boyfriend friends with girl he used to get nudes from and obsessed over him

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

Him calling you toxic & controlling is a problem. If he can't see why you would be upset that he's hanging out with somebody he's seen naked, he's not a very caring BF. If he so much had offered to dial it back or did anything to reassure you, I might suggest that you give him a chance but because he jumped all the way to this is solely your problem because you need to trust him more, tells me he may be untrustworthy because he is not being receptive to how you feel or working with you to come to a compromise.

 

Let her have him. Walk away.

 

I told him no one-on-one interactions at all after we had a bit of an incident and made boundaries more clear. He said that he understood that and has since not crossed that line. However, when I indicated that she has no place in his life and should drop her entirely, he seemed like he couldn't bear not having her in his life for God knows what reason....

[d0nnivain]

If he is no longer seeing her one on one, that is something. I'm still not thrilled that he was so adamant about this. Your only choices are accept it or walk. It's entirely up to you. Neither is wrong. If you feel disrespected & you stay anyway, then it's your own fault.

[Kitty Tantrum]

What kind of guy sneaks over to visit some "fat hoe" and give her one of his hoodies if they're not banging?

 

Doesn't matter if he doesn't want to DATE her, plenty of guys will have sex with women they'd never date.

 

And lie about it to their girlfriends.

 

I don't believe his story.

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

**so in new development, after he removed her from his Facebook because I expressed my discomfort, she then friends him and he happily accepts it, what?**

[preraph]

Look, you have a guy here who isn't invested enough in your relationship to even give up a woman he disparages. What does that say about what he thinks about you or what he thinks about the relationship? You have a one-way relationship. It's not acceptable. It's a waste of time. If you put up with it and end up pregnant you're stuck with this for life. Find someone who wants a real relationship.

[Normm]

he hasn't since then done any stupid move like that... so I don't know now.

 

 

That you know of.

 

 

 

**so in new development, after he removed her from his Facebook because I expressed my discomfort, she then friends him and he happily accepts it, what?**

 

 

They're laughing at you.

[d0nnivain]

**so in new development, after he removed her from his Facebook because I expressed my discomfort, she then friends him and he happily accepts it, what?**

 

He did what you asked & unfriended her. She came back & he's sitting there acting clueless like you should be happy he tried to accommodate you.

 

Face it. She means more to him then you do. Armed with that knowledge what do you want to do next?

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

so in speaking to him last night, he states that I have never actually given her a chance, tried to meet her, and if anything she's the victim in all of this. as he claims, she's only said things such as, "she's such a nice girlfriend ____, don't cheat on her" or "she's sooo nice, don't loose her" showing complete support for our relationship, and that I am always the one showing skepticism for her, stating that me wanting him to cut her off his toxic of me....

 

does he even have the slightest valid point?

[Kitty Tantrum]

No. His behavior is not allowing you to give her a chance because he is not setting appropriate boundaries.

[d0nnivain]

He sort of has a valid point but he needed to have started with that point & introduced you to her a long time ago.

 

I had a great guy friend that I worked with. We spend a lot of time together. At various points I was his wing-woman & his confidence builder. There was never anything between us except friendship, although one time while out I asked him to hold my hand & pretend to be my BF because some guy I couldn't shake from a bar the weekend before who wasn't taking no for an answer was walking towards us. lol Anyway when he met the woman who is now his wife, he talked too much about me. I demanded to meet her but he took his sweet time in introducing us & it made her insecure. I was immediately able to reassure her & they have been married for almost 20 years now. I'm still better friends with him then her or even them but she knows that he & I are only friends.

 

In your situation he was callous about your feelings & tried to blame you. That behavior more so then this OWs presence is the crux of the problem at this point. It she is so wonderful & so supportive of your relationship, you should have met her a long time ago so you could assess their interactions for yourself.

[Mr. Lucky]

does he even have the slightest valid point?

 

He does if his goal is to continue to rationalize her presence in his life.

 

as he claims, she's only said things such as, "she's such a nice girlfriend ____, don't cheat on her" or "she's sooo nice, don't loose her" showing complete support for our relationship

 

How does she know any of this unless he's been discussing your relationship with her?

 

Mr. Lucky

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

He does if his goal is to continue to rationalize her presence in his life.

 

 

 

How does she know any of this unless he's been discussing your relationship with her?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

well, she knows about me for two simple reasons, a). I tried to get to know her myself until I just couldn't stand talking to his side hoe anymore and b). when they've spoken on the phone, at times I've come up in conversation

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

What kind of guy sneaks over to visit some "fat hoe" and give her one of his hoodies if they're not banging?

 

Doesn't matter if he doesn't want to DATE her, plenty of guys will have sex with women they'd never date.

 

And lie about it to their girlfriends.

 

I don't believe his story.

 

well, he states that he promised her the hoodie of his, that she fking adores, after they got outta high school and was simply fulfilling a promise he made her before we were a thing, so....

 

he states he wouldn't ever want to have sex with her since she's a hoe, ironic but that is what he said.

 

what do you mean lie about girl friends?

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

Look, you have a guy here who isn't invested enough in your relationship to even give up a woman he disparages. What does that say about what he thinks about you or what he thinks about the relationship? You have a one-way relationship. It's not acceptable. It's a waste of time. If you put up with it and end up pregnant you're stuck with this for life. Find someone who wants a real relationship.

 

you're right, he is not only wasting my time, but making a fool out of him in front of his side hoe. you make a very good point, he will call her too fat and a hoe worth dating, but seems to hold onto her for dear life, too.

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

That you know of.

 

 

 

 

 

 

They're laughing at you.

 

so in terms of the friending thing, I personally asked her and she stated she thought he just made a new Facebook and friended him on that....

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

He did what you asked & unfriended her. She came back & he's sitting there acting clueless like you should be happy he tried to accommodate you.

 

Face it. She means more to him then you do. Armed with that knowledge what do you want to do next?

 

ya know, you're first paragraph is a very, very good way of putting it.... he does what I ask and then plays innocent when she makes the move to come back into his life acting like he has not control to deflect her moves, lol..

 

he tells me that if she really meant more than me, he would actually invest more into her, literally speaking and not, than he does....

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

No. His behavior is not allowing you to give her a chance because he is not setting appropriate boundaries.

 

he states that she wanted to meet me when I come over to visit him, I'll be honest, I told hm that with our one-on-one time already being at such a premium, taking a visit to see his side hoe was the last thing I wanted, so he told me I didn't have to meet her in person.

 

also, when reflecting on what others said, it actually irks me and makes me wonder why he wants me to accept her so bad.

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

He sort of has a valid point but he needed to have started with that point & introduced you to her a long time ago.

 

I had a great guy friend that I worked with. We spend a lot of time together. At various points I was his wing-woman & his confidence builder. There was never anything between us except friendship, although one time while out I asked him to hold my hand & pretend to be my BF because some guy I couldn't shake from a bar the weekend before who wasn't taking no for an answer was walking towards us. lol Anyway when he met the woman who is now his wife, he talked too much about me. I demanded to meet her but he took his sweet time in introducing us & it made her insecure. I was immediately able to reassure her & they have been married for almost 20 years now. I'm still better friends with him then her or even them but she knows that he & I are only friends.

 

In your situation he was callous about your feelings & tried to blame you. That behavior more so then this OWs presence is the crux of the problem at this point. It she is so wonderful & so supportive of your relationship, you should have met her a long time ago so you could assess their interactions for yourself.

 

my issue stems from this, now that people say it, their "friendship" was based on f.w.b., and that makes their past something more disturbing than what you had.

for you two, the platonic friendship was just that, a platonic friendship... for them, they took it to the next level and want to downplay how big of a deal it is...

 

on another note, I have voiced to him that I will never be keen to seeing her face, whilst it may sound bitchy and harsh, our time together since we're long distance is already at a premium and the last thing I'm trying to do is see his side hoe just so he can force a friendship between us.

[preraph]

honestly, that is an argument I have posed to him multiple times, if she was literally your side hoe because all you wanted was attention, why are you struggling oh so much to drop her...? he just says that I can't control who his friends are because that is toxic, quite ironic if you ask me, but I dunno.

 

The root of the problem is he does not want a working partnership. He wants to have a woman around to have sex with or whatever, but he doesn't want the part about working together to play fair and get along. He probably has a chip on his shoulder about being told what to do. Is it just women, or it is authority (boss, police, parents) too? He's not bending at all to be with you. And that is no who you want long-term.

[elaine567]

This is madness.

You are in LDR with a guy who has by what you say a "side hoe".

If that is true, what on earth are you doing?

Have you no self respect?

You are wasting your time, find some decent man who lives local to you who is not spending his time carrying on with his "side hoe" and expecting you to put up with it...

[preraph]

so in speaking to him last night, he states that I have never actually given her a chance, tried to meet her, and if anything she's the victim in all of this. as he claims, she's only said things such as, "she's such a nice girlfriend ____, don't cheat on her" or "she's sooo nice, don't loose her" showing complete support for our relationship, and that I am always the one showing skepticism for her, stating that me wanting him to cut her off his toxic of me....

 

does he even have the slightest valid point?

 

This is nothing but gaslighting.

[Mr. Lucky]

he states that she wanted to meet me when I come over to visit him, I'll be honest, I told hm that with our one-on-one time already being at such a premium, taking a visit to see his side hoe was the last thing I wanted, so he told me I didn't have to meet her in person.

 

also, when reflecting on what others said, it actually irks me and makes me wonder why he wants me to accept her so bad.

 

I don't wonder why he's so interested in a relationship with her.

 

I DO wonder why, given all the obvious red flags, you're so vested in an unhealthy relationship with him ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[a.girl.who.loves.dog]

So guys, not like it matters much anymore at this point, but thought I might as well inform you with the most recent and last development on this situation.

 

we broke up.

While I am sad I wasted a year and three months with such a manipulative guy who treated our relationship like a meer game, I learned a lot of what not to do from this first, serious relationship of mine and feel so relieved I was able to cut things off before it was prolonged.

[Mr. Lucky]

Well, now you know. I remember reading once "experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward".

 

Hopefully you'll have better boundaries in your next relationship...

 

Mr. Lucky

[preraph]

Really sorry for you. I have an ex who would always defend women who were manipulating him and it's been decades and he still does to this day. His wife told me about it after he sent money to one who lied and manipulated and eventually cost me my job because two men including him believed her "sucking up" idolatry of them and needed that validation to the point they blew off their most trustworthy people. Some guys need validation that bad that they will just justify and make excuses. They may never learn. Mine didn't.