Author snowcones Posted December 3, 2018 Author Share Posted December 3, 2018 Given that you'd shared someone's interest in marrying you, doesn't exactly sound like a compliment. Under the circumstances, kind of a douchey thing to say... Mr. Lucky I know, he was trying to convince me not to marry him and not to be with him. His argument was basically 'He's a liar' Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 Why do you think my friend said that then? . Because he's a bitter jaded person. He's also not your friend. Anybody who would voice such a negative reaction to good news has issues. Elaine567 probably nailed his issue below. I'd put some serious distance in your relationship. He's a commitmentphobe. It is no surprise he thinks marriage is not for him. He is then projecting his opinion onto ALL men... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 3, 2018 Author Share Posted December 3, 2018 (edited) Because he's a bitter jaded person. He's also not your friend. Anybody who would voice such a negative reaction to good news has issues. Elaine567 probably nailed his issue below. I'd put some serious distance in your relationship. He's not that close of a friend, but yes it has made me think that he's a bit jaded. I'm just wondering if he really believes what he said or if he's just trying to convince me of something because of an agenda he has. Edited December 3, 2018 by snowcones Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 Who cares? His opinion is irrelevant. Live your life on your terms, not his. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 There are usually three sides to every story. Hers, his and the truth which is typically in the middle. In our case, I’ve gathered the story from independent observers, he never really spoke negatively about her, although her relatives STILL expect him to jump on demand on all their wills and wishes, which he shrugs to but I find disgusting (for context they have NO kids to explain these post-divorce demands... basically nothing that would explain them manipulating him as they still do) Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 My friend is 34 and has had a string of girlfriends. Ok, he’s probably under the age most guys nowadays consider marriage. In my observations men that do it under free will (aside from nagging GFs pressuring them) are more mature men (late 30s, 40s raised in traditional religious households), and very young guys (18-22-25) that are not jaded enough to consider consequences of failing marriage... Let’s not forget over 50% of the marriages will fail fast. It’s an arrangement with questionable longevity and unquestionably large financial consequences for most men and some women alike.... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 My friend told me this in response to me telling him that someone wanted to marry me. So instead of either congratulating you/talking through the issue he said that? Snowcones, his comment says more about him than it does about other men. Your friend is a tool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 Interestingly enough, the friend who said no guy wants to get married has never been married (no kids either). The guy who said he wants to marry me has been married before. Yeah right , l can understand that too because l also notice a lot of people do want to get married again and l get why , l'll marry again myself if the right person. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 (edited) Back in high school when we were learning SAT strategies, a teacher told us "any true or false question with the words 'always' or 'never' is almost certainly false." You cannot make a blanket statement like that about all people. I know men (and women!) who are very sincere about never wanting to marry. Some people divorce and choose not to marry ever again. There are also men who have married and divorced multiple times and plan to marry again. A buddy of mine is on his third marriage and doing really well. I just don't see the point of a statement like "no men ever want to marry". It's obviously not true. In 2018, no one needs marriage to get laid on a regular basis, and none of us are so hot or charming that men get hypnotized into wanting us. It's a lifestyle choice that is clearly a good fit for some people and maybe not for others. I agree with basil---his motive in saying such a thing, especially in response to what you said, is questionable. It's vicious and cutting, not to mention false. Edited December 3, 2018 by lana-banana 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 Let's face it....The whole process is really geared around what a woman wants....The ring...The party, the bridesmaids, the photos, the fancy white dress, the shower, etc... About all a guy is required to do is get the de rigueur black monkey suit and show up on time... But I think more guys are currently opting out of marriage as currently its much easier to get casual sex...In years past, a lot of guys got married as it may have been the only way to get a decent woman into bed...Things have changed in that department... Also, you would be pretty surprised at how many guys really didn't want to get married but just finally caved in because the family and the gf just keep hammering on him to do it... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 A lot of guys don't want to get married, but some definitely do. It's true some who don't really want to get married just to keep from losing a woman. But like three guys I dated all clearly wanted to get married (not necessarily to me) and spoke of it. Like one who was very irresponsible and the unlikeliest one I'd have thought went on one day about how it would be fun to be married and cook together and thought the whole thing sounded fun. Unfortunately, his drinking ruined his marriage, though. One married three times and was really desperately wanting a family. His last one lasted, against the odds, I guess. And one didn't want to be alone one minute and went straight from marriage to trying to move in with me and married someone else a few months later. So there are plenty who want to marry. And plenty who don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 I think whether or not a man wants children will weigh into his desire to get married. Every man I know who has wanted to have children prefers to have them in a marriage. Some have had them outside of marriage, but gone on to marry the mother after. If men don’t want children, they may be less inclined to marry perhaps? In regards to your friend saying this...I’d bet he may secretly have a crush on you and not be wanting you off the market. Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 Let's face it....The whole process is really geared around what a woman wants....The ring...The party, the bridesmaids, the photos, the fancy white dress, the shower, etc... About all a guy is required to do is get the de rigueur black monkey suit and show up on time... But I think more guys are currently opting out of marriage as currently its much easier to get casual sex...In years past, a lot of guys got married as it may have been the only way to get a decent woman into bed...Things have changed in that department... Also, you would be pretty surprised at how many guys really didn't want to get married but just finally caved in because the family and the gf just keep hammering on him to do it... TFY That may be true is some cases but not in my case. I suggested eloping, he wants a wedding. I am the one who is okay with just dating each other (and having sex), he is the one who wants to marry. Neither myself nor my family has pressured him or even suggested marriage. The fact that he wants to despite, is what has warmed my heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 You can't say anything situation that all men or all women think a certain way. People are individuals and there is no mass consensus amongst either gender. Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 A lot of guys don't want to get married, but some definitely do. It's true some who don't really want to get married just to keep from losing a woman. But like three guys I dated all clearly wanted to get married (not necessarily to me) and spoke of it. Like one who was very irresponsible and the unlikeliest one I'd have thought went on one day about how it would be fun to be married and cook together and thought the whole thing sounded fun. Unfortunately, his drinking ruined his marriage, though. One married three times and was really desperately wanting a family. His last one lasted, against the odds, I guess. And one didn't want to be alone one minute and went straight from marriage to trying to move in with me and married someone else a few months later. So there are plenty who want to marry. And plenty who don't. What I am finding most interesting is that some men really do think that all men think alike, and if not, they are liars. Why is that? That is what I'm most wondering about. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 To snowcones: Are you worried about getting married?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 To snowcones: Are you worried about getting married?? Yes Worried that it won't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 Yes Worried that it won't work out. Do you want to marry this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 Do you want to marry this guy? I'm not sure. Luckily he hasn't proposed officially (with a ring and all). That kind of makes me feel safe. And yes I've told him that I'm unsure still. He is slowly winning me over though. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 I'm not sure. Luckily he hasn't proposed officially (with a ring and all). That kind of makes me feel safe. And yes I've told him that I'm unsure still. He is slowly winning me over though. Ditch this “friend” and keep on with the guy and see where it goes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 Ditch this “friend” and keep on with the guy and see where it goes. Thanks, I will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 Ditch this “friend” and keep on with the guy and see where it goes. GREAT ADVICE!! I wish I could "like" this, but the "like" system is broken, so consider this post liked!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 That may be true is some cases but not in my case. I suggested eloping, he wants a wedding. I am the one who is okay with just dating each other (and having sex), he is the one who wants to marry. Neither myself nor my family has pressured him or even suggested marriage. The fact that he wants to despite, is what has warmed my heart. Is he paying for the wedding?? My guess is he probably didn't do well with women in his life, and feels like he needs to "lock you down".. But who knows/?? TFY Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 What I am finding most interesting is that some men really do think that all men think alike, and if not, they are liars. Why is that? That is what I'm most wondering about. Any person, male or female who thinks that everyone wants the same thing is a fool. There's really no more to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 Is he paying for the wedding?? My guess is he probably didn't do well with women in his life, and feels like he needs to "lock you down".. But who knows/?? TFY That sounds pretty jaded too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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