Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 Any person, male or female who thinks that everyone wants the same thing is a fool. There's really no more to it. I think it makes them feel good somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 GREAT ADVICE!! I wish I could "like" this, but the "like" system is broken, so consider this post liked!! Yes I would have liked a lot of posts in this thread. Thank you for the helpful responses. I think I’ve worked through it now. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 That sounds pretty jaded too. Sometimes the truth is.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 Any person, male or female who thinks that everyone wants the same thing is a fool. There's really no more to it. That's true some want to marry and some don't. Most men probably don't care about a big wedding. I can't see most men worrying about flower arraignments and bridesmaid dresses but that doesn't mean they don't want marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 Let's face it....The whole process is really geared around what a woman wants....The ring...The party, the bridesmaids, the photos, the fancy white dress, the shower, etc... About all a guy is required to do is get the de rigueur black monkey suit and show up on time... But I think more guys are currently opting out of marriage as currently its much easier to get casual sex...In years past, a lot of guys got married as it may have been the only way to get a decent woman into bed...Things have changed in that department... Also, you would be pretty surprised at how many guys really didn't want to get married but just finally caved in because the family and the gf just keep hammering on him to do it... TFY ^Yup. Just read the threads here. After sufficient nagging and treats, most guys prefer to offer pacifier (ring) then put up with mental abuse. The more brutal the gf, the faster LOL. For men that do it on their own volition, the whole pattern is different - it's surprising, fast, pure. Nothing more "romantic" than picking rings together, the only missing thing to paint the picture is a gun touching the guy's forehead while the selections happen. Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 That may be true is some cases but not in my case. I suggested eloping, he wants a wedding. I am the one who is okay with just dating each other (and having sex), he is the one who wants to marry. Neither myself nor my family has pressured him or even suggested marriage. The fact that he wants to despite, is what has warmed my heart. Kudos for you OP. I can see why the guy wants to marry you, you're a rare gem. I think your friend may like you too and that's his problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 Interestingly enough, the friend who said no guy wants to get married has never been married (no kids either). The guy who said he wants to marry me has been married before. It sounds like the friend has been burnt one times too many. Or maybe he likes you and he’s just saying that cause he’s jealous? Who is this guy who wants to marry you? Did he propose or is he a boyfriend or is he just a friend as well? What’s your status with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 Kudos for you OP. I can see why the guy wants to marry you, you're a rare gem. I think your friend may like you too and that's his problem. I'm not a "rare gem". I am far from a Men's Right's Advocate or whatever you want to call it. That's just how I felt about him. It sounds like the friend has been burnt one times too many. Or maybe he likes you and he’s just saying that cause he’s jealous? Who is this guy who wants to marry you? Did he propose or is he a boyfriend or is he just a friend as well? What’s your status with him? The guy who wants to marry me is someone I've known for a while. We had a relationship in the past and he wants to have one again and make it very serious this time. Link to post Share on other sites
LastStraw Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 The guy who wants to marry me is someone I've known for a while. We had a relationship in the past and he wants to have one again and make it very serious this time. Oh, he's not your bf?? That changes things... What broke the RL previous time? I've tried with exes before only to discover that they haven't changed a little down the line. If you do marry him my only big advice is to protect your legal assets very well and not comingle financially..... Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 I think men tend to be ready for marriage at a later age than women, so the prevailing social expectation for people to choose a mate close to their own age (reinforced by age-segregation in schools from early childhood all the way through college for some) works against the goal of marriage for a lot of people. That doesn't mean that all men don't want to get married. I was in an open relationship with an ex-boyfriend (which I've elaborated on a bit in other threads) when I met my fiancé. We were really only supposed to be friends with benefits. He was planning to move several states away. He had most of his stuff packed up and was pricing moving trucks around the time I broke up with my boyfriend. I never asked him to stay, I never asked him for any sort of commitment. I told him that I loved him and would miss him like heck and recommended a moving service I'd used a few years prior and was impressed with. I was steeling myself to say goodbye forever. He canceled his move and put a ring on my finger a few months later. It was almost startling how decisive he was about it, with no pressure from me at all. We didn't even talk about him canceling the move, just one day a few weeks after he heard I'd broken up with the boyfriend, he was like "I've decided I'm staying, and you're mine." I'd think that a man who really wants to never get married would just find a new girlfriend when he "runs out of time" and gets an ultimatum from the current one. I think what your "friend" is alluding to here is actually the fact that a lot of men (younger men especially) have no idea what they want, so they just take what's put in front of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 What I am finding most interesting is that some men really do think that all men think alike, and if not, they are liars. Why is that? That is what I'm most wondering about. People always assume others thing the same way as they do for the most part. Or that if they perfected themselves, they would end up the same as they are. Now, to the poster who said mainly to have kids, that's probably true. But one of the three exes I mentioned wanted no kids and didn't have them and has been married his entire life with very little gap in between. One wanted kids very much. One had one kid. And one couple I know married within about two months and have been together 40 years, didn't want or have kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author snowcones Posted December 4, 2018 Author Share Posted December 4, 2018 I think men tend to be ready for marriage at a later age than women, so the prevailing social expectation for people to choose a mate close to their own age (reinforced by age-segregation in schools from early childhood all the way through college for some) works against the goal of marriage for a lot of people. That doesn't mean that all men don't want to get married. I was in an open relationship with an ex-boyfriend (which I've elaborated on a bit in other threads) when I met my fiancé. We were really only supposed to be friends with benefits. He was planning to move several states away. He had most of his stuff packed up and was pricing moving trucks around the time I broke up with my boyfriend. I never asked him to stay, I never asked him for any sort of commitment. I told him that I loved him and would miss him like heck and recommended a moving service I'd used a few years prior and was impressed with. I was steeling myself to say goodbye forever. He canceled his move and put a ring on my finger a few months later. It was almost startling how decisive he was about it, with no pressure from me at all. We didn't even talk about him canceling the move, just one day a few weeks after he heard I'd broken up with the boyfriend, he was like "I've decided I'm staying, and you're mine." I'd think that a man who really wants to never get married would just find a new girlfriend when he "runs out of time" and gets an ultimatum from the current one. I think what your "friend" is alluding to here is actually the fact that a lot of men (younger men especially) have no idea what they want, so they just take what's put in front of them. Yes, that's pretty much how this guy who wants to marry me is acting (kind of starting). I am adjusting. Link to post Share on other sites
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