Surprise visit?

[IloveJames]

All,

 

Thanks for your input. I met with a therapist that I like. She helped me listen to my inner voice and calm down a bit. James is not love, he is the idea of something that I’m missing. I’m trying to fill a void. Real love is not supposed to hurt so much and make me so unsure and anxious. I am going to work on learning to take care of myself and be thankful that I didn’t end up with a passive aggressive alcoholic obese bachelor with commitment issues, only because I felt like he is my only chance.

 

Thanks for reasoning with me. I will try to save my marriage because D seems to love me unconditionally, which is very weird and unfamiliar feeling to me. It may or may not work out, but I am not going to run to Alabama to beg for love when I have it at home. I should focus my energy elsewhere. It’s very very very hard but I’m trying to delete James and move on.

 

He is aware that I was regretful if my decision and if it was meant to be he will reach out some day: and maybe I will not be ready for him anymore, or I will? Maybe he will change. Or I will. I don’t know. All I know is that now I need to worry about myself. If it was true love, it will last even after a break. I need to save myself first. No man deserves to make me feel suicidal and all my self-worth. I. Need to work on myself a lot.

 

Thank you all.

[DKT3]

Honestly, this is a terrible mindset to have if your attempting to save your marriage...it really sounds like you should divorce, it just doesn't sound like you care much for your husband. Its unfair to both of you to stay married because he loves you while you are focused on someone else. I get being hung up, but you still are hoping that this other guy comes around, so what if he does? What would you do then? You may not think much of your husband, but surely you dont think that little of him that you would knowingly start a false reconciliation.

Edited December 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[BaileyB]

That is a darn good Counsellor if she helped you to come to this conclusion after only one session. She gives good advice - follow it!

 

Good luck to you.

Edited December 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[Purepony]

You won’t know if you don’t try

I would say go for it but be prepared for things to go south and if they do you’ll have to accept that

[basil67]

It sounds like the counsellor had quite a breakthrough with you. And I'm so glad to read you sounding much calmer.

 

If you are to focus on your marriage, may I suggest a couple of things? 1. your username is no longer appropriate. 2. Make sure to leave James' and any possible future contact out of discussions pertaining to fixing your marriage.

Edited December 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[elaine567]

I am going to work on learning to take care of myself and be thankful that I didn’t end up with a passive aggressive alcoholic obese bachelor with commitment issues, only because I felt like he is my only chance.

 

 

Nothing like a good dose of reality to shake off those rose coloured spectacles...

[stillafool]

Honestly, this is a terrible mindset to have if your attempting to save your marriage...it really sounds like you should divorce, it just doesn't sound like you care much for your husband. Its unfair to both of you to stay married because he loves you while you are focused on someone else. I get being hung up, but you still are hoping that this other guy comes around, so what if he does? What would you do then? You may not think much of your husband, but surely you dont think that little of him that you would knowingly start a false reconciliation.

 

You are correct DKT3 but some women just can't make it with a man and OP is one of them. Even a man they do not love is good enough as long as he's there.