QUESTION FOR FEMALES: Do I have a chance of getting her back?

[ccross3771]

Hey guys,

 

I'm new to the forum. Long story short, I met this AMAZING girl 5-6 months ago. We are both 27 years old. We hit it off from our very first date, met her family a month later and became exclusive. The last 5 months had been nothing but pure amazingness for the both of us. The only issue is the lack of time off together (we both have opposite days off) and the distance. We live about 50 miles away from each other. We made it work and saw each other at least twice per week for at least a couple of hours. I could tell the distance was bothering her, but it didnt stop us from seeing each other. She suffers from depression, and is extremely unhappy because of her job and other personal stresses in her life. I was there for her through it all. I was nothing but supportive and her shoulder to cry on. Throughout the time we were together, she always told me she loved me and was extremely appreciative that I was in her life. She asked me to promise that this would be forever, and before we got to the I love you stage, she told me "the next time I say I love you to someone, I want to make sure its my last time". We finally got to the I love you stage and thats where things seemed to blossom. She told me every day that she found "her one" by being with me, and that she had never been so sure of something in her life. On top of that her family had hated every single new boyfriend she had brought home in her life, but the second they met me they fell in love. They could tell I was an amazing person and approved of me.

 

The only issues we had in the relationship was that I vape and drink. I told her I was going to slowly cut back on my vaping and try to quit. Not only for us, but for my health. I succeeded in slowing it down. I would not do it around her when we saw each other. Each week I vaped less and less until I was close to quitting. I was making a lot of progress in two months but because I hadn't quit right away it ate her up. As for the drinking, I would drink on the days I saw her considering they were my days off. I'll be honest, sometimes I overindulged around her after a long week. This is a very sensitive subject considering her ex boyfriend was a major alcoholic, which is the reason they broke up. He kept telling her he would stop, yet he would be sneaking drinks behind her back. Drinking for her is not an issue. Heck, she drinks too. But I guess when she hears someone saying they are going to quit doing something and it doesnt happen right away she automatically thinks its the same issue she had with her ex. Anyways, because I wasn't putting a complete stop on certain things right away (even though she said she was understanding at first that quitting vaping would take time) she started getting snippy with me regularly about random things that there was no need to be snippy about. I think it was these issues taking their toll on her. Sure, I wasn't vaping around her, but she knew I vaped when I wasn't around her. I never tried to hide this from her and told her my progress along the way.

 

Then about two weeks ago came my birthday. We had a great time, and she gave me a very heartfelt birthday card that had Superman on the front with the words, "you're my hero..." and when I opened the card she wrote a full page about us. To sum it up, one of the things she wrote is "you are such a loving, honest, caring, handsome, funny, and carefree boyfriend and I love it all. I know we've only been together for 5 months but I can honestly say I see great things in our future!" It was the most heartfelt card I have ever received. Throughout our relationship we have been nothing but great communicators of our feelings which is what made us so strong. I know that day, she meant every word she put in her card. Her mother and father also wrote me a card that said, "Thank you for being so kind to our daughter and always putting a smile on her face". This showed me that she was smiling and talking about me positively around them and that she wasn't just acting happy with me when she wasn't.

 

Two weeks after my birthday I was over at her place. She and her sister live together and her sister is home most of the time we are there. The last few months we have had a decline in being intimate in our relationship because she never seems to be in the mood due to her stress at work and general unhappiness. The chances we do have (when we go to bed) she states she doesnt feel comfortable doing it because her sister is under the same roof and she feels as though it is disrespectful. I made the mistake on fighting with her about this. We didnt raise our voices, but I told her that the lack of intimacy was getting to me. I also told her that her and I only get to spend two days per week together while her and her sister see each other everyday, yet when I'm over there she likes to have long one on one conversations with her sister and I sometimes feel as though I'm not even there. We went to bed that night after the disagreements and I went to work the next day.

 

Three days later she texted me saying she didnt see things working out and her depression and general unhappiness is taking its toll on her. She said "You have taught me what it feels like to be treated right and loved and cared for in a relationship. I have never had that. I need to find my own happiness. If I cant make myself happy, how can I make someone else happy?" I completely understand that point of view. She also stated that between that, the distance, lack of time off together, the vaping, and sometimes overindulging in alcohol she felt like we had major disconnects that could not be resolved. In my opinion, I feel like all of them can be resolved. Hell, I majorly cut back on vaping and drinking as a whole but I guess by the time I got there she was already done. The next few days I kept asking her for clarity as I saw our relationship as a healthy one for the most part. Sure, we had a few hiccups but those were starting to solve themselves. In fact, come January, I may very well be able to share the same days off with her with my jobs schedule changing.

 

After the night she broke up with me (1 week ago) I realized that I had royally messed up by not stopping the things that bothered her right away. I immediately stopped these things after that. So far I am 1 week vape free and havent touched an alcoholic beverage in 1.5 weeks (not that I had a drinking problem to begin with). I did these things to prove I was capable of making change for our relationship as well as my health. I wouldn't say I've necessarily begged for her back as much as me constantly asking her why these so called disconnects couldn't be resolved. I asked her if we could start again on a fresh slate as friends and work our way up starting over with things in the past. She told me we could not just go back to being friends. It got to the point where she told me that we were going in circles with the conversation and she told me, "as of today I am deciding for this to be our last contact because this isnt healthy to keep discussing it". She then shut me out, deleted me off of facebook and snapchat and asked me to send her key to her parents address since she doesnt check her mail at her place. I ended up replying, "I'm sorry you cant have a mature conversation and have things end on good terms while you find your own happiness. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you. You may find that you will miss me and that I wasn't so bad after all. Let me know when you have a change of heart." Then silence.

 

Two days go by and I realized I pushed her to hard. I sent her a text telling her that I was doing well and had cooled off and that I hope she had too. I stated that I really feel as though we said and did some things that we could possibly regret in the future by leaving things on bad terms. I brought up a happy memory of a few days before our first date and told her that god blessed me with the opportunity to have her in my life and prove that I was worthy of the first date and that I was happy for that. I also told her that if we left it off on good terms we would have a better chance of starting again in the future if thats the route we decide to take and we are both still single at the time. I let her know that I felt like we were very compatible over all and that we are a couple just going through a rough patch at the moment. In this text I added a few humorous things to hopefully at least put a little smile on her face. I left that text off with, "If you dont reply based on everything thats happened the last few days, I'll understand. Just know that I'm thinking about you and want nothing but happiness for you.

 

 

She didnt reply. But the very next day (today) I texted her informing her that I no longer had her parents address to send the key back to. She replied about an hour later giving me the address followed by "I'm not ignoring you, I just want some time to digest and respond to you. I'm glad to hear you're doing better". I did not reply to her because I want to give her the space she asked for and I hadn't been giving that to her.

So as of right now, I just have to wait for however long (I'm assuming a day or two) for her to reply to the message I sent her two days ago.

 

 

I have no reason to think there is any other reasons for the breakup other than her general unhappiness and she feels certain disconnects and that we have different personality traits. I can assure you she is not seeing anybody else and really just wants some time to work on herself. I just dont understand how she can go from saying in a card, "I see great things for us in the future" 2 weeks ago to saying there is no hope for us, she is moving on, and our disconnects could not be resolved. The only thing that happened in between that timeframe was the small argument about the lack of intimacy and how I sometimes feel like a third wheel around her and her sister. We are extremely compatible overall, but we have been having minor disagreements. Nothing that I dont feel can be worked out.

 

That all being said, here is my question to everybody but preferably female dumpers, if you were the dumper in this situation, would you consider coming back?

[ccross3771]

**UPDATE**

 

Late last night I received a response from her saying exactly this:

 

"Hey ____, I hope youve been doing okay and feeling better. I do agree that we need to end on good terms because the last week was far from it. I dont know what the future holds but I know we both need to move on and keep moving forward. I only wish the best for you as well. I truly do. We had some good memories that I will take with me forever. I mailed your things today, so you should have them by the end of the week. I hope you have a good night .

 

I replied with, "I've been doing well! Almost a week and a half drink and vape free with no cravings! You really inspired me. I also went to church for the first time in a LONG time on Sunday. I felt like I needed God back in my life because I had been neglecting him for so long. I will tell you this though. I am moving on just fine, but I do miss you every day. I got so lost in our relationship that I never once stopped to take a look at myself and the man I wanted to be. I'm moving on, but I would be lying if I said I didnt want you in my life as a partner. I do not plan on dating in the next month because I'm not ready. I really do think we should try again soon. I cant fill every void in your life, and it is not my job to be the superhero your ex wasn't, but I truly want you to see the new me soon. I'm proud of it!

 

 

This morning she replied with, "I'm glad to hear about the smoking and drinking, thats great! And church, huh? Its nice to go, you just have to find the right church! I'm not planning on dating for a while, I havent really had the chance to just do me ever so I'm taking this and doing that. I'm glad to hear you're moving on though, over time everything will be better .

 

I do not plan on replying to that text, as I need to give her some space to miss me. What is your guy's take on this?

[ccross3771]

Sorry guys, the forum wont let me edit. I copied and pasted this from a few days back on another website. So in the paragraph when I stated that she contacted me TODAY with "I need time to before I respond", consider that three days ago. Then 3 days later being last night/this morning she contacted me with the most recent texts. Sorry for the confusion.

[SophieG]

My personal opinion, when I say things are over, they are over. I've never gone back with an ex, no matter why we broke up (even when it was nothing major or I was just not in a good place at that moment).

 

If I were you, I would simply move on and not hold unto any hope. It's sad that it turned out this way, but it's life. Maybe in the future you'll find your way back to her, but I won't count on that. Take time to heal your wounds and when you're ready, get back out there and meet new people.

 

She clearly has her own issues to deal with. She might be in a better place in a couple of months, but if I was her, I would want to put that behind me, and going back to a relationship I had when I wasn't feeling at my best, would be taking a step back (my personal opinion here). She clearly texted you that she didn't want to continue the conversation because it was unhealthy, and I agree with her... it's done, you both need to move on, and keep talking about it won't change the outcome. In all her texts, I haven't seen a place where she hints that she would like to see you again when she gets better or that she has hopes for your relationship in the future. So, to me, those are signs that it's over for good, and you need to move on.

 

I'm happy to have made all those changes, but they should be done for YOU and not anyone else, because it won't last if you're doing it for someone else. I know from experience. My ex was doing heavy drugs before we got together, and I refused to be in a relationship with him as long as it was a problem (I'm talking coke, MDMA, speed, etc.). He stop, but after 4 years of relationship, when things weren't good between us, he started again, which is one of the major reason we broke up. Keep working on yourself for YOU, and the next girl that comes along will get to meet the new and improve you.

[ccross3771]

Thanks SophieG for your reply.

 

 

To be clear, I'm not making those changes for her. Honestly, before we met I wanted to give up on vaping. I guess I just happened to progress with her because it was a problem. I am truly doing it for me at this point. As for drinking, I know I never had an alcohol problem, but I am doing that to prove something to myself after what she said. I'll still drink eventually.

 

She did say she doesnt know what the future holds, and she told a mutual female friend that she originally thought we could get back together before I didnt give her the space she needed for 2-3 days. The fact that she said that makes me think if I continue with no contact, she might consider it considering that offer was originally on the table, and its not like I was harassing her. I put a stop to it fairly quick.

[SophieG]

But you're holding on to the relationship, when all you have are « maybes » ord « I don't know what the future holds ». Sadly, by waiting to see how this all unfolds, you're going to miss out on other opportunities. To me, that relationship is done. IF in the future, you both find your way back to each other, GREAT!! But don't hope for it, just move on with your life and let things be.

I've seen enough of my friends say those things to guys after a breakup but not really meaning it because they didn't want to be too harsh or something.

 

Sometimes, girls don't want to be blunt and direct so they say things like that to soften the blow. I remember, after my breakup, we said that maybe after we both worked on ourselves, we could work on our relationship. A month later, he came back and told me he was ready to try... but I wasn't. The time apart showed me that I'd moved on and wanted something else for myself.

 

So, to your initial question, I would say your chances of getting her back are slim.

[Normm]

Dude the drinking and vaping clearly bothered her. To many people either one is a dealbreaker. You say you don't have a drinking issue yet you were unable to quit drinking on your days off when you were with her them most. Sorry but that is clearly the sign of a drinking problem and your denial is only making the issue worse, and she was probably aware of that as well. You only quit drinking and vaping when she dumped you- too little, too late, and what's worse you kept reminding her of that after the fact when it's clear you only did it to try to win her back not because you care about her needs. You don't respect her wishes to end the relationship- you keep going back and forth telling her how you don't want it to end and you want to try again even though she stated she is done.

 

 

 

Prior to the breakup you were inconsiderate of her feelings, the lack of intimacy could have been directly related to her losing feelings for you and/or related to her depression and rather than being understanding you chose to fight with her over it.

 

 

 

Just leave her alone. Should she have a change of heart (very unlikely) and come looking for you, work on some of those issues including your lack of anger management, and the vaping and drinking. And no, it's not normal to drink on your days off.

[Purepony]

Sounds like she’s done.... she ends every sentence with some “ move on” phrase. I think she probably got back with an ex or just saw things she didn’t like and I don’t think you should beat yourself up over the vape and drinking because if it was a deal breaker she would have broke up right there and then. When a girl likes you they’ll put up with a lot more than that.

[SophieG]

And no, it's not normal to drink on your days off.

 

Personally, I like to drink a glass of wine with my meal on Fridays or sometimes watching tv alone. On Saturdays, I often have social events to which I can drink a glass of wine or two, or sometimes beers. I'm far from having a drinking problem. I don't always drink on weekend, but for the most part, I'll have 1 to 3 drinks in the whole weekend. It is not a problem, I don't do it because I need it, but because I like it. If I wanted to go for a month without alcohol (which I did for 2-3 months in the spring), I would have NO problem doing so. I know people that take one glass of red wine with their dinner every night, and it's not considered a drinking problem. When you can't stop or cut back, when the drinking is altering your daily life (ex: having an impact on your job), you have alcohol craving, you put yourself at risk under the influence, have symptoms of withdrawal... THEN you have an alcohol use disorder.

[Normm]

I don't do it because I need it, but because I like it. If I wanted to go for a month without alcohol (which I did for 2-3 months in the spring), I would have NO problem doing so.

 

 

Most alcoholics say the same thing. The difference is what actually happens when they try.

 

 

 

In the case of the Original poster, he was unable to stop drinking until she dumped him. It cost him the relationship.

[elaine567]

The last few months we have had a decline in being intimate in our relationship because she never seems to be in the mood due to her stress at work and general unhappiness.

 

This I guess, was when the problem really started, this is when whatever she felt was wrong with your relationship started to kick in.

She gradually disconnected with you and started to connect more with her sister, and she used her sister as an excuse to stop being intimate with you.

By the time you noticed it and brought it up as a serious issue, she was almost done and was grateful for the "excuse" to end it all together.

 

From what you have written here, and from her last messages, I am sorry but I guess she is never coming back.

Forget about the wine and the vaping - I don't think that was it, it didn't help but there is probably more that went wrong here.

[ccross3771]

Normm,

 

I'm not completely sure you have an understanding of alcoholism, though I appreciate your reply.

 

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

[Normm]

Normm,

 

I'm not completely sure you have an understanding of alcoholism

 

 

It's my understanding that (among other things) alcoholics cannot stop drinking on their own, they need serious, professional and ongoing intervention and many if not most are in denial and are unaware that they have a problem. Even more importantly alcohol has caused them problems in interpersonal relationships.

 

 

Edited to add. I did a search on signs of alcoholism and this next one stood out as one of the top 10, given that you drink on your days off and say it as if it's perfectly normal to do so. It really isn't, but to someone who drinks regularly and just might have a problem, it's status quo.

 

Here’s the big one, and the hardest to define, believe it or not. There is no drink-count associated with alcoholism. Once addicted to alcohol, the brain needs it in order to function, but not healthily… to function on an impaired, addicted level. Essentially, an alcoholic needs to drink in order to feel normal. However, what has become ‘normal’ for an alcoholic is in reality abnormal.

 

 

From a different site:

 

 

Warning Signs

 

You may have an alcohol use disorder if you:

 

Keep drinking even though it has caused problems for you or your relationships

And finally:

 

3. Affected Relationships

 

It’s never good if and when drinking starts to negatively affect your personal relationships. It might start with an angry significant other who wants you to quit. Worse yet, maybe you’re not neglecting at all, but being unfairly aggressive instead. Drinking alcohol in excess causes one to be irritable, argumentative, and even abusive toward others… or to the self.

Edited December 4, 2018 by Normm

[Simple Logic]

Some people keeps say no in a very polite manner, some people can’t take no for an answer.

[preraph]

Look, when you ask nicely and tell a person the things you can't live with and they take half-steps to appease you, anyone can see through that. What happened is she gave you a chance and she found she had to ultimately take it all the way to the mat and break off before she got any results. Who wants to look forward to living like that with someone that resistant to change and will only appease you in increments instead of taking you at your word and taking you seriously and either agreeing to it or moving on? It will be a lifetime of nagging. Anyone who's dealt with alcoholism knows that if a person isn't willing to stop, they have an alcohol or lifestyle dependency, and that wasn't anything she wanted any part of.

 

I don't know if she'll have a weak moment and come back, but it's not going to work because she doesn't have the energy to deal with a foot-dragger who'll do just enough to calm the situation temporarily. It's perfectly fine for you to walk away and say, No, I want to be with someone whose lifestyle is more like my own. Perfectly fine.

[basil67]

The problem with the argument of 'you could have a problem with alcohol if it causes problems in your relationship' is that it doesn't consider how reasonable or unreasonable the partner may be in their expectations.

 

Take for example a person who has a couple of glasses of wine on a Friday and Saturday night. Nothing extreme. But they have a teetotaller partner who gets upset about it. Yes, alcohol consumption is causing problems, but it's not a drinking problem, it's a relationship problem.

 

Ccross, your ex knew that you smoked and liked a drink. It is wrong to start with someone and then put all these expectations on them to change. Stopping a nicotine addiction is a terribly difficult thing to do and she's completely out of line expecting you to stop it straight away, first time just because she wants it. Life, people and relationships don't work like that.

[Normm]

The problem with the argument of 'you could have a problem with alcohol if it causes problems in your relationship' is that it doesn't consider how reasonable or unreasonable the partner may be in their expectations.

 

 

If a partner asks their significant other to quit an unhealthy, bothersome, offputting, offensive habit and their request is declined, then it means the person declining is putting their own needs above those of their relationshp partner and/or is unable to quit. In this particular case a promise was made to quit and yet the promise was not kept - for no good reason whatsoever at least as presented by the Op who says he doesn't have a drinking problem. Either there's a drinking problem or he simply doesn't care- of course he cares NOW because he wants her back- but that's all about him and what he wants not what she wants.

 

Yes, alcohol consumption is causing problems, but it's not a drinking problem, it's a relationship problem.

 

Could be both. 2 drinks in one night is generally considered alcohol abuse.

 

Ccross, your ex knew that you smoked and liked a drink. It is wrong to start with someone and then put all these expectations on them to change.

 

Perhaps she became aware of the issues as the relationship progressed and became concerned. Sure she maybe could have given it more time, but she didn't WANT to give it more time, as is her choice. Are you trying to say it's not his fault that the relationship ended because she wasn't patient enough? It doesn't matter.

[SophieG]

The promise that was made was, cutting back and TRY to quit. As someone who had an alcoholic dad, and is surrounded by smokers, I know it's not easy to quit and sometimes, free will is not enough. So if I was in her shoes, I would of acknowledge the changes he made and be proud of him. If it is such a deal breaker from the start, DO NOT START A RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!! This is not a matter of how much you love a person.

 

My ex smoked 2 packs a day. He promised he'd do anything to stop. He did for a while, with patched, gums, the whole thing. Then, something happened, a big stressful situation hit him and he started again. I did no leave him for that. I was comprehensive and asked what I could do to help. He then gradually stopped again but it took months before he got to that. I don't even smoke and I know who difficile it is to quit.

 

And when your significant other asks you to quit something as addictive as nicotine, they're asking you to do it for them, which is not going to last. The person needs to do that for himself in order for him succeed. Pressure never works.

 

As for the « 2 drinks in one night is generally considered alcohol abuse », I don't agree. If it's everyday, there might be a problem, but once a week, no! Moderate drinking for a women is considered to be around 10 drinks a week and 15 for men, and not more than 3 drinks in the same event to limit intoxication. In order to limit the risk of addiction, it is recommend to have at least 2-3 days a week alcohol free.

[Normm]

As for the « 2 drinks in one night is generally considered alcohol abuse », I don't agree.

 

You're right, 2 drinks in one night in absence of any other drinking other times of the week is not alcohol abuse. But we're probably straying way off topic by getting into the whole "what constitutes alcohol abuse". If he is able to completely go cold turkey on his own without intervention then it's all good.

 

 

 

So if I was in her shoes, I would of acknowledge the changes he made and be proud of him

 

 

If you were to go back and reread the original post as I did, you might draw a conclusion that there's more going on than just the vaping and drinking. Lack of intimacy for months because she didn't want to go there, she's spending much of their limited free time together chatting with sister rather than being with him, she's picking fights and getting snippy over small unrelated matters. She was in a period of steady withdrawal from the relationship for quite some time. She didn't just suddenly decide that she waited long enough for him to quit the bad habits.

[Gretchen12]

My take on it is that you were love-bombed then discarded. That's what it sounded like to me. She said those things to you rather early in the relationship. You were idolized and her words were intoxicating. Unfortunately, depression can indicate other personality problems. Some people are unable to have relationships when it gets real. They can only dream about the ideal. And when you're no longer perfect, you are discarded. There are also broken people who can only stay with other broken people, because that's the pool they swim in.

 

As for getting her back, if I am right, she may well come back to you because of her dependency but she won't stay long. A healthy long term relationship does not look like this, nor would it start like this then get better. This is still early days after a sudden breakup, of course you are still under the influence of the love potion she fed you. By the time she comes back your head should be clear by then.

[Mac0908]

Dude, first things first, you seem like a very good guy with a good heart. Understand this comment and understand it well from someone who is 34 and has been through every type of success with girls and every type of rejection with girls. You didn't do ANYTHING to deserve this.

 

If you're telling me this ended up being the most lovey dovey relationship after 5 months with all these deep talks and heartfelt cards and you going out of your way 50 miles to see her and parents taking a liking to you, etc, and then basically one day this girl just up and said it's over, then as heartbroken as I know you are, you need to dig down for your common sense and understand she was never worth it from the start.

 

I know these words cannot get through to you fully at this moment. They might not get through for a LONG time. You were in love, after all. But I can promise you that you will be WAY better off without someone who can pull a 180 that fast. Forget the vaping and drinking (though i gotta admit, any type of drinking problem needs to be cut the hell out, fast), you loved the girl and did what seems like a LOT for her. And what did you get in return? She took a dump on you after what you claim was one disagreement (which I actually agree with you on) with regards to being intimate.

 

So relax. You did nothing wrong. Stop starting threads about wanting to get her back and 'what are my chances?'. You're better than that and you should have more pride than that. For right now you need time to heal. You need time to be upset, angry, and bitter. You're allowed to talk about it and get your feelings out as much as you can, but to want this girl back? That's where I can promise you that short of her reaching out and begging for you back with an apology two days long, you need to MOVE on and never look back. And even if she ever DID do that, this girl now has an asterisk on top of her the size of Texas. She doesn't deserve you.

 

-Mac

[fromheart]

 

 

This morning she replied with, "I'm glad to hear about the smoking and drinking, thats great! And church, huh? Its nice to go, you just have to find the right church! I'm not planning on dating for a while, I havent really had the chance to just do me ever so I'm taking this and doing that. I'm glad to hear you're moving on though, over time everything will be better .

 

I do not plan on replying to that text, as I need to give her some space to miss me. What is your guy's take on this?

 

I'm going to translate the above for you, and apologize for being so direct.

 

HER; 'I care about you, but I need to know I did the right thing. Will you confirm for me that you are weak and needy, and will never change?'

 

YOU; 'Sure thing. I still want you, but I lack the self respect to walk away. I'm still in your radar as I don't have the self discipline to tell you to sort yourself out and stop projecting your issues on me, and then move on. I'll even report in that I'm not dating other women.'

 

I'd suggest your response should be...

 

'I want you, and am not interested in friendship. But you need psychological help for your depression. Get yourself healthy, and if you feel the same way about me let me know.

 

But I'm not waiting, and will be dating other women.

Have to get back to the gym/work, bye...'

[loversquarrel]

You already made the biggest mistake you could have possibly made - you begged and pleaded with her to get her back. It really was pathetic to read about your conversations with her, it's extremely unattractive when a man does this, it's desperate and not at all masculine. She was so turned off by it she took forever to reply.

 

Take it as a lesson to be learned, don't ever beg or plead like that to a woman unless you have seriously effed up (caught cheating). Also, don't ever be with someone who demands you to change, especially so early in the relationship, this alone would have raised a red flag for me and a boot out the door. Cripe she can't take care of her own problems but she's demanding you take care of yours??? Be glad you got rid of this one.

 

P.S. cut the **** with the vaping if you want a high quality woman, smoking/vaping turns a lot of women off but ultimately do it for you.