Noemiforever43 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 How to let go of my BFF (Best Friend) I met him 8 years ago, he was fantastic, always there to listen, He was my everything all the time, until he decided to changed things and he became my Husband about 3 years ago, now he is ending our marriage, and I feel lost, I had with him my BFF and now I have nothing, I lost so much, and it hurts that it has all to do with his brain injury, I wish I could stand next to him, and make him understand I want to be there for him, but all he is doing is been irrational and rude, is hard for me to see how he has changed and I am not able to help him, His parents are there for him, so when I had problems in the past, I would go to him, now I have nothing, I know I have to let him go Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 (edited) I am so sorry your husband has changed due to brain injury. This happened to one of my very best friends. I had met him decades ago and he was attractive and charming, friendly to her friends, literate. My best memory of him was fencing around the pool. Then not long after they had a child, which was a little later, in her 30s, he started acting different. The sad thing is my poor friend didn't even realize it was from head injuries. He had had three head injuries over the years, but he never went to the doctor for them when he should have gone to the emergency ward (this is partly because she is doctor and medicine-phobic, so she didn't insist like she should have). So his behavior totally changed. He became an out of control drunk and also taking drugs. He turned mean. He abruptly ran off to California with some woman. He had a steady decline. At some point she had to get him out of her house because he wasn't safe. She had to finish raising her daughter alone. It's like he never even tried to connect with her again. He just wasn't himself. A few years later, he died alone in his apartment, which was just full of trash and garbage all over the floors and just not even livable. He can't be himself anymore. His brain is damaged. He will degenerate. The man you knew is gone. He may be violent or abusive and just out of control. He may never be able to hold a job at some point. He may act irresponsibly like have a car wreck and get sued and you as a couple lose everything, or get someone pregnant and have child support to pay forever, so you need to make this legal and divorce him to protect yourself legally. He also may end up in hospital for a long time and that will drain you financially. You need to get an attorney and at least get a divorce and sever the financials from him for your own good and your family. If some miracle happens, I'm sure he would let you know. I've not heard of that happening though. Right now you need to protect your assets. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Edited December 2, 2018 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 I am so sorry your husband has changed due to brain injury. This happened to one of my very best friends. I had met him decades ago and he was attractive and charming, friendly to her friends, literate. My best memory of him was fencing around the pool. Then not long after they had a child, which was a little later, in her 30s, he started acting different. The sad thing is my poor friend didn't even realize it was from head injuries. He had had three head injuries over the years, but he never went to the doctor for them when he should have gone to the emergency ward (this is partly because she is doctor and medicine-phobic, so she didn't insist like she should have). So his behavior totally changed. He became an out of control drunk and also taking drugs. He turned mean. He abruptly ran off to California with some woman. He had a steady decline. At some point she had to get him out of her house because he wasn't safe. She had to finish raising her daughter alone. It's like he never even tried to connect with her again. He just wasn't himself. A few years later, he died alone in his apartment, which was just full of trash and garbage all over the floors and just not even livable. He can't be himself anymore. His brain is damaged. He will degenerate. The man you knew is gone. He may be violent or abusive and just out of control. He may never be able to hold a job at some point. He may act irresponsibly like have a car wreck and get sued and you as a couple lose everything, or get someone pregnant and have child support to pay forever, so you need to make this legal and divorce him to protect yourself legally. He also may end up in hospital for a long time and that will drain you financially. You need to get an attorney and at least get a divorce and sever the financials from him for your own good and your family. If some miracle happens, I'm sure he would let you know. I've not heard of that happening though. Right now you need to protect your assets. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thank You for this advise, Now i gotta find the strength to get myself protected and get the kids safe from him, I did not realize that information until now, I thank you and now I need to start the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 Thank You for this advise, Now i gotta find the strength to get myself protected and get the kids safe from him, I did not realize that information until now, I thank you and now I need to start the process. I am so sorry about your friend, I hope she is doing better.. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 You know the man he was before his brain was injured did not feel that same way about that you're not attractive enough. He lost his filter and he lost some part of his brain that appreciated you for who you were. What you had then was real. What you have now is just damaged. Your love was real, and you need to remember that. He isn't himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Share Posted December 3, 2018 You know the man he was before his brain was injured did not feel that same way about that you're not attractive enough. He lost his filter and he lost some part of his brain that appreciated you for who you were. What you had then was real. What you have now is just damaged. Your love was real, and you need to remember that. He isn't himself. well when I met him, he had already been injured, and so according to his doctors, his injury was not mend to get worst, over the years there was a few changes, but never imagine he was going to be this rude and mean. Its amazingly painful, to heard him calling me all sorts of names, and now he is definitely not who I got engaged with 6 years ago, he keeps saying that I did the damaged, he keeps saying he does not know who he is and that is all my fault, I read so much into his injury now, I understand, maybe his brain is more damaged now. I do not know, But I try to stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 It degenerates over time. I'm sure the docs hoped it wouldn't That husband of my friend, those injuries happened over a period of time. And then he degenerated. It's parts of the brain that just aren't working or are misfiring. Do read up on brain damage. It's different symptoms for different parts of the brain. It will be enlightening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted December 3, 2018 Author Share Posted December 3, 2018 It degenerates over time. I'm sure the docs hoped it wouldn't That husband of my friend, those injuries happened over a period of time. And then he degenerated. It's parts of the brain that just aren't working or are misfiring. Do read up on brain damage. It's different symptoms for different parts of the brain. It will be enlightening. Thanks your comments are very helpful, how is your friend doing now, if you don't mind me asking? Link to post Share on other sites
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