Relationships after the first or second?

[Logo]

Did your first or second relationship feel different in the beginning compared to the rest of your relationships after that?

 

I realize that each relationship is different, but did the infatuation and honeymoon periods feel different? Or did you feel the same excitement and euphoria during all of them?

[Mr. Lucky]

I realize that each relationship is different, but did the infatuation and honeymoon periods feel different? Or did you feel the same excitement and euphoria during all of them?

 

I feel like you almost have to exclude that first teenage, hormonally-driven relationship from this discussion, it often has an out-of-control intensity simply because the participants lack context or perspective.

 

Of my "real" relationships, the latest with my wife has been the "best", however one quantifies that...

 

Mr. Lucky

[grays]

I was shocked how much falling in love with my second felt like the first. I would have thought that love would feel different depending on who it was and what the relationship was like. But it actually really frustrated me that feelings for the new guy made me think of things I felt for my ex 30 years ago. Ex was the last thing I wanted to be thinking about.

 

But now I’m really falling for number 3 and so far that feels really different. Maybe it’s because the first two were closer to love at first sight (or at least quite early), where as this time we were fab for over a year before things really got going.

[d0nnivain]

None of them felt the same. The early ones who knows? I wasn't the most introspective & I was fairly clueless. I kept my heart seriously guarded when I was younger. I was too terrified of being hurt to really let anybody in.

[Wallysbears]

I was young and dumb for many of my early relationships.

 

This one with my husband? It was much different as we were on the same page and knew what we wanted and were honest from the early dating about it.

[chillii]

Maybe l just got lucky but to my amazement , right when l thought things had to be blah and done from here, if there ever was anything again, marriage broke up and all , next minute, well a few years later anyway, early 50ish l'm in the most powerful mind blowing thing l have ever lived.

 

So nope , def' not , anything can happen l don't think it's ever too late.

Matter of fact l delivered a job a few mths back and the customers were a couple in their 70s, turned out they'd only met a yr earlier , and they were like teenagers, gorgeous to see.

living in sin and loving it they joked.

Edited December 4, 2018 by chillii

[LastStraw]

1st hasn't been too exciting for me, he was fun but that's it. The 2nd there was short honeymoon.

 

After that:

-one without any honeymoon, it was rational choice

-current one which I've been super excited about, maybe because it started too slow and i was in the brink of insanity of when he'll make the move

 

But first love (not relationship) couldn't compare with anything because it was so pure and ethereal...

[Lotus_Luna]

Falling in love with my husband wasn’t magical or special

 

It was logical and almost like an arranged marriage. We both decided to forgo emotions and make a practical choice. It was comforting for me to feel so secure that he wouldn’t regret me.

 

With AP it was a mix. This warm security of feeling fully accepted and understood while excited by him. He calms my soul but I find him thrilling to be around. I wasn’t thrilled to be falling in love (avoidant attachment here) and it made me panic initially. Totally awful to realize how weak I was to him. But over time I came to peace with it.

[carhill]

Each have been unique and of completely different texture. It's hard to effectively compare. If I'm fortunate to die within a loving relationship, no doubt I'll consider that one the 'best'. It'll certainly be the last.

[ElKay]

I got attached way too quickly before. Now, relationship three, especially since I found out about a bad habit that my guy has, I lost my rose-colored glasses before falling for him, so it feels different. I feel like I'm worried about falling for him so I've put up a bit of a barrier in my heart to stay more neutral, while still enjoying the relationship.

[guest569]

That's a good question that has played on my mind a little of late.

 

I had my first relationship in my mid 20s, so there wasn't some hormonal teenage crap going on and I was mature and had my life in order. But I was innocent, fresh, naive, everything was new and extra exciting for that reason. I have experienced that beautiful, magical feeling of loving again but I miss the person I was back then. Now that I've had a few relationships I'm just not as excited about love anymore. I'm not too sure if I will ever find that again and if it can be like the first time.

[Gaeta]

None of my relationships felt the same at the beginning. To me it doesn't matter how it starts, it matters if it has potential to turn into something deep and meaningful. The honeymoon phase is just that 'a phase' it's not what is going to sustain you through years together. I did not have an infatuation phase with my current BF but I still fell deeply in love....with my eyes open this time.

[Els]

For the honeymoon period, IMO the circumstances matter more than the relationship in defining it, and also it doesn't matter terribly much for the outcome of the relationship. If you meet while in good circumstances, you are more likely to have a longer honeymoon period than if you meet when one of you is struggling with something.

 

 

With my exes, we had honeymoon phases varying from 6 months to 1 year, and inevitably split up shortly after the euphoria wore off. On the other hand, H and I didn't have a long honeymoon phase at the start, because we really ended up together in spite of, not because of, circumstances at that time. There were a lot of factors against us, and we had to fight our way through all of them to stay together with our relationship intact. I feel like our real honeymoon phase actually only BEGAN after Year 7 or so, after we finally beat all those other factors and were able to enjoy a comfortable life together.

 

 

We're still honeymooning, I guess...

[dream of me]

I still feel like a teenager... and I'm 31. Maybe it's much worse than a teenager, I get worse lovesick symptoms now. You can't imagine the amount of butterflies present. I can picture myself being 90 and dating with the same ardor (if I'm single). Maybe even worse symptoms due to old age.