How to make up with my girlfriend/wife (Long thread)

[Bari26]

This is a very long post

 

Ok so I have a girlfriend, basically I see her as my wife. So we had a slight rift due to insecurities because of my past in my dating life. I don’t know if it something she understands. So anyway she seems, from my perspective to just have this I f**ked up mentality and in part wants to behave like I was out to hurt her. Instead of really understanding how me having a painful past could make me behave a certain guarded way, even being a guy. Especially when I’m deeply in love with “Tracy”.. NOT REAL NAME. We have direct verbal communication issues, which we need to fix.

 

Anyway fast forward, we don’t live together although I would love to live with her.

Some other woman, I hadn’t ever met, came to my home Thanksgiving 2016. So now my mother (who I live with) told me this is your cousin from Jamaica. This woman was standing there & didn’t refute it. Now I’d never heard of this woman before and don’t know most of my relatives, so I didn’t think much of it. Didn’t find her attractive or look at her sexually. No flirting or anything. Fast forward she’s here christmas 2017, think nothing of it.

 

Eventually mom my says this person is coming over to stay for the weekends. I was indifferent because I’m thinking she’s a cousin and it’s not my home. Months pass by, nothing suspicious. I get invited by who I’m to believe is family to a cookout on July 4th.

My mom, her guy companion, this girl I’m mentioning and another girl I’m to believe is my cousin (Person O). Anyway, since I couldn’t get in touch with “Tracy”, I say ok since I have nothing to do. I go walk there by myself. I’m not suspicious but I tried to hook the supposed cousin I met up with a friend. I showed her his picture she was uninterested. And she seemed to subtly get too close too me. Anyway I stepped back didn’t warrant concern. End of the night she asked to take a pic with me, I didn’t want to because I was thinking of “Tracy”. Then I said, well she’s a female but she’s a cousin so “Tracy” won’t have to worry and it’d be mean not to.

 

(Fastforward to now, the supposed cousin may have used this to lie and portray that I took her on a date or that her and I were a couple. Not to mention “Tracy” and I have a history surrounded by July 4th. A special and ruined moment by me, which I’ve always wanted to make up to her.)

 

Fast forward labor day 2017, out to eat with family for mother’s birthday. I’m forced to sit in two seats one across from mother and one accross from brother but next to supposed cousin. I sat acrosd from my brother because my family thinks him & I have some beef with esch other. But actually we’re not the most talkstive people. Anyway she said it’s her wish for us to get along, so I sat across from him. Which so happened to be next to the supposed cousin. I sat on the seat but edged away from the supposed cousin (Six separate seats ::: like those dots). I guess it was a test this person used to see if I was into her. I’m quite indifferent to her.

 

Anyway time passes by and I’m getting actually suspicious. This supposed cousin seems to be replicating to be replicating the history that “Tracy” and I have. I have a security breach with my devices so I was looking up roses to give “Tracy” to make up with her. I search for 4 weeks, and my laptop is always on. Somehow this supposed cousin who now has the key to the apartment from my mom, knocks on the door. She has a key, so she’s used it to get in before.

 

This time she knocks and has a bouquet of roses in her hand, with the cleaning person suspiciously standing right out the door almost as like a witness. And if a woman has a man then some woman he says not to worry about comes to his door with roses, he answers and she comes in, it looks like he’s lying to his woman about this woman.

 

My whole point is this supposed cousin was trying to make “Tracy” think her and I were involved and having sex when we weren’t. I didn’t do anything with her or look at her in any sexual way. But while I was telling “Tracy” that woman is a cousin (what I was led to believe), I think this woman and “Tracy” got in touch and again she was trying to put it in “Tracy”’s head that her and I were having sex. Trying to get “Tracy” to believe I was knowingly lying about her being a cousin to cover up what was really going on. I wouldn’t do that, I love “Tracy” deeply & am deeply in love with “Tracy”.

 

Now you may wonder where “Tracy” was in all this, I wonder myself. Now anyway fast forward 2018, my mother is leaving for the week. Me and supposed cousin will for the first time be alone for the weekend. A lot of suspicious things happened the weekend she came (Friday 3/15/18), TV’s not working but only in my bedroom and supposed cousin asking to watch a TV while in her bathrobe. Which would be her implying my bedroom as it had the only working TV (after my mom came back, the TV was working again. STRANGELY). Her after the TV request, goes in the bathroom and then says out loud if I’m coming.

 

From the I was already in my sweats getting ready to leave the house before she got there but that expedited it. I left, went out and slept on the train, came back in the afternoon and put her out 3/16/18

 

Now about this day prior 3/15/18, “Tracy” finally shows up at my door. She shows up with her friend and “Tracy” is disguised as a homeless services worker with red hair. She comes asking about the supposed cousin, does she live here is that your girlfriend, pay bills. So she hands me a paper to give to the girl. I see out my peripherals the rest of the pages and it has things on like it like a check box for girlfriend. I was half asleep because I had drank the night before and had been working out late night. So that visit had me up out my sleep. The name on the paper said “curtis banner” now because I’ve known “Tracy” since 2010, I realized that what the paper really said was not Banner but “ban her” as in put her out. So coincidentally, “Tracy” who always pops up when she thinks I’m getting to close to another woman showed up. What was basically the final piece for me being sure the supposed cousin wasn’t really a cousin. I spoke to a counselor about it too, and she came to the same conclusion.

 

The paper also said, time of visit 1:40pm.

Her birthday is January 4th. So 1:40pm is really for (1:4)0pm or 1/4. “Tracy” likes to speak in code or it’s that I use to like to speak in code and she decided to mirror me. So now supposed cousin shows up to the house hours after “Tracy” leaves, and what is she wearing but a red wig. Remember I mentioned mirroring “Tracy” up above. Now after her putting her out, maybe a month later supposed cousin pops up again. I was rushing to class, so it didn’t occur to me until way after the incident. Plus the person was wearing makeup. So she rang the downstairs neighbor’s bell, and she pretended to be an ACS worker. She went halfway up the stairs and then acted like she went to drop something off at one of the apartments.

 

When she left, the neighbor’s bell she rang came out and asked if the person lived in the building. A whole bunch of suspicious things happened since her arrival around me. This supposed cousin would twice use the other girl (person O) who I’m to believe is my cousin and have her ask me where my girlfriend is. Then supposed cousin would pop up. As if somehow that would get in my head and indicate that God is trying to show me, she’s the girl for me. No I’m not stupid nor would I question my reality, I know my reality and she was doing was trying to manipulate my reality. Besides I’m deeply in love with “Tracy” and if I wasn’t I still wouldn’t be into that other female.

 

I even bought “Tracy” a ring in like 2013-14 to give to her in the future. My gut told me that when I was passing by the living room into my room on weekend this girl was on the phone mentioning the ring and saying I got the ring for her. Firstly, I bought it in January of 2013-14 the day before “Tracy”’s birthday. I didn’t buy a ring for someone I didn’t know existed. And as I said even when this supposed cousin was around me, the ring was still for and only for “Tracy”. My gut has told me she’s done similar things before. I’ve gotten the feeling, she and “Tracy” had each other’s numbers. My gut say she was on the phone with “Tracy” and while on the phone telling “Tracy” I’m on top of her & can’t keep my hands off her and so on.

 

Because I remember one time, walking from my room to the kitchen while she was in the living room (where she stays, not in my bed couch or room) and I was paying her no mind. Just going to and from the kitchen, she was on the phone saying stop something. In hindsight it seems like she was on the phone the trying to make it look like I was on top of her, trying to hump her or giving her some physical affection. I’m literally walking minding my business. I didn’t do anything sexual with this female or try to. Nor did I try to court or flirt with her or any crap.

 

Who knows what this female has hidden up her sleeve to destroy my life.

I think she even tried to portray it as, the reason I kicked her out was because we had an argument or the “relationship,” ran it’s course or some stupid crap. I wasn’t in a relationship with her. I put her out the house because I was finally able to piece together she was lying about being my damn cousin and actually trying to keep “Tracy” and I from being together. I guess the plan was to use the cousin angle, to get me to drop my guard because they knew I was in love with “Tracy” and would not go for another female trying to move herself into my house nor would I have went for her presence around me if she came out and said she’s interested in me.

 

Now I don’t suffer from any disorder that would cause me to make this stuff up. I have better things to do than make up a story for attention. This actually is probably more suited for a counselor because obviously whoever came up with this idea is in need of psychological counseling and me possibly needing it for having to deal with the insanity.

 

Anyway I’m scared “Tracy” actually believes I was really involved with that woman romantically or sexually. I didn’t have sex with her nor did I want to or try to or flirt with her or anything. Since 2010 when I met “Tracy” and since 2011 when I realized I was in love with “Tracy”, I have not ever went on a date with another woman. So many bad things have happened since I’ve had feelings for “Tracy”. So many people trying to destroy me, destroy my name, tear apart who am, denigrate me, spread lies about me being abusive or liking to pick on people, mock me, tear me down. Then there’s Just baffles me because I’m not really an *******.

 

Then there’s people that want to intervene in my love life and tell people I’m not right for her. It’s like people are trying to steal my best friend in life and the woman I’m in love with romantically/wife to be specific. That’s what “Tracy” means to me all in one. Like they’re trying to play “There’s Something About Mary,” with my wife. You know all those guys try to con this woman into thinking the guy she’s into is scum because they want to get in her pants (except it’s not only men doing it). I feel like she thinks less of me now than ever before. “Tracy” even had this mindset at one point that I didn’t mean her any good. It didn’t make any sense to me and it doesn’t now. Because this woman has been on my mind everyday since 2011.

 

She has my heart. But what could I have done for her if she went no contact of her own choice and then popped when she felt, then went back to it. And people have been trying to put this idea out there that “Tracy” is my ex and we are broken up? NO. I didn’t agree to that or with that. I don’t refer to her as my ex. I may google things with the word ex, when I want to read concepts from a certain situational perspective. That’s no different than when I google things like “I want to break up with my boyfriend,” because I want to read why a woman would break up with her boyfriend (so “Tracy” won’t want to leave me) so I frame the question as if a woman were typing when I search. Point being I didn’t breakup with “Tracy” or calls things off. The most I ever did was feel insecure and need a moment to compose myself but I wasn’t saying I want to break up. I hope she never thought I wanted to break up. There wasn’t ever a day I thought, I’d be better off without “Tracy”.

 

Now my thing is I still want to give “Tracy” this ring to say I want to be together. One thing I know is although so many messed up things have happened to me, if she was by my side they wouldn’t have happened. And being with her brings me calm. I want to have that physically affectionate & loving, romantic bond with her. Sorry for the long post with sll the details BUT hoe can I get “Tracy” to accept this ring from me?

 

Plz if people answer, nothing about tellin me to forget about her. That’s not an option for me. She’s the love of my life, and not that middle or high school or just lost your virginity stuff

Edited December 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
REMOVED REAL NAME, let's not use them

[Just a Guy]

I wanted to ask you as to how old you are? From all that you've written the whole affair seems rather convoluted and your mother's role in it seems a bit questionable. Is she trying to get you and your supposed cousin together? If so why so? Also if you are a grown up adult why are you still living with your mom? You want to be married to a woman yet you are living with your mom. How do you think your girlfriend will view that? Overall I find your post a bit juvenile and it seems you are not ready for a mature relationship. Take some time to yourself and grow up before you get involved in serious relationships. Best wishes.

Edited December 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed IRL name

[basil67]

yes, convoluted is the word - I had trouble following it, Can you give a quick summary?

[d0nnivain]

I had trouble following your Q too.

 

This is what I do understand:

 

Some woman tried to make your GF, "Tracy", think that you were cheating on Tracy with the other woman.

 

As an aside, you keep calling your GF your "wife" even though you don't live with her but you do have a ring for her. Stop calling her your wife because that is kind of insulting since she's not even your FI. Part of the reason she may be upset is that you may seem like all talk & no action in terms of getting married. You have yet to actually give her the ring.

 

I'm not sure what your mother's roll in all this was, other then your mother owns the house & it's mom's decision who lives there not, yours.

 

I also don't understand from what you wrote what your GF's response was. If you stated it, I missed I under all the extraneous details, like where you were sitting, the misspelled words & the shouting, so please clarify. You said something about Tracy showed up at your house in a disguise pretending to be a public official demanding that the other woman / the cousin be evicted but all of that was in code. You also admit that you didn't recognize your own GF because you had been drinking the night before & you were still sleepy, possibly hung over.

 

What is your status with Tracy your GF now? You said something about other people being out to destroy you but Tracy being NC? If she has cut you out of her life, first we have to understand why before we can give you advice on how to fix things.

 

If this other woman is the source of the strife a good first step would most likely be you not living with the woman/ cousin anymore.

Edited December 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
reply to deleted post

[Bari26]

yes, convoluted is the word - I had trouble following it, Can you give a quick summary?

 

Still too long or difficult to read?

If this is too long, we can work this step by step. We can start with breaking down the below section that ends with I’ve been in love with “Tracy” for 7 years.

I guess that would be my quick summary. Then the rest can be used as details to double back to.

 

I have a girlfriend, basically wife, named “Tracy”. We don’t live together. Some things we have to sort out between us. But as I said wife, she’s not someone I have casual interest in. I seriously love her and am in love.

 

 

Through a period where we were not on the same page, a female came along.

She was introduced to me as a cousin from out of the country that I’d never met. My mom introduced her to me. I was not ever interested in her. Focused on “Tracy”. So eventually my mother decides she’s going to let this female stay in the home on weekends. I’m indifferent as she was introduced as a cousin and showed mo signs of suspicious behavior. Over time, months to nearly a year her behavior finally started to red flag enough that I was wondering if this was really a cousin. I told “Tracy” she was a cousin (only what I was told). Over time her behavior turned out to be that she was trying to make it look like she was coming to my house because her and I were a couple. We were not and I wasn’t into her, wasn’t flirting with her or even having sex with her or any sexual behavior or anything suggestive (all my choices).

“Tracy” was led to believe that this girl was a new woman I was bringing into my life and also trying to have “Tracy”. When I’m only into “Tracy”. And I’ve been in love with “Tracy” for 7 years.

 

Now what I realized is that this woman must have negotiated with my mother behind my back. As some mothers like to meddle in their child’s dating life (no offense to mother’s). See I love “Tracy”, so I don’t bring other women home. Even when she’s ignoring me. So I guess the plan was that if the girl approaches me as a female that is interested in me, she couldn’t infiltrate my home because I would’ve shut it down since I love “Tracy”. So to get around me, leading me to believe she’s actually my cousin would make me not suspicious of anything. Being my cousin is something she didn’t confirm nor refute when my mom told me upon introduction that the female is my cousin. Had she claimed to not be related to me but interested in me & then my mom brought up her staying on weekends, I would’ve said no instead of being indifferent.

 

It’s like going to a club underage but lying and leading the people at the door to believe you’re of age.

 

So basically while I’m in a relationship with “Tracy” and was saying as well as thinking this other woman is a cousin, the girl was keeping up an act. So while she was portraying that she was my cousin around me, around other peoplevshe was portraying that I was dating her or having sex with her when I wasn’t.

So how does that look to “Tracy”?

Perception: You’re trying to be with me and work things out with me? But living with/moving in another woman?

 

This is like when a guy tells a girl lets be friend’s but he’s saying that to get close to her and have sex. (Reversing genders now)The difference is, again, that I can avoid a woman trying to be a friend to me but trying to have sex with me or move in with me.

There’s no way I can suspect that a woman would come to my home, let me believe she’s my cousin, then get around my living space, play innocent but then it be an attempt to have sex with me and/or sabotage my relationship with “Tracy” Brown (“Tracy” being my wife and best friend). I don’t look at cousins as sexual.

I didn’t go for her but that doesn’t matter because it LOOKS like I was up to something. I was unassuming of her behavior. Even though I’m telling the truth that I wasn’t up to anything inappropriate or moving on from “Tracy” it seems like I’m lying. Before this situation, if I heard this story I would think it’s a lie. That’s the line that a good number of people use when cheating on their partner, “that’s my opposite sex cousin.” That’s the coverup line.

 

So I’m also a victim of things other people have done in their relationships. Plus I mentioned this before but I remember sending “Tracy” a message referring to this woman being in my home as there because she’s a cousin. Then one of her visits shortly after that, she’s on the phone talking about how some guy (she used a nickname) aren’t related. It’s too strange that it right after I mentioned her being related to me, she mentions something like that. Then given all that’s happened, it tells me this female was up to some evil stuff. She may have even hexed me. There are many other instances where I’ve overheard her on a phone call and what I’ve heard sent red flag alerts up my spine. The ones that say, “I wonder if this woman is making up lies that me and her are sleeping together or getting touchy feely with each other.” It all sounds so crazy that no sane person could do this. That woman came with a mission, a silent sabotage attack to keep “Tracy” from wanting to be involved with me.

 

I don’t have a guilty conscience because I didn’t do any thing wrong. But I pray constantly in my mind that “Tracy” doesn’t buy into this whole, I was trying to cheat on her stuff with this girl or that I was inappropriately involved with her and then also move on or get me back for what is perceived indiscretion. Perceived because I’m innocent.

 

My apologies if my last post sounds rude. I’m going through a rough situation and I love & miss “Tracy” dearly, don’t want her to disappear from my life

Edited December 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Kitty Tantrum]

So the long and short of it is that your family is actively trying to sabotage your relationship with Tracy? It was hard to follow your story, but that's what I got out of it.

 

It sounds a bit crazy and unbelievable, frankly, all this stuff about disguises and conspiracies. HOWEVER... I've met enough crazy beaches to know it's plausible.

 

The only advice I can give you is to move out of your mother's house if you don't want her meddling in your love life.

 

As far as Tracy goes... I dunno man, if she's showing up at your door disguised as a social worker to check up on you instead of just communicating with you like a normal person about her relationship concerns... you sure you want to put a ring on that??

Edited December 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Bari26]

LET ME MAKE THIS PART CLEAR BECAUSE EVERYONE I TELL THIS TO, SEEMS TO JUMP OVER THIS CRUCIAL FACT I WAS NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR. SOMEONE DEVIOUSLY TRIED TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I WAS DOING SO. I ONLY HAVE ONE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS “TRACY” BROWN.

(����This is not shouting in caps. This is a bulletin, a take notice)

 

What I said seems convuluted because this is a convuluted and difficult situation in terms of making it clear I am innocent..

 

As I explained, my mother brought this person around me. Why? I don’t know, some mother’s like to meddle in their offspring’s life regardless of age and they sometimes feel victimized if they can’t do so. Next i did not want to be with this supposed cousin or whomever the heck she is in an romantic sense. As I didn't flirt or lead her on nor am I lying and trying to hide that I was interested and then changed my mind. I have been in love with “Tracy” for the last 7 years.

This other female may have even paid my mother off to pull this stunt, I don’t know.

Now outside of the fact that if I had my own living space I would not have been in this predicament to begin with, do not try to belittle me for my living situation as you don’t know the difficulties that have caused me to be in such circumstances. Especially because you are sitting behind a computer.

I see ignorance and underhanded insults passed off as trying to understand what I’m saying. I would like to assume you’re actually miscommunicating but that’s not what I’m picking up.

 

Next, learn reading and comprehension. Do not define my post as juvenile. This post clearly says that this stuff is not due to my actions. This says someone else is taking actions to make it look like I was cheating on the love of my life (LOVE OF MY LIFE/GIRLFRIEND/WIFE= “TRACY”) with her. My actions have nothing to do with immaturity.

 

Let me give you a close to home example, using you.

A woman goes out her way to try to make it look to your mother as if your father has been cheating on your mother with her. Your father is just going about his day, no sexual involvement with this woman and is unaware this woman has been doing this and all of this going on. The “other woman” got around him based on deception. Your father has not ever been into this other woman, she is just lying to stir trouble. Your mother believes the situation and leaves your father thus you were not ever born to completely misunderstand this post.

 

Now is your father acting juvenile or immature in this situation? Would you question his age and maturity because another woman tried to make it look like he was having an affair?

No

 

THE QUESTION OF MATURITY WOULD FALL UPON THE INDIVIDUAL(S) WHO DEVISED THE SCHEME.

 

I Literally said this person that I was to believe is related to me unbeknownst to me (meaning unknown to me), was trying to portray to my wife “Tracy” that her (supposed cousin) and I had a relationship that was in the realm of sexual, dating or marriage, etc.

As in if I was questioned about this situation I can pass a lie detector test (without cheating) under the grounds

that I did not have an affair or inappropriate relationship with this woman (supposed cousin) because I did not ever have sex, flirt, court or do anything in this fields with this woman. The issue is the false perception otherwise.

 

Lastly my temporary living arrangement does not determine that I am not ready for a serious with “Tracy”. If that were the case, no one would be in a relationship until they had their own house in their name. I AM DEFINITELY READY TO BE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH “TRACY”. you don’t choose a relationship based on who has a house and who does not. You choose it based on love. I don’t need time to grow apart from her, “Tracy” and I will grow TOGETHER. Neither am I immature and unable to handle a mature relationship.

 

I may have asked for advice, I have no issue with people from india or people of any country but I didn’t ask for underhanded belittling or belittling to begin with. Take your insult passed off as trying to understand what I’m saying to disguise that it’s an insult elsewhere.

Thank you

 

BEST WISHES

YEAH “TRACY” AND I ARE BEST TOGETHER. SO THANK YOU FOR WISHING HER ON ME.

 

NOW IF YOU WANT TO RESPECTFULLY REPLY. I’LL LISTEN

Edited December 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

If I was Tracy, the thing which would send up the most red flags is that you didn't discuss the cousin's relationship with you from the start. A cousin I've never heard of turns up at my house? I'd be fascinated and wanting to know the family connections and why I've not heard of them. Even if it was a 1st cousin 2x removed, I'd still be interested in connections. It doesn't make sense to me that you didn't discuss family history with a cousin who lived with you for months. And if a thing doesn't make sense, then it becomes suspicious.

 

 

Aside from the fact it's against the terms of service, it doesn't make sense to do so. Are you trying to get her to see what you're writing?

Edited December 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Robert]

To the thread starter and to the posters replying please don't use the real name of the person in your posts, I have changed that name to "Tracy".. Fake name...

 

 

thanks

[Kitty Tantrum]

Believe me, I know what it's like to be forced into a difficult living situation. I had to move back in with my dad temporarily, on two separate occasions, since leaving the nest. I think a lot of us have been there.

 

I believe you when you say that you were never involved with the other woman. From what you've described, I believe it is most likely that your mother does not want you to have a relationship with Tracy.

 

The trade-off for being dependent on another person for shelter is that it gives them power to influence your life.

 

Your first order of business should be to take measures to move out of your mother's house. Until you do that, you're kind of stuck with her meddling. If you are absolutely unable to move out of your mother's house, you may have to accept that you don't have a future with Tracy. Dependence and freedom are always fundamentally at odds.

 

(and dude, don't call her your wife, she's nowhere near being your wife no matter how strong or serious your feelings are - doesn't matter that you bought a ring if you haven't even proposed yet)

 

On the other hand, have you tried asking your mother about this? Like "Hey mom, what the everloving heck is this crazy woman doing in our house and trying to make people think we're an item when she is supposed to be my COUSIN? Are you trying to get me to break up with my girlfriend of seven years to date my COUSIN???! EW, MOM. NO. THAT'S DISGUSTING."

 

Cause that's actually probably what I would do first. Because ew.

[d0nnivain]

So your mother & this other woman conspired against you to pass off this other woman as a cousin for the purpose of breaking up you & Tracy, whom you love.

 

If you did not cheat on Tracy, what is the problem? If anything I'd put some distance in your relationship with mom if she's so meddlesome & lied to you about the other woman's identify.

 

I don't see where anyone put a hex on you.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, you could have said 'let's just call her * * * * *' and accomplished your goal as well as followed the guidance of moderation.

 

Welcome to the world of forums.

 

Does Tracy have a problem with being called 'basically' a wife, when you don't even live together?

Edited December 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Amethyst68]

Maybe you don't but did you ask her before you plastered her name all over the internet?

 

Perhaps she doesn't want her private business available for the world to see.

 

That doesn't matter though does it? As long you post what I suspect is meant to be a romantic declaration to the woman you love. Will you be directing her here to read how much you love her and how your mother plotted against you?

Edited December 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mrs._December]

Maybe you don't but did you ask her before you plastered her name all over the internet?

 

Perhaps she doesn't want her private business available for the world to see.

 

That doesn't matter though does it? As long you post what I suspect is meant to be a romantic declaration to the woman you love. Will you be directing her here to read how much you love her and how your mother plotted against you?

Quoted for TRUTH.

[d0nnivain]

If you love her, you would not broadcast her personal info on the internet. Although it's remote, what if somebody looked at your post, connected her name to where she lives & set out to hurt her because you failed to exercise some discretion & common sense? Wouldn't you feel bad that you inadvertently put her in danger?

 

For your GF's SAFETY please call her Tracy.

Edited December 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Bari26]

I had trouble following your Q too.

 

This is what I do understand:

 

Some woman tried to make your GF, "Tracy", think that you were cheating on Tracy with the other woman.

 

As an aside, you keep calling your GF your "wife" even though you don't live with her but you do have a ring for her. Stop calling her your wife because that is kind of insulting since she's not even your FI. Part of the reason she may be upset is that you may seem like all talk & no action in terms of getting married. You have yet to actually give her the ring.

 

I'm not sure what your mother's roll in all this was, other then your mother owns the house & it's mom's decision who lives there not, yours.

 

I also don't understand from what you wrote what your GF's response was. If you stated it, I missed I under all the extraneous details, like where you were sitting, the misspelled words & the shouting, so please clarify. You said something about Tracy showed up at your house in a disguise pretending to be a public official demanding that the other woman / the cousin be evicted but all of that was in code. You also admit that you didn't recognize your own GF because you had been drinking the night before & you were still sleepy, possibly hung over.

 

What is your status with Tracy your GF now? You said something about other people being out to destroy you but Tracy being NC? If she has cut you out of her life, first we have to understand why before we can give you advice on how to fix things.

 

If this other woman is the source of the strife a good first step would most likely be you not living with the woman/ cousin anymore.

 

OK. Excuse the extremely long explanation. But this is some overwhelming stuff for me. I work so hard to be down for Tracy.. And this crap happens. At least people who cheat get some momentary gratification from it. I didn’t do anything at all but am still getting the negatives of what cheaters get.

 

Basically I'm in love with Tracy and a woman tricked me to get around my life, which caused Tracy to believe I was romantically involved with this woman.

 

Now please don't tell me how I should refer to woman in my life. If that's how you go about your life, that's you. I don't operate that way, I'm not going to call Tracy a friend because some criteria that OTHER PEOPLE use to define a relationship, isn't met. I'm not going to call her a girlfriend because we don't live together. That's how I'm in this situation in the first place. A female believe if she lied her way around my life, she'd automatically be "the wife" by being in my house based upon labelling based on rules. Now even if Tracy I haven't lived together, I'm still going to say she's my wife. I do want to live with her in the first place anyway. When I say wife, that is also to indicate exclusivity. Over saying casual girlfriend. Don't try to talk me into calling my relationship less than what it is to me. Calling her just a girlfriend when I see her as a wife, I find insulting. I'm actually not an all talk, no action person in the first place. As I mentioned there are circumstances. Whether Tracy has the ring or not, I still see her as a wife. She is at her cousin's house named Tracy is the only woman that can be my wife, I still see Tracy as a wife for me.

 

 

My mother's role in all this: she's the one that brought the individual into the home. Yet I'm the one taking the fall for her presence. I'm assumed to have started a relationship with this female yet, I have done so thing. Basically it's assumed that me and this woman were going through the stages of dating and I moved in. Or that I moved her in because we dating. None of it is true. My mother brought her there and I thought she was around because she was related me. I had no clue of any type of romantic interest, nor did I take part in any romantic behavior. Lastly, it's not my decision. I'm glad you someone understood, that I didn't make the decision for her to be around.

Secondly two solutions to this problem, would be (two solutions which I'd been working on before this situation even happened & I'd have done):

1)If I had my own place in the first place, I could control who enters my living space.

2)Moving Tracy into my house or having her spend her free weekends with me. Which I'd actually love that because it erases the stress and headaches I always get from her absence.

 

Nothing here is extraneous details. It may be a lot to read but all these little things, created the bigger picture that led me being the victim of a huge deception. The seating thing had nothing to do with my wife, she wasn't there because I wanted to bring her but I when I saw her the previous day, I was worried she was pissed at me. The seating had to do with the supposed cousin and me ending up sitting next to her because I was actually sitting across from my brother. What she did, now that I look back at. Is that they purposely arranged the seating that way. This supposed woman, had spectators sit a distance from us at the restaurant, so they could see her there and it look a couple thing going on. I mentioned her trying to have witnesses to corroborate her deceptions, like with the flowers stuff with the cleaning guy. So when I sat across from my brother in the seat next to the supposed cousin, it looked from the outside that her and I were sitting as a couple. But I wasn't sitting there because of her. I sat there in spite of her. Everyone was already sitting 5 minutes before I got in the restaurant on my mom's birthday.

 

Now what my wife does sometimes is, "I'm going to pull a you on you." That's what these immature people call it. Not saying she's immature. I'm going to do to you, what you did, so you can see how it feels. So she possibly tried to replicate the situation, so I can be on the receiving end of it. What my wife doesn't do is, communicate with me directly in a progressive manner. It's either, once she says something, that's that. Or she's going to react to the situation but not properly confirm if it's true or the circumstances behind it with me. Thus she reacts to assumed disrespect to the relationship. Or she takes what I tell her with a grain of salt but believes what other people tell her. I've not ever lied to her face once in 8 years of knowing her or ever even been on a date with another woman. It leaves me at a disadvantage. Because if she'd just listen to me and talk things out, we could sort out a lot of misunderstandings that could make the two of us mistakenly believe incompatibility. I mean I even had a moment of anxiety/insecurity one July 4th and 5th, she took my actions as me wanting to break up. We needed better communication in that moment, on both ends. It can't just be put up a brick wall every time, something happens she doesn't like. But even back then, in my young 20's I wouldn't ever want to break up with Tracy. Anxiety just got the better of my mind.

Now I wouldn't say I didn't recognize Tracy when she came to the door, moreso that I had just woke up out my sleep and it was very unexpected. I really wasn't prepared for it. I wasn't alert, it's like when you're tired at night but awake somehow. It feels like you're intoxicated, even your eyes can roll up to your eye lids. Like a groggy state and sometimes you mumble incoherent words.

Anyway, she disguised herself as a worker delivering some paperwork. Which in disguise included a wig with bangs or dyed hair and attire to hide her appearance that I would've easily caught on to otherwise. This was done because knowing Tracy, she suspects that I was sleeping with the woman and dating her but I'd just not tell the truth if she asked undisguised. And as I'm going to say below, this woman tried to paint the picture to Tracy that I was as well. Other people tried to paint the picture that I was two timing Tracy as well. The reality is that I really wasn't sleeping with or dating that woman nor even found her appealing and I would be honest with Tracy about that.

Tracy figured if I didn't know it was her at the door, I'd let slip the information she wanted to hear but she also wanted to hear it in person that I was dating this other woman. But there was nothing incriminating for me, to let slip because I am really innocent in this situation. I guess with her, once it's red in her mind, nothing on earth can tell her otherwise. So once Tracy was led to believe this woman

and I had something going on, nothing could change her mind. The only option for Tracy was Tracy is right and I'm hiding the truth.

 

Tracy wasn't demanding anything, just telling me. What I think happened was that this supposed cousin told Tracy that her and I would be alone for the weekend. Because the weekend Tracy came, my mom was gone til the Monday or Tuesday and the beginning of that week. Around 7 days. So this other woman probably told Tracy that her and I were going to have sex all weekend or some garbage and there is nothing Tracy could do about it. Basically probably telling Tracy, she stole me from her. Except even if Tracy didn't show up at my door, I wouldn't have had sex with the woman anyway. I'd have stayed over someone's house. Last time, I paid my own hotel to keep away from this person invading my living space. It's just Tracy's presence helped me put the last pieces together to be sure that something wasn't right about that woman being in my home. As I said, I also think the supposed cousin hexed my life because I was doing terrible in school.

 

Also, I wasn't shouting, just typing in caps lock for emphasis.

 

My status with Tracy is that we're still a couple. But yes people have been trying to destroy our relationship. I don't know if she sees it, and I don't know why people have been doing it either. Tracy and I are not incompatible. I believe we're very compatible and that doesn't just come from my wanting to be with her. It's from when we're at our best. We were so pleasant around each other. No arguing, no beef or whatever. This is a high stakes situation for me, I can either have her by my side and everything I've wanted in a woman or lose everything completely. I prefer to have my amazing woman in Tracy. What I'm saying about people trying to break us up is that, even just that day I mentioned about her coming to my door. People wanted me to believe Tracy was out in Florida at spring break with other dudes. They look for girls that have some resemblance to her or her features to make it look like she has another man. And they INTENTIONALLY post them to make my insecurities go wild and believe she's sleeping around.

 

I was able to get her out the house. The same time she tried to get herself alone with me for the weekend for the first time, I was able to be fully sure she was trying to replace Tracy, so I got rid of her. I couldn't do it before because the whole cousin introduction threw me off. She was basically gas-lighting me in a way. Doing things to make it look like her and I were dating but the cousin introduction would make me question the reality of what I'm observing causing mental confusion. The thing is

I'd even call her out on what she's doing, then she'd sit there and be like, she's not doing anything. Then go right back to doing the same stuff. That's why it took Tracy intervening for me to really get it.

The thing is the DAMAGE she caused with the perception she generated that her and I were dating or even had anything going on and the false belief that I moved her into my home. Because apparently Tracy was busy battling it out with the woman instead of talking to me. So the woman was able to tell Tracy lies right under my nose. I think she even on a Thanksgiving back in 2017 was on the phone with Tracy and they were arguing with each other. Because she stayed in the living room, not ever my room. She only went in there for like 2 seconds before to get an iron to iron her clothes. But anyway I was walking through the living room and the girl is on the phone saying something like, "why isn't he there with you then?" As you can read in the above posts there were a few moments where, I'd overhear phone conversations that my gut sent signals to me were red alerts. Red alerts being her making it look like her and I had something going on. Like you know when people cheat on their partners, the person being cheated with is sometimes bold enough to let you know they're having sex with your partner. That seems the perception she tried to portray to Tracy which is a lie. Sorry I have to repeat that so many times.

But now, the "why isn't he there with you" line she spoke over the phone was meant to imply that if I love Tracy so much then why am I around the girl instead of Tracy. Which she's only in the same house as me because she operated under the pretense that she was my cousin, otherwise you'd not be another female in my home.

Then there was a time I was sitting in my room alone minding my business, then she was on the phone in the living room and I could hear her say, "I basted that meat real good." That was a line implied to say she was doing some sexual stuff with me. Yet again the moment I overheard it, it sent those red flag "something's not right" chills around me.

There was the mention of the ring I bought for Tracy and how she was on the phone mentioning the company the ring is from and saying it's for her. Yet again implying, that

she was in my house because I had intentions to marry her. Firstly I bought the ring for Tracy to give to Tracy eventually. I even bought it for Tracy on Tracy's birthday in So I hadn't even known this woman even existed at the time, to even buy it that ring for her.

The other thing she was doing, which also seems a red flag, it seemed her and my mother would frequent a club around where Tracy lives. It's not too far from Tracy's house either.

So for all I know she was trying to deliver the message to that Tracy that: Look, even his mother is spending time with me, so it's serious between us. I'm the "new woman."

But I tell you this, she ain't no woman mine and she ain't my type. Not even my drunk type.

People do weird stuff. I don't look like a model but I'm not an ugly guy but I do get favorable looks from women. Mostly women that aren't engrossed in the gossip circles.

Because in the past, an immature female basically started a witch hunt against me, she had Tracy believing I punched her in face. It was actually the other way. But what it really was is a lie to cover up for her misdeeds and get out scott-free. And it probably can't be backed away from because it was used as foundation of doing wrong to me.

It would stain their reputation to retract those accusations. Life just works that way that it's a no win situation for everyone now. The people that made it up, have it on their conscience thus push me away. The people that believed it, have spoken so much ill over the years that they have to find other reasons to dislike me to assuage their conscience, for me the damage is done in terms of perception. And I have to fight to show Tracy that it's all crap. I'm just focused on getting things right with Tracy.

My steps should be, how to get Tracy in the house.

 

One thing with her, she's too cautious. In 27 years I've not ever loved a woman more than her. I met her in 2010, realized I was in love in 2011. But she always goes out her way to unexpectedly see me. At the same time, she tries to make it look like she's there by coincidence. Oh I was just coming by your way after valentine's today because I was going to get my nails done 40 minutes away from my house and 5 minutes from yours.

After I showed up in the middle of the night on the beginning of Valentine's Day when you were at my cousin's house a previous year (which I didn't do anything with her cousin that night, we were just good friends that grew up together).

For me it's like, at this stage I would like for her to just say she came to see me. No need for excuses. I don't find her annoying, it's more stressful when you she acts like she's not here to see me when she is. At this stage all that playing it cool and mysterious is unnecessary, she already won. No need to disguise your actions.

If she wants to see me and talk, just do it. I'm cocky or anything but there's no need for her apprehension or worry she might look desperate. I think the best of Tracy.

 

It may seem like I'm even criticizing her in one of the above sections but I'm not. Just saying what can improve. There's nothing I specifically hate about Tracy, except her absence and her putting walls. I'm sure there's things that she feels I can do better as well, moments where she feels I could've took a better action that I'm unaware of. I'm sure if we sat down with each other an discussed things, we'd see there's are a lot better things each of could do.

 

I'm sure one solution to this is Tracy and I having good amount of sex. Because sex does create a better sense of security. Especially when it's with someone you love. It might take some time to get back to myself but at my best in my younger years I was actually to last 3 hours in the bedroom. Nonstop intercourse, 3 ejac***** periods but no refractory time and no performance enhancers. No exaggeration either, I know some people do it. Take a 30 minute break and count that break to words the full time. I won’t brag like I can do this on the regular, it might have been a rare thing.

 

I'm not all about sex though. Tracy is in fact the only woman I'd marry or have a child with and that's through knowing a lot of other women whom I don't even have difficulties with. There's women that are easier for me to communicate with BUT they don't evoke the same feelings.

 

But from your perspective you say, I should hurry up and give her that ring?

I mean I bought the ring for Tracy, so she can come for it anytime she’s ready. It’s hers already.

Edited December 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Bari26]

So the long and short of it is that your family is actively trying to sabotage your relationship with Tracy? It was hard to follow your story, but that's what I got out of it.

 

It sounds a bit crazy and unbelievable, frankly, all this stuff about disguises and conspiracies. HOWEVER... I've met enough crazy beaches to know it's plausible.

 

The only advice I can give you is to move out of your mother's house if you don't want her meddling in your love life.

 

As far as Tracy goes... I dunno man, if she's showing up at your door disguised as a social worker to check up on you instead of just communicating with you like a normal person about her relationship concerns... you sure you want to put a ring on that??

 

It damn sure seems like my family and some other people are trying to keep us apart. Probably because they hate to see two people that are so great together. Plus Tracy is a beautiful and amazing woman. Let me put it like this, me not having someone is the one thing people really had over me. What happens when I not only have someone but have someone that outclasses anyone they’ve ever had? Or people that have downplayed me see me with her? Regret. So they best way to not feel that is to keep us apart.

 

Now as for the disguise stuff, I actually understand where Tracy is coming from.

Look, this woman led me to believe she was my cousin for basically two years. If I wasn’t get those “this situation feels off” feelings and observing and connecting things together, she’d probably still be around me. Because even on this day, it took me working backwards to see what was going on. Because in real time there was no body of work for me to analyze from. Everything she has done, has been a replication of the history of the story of Tracy and I. It’s been a replacing Tracy thing. So she led Tracy to believe I was replacing Tracy with her.

So look, mem and women lie. Tracy had to disguise herself because she didn’t believe I would tell the truth if she confronted me straight up. I see that, given that I had been saying this woman is my cousin and this female was telling people her and I weren’t related. I was looking like a liar, when I was only going off the information I was given.

It’s like if someone was giving a presidential speech and was given index cards to read off and the person who wrote the cards was trying to sabotage them, so the my wrote completely wrong stuff on the cards. Now the unprepared candidate reads the cards to the public, trusting the writer of the index cards and sounds like an idiot. These things actually come on TV shows.

Now that example is about the concept of people giving you contrary information.

 

So Tracy isn’t crazy, she just cares about me. Scared to show it as well. Because people tease her for being into me as well, try to make her feel like she made the wrong choice in me, when she hasn’t.

 

Yeah the moving out my mom’s house is defintely a right step. I couldn’t even be in this situation if I had my own place. I love my mom and all but she gotta realize, my love life is my love life. Tracy isn’t trying to gold dig me or anything like that.

 

As for putting a ring on Tracy, she’s the right woman for me. Let me to you all, when no woman was into me she was the one who took the chance on me. Before I even had a job, degree, hairstyle, before people started becoming interested in me, my poor social skills and everything.

It’s strange actually, as I said she was so into me when no one else was.

Now that other women find me appealing, she’s cooled down a bit.

It’s weird actually. Because people will tell me, look at all these other women into you. But they don’t understand, me and Tracy our bond is special. She’s the only woman whose touch for me can turn hell to heaven. There are powers she has when it comes to me that no one else has. And every guy has a woman like that in their life, where they just can generate feelings for you another person can’t. You see where I have Tracy that does that for me, another guy may have a katie or something that does that for them.

Tracy is good to go. We just have to spend more time together.

Edited December 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Bari26]

If I was Tracy, the thing which would send up the most red flags is that you didn't discuss the cousin's relationship with you from the start. A cousin I've never heard of turns up at my house? I'd be fascinated and wanting to know the family connections and why I've not heard of them. Even if it was a 1st cousin 2x removed, I'd still be interested in connections. It doesn't make sense to me that you didn't discuss family history with a cousin who lived with you for months. And if a thing doesn't make sense, then it becomes suspicious.

 

 

Aside from the fact it's against the terms of service, it doesn't make sense to do so. Are you trying to get her to see what you're writing?

 

I mean, when my mother said she’d be coming there on weekends.. I didn’t think anything of it. It’s not like I had some excitement. I was completely indifferent. I was basically thinking in my head, “well she’s my cousin no big deal. It’s not like she’s interested in me. And I love Tracy anyway.” Honestly, I really don’t know most of my relatives, I’d say 20-30 or so I know.

I just didn’t think anything of it, it’s not like my mother pulled something like this before. And I think more than my mother had a hand in it. Maybe even ppl from her side too.

I see what you’re saying about connections but I’m in college and I’m not the talkative type. I’d actually came from a party and my friends house at like 7pm. So when I first met her she was already there before I’d even got home when she showed up. And as I said I was indifferent, I was busy thinking about Tracy.

I mean before that situation, I would not ever think: a woman is going to make you believe she’s your cousin but lead others to believe you two are dating or try to get with you. I mean how would that look if genders were reversed?

It’s just something that didn’t cross my mind.

I mean the whole time I was there anyway, the only reason I was in the house so much is depression and school drained me. She just wasn’t on my mind.

It’s in my room, go to the bathroom and back, or to the kitchen and back or head outside. I’m more of the keep to myself, stay out people’s business type.

Oh this is a cousin, well ok.

 

But with this situation, there won’t be something comin from me years later along the lines of saying.. Tracy I actually was hiding the truth. I’m being an open book about this. It’s not a juggling of two women, it’s Tracy and I vs another woman trying to put herself in the picture. I’m just a victim to what cheaters have done and being grouped with them.

Edited December 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Kitty Tantrum]

If you're calling this girl your wife, why on earth aren't you talking to her about all of this and explaining it to her? Seems like you don't talk to her much. What gives?

[Bari26]

If I was Tracy, the thing which would send up the most red flags is that you didn't discuss the cousin's relationship with you from the start. A cousin I've never heard of turns up at my house? I'd be fascinated and wanting to know the family connections and why I've not heard of them. Even if it was a 1st cousin 2x removed, I'd still be interested in connections. It doesn't make sense to me that you didn't discuss family history with a cousin who lived with you for months. And if a thing doesn't make sense, then it becomes suspicious.

 

 

Aside from the fact it's against the terms of service, it doesn't make sense to do so. Are you trying to get her to see what you're writing?

 

I’m not really expecting her to see this. I just prefer to use her name. It’s good for me to put that positive energy in the air that I love her and not some other woman.