.

[chillii]

lt's a pipe dream thinking 80% of women are chasing 20% of guys because 80% of women , more in fact , are average or well well below average and they're usually married to guys or with guys of about the same.

And it would also mean that 80% of women never have partners or get married , because the top 20% would be with that 20% of guys so the rest have to get zilch. Or something like that, ahh !

So it doesn't matter what bs is saying all over the internet , the truth is out in the real world , as TF said and l've said , on any street park or mall.

That's reality,

Most couples are just ordinary people of a 1000 shapes and sizes and nationalities.

 

l dunno how anyone reading internet doesn't see this out in their real world every day.

Edited December 3, 2018 by chillii

[basil67]

Most couples are just ordinary people of a 1000 shapes and sizes and nationalities.

 

l dunno how anyone reading internet doesn't see this out in their real world every day.

 

Truth ^^

 

I'm reminded of this each and every time someone is here complaining about how unfair dating is.